Dog Fighting Jokes
43 dog fighting jokes and hilarious dog fighting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dog fighting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Dog Fighting Short Jokes
Short dog fighting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dog fighting humour may include short dog biting jokes also.
- You ever hear about the canine pilot from WWI? He got into a dog fight but thankfully he shook his tail.
- During rainy days, I and my lazy dog are competing who sleeps the deepest and the longest. I am the underdog in this fight.
- Similarities between Scruff McGruff's police force and Michael Vick? They've both got a dog fighting crime.
- Jesus. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting some loudmouth who objects to an old metaphor. Luckily ... I don't have a dog in this fight.
- I was at a dog fight recently. The combatants were a 200lb Rottweiler and a 2lb Chihuahua. The Chihuahua emerged victorious... The Rottweiler choked on him.
- Did you hear what michael vick said about getting back into football? He said that he feels a bit out of it from his years away, but he enjoys watching all of the players fight like dogs.
- It's a little unfair that Mike Vick is looked down upon for dog fighting, and The Mario Bros. are celebrated from taking mushrooms and turtle bashing.
- Why do people use pitbulls for dog fights... They could make a lot more money training them to sing
- A dog wakes up at the vet The dog asks "Where am I?" The vet answers "At the vet, you have just been neutered!"
The dog replies angrily "fight me!"
"you don't have the b**..." - Daily puns until I get a relationship #1 My dog recently gave birth to a litter of puppies, and one of them is always fighting his siblings. He's such a son of a b**...
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Dog Fighting One Liners
Which dog fighting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dog fighting? I can suggest the ones about dog training and dog breeding.
- It was so hot today... That I actually saw two fire hydrants fighting over a dog.
- My dog got in a fight today It was quite ruff
- Saw two dogs doing it human style. Saw two dogs doing it human style. They were fighting.
- Why can Snoop Dog easily win fights? He has the high ground.
- My dog lost one of his ears while fighting Now he's known as Van Dogh.
- My dog just attacked the pizza delivery man. WHY ARE MY BEST FRIENDS FIGHTING?
- Who would win in a fight between a bird and a dog? THE BROWNS!
- What does Michael Vick do in a plane? Have a dog fight.
- How did your blind date go? Bit of a disaster really, our guide Dogs started Fighting
- I lost my first cage fight last night .. not all dogs want cuddles.
Dog Fighting Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about dog fighting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog eating jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dog fighting pranks.
A man was walking in Central Park in NYC...
Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".
The man says, "But I am not a New Yorker!"
"Oh ,then it will say in newspapers tomorrow morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" the policeman replied.
"But I am not even an American!" Says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?" The policeman asks.
The man replies, "I am a Saudi!"
The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog."
This guy had a magic door
This guy had a magic door in his house. Whenever he wanted he could open the door and step into a magic world where he was the only human in. Since he was alone in this magic world he was like the king and he could do whatever he wanted to. There was no wife to throw chores at him, no kids nagging and fighting, no dog he needs to take on a walk - no one. He was alone to do as he pleases for as long as he wanted to until his legs get numb and he has to flush down the water and get back to reality.
A Pitbull and w**... dog get into a fight.
w**... dog rips the Pitbull into shreds. Terrified Pitbull owner says: - what kind of a dog is this? - how much did you pay for it? The w**... owner says: -well, I paid $100 for a crocodile and $10000 for the plastic surgery.
[Long] A r**... was walking with its dog...
A r**... was walking with his dog, when another dog starts to pick a fight with the r**...'s dog, the r**...'s dog with just one bite kills the other dog.
A lot of people get scared, cause there's a lot of blood and carnage, them a guy asks the r**... "What is your dog's breed?"
To wich the r**... responds "Before we cut the tail it was a gator"
Two dogs were fighting the other day.
So I called the police to report domesticated a**....
A little Native American boy...
...went to his father to ask how little Native American babies get their name.
"Son, when your oldest brother was born we looked out the teepee and we saw two fighting bears, so we named him Fighting Bear"
"When your other brother was born we looked out and saw a running deer, so we named him Running Deer"
"Why do you ask p**... Dog?"
A dog attacks a little girl
A man is walking in Central park in New York sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog.
He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A journalist arriving soon takes pictures and says: \- "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read in the newspapers: Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".
The man says: \- "But I am not a New Yorker!"
\- "Oh, then it will say in newspapers in the morning: Brave American saves life of little girl."
\- "But I am not an American!" says the man.
\- "Oh, where are you from then?"
\- "I am from Iraq".
So the next day newspapers reads "Dangerous Islamic t**... kills innocent American dog in front of a little girl".
John, Paul and Peter were running through a tropical jungle when...
...they heard their pursuers (a rebel group) nearby. They saw an abandoned farmhouse and entered it. There was nothing there that they could use to fight the rebels off. They only saw three empty burlap sacks. The trio entered the sacks and stayed still. The rebels entered the farmhouse and saw the sacks. The rebel leader didn't want to waste time and decided to kick the sacks to check their contents. The sack John was in got kicked and out came a "mrreeaooww!!!" - the sack contained "cats". The sack Paul was in got kicked and out came a "arrwhooofff!" - the sack contained "dogs". Then the sack Peter was in got kicked and out came nothing, not a sound. The rebel leader kicked it again, and again, and again, but still nothing. The rebel leader furiously kept at it until Peter came out mad. He took the rebel leader by the cuff and said "It's a sack of potatoes!"
WW2
A teacher asks a WW2 pilot to speak to her elementary school class. He tells the children a bit about the army and what day to day life was like. Then he begins to tell them about a dog fight he had been in. He gets very excited as he telling the story and says to the children, "There were Fokkers to the right and Fokkers to the left. There were Fokkers above me and Fokkers below me!" The teacher interrupts to say, "Children, the Fokker is a type of airplane." "Yeah," the pilot says, "except these Fokkers were Messerschmitts!"
In the year 2500 Russia and the U.S. are the last countries on the earth....
In the year 2500 Russia and the U.S. are the last countries on the earth. They both want control of the earth, so they come up with this plan. They will have a dog fight in five years; what ever country wins this dog fight gets control of the earth. So the Russians ,having control of Europe, take the biggest, meanest Siberian wolfs and German shepards and breed them over and over until they get the perfect batch of pups. Then they train them make them mean and then breed them using new enhancement technologies. This goes on and on until the event comes then they pick they're biggest, meanest, and strongest pup at prime age. They go to the event and U.S. shows up with this 30ft long Doxen Terrier. The match begins and this Doxen just rips the Russians dog into pieces. The Russians are dumbfounded they can't figure out how this happened. So they go ask the head U.S. dog official "How did you beat us? We spent 5 years training the biggest meanest dogs we could find and our most advanced using enhancement technologies. Then we come here and your dog rips ours apart in no more than 30 seconds. The U.S. official laughs and says "Thats funny we spent 2 and a half years using our best plastic surgeons trying to get a crocodile to look like a dog!"
Old fighter pilot goes to his great-grandchild's 7th grade class
Old fighter pilot goes to his great-grandchild's 7th grade class to talk about his experiences. He tells the class, "I remember one time, me and my squadron was comin' back from escortin' some B-17 and we're almost over the Channel, when one a dem Fokkers come out of a cloud..." A few kids chuckle at this but the old guy keeps going. "Me and my wingman took care of him right quick, but then two more Fokkers show up..." There's more laughter and the teacher's starting to look annoyed; the pilot doesn't care: "...and it's a real dog-fight, all of us shootin' every which way and we got 'em just about handled when outa nowhere four more Fokkers..."
The class just bursts into laughter and the teacher interrupts. "Now, children. I know you're all enjoying your little jokes, but you should know that many of the German fighter planes were produced by confiscated factories belonging to the Dutch aeronautics firm Fokker."
The pilot is nodding along to all this. "That true, ma'am, but the day I'm talking about, those Fokkers were Messerschmitts."
A man is out walking in New York when he sees a girl being savaged by a fierce dog.
He fights off the dog by beating about the head with a stick and saves the girl's life.
The girl's mother rushes over to him: "Thank you, thank you, you are a hero, tomorrow all the newspapers will have headlines about Brave New Yorker Saves the Life of Young Girl"
"But I'm not a New Yorker," the man says.
"Oh, then it will say in all the newspapers Brave American Saves Life of Young Girl," says the mother.
"But I'm not an American," the man says.
"What are you then?" asks the mother.
"I'm an Iranian," the man says.
The next day he sees the newspaper headlines:
Islamic Extr*mist kills American Dog.
Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades.
Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
For one whole year Bill ignores the dog.
So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.
Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler.
'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.