She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
...within 10 minutes of getting him home he made a bolt for the door.
It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog...
They'll kill your dog
They'll kill your dog.
Onions was a good dog
A dog, dogs eat meat
She was furious, she said *"what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"*
A wet nose.
I haven't had to buy dog food in a long, long time.
"Haha you can't fool me again, dad. A chair!"
"Not this time. Our dog died."
a retail store
A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'.
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy'.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where ya left it.
[My grandfather suffers from dementia and for some odd reason he remembers this joke and continues to tell it.]
"Watch this," he said. "Shep, what's seven plus two, "
And the dog barked ten times.
"OK, Shep, what's fifteen plus four. "
And the dog barked twenty times.
"He's very good, " I replied, but he's a little over. "
"Yeah, " answered the farmer, "old habits die hard, he's just rounding them up. "
as soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.
A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please'.
The barman says, 'Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!'
The dog replies, 'Why? Do they need electricians?'
I call him cigarette. Every night I take him out for a drag.
The librarian said "That rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."
She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
It was obvious that she thought her cat could understand her.
I came to my house and told my dog. We laughed a lot.
And said: Cowell looked at the dogs like they were on the menu at a Korean restaurant.
At the end of the day, a border collie reported back to the grazier, "All fifty sheep accounted for, boss!"
"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" he replied.
"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up."
To this day, he still misses him
The son says,"Nice try dad, a chair!"
"Not this time son, our dog is dead"
Where you left it.
Someone who lays awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.
The dog says, "Gimme a beer." The bartender says, "Wow! You can talk! You should get a job at the circus!" The dog says, "They're hiring electricians at the circus?"
Wife: "I've cooked your dinner and if you're not back in 10 minutes I'm going to feed it to the dog!"
Man: "Hey, it's not his fault!"
By the pound!
Ok, he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up, but it's still embarrassing.
and asks the librarian at the info desk if they have any books on Pavlov's dog or Schrodinger's cat. The librarian thinks for a moment before replying "It rings a bell but I'm not sure whether it's there or not."
Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"
As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection
"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.
A labracadabrador!
I am not sorry.
The other day, my professor asked me what I'd name my dog if I got one.
I said, well I'd name him Grandpa.
That way, when people asked how my day was, I can say things like:
Oh man, I forgot to feed Grandpa today.
I feel bad for leaving Grandpa outside last night.
Grandpa pooped in the living room again.
I had to put grandpa down today.
Grandpa ran away again.
I caught Grandpa humping my friend's leg again.
And people who don't know me, won't know what I'm talking about.
He still won't tell me who's a good boy.
The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.
The Buddhist asks Where's my change? and the vendor replies change must come from within .
A gun then extends from the Buddhist's chest and he asks again.
The vendor says Whoa, man, where did that come from?
The Buddhist replies This is my inner piece .
"I love you Freddy," she said, stroking his fur.
"I love him more than you," I replied.
She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most."
I said, "You misunderstood me."
...that makes people want to walk their dog so much?
A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.
When the guy starts farting nonstop.
The girl, unable to take the smell, says, "Stop, that's disgusting!"
"Don't blame me", the guy says. "It's the dog."
"Oh, don't blame him", she says. "He was cooked perfectly."
Because I stole it from my neighbor
It's like having a pet dog but the bark is much quieter.
After a brief chuckle at the monks joke the vendor hands him his hot dog with everything and says 'That'll be $4 please'.
The monk hands over a $10 bill and waits whilst the vendor just stares back at him....
Awkwardly the monk ask's 'What about my change'?.
'Ah' replies the hot dog vendor, 'Change must come from within'.
Because their dog doesn't eat their homework
Want proof? Lock them both in the trunk of your car. Let them out an hour later and see which one is happy to see you.
And every now and again I would take him out for a drag.
A Cat-Has-Trophey!
The first blonde said, "Those are bear tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks!"
The third blonde said, "No those are dog tracks!"
And that was when the train hit them.
A Golden Receiver.
A Labracadabrador
That's my defense.
April fools! I don't know whose dog it was.
Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog really seems to like her.
Every night I lie awake wondering if there really is a dog.
Would you believe me if I told you that I think a dog could retrieve a stick that's been thrown over a mile away? Or would you say that idea is…
far fetched?
The vet picks up the dog and looks at him. After a moment he turns to the man. "Sir," he says, "your dog is healthy but I'm afraid I'm going to have to put him down."
"Why?" the man demanded.
The vet replied, "Because he's heavy."
He asked, 'sir we believe your dog has been chasing a boy up the road on his bike.'
I replied, 'sorry officer, you must have the wrong house. My dog doesn't own a bike.'
As soon as I got him inside, he made a bolt for the door.
He says to the bartender, "I'm lookin' fer the guy who shot my paw."
Onions was a good dog :(
Because if its K10, it'll be a cat
Onions is a stupid name for a dog anyway.
"Oh God!" I said. "WHY?!"
"Because my arms are getting tired."
So I booked a United flight instead
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