Dog Jokes

Funniest Dog Short Jokes

Short dog jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dog humour may include short bark jokes also.

1. My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one. She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
2. Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told "no" if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
3. I bought a dog from a blacksmith this morning... ...within 10 minutes of getting him home he made a bolt for the door.
4. My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank. She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.
5. My Kids Got p**... at Me for Cooking pancake this Morning Seems he was their favorite rabbit
6. I entered my chihuahua in an 'ugliest dog' contest and I won first place! My dog came in third.
7. I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
8. I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.. Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog...
9. My girlfriend's dog died so I got her an identical one She got even more upset and shouted at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
10. As a person who has owned over 50 dogs in their life there are 2 thing I've learnt... 1.) Your time with them Is brief so treasure it.
    2.) They LOVE chocolate.

Share These Dog Jokes With Friends

Dog One Liners

Which dog one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dog? I can suggest the ones about dachshund and puppy.

1. PETA is like a box of chocolates They kill dogs
2. I'll never forget my dog's last words "You've taken too much acid."
3. In America, dogs are k-9s But in China, dogs are e-10
4. Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolate They'll kill your dog
5. Police are like a box of chocolates.... They'll kill your dog.
6. I saw my dad chopping up onions today and I cried Onions was a good dog
7. My child doesn't eat meat, what to substitute it with? A dog, dogs eat meat
8. What do a dog and a nearsighted gynecologist have in common? A wet nose.
9. Where does a dog go when he loses his tail a retail store
10. A lost dog strays into the jungle..
11. Did you know all dogs are made up of only 3 elements? Calcium, nickel, neon
12. I bought a dog from a blacksmith as soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.
13. I have a dog with no legs I call him cigarette. Every night I take him out for a drag.
14. My uncle has 2 Dobermans called Rolex and Timex They are watch dogs
15. Being a dog walker is so easy It's a literal walk in the park.

Your Dog Jokes

Here is a list of funny your dog jokes and even better your dog puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• • My friend's dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog. She was furious, she said *"what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"*
• "Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn't breathe?" "Haha you can't fool me again, dad. A chair!"
  "Not this time. Our dog died."
• I named my dog "5 miles." So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
• My girlfriend's dog died so I got her an identical one to try and cheer her up. But it made her even more upset.
  She screamed at me saying, What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?
• List if 10 worst dog breeds 1. There
  2. Are
  3. No
  4. Bad
  5. Dog
  6. Breeds
  7. Only
  8. Bad
  9. Owners
  10. Chihuahuas
• I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's Cat The librarian said "That rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."
• I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog and Schroedinger's cat. She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
• This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious that she thought her cat could understand her.
  I came to my house and told my dog. We laughed a lot.
• Jay Leno walked past a painting of Simon Cowell surrounded by his dogs during AGT. And said: Cowell looked at the dogs like they were on the menu at a Korean restaurant.
• What's the difference between an anti-vaxxer and a hot dog? The hot dog might actually have some brains in it.

Dog Walking Jokes

Here is a list of funny dog walking jokes and even better dog walking puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Pavlov is sitting at a bar... ...when another patron walks in and a bell on the door rings. Pavlov stands up, says, "I forgot to feed the dogs," and leaves.
• A dog walks into a bar The dog says, "Gimme a beer." The bartender says, "Wow! You can talk! You should get a job at the circus!" The dog says, "They're hiring electricians at the circus?"
• A dog walks into a bar and says, a beer, please. The bartender says, wow, you should be in the circus. The dog says:
  _Why!? Do they need electricians?_
• "A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book on Pavlov's dog and Schrödinger's cat." "The librarian says, 'It rings a bell but I'm not sure if it's here or not!'"
• What is it about being blind... ...that makes people want to walk their dog so much?
• A Three legged dog walks into the old wild west saloon He says to the bartender, "I'm lookin' fer the guy who shot my paw."
• When I was young, my parents made me walk the plank.. We were too poor for a dog.
• As a kid I was made to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog
• My neighbor just walked by with two dogs. I said to him, "I didn't know you had any dogs."
  He replied, "They're not my dogs. They're my sister's."
  I said, "Wow, your sisters are ugly!"
• A blind man with a service dog walked into a bar The construction worker holding the bar said, "Dude, you need a new dog!"

Dog Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny dog day jokes and even better dog day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A blind man had to shoot his dog... To this day, he still misses him
• I threw the dog a ball the other day It was a bit extravagant but he looks great in a tuxedo!
• Dog Joke I spotted an albino Dalmatian the other day. It was the least I could do.
• Day 19, I have successfully conditioned my master to smile and write in his book every time I drool.- Pavlov's Dog
• I don't know why most people think a dogs life is so easy. Everytime I come home from work I ask my dog how his day went and he always says rough.
• My legless dog is named cigarette… Every day I take him out for a drag.
• I went to a zoo the other day. The only animal they had was a dog It was a shitzu.
• What do you call a dog that is underwater? A sub-woofer!
  Thank you, I'll be here all day.
• I Walked In On My Dad Chopping Onions Up One Day... It made me cry. Onions was my favorite dog.
• I named my dog 6 miles so i can tell people that i walk 6 miles every single day.

My So Called Dog Jokes

Here is a list of funny my so called dog jokes and even better my so called dog puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador!
  I am not sorry.
• *A joke my son told me* - What do you call it when a cat wins a dog show? A Cat-Has-Trophey!
• What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador
• What do you call a dog with no legs? Log
• A guy asked an officer why is a dog called a K9? Because if its K10, it'll be a cat
• What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter - He won't come anyway.
  
  
  But you could call him "cigarette" and take him out for a drag.
• So I got a phone call from the post office today... ...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them "It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike".
• Did you know that dogs chase their tails clockwise in the southern hemisphere and counter-clockwise in the northern hemisphere? It's called the Corgi-olis Effect.
• Pavlov's dogs have started a charity for the holidays... It's called "The Salivation Army"
• What do you call a dog with no legs? You can call it anything you want, it's not coming.

Comical Dog Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land

What funny jokes about dog you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ruff jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dog pranks.