Dog Food Jokes

I went to a hot dog stand with my pet snake.

I said," May I please have a hot dog for my snake?" The waitress replied, "I'm sorry, but we're all out of buns." I said, "My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hun!"

Bears do not eat bears.
Tigers do not eat tigers.
Dogs do not eat dogs.
Cats stopped eating kebabs.

A married couple go to a restaurant.
A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it.
The man asks, "Where's the burger?"
The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit.
"I was keeping it warm," she replies.
The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."

Why was the cannibal looking peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!

Chuck Norris was hungry so he went to eat a hotdog.

When he saw it giggled and said: "What a bad luck! Look what a part of a dog I've to eat!"

On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store.

"Give me a couple of steaks," he says.
"We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher.
"Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

Couple beside me in restaurant are on a blind date;

they both love dogs, sushi, and looking at Tinder while the other one is in the restroom.

A wise dog once told me: "Life is like a box of chocolates... it kills you."

What do you call dog meat? Pet food.

What fried food will shut your neighbor's dogs up?

Hushpuppies.

The 3 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work..

if you have a 2 second dog

The Chinese man and the hotdog

A man from china comes to america to visit his friend. He is very new to american culture , so he asked his american friend "What is one of the bests foods america is known for?". The american immediately drives to the nearest 711 and shows the Chinese man all the hot dogs. He then proceeds to buy one and eats it. After finishing, he then turns to the american man and says "Wow , that's funny how back in china we eat all of the dog , and throw away the part you guys eat!".

Cold water

A city boy was spending the summer with his grandfather on a farm.
The first night, the food was good but the plate looks a bit dirty.
The boy asks his grandfather about it and he says "That's as clean as cold water can get them."
The next night, the plates are even more g**... but all the grandfather will say is "That's as clean as cold water will get em"
The following day, the boy see's a dog l**... dirty plates. The grandfather said "I see you met our dog, Cold Water"

Daddy, did you ever eat cat food when you were little?

"Yeah, but it didn't taste very good." She smiled and nodded, "I know, it taste like dog food."
*A recent conversation I had with my daughter*

A man enters a taxi with a hot dog.

The driver says "Excuse me, but this is not a restaurant"
The guy replies, "I know. That's why I brought my own food."

I was cooking a dish with onions in it and my friend cried.

I only now realized recently that she wasn't raising that dog for food.

Cats are just as smart/loving as dogs.

Unbeknownst to me my Mom had a s**... and collapsed one morning. Her cat came running up the steps and meowing non-stop. She ran up and down the steps until finally I followed her down to the kitchen. And there, sure enough - her food bowl was empty

If I ever get a pet rabbit, I should put it in a food themed Halloween costume.

I'll call it a Hot Dog Bun.

Perk of being an abortion doctor

One perk of being an abortion doctor is that you don't have to worry about dog's food

The Chinese food was good

But I miss my dog

So I bought some dog food the other day...

... in chinatown. Wasn't really my thing.

Today, I tried dog food for the first time...

...it was really a treat!

Why did we have chinese food on boxing day?

The whole "dog for christmas" thing wasn't a hit

I just went to the worst zoo I've ever visited.

The food was overpriced, there was hardly any shade, and to top it all off the only animal in the entire zoo was a dog in a cage. It was a shih-tzu.

I fed my dog and it got sick.

Turns out dog food isn't one of the purposes in "All Purpose" Product.

My new pet is so s**...... he won't even eat the dog food I give him!

I don't know why I even bother raising children.

A hot dog and a hamburger walk into a bar (I really hope this hasn't been posted here before)

The bartender goes sorry, we don't serve food here

A man walks into a bar and a b**... blonde waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food.

The man looks up at the menu above the bar and sees that it says, "Hot dog $2, Cheese burger $5, h**... $10".
He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
She winks and replies, "Why yes I am".
The man says, "Well in that case, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger".

For Mother's Day, all my mom wanted was 2 things: a clean house and exotic food.

So, we cooked and ate the dog.

An American brings a Chinese Man to a hotdog stand.

The American orders a hotdog and assures the Chinese Man that the food here is very good.
When the hotdog is finished cooking and served, the Chinese Man begins to look pale.
The American asks, What's wrong?
The Chinese Man replies, When we eat dogs, we typically remove this part of the body.

I finally figured out how to get a monkeys brain into my dog.

I threw it in his food bowl.

As a kid growing up in the Vietnam I could always tell how well the economy was by what type of dog food my parents bought.

Chihuahua when it was bad, Black lab when it was good.

Some new friends of mine were looking through the photos on my phone...

They saw a ton of pictures of food, and the occasional pictures of my dog. And then they asked if I was Asian!

What do you call it when you have s**... with Chinese food

Raw dog

My mother bought a new kind of dog food for our pet.

Mom: Did Fido enjoyed his food?
Me: I don't know.
Mom: I thought you fed him and he finished his food?
Me: He did. But he never said he enjoyed it.

Chinese food....

Have you ever tried Chinese Meat b**...?
​
....They are the dogs b**...!

If Italian food is made by Italians and Indian food by Indians,...

who is making Dog food?

Jokes

Vegan hot dogs are basically the s**... of food .
You want the sausage but not the meat

When it comes to dropping food on the floor, I use the 5 second rule.

Only problem is I have 2 second dogs.

Alpo

I told you that feeding your husband all that dog food would finally kill him!
It wasn't the Alpo, he broke his neck trying to lick his b**....

A boy asked his dad, What's a c**... meant for? The father replied...

Condiments are used to add flavor to certain foods, most commonly hot dogs and burgers.

Day 268 at home And the dog continues looking at me like See?? This is why I chew furniture.

I've eaten 9 meals and taken 4 naps, and it's STILL today. Are you kidding me?
In case you've lost track, today is December 268...
This virus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day grazing for
food. We're told "NO!" if we get too close to strangers. We get really excited about car rides.
My wife said if I don't get off the computer and help with the dishes, she'll slam my head on the keyboard. I think she's jokinoifghcxiegcrwlwefggxm
lkergx eyt3ruhcmergceg ewgucc ce;oeijf !!!

A dog is running awa

A dog is running away from a farm.
The pig asks him why?
The dog replies, "this family doesn't want me man, I'm out"
The pig says what do you mean, the humans always pet you, they take you in walks, you have free reign over the farm. To which the dog replies, "not even pig, all I get for food are left overs, you get corn, and fruits, look how fat you are. I even overheard Papa say he was going to make you Ham for Christmas!!"

Two poor men dream of going to America

They hear of American food and how great it is and, in particular, the hotdog.
So they work hard and save their money for many years before finally traveling to America. Upon arriving, they immediately run off the boat and to the nearest hotdog stand. Eagerly, they throw their money at the stand and both get their own hotdogs.
The two men stand there for a second, both looking a little disappointed. Finally, one looks up at the other, well, what part of the dog did you get?

A woman drags her husband to the doctor,

He's been complaining for weeks about a sore stomach. The doc gives the man a full workover and deduces he is missing a vital enzyme mainly found in dog food. Reluctantly they agree to put him on the pet food diet to save his life.
A week later the doc sees her walking the street and asks how he's doing. "He's dead" She replies. The doc is understandably upset "How, dog food is not toxic?" She wipes a tear and says "He was hit by a car in the middle of the road l**... his g**..."

A man walks into a bar. Upon sitting down a b**... blond waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food.

He looks up at the menu above the bar. It says Hot Dog $2, Cheeseburger $5, and h**... $10.
He asks the waitress, "Miss, are you the one who gives the h**...?"
She winks and replies, "Why yes I am." He says, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

The Story of Creation as told by Dog

On the first day of creation, God created the dog.
On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the dog.
On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy, and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.

During the 3 days of the Woodstock festival, over 400,000 people attended

The town of Bethel had prepared beforehand and many vendors gathered there to sell food, water, and other necessities.
It's estimated that 2.7 million gallons of water was sold over the weekend,
along with 750,000 cans of beer,
100,000 hot dogs,
15,000 pounds of granola,
and a bar of soap

4th of July picnic

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How was your 4th of July picnic?" the bartender asks. "Horrible. Everyone came down with food poisoning," the guy replies. "I knew the hot dogs might have gone bad, but turns out the brats were the wurst."