Dog Food Jokes
100 dog food jokes and hilarious dog food puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dog food that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dog Food Short Jokes
Short dog food jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dog food humour may include short dog treat jokes also.
- Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told "no" if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
- My roommate keeps stealing my food so I ground up Pepper and made cupcakes with it. Pepper was a dumb thing to name his dog anyway.
- Day 19 of the experiment... "Day 19 of the experiment, I have successfully conditioned my master to give me food,smile,and write in his book every time I drool." - Pavlov's Dog
- A guy wants a dog A guy wants a dog. He goes to one of his relatives if he has an extra dog. The relative says yes.
"Does he like kids?"said the guy
"Yes he does, but you can just give him dog food" - My dog keeps whimpering at her empty food bowl. So I put her in another room. I'm not sure what that bowl did to her, but it's obvious it upset her.
- Lately, i called a chinese restaurant for a reservation i also mentioned that i would bring my little dog.
They told me: "No outside food allowed!" - What do you call a dog in a sub? A subwoofer!
Now again:
What do you call a dog in a sub?
Chinese food! - I saw our cat drinking out of the dog bowl so I ate some of his food to teach him a lesson. So far he's learnt nothing, but I've learnt that I don't like cat food.
- Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"
Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!" - The five-second rule... The five-second rule for food dropped on the floor is not a very good rule if you have a one-second dog.
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Dog Food One Liners
Which dog food one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dog food? I can suggest the ones about dog eating and dog toy.
- Whats the best thing about being an abortion docter? You don't have to buy dog food.
- What is a dog's favorite food? Fetchtables!
from my very proud 5yo - What dog can't bark? A hot dog.
- What do you call a small dog that can store food? Pupperware
- Why don't cannibals have dogs? Because you're not supposed to feed them people food.
- One year later after Pavlov's dog death... Pavlov still brings him food.
- There is a new brand of vegan dog food. It's made with 100% real vegans.
- What did the New Yorker say to the dog that couldn't get a ride to get food? Eukanuba!!
- "What are you eating and how can I help?"
-Dogs - Do you sell hot dogs? Because you know how to make a wiener stand.
- What do you call dogs in china? Food
- Dogs are like fat people They're all cute and cuddly until you try touching they're food
- I like my women how I like my dog food... Chunky
- What breed of dog loves eating Mexican food? A Qdoberman
- What is a dog's favorite breakfast food? Woofles
Entertaining Dog Food Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about dog food you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog fur jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dog food pranks.
I went to a hot dog stand with my pet snake.
I said," May I please have a hot dog for my snake?" The waitress replied, "I'm sorry, but we're all out of buns." I said, "My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hun!"
Bears do not eat bears.
Tigers do not eat tigers.
Dogs do not eat dogs.
Cats stopped eating kebabs.
A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company.
There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright, but after a few months he gets lonely.
The pig starts to look more and more attractive, soft, pink flesh, round buttocks.
But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg.
Very frustrating.
One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious.
He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health.
Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it."
The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"
Once upon a time, there was a cat who died.
When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth.
She told the Lord that it was awful, she had to sleep in cold back alleys where there was no food and life was hard.
God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on.
The cat laid down upon the pillow and was happy.
A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth.
Earth was no better for them than it was the cat.
They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people.
God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them rollerskates.
One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she was liking heaven.
She explained that it was absolutely wonderful.
The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow were the meals on wheels.
A married couple go to a restaurant.
A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it.
The man asks, "Where's the burger?"
The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit.
"I was keeping it warm," she replies.
The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."
Why was the cannibal looking peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
Chuck Norris was hungry so he went to eat a hotdog.
When he saw it giggled and said: "What a bad luck! Look what a part of a dog I've to eat!"
On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store.
"Give me a couple of steaks," he says.
"We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher.
"Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
Never trust a dog to watch your food.
Couple beside me in restaurant are on a blind date;
they both love dogs, sushi, and looking at Tinder while the other one is in the restroom.
A wise dog once told me: "Life is like a box of chocolates... it kills you."
What do you call dog meat? Pet food.
A ship went down on a reef...
There were only three survivors; a 25 year old man, a dog, and a cat.
They were washed up on a deserted tropical island. Food and water were no problem, but after a month the man started to get the urge to have s**.... As there were no other people, he was forced to choose between the dog and the cat. Naturally, he chose the dog - man`s best friend. But the cat had a jealous streak, and would always interrupt the man when he tried to have his way with the dog. The man tried all kinds of strategies, but it was no use. The cat never allowed him a chance to get it on with the dog.
Then one day, another ship went down on the reef. From this ship there was only one survivor; a beautiful 22 year old woman. She almost drowned in the surf as she made her way to the island, but the man rescued her - effectively saving her life.
The woman was so grateful that she offered to do anything for the man.
"Anything?" asked the man, already thinking about his carnal desires.
"Yes. Absolutely anything. I`ll do anything to show you my appreciation. For you are my savior," she replied.
"Well then", said the man, "I`d be delighted if you could take the cat for a walk for half an hour."
What fried food will shut your neighbor's dogs up?
Hushpuppies.
The 3 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work..
if you have a 2 second dog
The Chinese man and the hotdog
A man from china comes to america to visit his friend. He is very new to american culture , so he asked his american friend "What is one of the bests foods america is known for?". The american immediately drives to the nearest 711 and shows the Chinese man all the hot dogs. He then proceeds to buy one and eats it. After finishing, he then turns to the american man and says "Wow , that's funny how back in china we eat all of the dog , and throw away the part you guys eat!".
A Man Went Into A Supermarket...
... got 3 cans of dog food, and walked up to the checkout.
The cashier asks the man, "Sir, do you own a dog?"
The man replies, "Yes I do."
The cashier then asks, "Do you have the dog with you?"
The man replies, "No, I left it at home."
The cashier then says, "I'm sorry, but I can't sell you this dog food unless I see your dog."
A few days later the man walks into the same store, gets 3 cans of cat food, and walks up to the checkout.
The same cashier asks, "Sir, do you own a cat?"
The man replies, "Yes I do."
The cashier then asks, "Do you have your cat with you?"
And the man replies, "No, I left it at home."
Then the cashier says, "I'm sorry, but I can't sell you this cat food unless I see your cat."
A few days later the man walks into the store, this time carrying a paper bag. He walks up to the same cashier, and asks him to put his hand into the bag.
The cashier says, "It feels warm, soft, and gooey."
The man then says, "Now, can I go back and get 3 rolls of toilet paper?"
Cold water
A city boy was spending the summer with his grandfather on a farm.
The first night, the food was good but the plate looks a bit dirty.
The boy asks his grandfather about it and he says "That's as clean as cold water can get them."
The next night, the plates are even more g**... but all the grandfather will say is "That's as clean as cold water will get em"
The following day, the boy see's a dog l**... dirty plates. The grandfather said "I see you met our dog, Cold Water"
I'd like to buy some dog food
MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry; I can't sell this dog food to you unless Isee the dog. Store policy.
The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well...where is he?
MAN: He's at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see
your cat.
The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm... It's warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.
Daddy, did you ever eat cat food when you were little?
"Yeah, but it didn't taste very good." She smiled and nodded, "I know, it taste like dog food."
*A recent conversation I had with my daughter*
A man enters a taxi with a hot dog.
The driver says "Excuse me, but this is not a restaurant"
The guy replies, "I know. That's why I brought my own food."
I was cooking a dish with onions in it and my friend cried.
I only now realized recently that she wasn't raising that dog for food.
Cats are just as smart/loving as dogs.
Unbeknownst to me my Mom had a s**... and collapsed one morning. Her cat came running up the steps and meowing non-stop. She ran up and down the steps until finally I followed her down to the kitchen. And there, sure enough - her food bowl was empty
If I ever get a pet rabbit, I should put it in a food themed Halloween costume.
I'll call it a Hot Dog Bun.
Perk of being an abortion doctor
One perk of being an abortion doctor is that you don't have to worry about dog's food
The Chinese food was good
But I miss my dog
So I bought some dog food the other day...
... in chinatown. Wasn't really my thing.
Today, I tried dog food for the first time...
...it was really a treat!
So there was a shopkeeper who didn't liked Chinese
One day a Chinese man came to him and asked:
-I want buy dog food.
-I won't sell you dog food unless you come with dog.
-But I not want to come to shop with a dog.
Later he came with his dog and got his dog food.
The next day he came again and said:
-I want buy cat food.
-I won't sell you cat food unless you come with a cat.
-But I not want to come to shop with cat.
Later he came with his cat and got his cat food.
The next day he came with a paper bag:
-Put hand inside.
-Why?
-Just put hand inside.
-OK.
-Warm?
-Yes.
-Soft?
-Yes.
-I want buy toilet paper.
Why did we have chinese food on boxing day?
The whole "dog for christmas" thing wasn't a hit
I just went to the worst zoo I've ever visited.
The food was overpriced, there was hardly any shade, and to top it all off the only animal in the entire zoo was a dog in a cage. It was a shih-tzu.
Inner Strength
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can resist complaints and excessively loud people,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs...
If you can do all of these things, then you are probably a dog
I fed my dog and it got sick.
Turns out dog food isn't one of the purposes in "All Purpose" Product.
My new pet is so s**...... he won't even eat the dog food I give him!
I don't know why I even bother raising children.
A hot dog and a hamburger walk into a bar (I really hope this hasn't been posted here before)
The bartender goes sorry, we don't serve food here
A man walks into a bar and a b**... blonde waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food.
The man looks up at the menu above the bar and sees that it says, "Hot dog $2, Cheese burger $5, h**... $10".
He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
She winks and replies, "Why yes I am".
The man says, "Well in that case, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger".
For Mother's Day, all my mom wanted was 2 things: a clean house and exotic food.
So, we cooked and ate the dog.
An American brings a Chinese Man to a hotdog stand.
The American orders a hotdog and assures the Chinese Man that the food here is very good.
When the hotdog is finished cooking and served, the Chinese Man begins to look pale.
The American asks, What's wrong?
The Chinese Man replies, When we eat dogs, we typically remove this part of the body.
I finally figured out how to get a monkeys brain into my dog.
I threw it in his food bowl.
As a kid growing up in the Vietnam I could always tell how well the economy was by what type of dog food my parents bought.
Chihuahua when it was bad, Black lab when it was good.
Some new friends of mine were looking through the photos on my phone...
They saw a ton of pictures of food, and the occasional pictures of my dog. And then they asked if I was Asian!
What do you call it when you have s**... with Chinese food
Raw dog
My mother bought a new kind of dog food for our pet.
Mom: Did Fido enjoyed his food?
Me: I don't know.
Mom: I thought you fed him and he finished his food?
Me: He did. But he never said he enjoyed it.
Chinese food....
Have you ever tried Chinese Meat b**...?
....They are the dogs b**...!
If Italian food is made by Italians and Indian food by Indians,...
who is making Dog food?
Jokes
Vegan hot dogs are basically the s**... of food .
You want the sausage but not the meat
When it comes to dropping food on the floor, I use the 5 second rule.
Only problem is I have 2 second dogs.
Alpo
I told you that feeding your husband all that dog food would finally kill him!
It wasn't the Alpo, he broke his neck trying to lick his b**....
A boy asked his dad, What's a c**... meant for? The father replied...
Condiments are used to add flavor to certain foods, most commonly hot dogs and burgers.
Day 268 at home And the dog continues looking at me like See?? This is why I chew furniture.
I've eaten 9 meals and taken 4 naps, and it's STILL today. Are you kidding me?
In case you've lost track, today is December 268...
This virus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day grazing for
food. We're told "NO!" if we get too close to strangers. We get really excited about car rides.
My wife said if I don't get off the computer and help with the dishes, she'll slam my head on the keyboard. I think she's jokinoifghcxiegcrwlwefggxm
lkergx eyt3ruhcmergceg ewgucc ce;oeijf !!!
A dog is running awa
A dog is running away from a farm.
The pig asks him why?
The dog replies, "this family doesn't want me man, I'm out"
The pig says what do you mean, the humans always pet you, they take you in walks, you have free reign over the farm. To which the dog replies, "not even pig, all I get for food are left overs, you get corn, and fruits, look how fat you are. I even overheard Papa say he was going to make you Ham for Christmas!!"
Two poor men dream of going to America
They hear of American food and how great it is and, in particular, the hotdog.
So they work hard and save their money for many years before finally traveling to America. Upon arriving, they immediately run off the boat and to the nearest hotdog stand. Eagerly, they throw their money at the stand and both get their own hotdogs.
The two men stand there for a second, both looking a little disappointed. Finally, one looks up at the other, well, what part of the dog did you get?
A woman drags her husband to the doctor,
He's been complaining for weeks about a sore stomach. The doc gives the man a full workover and deduces he is missing a vital enzyme mainly found in dog food. Reluctantly they agree to put him on the pet food diet to save his life.
A week later the doc sees her walking the street and asks how he's doing. "He's dead" She replies. The doc is understandably upset "How, dog food is not toxic?" She wipes a tear and says "He was hit by a car in the middle of the road l**... his g**..."
A man walks into a bar. Upon sitting down a b**... blond waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food.
He looks up at the menu above the bar. It says Hot Dog $2, Cheeseburger $5, and h**... $10.
He asks the waitress, "Miss, are you the one who gives the h**...?"
She winks and replies, "Why yes I am." He says, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
The Story of Creation as told by Dog
On the first day of creation, God created the dog.
On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the dog.
On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy, and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.
During the 3 days of the Woodstock festival, over 400,000 people attended
The town of Bethel had prepared beforehand and many vendors gathered there to sell food, water, and other necessities.
It's estimated that 2.7 million gallons of water was sold over the weekend,
along with 750,000 cans of beer,
100,000 hot dogs,
15,000 pounds of granola,
and a bar of soap
4th of July picnic
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How was your 4th of July picnic?" the bartender asks. "Horrible. Everyone came down with food poisoning," the guy replies. "I knew the hot dogs might have gone bad, but turns out the brats were the wurst."