Dog Food Jokes
100 dog food jokes and hilarious dog food puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dog food that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dog Food Short Jokes
Short dog food jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dog food humour may include short dog treat jokes also.
- Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told "no" if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
- My roommate keeps stealing my food so I ground up Pepper and made cupcakes with it. Pepper was a dumb thing to name his dog anyway.
- A guy wants a dog A guy wants a dog. He goes to one of his relatives if he has an extra dog. The relative says yes.
"Does he like kids?"said the guy
"Yes he does, but you can just give him dog food" - My dog keeps whimpering at her empty food bowl. So I put her in another room. I'm not sure what that bowl did to her, but it's obvious it upset her.
- Lately, i called a chinese restaurant for a reservation i also mentioned that i would bring my little dog.
They told me: "No outside food allowed!" - What do you call a dog in a sub? A subwoofer!
Now again:
What do you call a dog in a sub?
Chinese food! - I saw our cat drinking out of the dog bowl so I ate some of his food to teach him a lesson. So far he's learnt nothing, but I've learnt that I don't like cat food.
- The five-second rule... The five-second rule for food dropped on the floor is not a very good rule if you have a one-second dog.
- If Italian food is made by Italians and Indian food by Indians,... who is making Dog food?
- As a kid growing up in the Vietnam I could always tell how well the economy was by what type of dog food my parents bought. Chihuahua when it was bad, Black lab when it was good.
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Dog Food One Liners
Which dog food one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dog food? I can suggest the ones about dog toy and dog fur.
- Whats the best thing about being an abortion docter? You don't have to buy dog food.
- What is a dog's favorite food? Fetchtables!
from my very proud 5yo - What dog can't bark? A hot dog.
- What do you call a small dog that can store food? Pupperware
- Why don't cannibals have dogs? Because you're not supposed to feed them people food.
- One year later after Pavlov's dog death... Pavlov still brings him food.
- There is a new brand of vegan dog food. It's made with 100% real vegans.
- What did the New Yorker say to the dog that couldn't get a ride to get food? Eukanuba!!
- "What are you eating and how can I help?"
-Dogs - Do you sell hot dogs? Because you know how to make a wiener stand.
- What do you call dogs in china? Food
- I like my women how I like my dog food... Chunky
- What breed of dog loves eating Mexican food? A Qdoberman
- What is a dog's favorite breakfast food? Woofles
- Today, I tried dog food for the first time... ...it was really a treat!
Entertaining Dog Food Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about dog food you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog name jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dog food pranks.
Bears do not eat bears.
Tigers do not eat tigers.
Dogs do not eat dogs.
Cats stopped eating kebabs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde, a red head, and a brunette were on a plane.
The red head takes a bite of an apple doesn't like it she throws it out the window.
The brunette takes a bite out of an orange doesn't like it she throws it out the window.
The blonde takes a bit of a bomb doesn't like it she throws it out the window.
They get out of the plane.
They come up to a little boy asks why he is crying! he says "An apple fell on my dog and killed my dog."
They keep walking and come up to a little girl and asks why she is crying. She says" An orange fell on my cat and killed my cat."
They keep walking.
They come up to a blonde laughing her head off.
"Why are you laughing so hard?" they said.
"When I f**... the building blew up!"
Once upon a time, there was a cat who died.
When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth.
She told the Lord that it was awful, she had to sleep in cold back alleys where there was no food and life was hard.
God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on.
The cat laid down upon the pillow and was happy.
A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth.
Earth was no better for them than it was the cat.
They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people.
God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them rollerskates.
One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she was liking heaven.
She explained that it was absolutely wonderful.
The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow were the meals on wheels.
A married couple go to a restaurant.
A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it.
The man asks, "Where's the burger?"
The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit.
"I was keeping it warm," she replies.
The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was the cannibal looking peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
Chuck Norris was hungry so he went to eat a hotdog.
When he saw it giggled and said: "What a bad luck! Look what a part of a dog I've to eat!"
On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store.
"Give me a couple of steaks," he says.
"We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher.
"Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
Never trust a dog to watch your food.
Couple beside me in restaurant are on a blind date;
they both love dogs, sushi, and looking at Tinder while the other one is in the restroom.
A wise dog once told me: "Life is like a box of chocolates... it kills you."
What do you call dog meat? Pet food.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A ship went down on a reef...
There were only three survivors; a 25 year old man, a dog, and a cat.
They were washed up on a deserted tropical island. Food and water were no problem, but after a month the man started to get the urge to have s**.... As there were no other people, he was forced to choose between the dog and the cat. Naturally, he chose the dog - man`s best friend. But the cat had a jealous streak, and would always interrupt the man when he tried to have his way with the dog. The man tried all kinds of strategies, but it was no use. The cat never allowed him a chance to get it on with the dog.
Then one day, another ship went down on the reef. From this ship there was only one survivor; a beautiful 22 year old woman. She almost drowned in the surf as she made her way to the island, but the man rescued her - effectively saving her life.
The woman was so grateful that she offered to do anything for the man.
"Anything?" asked the man, already thinking about his carnal desires.
"Yes. Absolutely anything. I`ll do anything to show you my appreciation. For you are my savior," she replied.
"Well then", said the man, "I`d be delighted if you could take the cat for a walk for half an hour."
My dog smells...
...Like Philippino food.
Two Irish nuns are on a boat to the US...
Two Irish nuns are on a boat to the US, when the first nun says, "You know, I've heard they eat dogs in America."
"I've heard the same thing," says the second.
After some discussion, the two nuns decide that they will try some dog in order to start immersing themselves in American cultural customs.
When they get off the boat, they find their way to a hot dog stand on the corner, ask for two dogs, and sit down to eat this new food.
The first nun unwraps her tinfoil and blushes a deep red.
"What is it?!" asks the second nun.
The first nun asks, "What part did you get?"
What fried food will shut your neighbor's dogs up?
Hushpuppies.
The 3 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work..
if you have a 2 second dog
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Homeless and thirsty.
Two homeless guys were sitting around and wanting a drink. With only a couple bucks in between them they realized that was barely one beer. Hobo A takes the money and heads out. He comes back with a pack of hot dogs. Hobo B yells at him for bringing back food instead of beer. Hobo A says "Trust me. Just put one of the hot dogs in your pants." They walk into a bar and order a couple of rounds. when the bill came Hobo A unzips B's pants and starts s**... on the hot dog. The bartender yells for security to throw them out immediately. Without paying the tab they get thrown out and goes to the next bar. They repeat this for 5 bars. Once they got back to their sleeping area Hobo A says "See? I told you it was a great idea! Good and drunk for free!" Hobo B says "You have no idea. I lost the pack of hot dogs in the first bar!"
Store Policy
CUSTOMER: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT: Do you have a dog?
CUSTOMER: Yes.
CHECKOUT: Where is he?
CUSTOMER: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.
The next day, the customer returns.
CUSTOMER: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT: Do you have a cat?
CUSTOMER: Yes.
CHECKOUT: Well...where is he?
CUSTOMER: He's at home!
CHECKOUT: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.
The next day the customer returns.
CHECKOUT: What's in the sack?
CUSTOMER: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT: Hmmm...It's warm and moist! What is it?
CUSTOMER: I would like to buy some toilet paper.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cold water
A city boy was spending the summer with his grandfather on a farm.
The first night, the food was good but the plate looks a bit dirty.
The boy asks his grandfather about it and he says "That's as clean as cold water can get them."
The next night, the plates are even more g**... but all the grandfather will say is "That's as clean as cold water will get em"
The following day, the boy see's a dog l**... dirty plates. The grandfather said "I see you met our dog, Cold Water"
Daddy, did you ever eat cat food when you were little?
"Yeah, but it didn't taste very good." She smiled and nodded, "I know, it taste like dog food."
*A recent conversation I had with my daughter*
A man enters a taxi with a hot dog.
The driver says "Excuse me, but this is not a restaurant"
The guy replies, "I know. That's why I brought my own food."
I was cooking a dish with onions in it and my friend cried.
I only now realized recently that she wasn't raising that dog for food.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cats are just as smart/loving as dogs.
Unbeknownst to me my Mom had a s**... and collapsed one morning. Her cat came running up the steps and meowing non-stop. She ran up and down the steps until finally I followed her down to the kitchen. And there, sure enough - her food bowl was empty
If I ever get a pet rabbit, I should put it in a food themed Halloween costume.
I'll call it a Hot Dog Bun.
Perk of being an abortion doctor
One perk of being an abortion doctor is that you don't have to worry about dog's food
I love street food.
You know who else loves street food? Dogs.
The Chinese food was good
But I miss my dog
An animal lover talks to a turk
He asks the turk:"May I talk to your horse?"
"Horse not talk", he replies.
The animal lover asks the horse : "Hello horse how are you doing do you have enough food?"
"I'm doing fine and there is more than enough food too."
The animal lover asks the turk : "May I talk to your dog?"
"Dog not talk", he replies.
The animal lover now next to the dog asks him: "Hello Dog are you alright?'
"I can't complain, I have a warm place to sleep" he replies
The animal lover asks the turk : "May I talk to your goat?"
The turk slowly realising the ability the animal lover has answers:"Goat lies"
Dog food tastes pretty good
I just wish I could shake General Tso's hand.
So there was a shopkeeper who didn't liked Chinese
One day a Chinese man came to him and asked:
-I want buy dog food.
-I won't sell you dog food unless you come with dog.
-But I not want to come to shop with a dog.
Later he came with his dog and got his dog food.
The next day he came again and said:
-I want buy cat food.
-I won't sell you cat food unless you come with a cat.
-But I not want to come to shop with cat.
Later he came with his cat and got his cat food.
The next day he came with a paper bag:
-Put hand inside.
-Why?
-Just put hand inside.
-OK.
-Warm?
-Yes.
-Soft?
-Yes.
-I want buy toilet paper.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Dog Pound
Three dogs were in a cage at the city pound: A Pit Bull, a German Shepherd and a Great Dane. The Pit Bull told the others "I was eating my dinner and my owner's two year old niece tried to grab my food, so I ripped out her t**.... Now they are going to put me to sleep."
The German Shepherd said "I chewed up my master' shoes yesterday and now they are going to put me to sleep."
The Great Dane said "My master is a beautiful twenty two year old woman. The other day she came out of the shower and bent over in front of me, so I mounted her and did my thing."
"So are you in here to be put to sleep too?" asked the others.
"No, I'm here to have my nails clipped!"
Why did we have chinese food on boxing day?
The whole "dog for christmas" thing wasn't a hit
I just went to the worst zoo I've ever visited.
The food was overpriced, there was hardly any shade, and to top it all off the only animal in the entire zoo was a dog in a cage. It was a shih-tzu.
Inner Strength
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can resist complaints and excessively loud people,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs...
If you can do all of these things, then you are probably a dog
I fed my dog and it got sick.
Turns out dog food isn't one of the purposes in "All Purpose" Product.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My new pet is so s**...... he won't even eat the dog food I give him!
I don't know why I even bother raising children.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For Mother's Day, all my mom wanted was 2 things: a clean house and exotic food.
So, we cooked and ate the dog.
What's Chinese but doesn't like Chinese food?
A Chinese dog.
An American brings a Chinese Man to a hotdog stand.
The American orders a hotdog and assures the Chinese Man that the food here is very good.
When the hotdog is finished cooking and served, the Chinese Man begins to look pale.
The American asks, What's wrong?
The Chinese Man replies, When we eat dogs, we typically remove this part of the body.
I finally figured out how to get a monkeys brain into my dog.
I threw it in his food bowl.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dogs are like fat people
They're all cute and cuddly until you try touching they're food
Some new friends of mine were looking through the photos on my phone...
They saw a ton of pictures of food, and the occasional pictures of my dog. And then they asked if I was Asian!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call it when you have s**... with Chinese food
Raw dog
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Adolf h**... is walking around in a prisoner camp.
As he is passing through he see a kid who is giving his food rations to an injured dog.
h**... walks up to the kid and asks him, "Why are you giving your food to the dog? You know you wont get extra."
The boy replies, "The dog needed it more than me, sir."
h**... felt something he had never felt before.
AH : "What is your name kid?"
Boy : "My name is John, sir."
AH : "And how old are you, John?"
Boy : "I will be ten years old tomorrow, sir,"
AH : "Oh no! You won't."
My mother bought a new kind of dog food for our pet.
Mom: Did Fido enjoyed his food?
Me: I don't know.
Mom: I thought you fed him and he finished his food?
Me: He did. But he never said he enjoyed it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chinese food....
Have you ever tried Chinese Meat b**...?
....They are the dogs b**...!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jokes
Vegan hot dogs are basically the s**... of food .
You want the sausage but not the meat
When it comes to dropping food on the floor, I use the 5 second rule.
Only problem is I have 2 second dogs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Alpo
I told you that feeding your husband all that dog food would finally kill him!
It wasn't the Alpo, he broke his neck trying to lick his b**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy asked his dad, What's a c**... meant for? The father replied...
Condiments are used to add flavor to certain foods, most commonly hot dogs and burgers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Day 268 at home And the dog continues looking at me like See?? This is why I chew furniture.
I've eaten 9 meals and taken 4 naps, and it's STILL today. Are you kidding me?
In case you've lost track, today is December 268...
This virus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day grazing for
food. We're told "NO!" if we get too close to strangers. We get really excited about car rides.
My wife said if I don't get off the computer and help with the dishes, she'll slam my head on the keyboard. I think she's jokinoifghcxiegcrwlwefggxm
lkergx eyt3ruhcmergceg ewgucc ce;oeijf !!!
A dog is running awa
A dog is running away from a farm.
The pig asks him why?
The dog replies, "this family doesn't want me man, I'm out"
The pig says what do you mean, the humans always pet you, they take you in walks, you have free reign over the farm. To which the dog replies, "not even pig, all I get for food are left overs, you get corn, and fruits, look how fat you are. I even overheard Papa say he was going to make you Ham for Christmas!!"
Two poor men dream of going to America
They hear of American food and how great it is and, in particular, the hotdog.
So they work hard and save their money for many years before finally traveling to America. Upon arriving, they immediately run off the boat and to the nearest hotdog stand. Eagerly, they throw their money at the stand and both get their own hotdogs.
The two men stand there for a second, both looking a little disappointed. Finally, one looks up at the other, well, what part of the dog did you get?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman drags her husband to the doctor,
He's been complaining for weeks about a sore stomach. The doc gives the man a full workover and deduces he is missing a vital enzyme mainly found in dog food. Reluctantly they agree to put him on the pet food diet to save his life.
A week later the doc sees her walking the street and asks how he's doing. "He's dead" She replies. The doc is understandably upset "How, dog food is not toxic?" She wipes a tear and says "He was hit by a car in the middle of the road l**... his g**..."
The Story of Creation as told by Dog
On the first day of creation, God created the dog.
On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the dog.
On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy, and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.
During the 3 days of the Woodstock festival, over 400,000 people attended
The town of Bethel had prepared beforehand and many vendors gathered there to sell food, water, and other necessities.
It's estimated that 2.7 million gallons of water was sold over the weekend,
along with 750,000 cans of beer,
100,000 hot dogs,
15,000 pounds of granola,
and a bar of soap
4th of July picnic
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How was your 4th of July picnic?" the bartender asks. "Horrible. Everyone came down with food poisoning," the guy replies. "I knew the hot dogs might have gone bad, but turns out the brats were the wurst."
