The Best 18 Dog Shit Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dog Shit jokes. There are some dog shit pit bull jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dog shit civets puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Dog Shit Jokes and Puns

Why don't blind people go skydiving?

It scares the shit out of their dogs.

A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog shit on my carpet and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."

I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."

A man was walking his dog through a graveyard when he saw a man kneeling behind a headstone.

'Morning' the walker shouted. 'No, just having a shit' the man replied.

Hitler is sitting in hell with Stalin and Satan chatting...

Satan asks them if either of them have any regrets.

Hitler: You know, I do.

Stalin + Satan: Really?!?!

Hitler: Yea, you know if I could do it all over again, I'd kill 6 million jews and a dog.

Satan: What?

Stalin: Why a dog?

Hitler: See! I told you no one gives a shit about the jews!

Three racehorses were standing in a field.

One says, you know, I've won ten races in my life.

And I've won twenty races! Brags the second horse.

The third horse is much older then them both. He says, That's nothing! I've won fifty races!

Suddenly they all hear laughing, and they turn their heads to see a greyhound trotting through the field.

Amateurs! The dog laughs. I've been in a thousand races, and I've won all of them!

The horses are all shocked. As the dog strolls past them, they stare in silence. Then the old horse says, Holy shit! a talking dog!


Pavlov walks into a bar

Pavlov walks into a bar. He hears the cash register ring and he says:

"Shit, I forgot to feed my dogs."

A vacuum salesman knocked on my door this morning

When I opened my door, before I could even talk to him, he dumped a bucket of dog shit on my carpet

He then said if this vacuum cleaner doesn't clean your carpet within 2 minutes, I will personally eat whatever's left of the shit

To which I replied well you better be hungry because my electricity has been cut off since 5am

My dog ate all my scrabble tiles once.

His next shit spelt disaster.

A man runs into a pub all out of breath and asks at the first table:

"Guys, who's got a big black fat dog with a white collar?"

Nobody raises their hand.

"Oh, shit, so I ran over the vicar."

Why don't blind people cleaning up after their dog?

Because they can't see shit

Why does Sean Connery have trouble housebreaking his dog?

Because every time he tells them to sit they take a shit.

You can explore dog shit rottweiler reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dog shit leash dad jokes. There are also dog shit puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


There's two cows talking in a field.

The first one says, "Did you hear the farmer just bought a new tractor?" The second cow is about to reply when a dog walks up and says, "What's up, ladies?"

The first cow says "Holy shit! A talking dog!"

My neighbor's dog keeps going in my yard

I tell my neighbor politely a few times to keep his dog in his yard, but every evening I come out to a fresh pile.

I tell him to clean it up, but he never does, so I give him an ultimatum: The next time your dog comes into my yard I am going to cook him.

The next day, sure as anything, the dog shits in my yard. So I grab the little nuisance and kennel him as I throw a big steak on my cast iron skillet set over a fire.

My neighbor comes out, horrified, and says I had an over-reaction.

I point to the crust on the steak and say No, this is just a my-yard reaction.

"Excuse me sir, does your dog bite?"

"Naw, he never bites. He's very sweet."

"Aw, who's a good boy? Who's ... OW! UGH, SHIT! I'm BLEEDING! YOU SAID YOUR DOG NEVER BITES!!"

"That ain't my dog."

This is something my dad told me.

A man was going to meet his girlfriend's dad, when they started eating dinner his stomach started to hurt and he let a little fart out, no one noticed so he was like neat then he let a little more out, then the dad shouted Rover! , the man snickered and thought they think it's the dog farting so he farted again so the dad shouted Rover! then the man thought again man this is so cool so he did it again but a bit more, then the dad shouted a final time Rover get over here before that man shits on you!

I was dancing with a woman in a bar and things were getting heated.

"Want to go back to my place?" I asked.

"Of course," she grinned.

"Nice," I replied, handing her my keys. "Just let the dog out for a shit, please."

I was walking my dog through a graveyard at dawn

I saw someone crouching by a headstone. I greeted them: 'Morning!'

They replied 'Nope, just having a shit.'

A man walks into a zoo. All he sees is a dog. What kind of zoo is it?

A shit-zoo.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dog shit german shepherd jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dog shit pup piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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