Dog House Jokes
119 dog house jokes and hilarious dog house puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dog house that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dog House Short Jokes
Short dog house jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dog house humour may include short dog wash jokes also.
- Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told "no" if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
- This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious that she thought her cat could understand her.
I came to my house and told my dog. We laughed a lot. - When your kids become teenagers, it's important to have a dog So someone in the house is happy to see you.
- A guy found his dog lying in a puddle of blood behind his house He rang the number for the emergency animal rescue.
'Is it moving?' they asked.
'Yes', he replied. 'It's quite emotional.' - What weighs more: A pound of feathers, or a pound of dogs? The dogs. A pound can house many of them and even a pomeranian weighs at least a few pounds.
- It's true that the Russians where the first to send a dog into space It's also true that the Russians were first to put a monkey into the white house
- I walked in and found my wife in bed with my best friend, I kicked them both out of the house. and he was the best dog I ever had
- Everyone knows the Russians were the first to put a dog into space. Now people know they are also the first to put a monkey in the White House.
- I told Alexa to play pet sounds on repeat to keep my dog company while I was out of the house today. Long story short, my shih-tzu knows the words to "God Only Knows" now.
- My whole week was a disaster Wife died
Dog walked away
Car crashed into a tree
My house burned down
The only positive thing were the results of my cancer tests
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Dog House One Liners
Which dog house one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dog house? I can suggest the ones about animal shelter and dog food.
- A dog is helping construct my house He specializes in roofing
- Who do dogs call to fix the shingles on their dog house? Woofers
- What do you call a person who designs dog houses A barkitecht
- What's on top of a dogs house? A woof
- what's a dogs favorite part of the house? The roof!
- What's the loudest park of a dog house? The ROOF
- Which is Better, a Cat or a Dog House? A dog house, because a cat house has no woof!
- Why aren't dogs house builders? They have trouble building woofs.
- They said to leave the house Spotless... So I sold the dog.
- A German shepherd peed outside my house yesterday... Next week, he's bringing his dog
- My house was broken into and the dog was useless! What I get for using a stolen dog..
- My dog is completely exhausted from destroying everything in my house
- My dog can speak English! I asked him what was on top of the house and he said : roof
- Why couldn't the dog sell his house? Because he couldn't get out of his leash.
- My house is spotless. Everytime I take my dog outside for a walk. His name is spot.
Howlingly Hilarious Dog House Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about dog house you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog pound jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dog house pranks.
Why did the blonde live in a circular shaped house?
Because her dog peed in the corners!.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy drops a sword from the sky. When he gets off he sees a girl crying. He says "What's wrong?" The girl says, "Well, a sword fell from the sky and killed my cat. Another guy drops a gun from the sky and sees a boy crying. He asks "What's wrong?" He says "A gun fell from the sky and shot my dog." Another guy drops a bomb from the sky and sees a little boy laughing. He asks, "What's so funny?" He says "My mom f**... so hard the house blew up!!"
Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot?
Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm...
...he announces to everyone in the bar that his dog can talk and he will make a $1000 bet with anyone who doesn't believe him. The bartender saw this as a great opportunity so he took the man up on the wager.
The man looks at the dog and says, "What is the top of a house called?" The dog said, "Roof."
Quite annoyed the bartender vented his grief in defeat. "Well, how bout a different word, double or nothing?" the man said. The bartender begrudgingly accepted as the man asked, "Who was the greatest baseball player ever?"
In a muffled response the dog said, "Ruth."
Furious, the bartender grabbed the man and the dog and threw them out the bar. As they landed on the sidewalk, the dog looked at the man with a puzzled look. "DiMaggio?"
Obama's $10,000 dog
Did you hear about the $10,000 dog the Obama's bought last week? They had to replace the current dog that lived at the white house because it was treeing the kids
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Joe went over to his buddy Bob's house to hang-out and watch football ...
As they were sitting in the living room, Bob's dog walked into the room, laid down on the floor, and began to lick its nuts. Joe looked down at the dog and said "Man, I wish I could do that." To which Bob replied, "Don't you think you ought to at least pet him first."
Since we seem to be doing talking dog jokes today...
A man walks into a talent agency, carrying a small, scruffy looking dog. He sets the dog on the agent's desk and begins his speech:
"Sir, I have for you the most amazing act. This dog can speak. And not only can he speak, he's one of the most intelligent dogs you'll ever meet. Allow me to demonstrate: Dog, what is on the top of a house?"
"Roof!" Says the dog.
"Amazing! Dog: what is the opposite of smooth?"
"Roof!" the dog replies.
"Incredible! Dog: who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?"
Again, the dog says "Roof!"
"Remarkable! So what do you think?"
The agent leans back in his chair and says "Get lost. I can't sell that carny act."
Outside the agent's office, the dog looks up at the man and says "Maybe I should have said DiMaggio?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Late Night Phone Call To The Vet
A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after her neighbor`s male dog
while the neighbors were on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds,
rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage,
as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet,
who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said,
"Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.
I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his e**...
and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"Just worked on me," he replied.
Cops come to house to report my dogs.
The cops came to my house and said "We received a couple of calls saying that your dogs are chasing people on bikes."
I replied "Well that's a lie, my dogs don't have bikes."
Poor Boudreaux . . .
Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession.
"Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new construction site."
Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son?
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm afraid that someone will break their leg, so I fix the hole."
Priest: "Well, that's not so bad."
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left."
Priest: "What did you do with it?
Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog Phideaux, he ain't never had no place to get outta the weather, so I make him his own little doghouse."
Priest: "OK, anything else?"
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left. So you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de weather either, so I make her a two-car garage."
Priest: "Now, this is getting a little out of hand."
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I still had a little lumber left."
Priest: "Yes?"
Boudreaux: "Well, my wife, she always want a bigger house. So I add two bedrooms and a new bathroom."
Priest: "OK! That's definitely too much. For your penance, you are going to have to make a Novena. You do know how to make a Novena, don't you?"
Boudreaux: "No, Father ... but if you got the plans, I got the lumber."
A mailman walks up to a house...
He sees a pig with a wooden leg. When the owner answers the door, the mailman asks why the pig has a wooden leg.
"Well, you see, that pig is a life-saver."
"That doesn't explain why he has a wooden leg."
"A couple nights ago, our house caught on fire. That pig dragged every one out of the house- even the dog."
"Okay, but that still doesn't explain the leg."
"Well, with a pig that great, you can't eat him all at once!"
My best friend slept with my girlfriend.
A man was sitting in a bar feeling depressed.
Bartender: Whats wrong man?
Man: I found my best friend in bed with my girlfriend...
Bartender:What did you do?
Man: I kicked her out of my house and broke up with her.
Bartender: No, what did you do to your best friend?
Man: I pointed my finger at him and said "Bad dog".
A fireman is at the station house
A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog.
The fireman says, "Hey little girl. What are you doing?"
The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"
The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says.
"Thanks mister," says the little girl.
The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the wagon to the dog's "privates."
"Little girl," says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."
The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"
So a cop knocked on my door this morning.
He asked, 'sir we believe your dog has been chasing a boy up the road on his bike.'
I replied, 'sorry officer, you must have the wrong house. My dog doesn't own a bike.'
The magic Dog
A man goes to a casting show for talents with his dog.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I present: Gizmo the magic dog! I ask him a question and he answers it correct!"
The jury laughed, but he asked:"Gizmo, what is on top of this house?"
"Roof! Roof!", Gizmo said. The audience went quiet.
"Gizmo, what can sink ships?"
"Reef! Reef!", the dog said. One from the jury asked:"Is this a joke? This dog is just barking!"
"Wait! One last question! Gizmo, name one famous composer!"
"Orff! Orff!", Gizmo said.
Man and dog were thrown out of the building. On the street, Gizmo looked up to his owner and said:"I know, Frank. I should have said Mozart..."
What to do with a dog without legs?
Draw the houses.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cops showed up at my house today and said my dog chased a kid on a bike
I said "b**..., my Dog doesn't have a Bike"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A few Helen Keller jokes. Feel free to add your own!
1. "Did you know Helen Keller had a really fancy doll house?"
"Neither did she.
2. "Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?"
"You would too if your name was BALLRUGEKLHEBSKLH!"
3. "How do you punish Helen Keller?"
"Rearrange the furniture and keep a plunger in the toilet."
I NEED A JOKE!
I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS THE RIGHT SUBJECT BUT I REALLY NEED A JOKE THAT INCLUDES
-a farmers field
-a pack of dogs
-burning house
-a hospital
-set in the nighttime
Thanks so much
After robbing a house I was informed to flee the scene.
So I picked up their dog and ruffled it's fur.
If the beavers are rowing their canoe down main st and the wheels fall off, how many pancakes will it take to shingle a dog house?
Seven because ice cream has no bones
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I adopted a rescue dog early this morning...
But she hasn't saved anyone all day and she's peed in the house twice. This is b**....
I took my skateboard around my friend's house.
"Wanna see me kickflip?" I asked.
"No..." he sighed.
He really regrets naming his dog "Flip".
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, What's the word on the street?
Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.
Have you heard that some bad dogs are running around burning down dog-houses?
It's a rash of arfson.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My ex-wife is like a tornado
First she blows, then she s**..., then she took my house and dog.
How do you know when your house has been broken into by a Korean?
Your dog is gone and your homework is done!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cheating wife
A guy walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. The bartender pours him the drink and the guy downs it in one gulp.
"Wow", says the bartender, "Something bad must have happened". Yeah it did, he said.
"I came home early today, went up to the bedroom, and found my wife having s**... with my best friend." The bartender pours the guy another triple shot. "This one's on the house".
The dude gulps it down once again. The bartender asks "Did you say anything to your wife ? "
The guy answers "Yea, I walked up to her, told her to pack her bag's and get out !"
"What about your friend ?" asks the bartender. "I looked him straight in the eye and said bad dog.
A blonde and her husband
A blonde and her husband are sleeping when the neighbor's dog starts barking and wakes them up. The blonde sighs, shakes her fist and says 'Wait until you see what I'm going to do to those neighbors!'
She runs out of the house and five minutes later she comes back with a smile on her face. The husband asks 'So, what did you do?'
The blonde says 'Well, I took the dog from their yard and I put it in our yard to see how they like it having the neighbor's dog barking all night.'
Hey! What's up?
A heartwarming animated film about a boy, an old man, and his dog who all fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house.
A dog hires a construction worker to build a house. The construction worker asks the dog what he would like to be built first. What does the dog say?
Roof.
Entering a friend's home for his weekly poker game, Slick is amazed to see a dog sitting at the table.
He's even more surprised when the dog wins the first hand with a full house, and takes the second with a royal flush.
"This is unreal," Slick says after the dog wins the next two hands. "He's got to be only dog in the world that can play like that."
"Aw, he's not so great," says the host. "There's a dog in Las Vegas who doesn't wag his tail every time he gets a good hand."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A painter's patience (my first joke)
A painter asked his client where to start painting his house.
-"Roof" said the client.
-"Ok" said the painter.
Moments later after hard work, the painter went back to ask where to proceed painting.
-"Where now?" Said the painter.
-"Roof!" Yelled the client.
-"I already painted there, tell me where to paint now..." Said the painter with little patience.
-"Roof!!" Yelled the client again
With anger in his eyes the painter said:
-"That's it! This is the last time i paint a dog's house!"
I hope you have a s**... smile because of this s**... joke.
I had a hyper dog called Syndrome
Every time someone came round my house he used to jump around them. Then I have to say "Down Syndrome!"
Bob didn't believe that Fred's dog could talk
So Fred asked his dog, What's on top of a house?
Roof, the dog barked.
Bob wasn't convinced. So Fred asked the dog how sandpaper feels.
Rough.
He still wasn't convinced.
O.K., who was the greatest baseball player of all time? Fred asked the dog.
Ruth.
With that, Bob walked away, shaking his head in disbelief. The dog turned to Fred and asked: Was it Hank Aaron?
I've trained my German Shepherd to find any paper towels that are missing from my house.
He is auditioning for the next Dog the Bounty hunter.
A robber is about to enter a house
He sees a sign that says Beware of Dyslexic Dog As he enters the house he thinks to himself, How can a dog be dyslexic?
The dog then smites him
3 guys come back late from a night of drinking...
They met for brunch for the next day.
Guy 1: I drank way to much, first thing I did when I got home I blew Chunks...
Guy 2: That's nothing, I wrapped my car around a tree on my way home.
Guy 3: I beat all of you, I was arguing with my wife and knocked a candle over! It destroyed the whole house.
It went silent for a minute.
Guy 1: I don't think you guys understand. Chunks is my dog.
I'm pretty sure my dog ate all the letters to my game of Scrabble.
He keeps leaving me little messages around the house.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I get really embarrassed when female guests visit my house and my dog sniffs their c**....
Ok, he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up, but it's still embarrassing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For Mother's Day, all my mom wanted was 2 things: a clean house and exotic food.
So, we cooked and ate the dog.
Anytime I bring something new in the house my dog always has to sniff and inspect what it is..
And I realized that dogs can be pretty nosy.
What's the most important part of a dog's house?
The woof! (Roof...)
*credit goes to the girlfriend
Some former military members came by my house today, and my dog freaked out.
He hates vets.
Faithful dog for sale
Faithful dog for sale read the add, as such John called up the owner for details.
- Hey, I saw your offer for a good natured dog, I have a couple of questions.
- Shoot.
- He good with kids?
- Very. He's kind and gentle and has endless patience.
- yard dog or house dog?
- House trained but loves the yard as well.
- Cool. Last, is he really faithful?
- Oh yeah, very faithful. This is the fifth time I'm selling him.
My asian neighbour asked if he could walk the dog
They didn't come back for a while, I was worried about my dog so I went to his house, dog was on the wok.
A dog used lived in a clay-brick house but was evicted for not paying his mortgage..
A Dobie's adobe abode owed dough.
Walking your dog
A Korean man walks up to his friends house and sees that his dog is barking profusely and says,
"Do you want me to wok your dog for you?"
What did the squirrel say to the police dog when it raided its tree house?
...You're barking up the wrong tree.
Last night my dog wasn't able to get inside the house.
When I asked him about it, he told me he couldn't find his husky.
Last night I asked my dog why he was outside our house.
He said he couldn't find his husky.
Last week my dog ate the bag of scrabble tiles.
Ever since then he has been leaving little messages around the house.
What does a wife and a long-haired female dog have in common?
They both have hair all over the house.
A man walks into his house...
A man walks into his house with a handful of dog turds, and he says to his wife, "Look what I almost stepped in!"
Did you hear about the blind fella going from house to house trying to sell his dog?
He was Labrador-to-door salesman
A man walks into a talent agency with his dog claiming it can talk. The agent says, ok, let's see if this dog is gonna make us rich . The guy says, Fido, what's the top of a house called ? Roof! What's on a tree ? Bark! How does sandpaper feel ? Ruff!
The talent agent tells the man off and kicks him out of his office. As the man and the dog are walking down the street the dog looks up at the man and says, Gee Bob, maybe you should have asked some harder questions .
I live in constant fear
I live in constant fear that one day while I'm least suspecting it someone might break in to burglarize and kill my mother-in-law, who lives at 375 Woodland Ave in the light blue house, only one dog who is friendly and no alarm set, always leaves the kitchen window unlocked and without screen, sleeps on the second floor south room next to the bathroom which is where she keeps all her jewelry hidden behind the mirror.
My trip to the zoo
I just went to this zoo while on a road trip and it was the worst. It only had 1 animal, a normal house dog.
It was a shitzu
I just found out my dog can jump higher than a house.
Turns out, houses can't actually jump.
My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.
Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.
That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids are hysterical."
"Sorry to hear that" I replied nervously.
"The strange thing is" he said "we buried it a couple of days ago."
Pavlov sits in his house on a Saturday afternoon, drinking his tea.
When someone rings the doorbell.
He stands up quickly.
"I have to feed the dog!"
Somebody was giving me a synopsis of their crossover fan fic that includes a killer clown, a talking dog, and a flying house and at the end they said
"That about sums it-up"
Two dogs have a home construction business and work on the tops of houses together.
I guess you could say they work on woofs.
Ivanka Trump is walking a dog outside the White House...
A Secret Service agent sees her and says "Good Morning, Ma'am."
"Good morning." She replies.
"That's a very cute dog, ma'am." the agent says trying to make polite small talk.
"Oh, thank you. I got it for the President." She replies with a smile.
"Excellent trade, Ma'am."
