Dog Ruff Jokes
113 dog ruff jokes and hilarious dog ruff puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dog ruff that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dog Ruff Short Jokes
Short dog ruff jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dog ruff humour may include short ruff jokes also.
- My dog swallowed my engagement ring last night, but luckily coughed it out when he barked. There was a diamond in the ruff.
- I wish I could speak to dogs... but it's okay because all I would get is a ruff translation
- You know why you should never ask a dog for an estimate on something? Because it's always ruff...
- Every day I come home and ask my dog how his day was, and every day he always gives the same answer... Ruff.
- Did you hear about the dog that writes books? Probably not, he's never been published.
He only does ruff drafts. - What did the dog say after a hard day at work ? "Today sure was ruff"
Read that today on my university's art wall and made me smile a bit , thought i'd share it :P - Ruff Policy My dog, Case, swallowed my proof of car insurance. It's really no big deal though. My insurance is just in Case.
- Why do dogs start barking instead of trying to solve the problem? Because solving problems are ruff.
- A dog walks into a bar... Bartender nods and says, "Hey dog, haven't seen you in a while, how are things going?"
Dog looks at him sadly and replies, "Ruff." - What sort of dog stops you from hearing? Ear pugs.
They work ok but they go in a bit ruff.
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Dog Ruff One Liners
Which dog ruff one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dog ruff? I can suggest the ones about dog woof and dog fur.
- How many times a day does a dog bark? About 100, but that's just a ruff estimate.
- So 2018 is the Chinese year of the dog... Looks like it's gonna be ruff
- What kind of papers do dogs write? A ruff draft.
- Did you hear about the dog from Compton? He lives in a ruff neighborhood.
- Our dog accidentally swallowed my wife's wedding ring. Now we have a diamond in the ruff.
- What did the dog say when it sat on a piece of sandpaper? Ruff!
- From my 9YO and 7YO: What did one dog say to the other? I've had a ruff day.
- What did the dog say when he sat on the sandpaper? Ruff ruff
- No matter how good you treat your dog They will always say they have it ruff
- I enrolled into dog university... but i quit because the course was really ruff
- What do you call a group of dogs that never laugh at jokes? A ruff crowd
- A dog goes and licks a tree. The dog exclaims ruff...bark
- What did the dog say when he sat on sand paper? Ruff
- What does a dog call an unpaved road? Ruff.
- My dog ate my homework It was a ruff draft.
Dog Ruff Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about dog ruff you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean doggy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dog ruff pranks.
Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...
The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.
After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and kicks the first potatoe's bag, with the asian girl inside...
The asian girl, quickly respond the kick with barking noises: ruff ruff
"Oh... These are just a few dogs!", says the cop.
He then approaches to the second potatoe's bag, with the redhead inside, and kicks it as well.
"Meow... Meow", the redhead answers.
"Oh... These are just a few cats!", says the cop.
Finally, he gets close to the third potatoe's bag, with the blondie inside, and kicks it too.
The voice inside the bags respond:
"Potatoes".
My dog is into some wild stuff
Every time we have s**... she says "ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff"
I guess it's never enough
I asked my dog why the cat hated him...
He said, "Woof." I was like, "Wow, that's ruff."
Blonde and a dog
Why did the blonde have s**... with the dog?
Because she likes it ruff.
Excessive Skepticism
A guy and his dog go into a barroom. The bartender says, "Hey, get that dog out of here... we don't allow dogs in here."
Wait a minute, the guy says, "This is no ordinary dog ! This is 'Plato' the talking dog !" "Yeah, sure" says the bartender.
I'll prove it to you," says the guy. "Plato... what's on top of a building?"
"ROOF !" says the dog.
"Look," says the bartender, "just how dumb do you think I am?"
"Wait a minute," says the guy. "Plato, how does sandpaper feel?"
"RUFF !" says the dog.
"Do I have s**...' tattooed across my forehead or something," says the bartender. "Now get that dog out of here! "
"Wait.. I'm not through", says the guy. "Plato, who was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "RUTH !" says the dog.
"That does it !! " says the bartender, and he throws them both out on the street.
Outside, the dog looks at his owner and says, "Do you think I should have gone with DiMaggio?"
My boss has some winners, but I always get a chuckle from this one. (Pretty Long)
A man and his dog walk into a bar, the man sits down, and his dog follows in suit. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The man orders a shot of whiskey and drinks it as soon as the glass hits the bar. "That'll be $3.50." the bartender says promptly. "What if I told you that my dog is able to talk? Would you let me drink for free?" The bartender quickly rebuts. "A talking dog? Sure, why not" So the man looks to his dog and asks Ol' Scruffy; "Scruffy! Tell this barkeep what keeps this bar dry during rainy days" "Ruff!" the dog says. The bartender, now frustrated, says "Ok Pal, Where's my $3.50?" The man waves him off and explains that Scruffy is merely jesting and orders another shot, which the bartender pours and watches the shot disappear. "Ok Scruffy, who is the greatest baseball player that has ever played the game?" "Ruff!" The dog replies with a wagging tail. The bartender now gets fed up with the man and his "talking" dog and throws them to the street. The man gets up, wipes his face and looks to Scruffy. Scruffy looks up and says "Well, I guess I should have said Joe DiMaggio"
I think I'd be a bad dog trainer...
I feel like I'm just too ruff
a brunette, ad red head, and a blonde escape from prison
The three ladies hatch a plot to escape from prison by hiding in a laundry truck. As soon as the truck stops, they jump out and make a run for it.
Being in the middle of nowhere they head for a plume of smoke that seems to be coming from a chimney.
Upon arriving at a farm, they hear sirens and dogs barking not far behind them.
In a panic, the ladies run into a barn and close the door.
Looking for a place to hide, they find three burlap sacks on the ground, and each one climbs inside a sack.
Hiding quietly, they hear the barn door open and the prison warden followed by three guards walk in.
the warden walks up to a sack and kicks it. the brunette inside yelps, "ruff, ruff, ruff!"
"eh, just some puppies" says the warden.
the warden walks up to the sack where the redhead is hiding, kicks it, and hears "meow, meow", and says "eh, just some kittens".
So he walks up to the sack where the blond is hiding, kicks it and hears "potatoes, potatoes!"
How do dogs save for retirement?
With a Ruff IRA.
One dog asks another dog how 2014 has been for him.
He answers "It has been a ruff year".
Did you hear the one about the dog who was into s**...?
He liked it ruff.
i have been trying to teach my dog to speak English....
but his skills are ruff
Why did the dog get a red card in soccer?
He was playing too ruff.
Dont like dogs
They can be a bit RUFF!
How do you think dog tastes?
Idk I think it would taste pretty ruff.
Last night I dreamed that I was a homeless dog
It was pretty *ruff*.
Life is hard in a dog-eat-dog world...
every day is a ruff day.
The life of a dog living on the street is...
...RUFF, RUFF-RUFF, RUFF!
My friend's dog died.
That's ruff.
Somebody told me a story of a homeless man who had to eat his dog,
I guess his life was pretty Ruff
Have you heard of the dog friendly bar?
I recommend avoiding it. It a ruff joint.
What did the dog say after it slid across some sandpaper?
Ruff.
Why did the dog go to the hospital?
He was feeling ruff.
I asked my dog how has been his 2016, he said..
Ruff
What did the dog say when the mailman asked "how was your day"?
ruff
As a bootleg vet, I get asked to turn cats into dogs
it's a ruff job.
Go on, ask your dog how's life.
He'll most likely answer, „Ruff!
What did one dog say to the other the morning after the bachelor party?
Man, that was ruff.
Did you see that video about dogs doing bsdm?
They're really going ruff.
My friend's dog died…
… I told him that was pretty ruff!
(my 13-year-old son just told me this and made me laugh)
Wanna hear my best dog impression?
It's a little ruff.
What did the dog say about the United Airlines Employee?
Ruff
What do you call it when a dog swallowed a diamond?
A diamond in the ruff!
My dog seemed very upset today
I think he had a ruff day
How do dogs play?
Ruff!
I tried to have a conversation with my dog
It was ruff.
What did one dog say to the other after finding out they lost their bone?
That's ruff.
3 of my dogs died in the past 2 years
It's been pretty ruff
What did the dog sitting on sandpaper say?
Ruff!
A dog walks into a bar
A sad dog walks into a bar, he asks for a single beer.
The bartender asks "Why the sad face?"
The dog replies "It was a ruff day"
Dog vet
What did the dog vets say about the war
It was ruff
I asked my dog how he likes to have s**.... His response?
Ruff. What else would he say
What did the service dog say after a long tiring day
It was a RUFF day!
Had a dream I was putting my dog down last night
I've been having a really ruff time with It.
What did the s**... dog say to its owner?
Ruff ruff pass
I make a living by sending my talking dog out to the streets to beg for change.
Today, he's come home empty handed. I asked why, but all he says is, "ruff ruff, grrrRRrRrrrr".
I don't get it, he was talking when I sent him out this morning and now he makes no cents.
I'm developing some flash cards to improve communication and understanding with my dog
Not much to speak of yet, I just have a handful of ruff sketches.
How does an abused dog describe it's life?
"Ruff"
The talking dog....
A guy goes into a bar with his dog. The bartender immediately tells him that dogs aren't allowed inside. The man protests "but this is a special dog, he talks."
The bartender is suspicious, so the man asks the dog "How would you describe sand paper?"
"Ruff" says the dog.
"What is on top of a house?"
"Roof" says the dog.
The bartender is getting annoyed, so the man begs to let him ask one more question.
"Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"
"Roof" says the dog.
With that, the bartender halls the man and his dog out onto the street. The man is dejected. The dog sees this, looks up at his master and says, "Maybe I should have said Dimaggio?"
Why did the sailors dog hide below deck?
Because it was afraid if ruff seas.
What's a dog's favorite way to have s**...?
Ruff!
I'm editting my manuscript on dog languages...
it's a ruff draft.
What did the dog say during the Great Depression?
These are ruff times
What does a dog say when he sits down on a piece of sandpaper?
Ruff!
I hired a dog landscaper the other day.
I guess you can say he was "Ruff around the hedges".
My dog went through some stuff
Life has been ruff for him
Why don't dogs sleep in beds?
Because they don't need to. They just ruff it.
Why did the dog become a stripper
Because times were getting ruff
what do you call a dog going through something?
ruff times
What did one hungover dog say to the other?
Woof, we had a ruff night, Max.
As a Chinese man, I'm so glad that 2018 is finally over.
The year of the dog has definitly been very.. ruff ruff
Why do so many dogs have anxiety?
They have ruff lives.
A man walks into a talent agency with his dog claiming it can talk. The agent says, ok, let's see if this dog is gonna make us rich . The guy says, Fido, what's the top of a house called ? Roof! What's on a tree ? Bark! How does sandpaper feel ? Ruff!
The talent agent tells the man off and kicks him out of his office. As the man and the dog are walking down the street the dog looks up at the man and says, Gee Bob, maybe you should have asked some harder questions .
Why did the dog commit s**...?
He had a ruff life.
My dog got in a fight today
It was quite ruff
How do dogs like their s**...?
Ruff.
I'm so sorry.
A dog's life isn't easy
It's actually pretty ruff
My dog always came back bruised and beaten after having s**... time with his girlfriend. I finally asked him about how it went.
He said: "ruff".