The Best 35 Dog Owner Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dog Owner jokes. There are some dog owner german shepherd jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dog owner labrador retriever puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Dog Owner Jokes and Puns

A group of dogs is a pack. A group of crows is a murder. What is a group of Karen's?

A Home Owners Association.

A dog is talking to his owner. Dog: Tell me a joke

Dog: Tell me a joke

Man: Don't be silly, you're a dog

Dog: Oh, go on

Man: You're a dog, you won't understand

Dog: Do it anyway, pleeeeese

Man: OK. Knock Knock

Dog: Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof……….

Two dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.

FO: My dog is so smart that every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesame seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Starbucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all before I get out of bed.

SO: I know.

FO: How do you know?

SO: My dog told me.

Pets are like countries.

Dogs are like Canada. They're incredibly friendly, but to some, to a naive degree.



Cats are like England. They're rude and act like they're better than everybody, but we find them so charming for some reason.



Parrots are like America. They blindly repeat anybody they believe is of higher intelligence, especially if the owner is Russian.



Goldfish are like Carpatho-Ukraine. They'd be lucky to last a year.

A dog goes into a hardware store...

...and says: I'd like a job please . The hardware store owner says: We don't hire talking dogs, why don't you go join the circus? The dog replies: What would the circus want with a plumber .

-Steven Alan Green


Oh, you!

A man takes his beloved, but seemingly ill golden retriever to the vet when the owner hears the words that every pet owner dreads; "Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to put your dog down.". Distraught, the man breaks down and asks why, to which the vet replies "Because he's very heavy and my arms are getting tired."

How many sheep?

A blonde woman is tired of people assuming she's stupid and dyes her hair red. Feeling empowered, she goes for a car ride down a country road. Soon she sees a farm with hundreds of sheep. She walks up to the owner of the farm and makes this proposal: "These sheep are adorable, if I guess how many there are, can I keep one?" The farmer agrees, surely out of all the sheep this woman can't guess the number exactly. She looks around and replies "There are 593 sheep" The farmer is awe-struck, the number was exactly right. So the woman picks her sheep and is getting back in the car when the farmer runs up to her and yells "WAIT! If I can guess your natural color can I have him back?" The woman smiles and agrees, she already proved she's too smart to be called a blonde. The farmer replies "you're a blonde, now can I have my dog back?"

A lawyer's dog

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter.

The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" "Absolutely," the lawyer responded.

The butcher immediately shot back, "Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher receives a mail from the lawyer.

The contents read

"Pay Consultation fee: $25.00."

Jets Fan

A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jets jersey helmet and is holding Jets pom poms.

The bartender says,"Hey! No pets allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"

The man begs, "Look I'm desperate. We're both big fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only place we can see the game!"

After securing a promise that the dog will behave and warning him that if there is any trouble they will be thrown out, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.

The game begins with the Jets receiving a kickoff. They march down field stop at the 30,and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving everyone a high-five.

The bartender says,"Wow that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"

"I don't know," replies the owner, "I've only had him for four years."

What's smarter than a dog, but dumber than a cat?

Their owner.

Dogs are getting stressed and confused because they've noticed their owners are now wearing masks

Cats are unaffected though as they're yet to notice their owners at all

You can explore dog owner pit bull reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dog owner terrier dad jokes. There are also dog owner puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


the difference between cats and dogs

dog: this man feeds me, gives me shelter, loves me and asks nothing in return. my owner must be god.
cat: this man feeds me, gives me shelter, loves me and asks nothing in return. I must be god.

No dog owner talks to their pet in a normal voice

*No they don't, oh no they don't*

I found a stray dog the other day.

I think it's owner was a blacksmith, because as soon as I brought the thing home it made a bolt for the door.

A German lifesaver carries a dog that nearly drowned from the beach...

He plopped it down on the sand and did CPR, as the dog's owner watched nervously from aside.

The dog spat out water and stood upβ€” the lifesaver saved it.

"Oh my goodness, thank you so much for saving my dog!" the owner said, "Are you a vet?"

"Vet? VET???" the German excalimed, "I'M LITERALLY SOAKING!"

Mr. Johnson walked into a movie theater and sat down next to a dog who was at the theater with his owner.

Much to Mr. Johnson's astonishment, the dog laughed at the funny parts, cried at the sad parts, booed at the villain's wicked deeds, and cheered at the hero's heroics.

When they left the theater, Mr. Johnson told the dog owner, "Your dog's reactions to that movie were amazing!"

"I thought so too!" replied the dog owner. "He hated the book."

Older lady in the bus snaps at a guy with a dog...

Please get that thing away from me. I can feel flees on my legs.
Dog owner to dog: Rex move away, the lady has flees

The intelligent dog

Roxy, a large black Labrador, was sitting up in his seat at the movies, wagging his tail, growling at the villain and barking excitedly at the hero's escapades. The woman in the seat behind him was intrigued.
Excuse me, she said, tapping Roxy's owner on the shoulder, that dog is extraordinary. I've never seen anything like it!
Yes, he's surprised me, too, said the owner. He hated the book.

A new discovery which makes dogs live as long as human beings...

Allowing a loving bond between them and their non vaccinated owners had been discovered.


I saw an advert selling a trained police dog for Β£25 in the local paper, saw a bargain and bought it.

When the current owner brought it round a mangy mutt jumped out their car.

I said 'There's no way that's a Police dog'

The owner replied 'Don't let looks decieve you, he worked undercover'

The vet said she will put the dog down.

"But why?!" exclaimed the owner.

"Because he's heavy." explained the dogtor.


-taken from a cat calendar.

Joke my Grandpa told me. Pastors have the best jokes.

A blind man walks in to a store with his dog. He walks to the center of the store and starts to swing his dog around by the leash.

The store owner tries to stop the man "what do you think you are doing?"

The blindman replies "Just taking a look around."

I went to the cinema to watch Harry Potter

...and I was surprised to see a man and his dog there. The dog barked at the exciting bits, growled at the scary bits and whimpered at the sad bits. At the end I approached the owner and said how I had never seen a dog enjoy a film so much and I was amazed. He replied So am I. He hated the book

A dog walks into a bar

A dog walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What's new" the bartender asks. "My owners got mad at me because I kept chasing people on a bike. So they took my bike away. So then I had nothing to do but stand around in the yard and bark. So they gave me my bike back," the dog says. "Apparently my bark is worse than my bike."

Faithful dog for sale

Faithful dog for sale read the add, as such John called up the owner for details.

- Hey, I saw your offer for a good natured dog, I have a couple of questions.

- Shoot.

- He good with kids?

- Very. He's kind and gentle and has endless patience.

- yard dog or house dog?

- House trained but loves the yard as well.

- Cool. Last, is he really faithful?

- Oh yeah, very faithful. This is the fifth time I'm selling him.

A man walks into a pet store...

...and says I need a dog. The store owner says sounds goodβ€”what kind of demeanor are you looking for?

The man replies well I need a guard dog, so da meaner da better.

Two dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.

My dog is so smart, says the first owner, that every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesame seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Starbucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all before I get out of bed. I know, says the second owner. How do you know? the first demands. My dog told me.

two dogs at the vet

A great dane and a poodle are in nearby kennels at a vet's office.

Poodle: "I get overly excited and pee on the floor when my owner comes home. His evil wife is having me put to sleep. What are you in for?"

Dane: "That's too bad. I got way too excited when my owner started doing Bikram yoga. I couldn't help it...I started humping her like crazy."

Poodle: "So is she putting you down too?"

Dane: "Naw, I'm just getting my nails done."

Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter...

First Woman : "My doggo is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me. Second Woman : "I know..." First Woman : "How?" Second Woman : "My dog told me."

A mailman walks up to a house...

He sees a pig with a wooden leg. When the owner answers the door, the mailman asks why the pig has a wooden leg.

"Well, you see, that pig is a life-saver."

"That doesn't explain why he has a wooden leg."

"A couple nights ago, our house caught on fire. That pig dragged every one out of the house- even the dog."

"Okay, but that still doesn't explain the leg."

"Well, with a pig that great, you can't eat him all at once!"

A dog gets left in a forest by its owners. A tiger spots it, and thinks to itself: "What is that? It looks delicious." The dog catches wind of it though, and in a bit of quick thinking, it stands in front of a pile of bones, and shouts: "Mmmm, tiger meat is the best! I gotta hunt for more!"

The tiger kills and eats the dog, because it doesn't know dog language.

A man walks in to a bar and hangs his hat and coat on a peg

There's a dog sat in the corner which leaps up grabs the hat and rips it to pieces.

The man turns to the owner of the dog and says: Your dog's just ruined my hat

Dog owner: So what, I couldn't care less.

Man: I don't like your attitude!

Dog owner: It's not my attitude, it's your hat he chewed.

What did the owner say about their 7 bit dog

Don't worry, he doesn't byte

A dog owner is relaxing in the park when a man approaches.

β€”I'm sorry, but my chihuahua just killed your dog.

β€”That's absurd, my dog is a mastiff. How your ridiculously small chihuahua could possibly kill mine?

β€”Well, my dog got stuck in your dog's throat and choke him to death.

A Pitbull and Weiner dog get into a fight.

Weiner dog rips the Pitbull into shreds. Terrified Pitbull owner says: - what kind of a dog is this? - how much did you pay for it? The Weiner owner says: -well, I paid $100 for a crocodile and $10000 for the plastic surgery.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dog owner labrador jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dog owner hachiko piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes