The Best 35 Dog Eating Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dog Eating jokes. There are some dog eating ate jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dog eating puppy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Dog Eating Jokes and Puns

A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog shit on my carpet and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."

I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."

My child doesn't eat meat, what to substitute it with?

A dog, dogs eat meat

2 foreign immigrants have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other,

''"I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

United States

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"

Why are Chinese kids so good at math?

Because their dog doesn't eat their homework


I told my girlfriend that if she wanted her Hersheys bar she had to bark like a dog

After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasn't good for dogs.

Why are Asians so good at Math?

Their dogs can't eat their homework.

A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.

A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.

The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"

"Not at all," the woman replied.

The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.

A man was eating a hotdog...

A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Immediately the little dog began to bark at the man while he ate.

The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"

"Not at all." the woman replied.

The man picked up the dog and tossed him over a wall.

So little Billy give the "dog ate my homework" excuses.

So little Billy give the "dog ate my homework" excuses.

Teacher: Why on earth do you let your dog eat your homework?

Billy: Well, my dog really love to eat cake.

Teacher: And how does this even related?

Billy: Yesterday you said that the homework is a piece of cake....

Two guys and their dogs are walking down the street...

...one's got a german shepherd and the other's got a chihuahua.

They get hungry so the german shepherd guy suggests they grab a bite to eat at the restaurant on the corner, but his friend says, "They won't let us into a restaurant with our dogs!"

"Just follow my lead," says the first guy.

He walks up and the maitre'd says, "What are you, nuts?! You can't come in here with a dog!"

"But it's a seeing eye dog," the guy with the german shepherd explains.

"Oh, excuse me, now I understand. Go right ahead," says the maitre'd.

The next guy walks up and the maitre'd stops him too. "You can't come in here with a dog!"

Following his friend's cue the guy says, "But it's a seeing eye dog!"

The maitre'd looks skeptical and says, "Sir - that's no seeing eye dog. It's just a chihuahua."

The guy jumps back in shock... "WHAT!? They gave me a chihuahua!!?"

You can explore dog eating dog reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dog eating paws dad jokes. There are also dog eating puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Two Scottish nuns

Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replied, "But if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it. "Two dogs, please," said one.

The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their 'dogs'.

The mother superior was first to open hers, stared at it for a moment, then leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, "What part did you get?"

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vender and says

"Make me one with everything."

He then hands the vender a $20 and starts eating his hot dog. After he's done he asks the vender

"Where's my change?"

The vender replies

"Change only comes from within."

I can't take my dog to the park anymore..

Every time we show up, all of the ducks try to eat him... I guess that's what I get for having a pure bread dog..

Inner Strength

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can resist complaints and excessively loud people,

If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs...

If you can do all of these things, then you are probably a dog

Is joke from Latvia. I tell now.

Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son's body. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat.

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United State

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S.

One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.'

The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.

"Which part did you get?"

Two flies are sat on a dog poo. One of them breaks wind, and the other says….

Do you mind! I'm eating!

What Are We Eating?

A can of tuna has a picture of a tuna fish

A pack of Ham has a picture of a pig

Turkey has a picture of a turkey

Egg carton has a picture of a chicken

Beef has a picture of a cow

Dogfood has a picture of a dog


A vacuum salesman knocked on my door this morning

When I opened my door, before I could even talk to him, he dumped a bucket of dog shit on my carpet

He then said if this vacuum cleaner doesn't clean your carpet within 2 minutes, I will personally eat whatever's left of the shit

To which I replied well you better be hungry because my electricity has been cut off since 5am

At a recent job interview I was asked about my background.

I got my phone out and showed him that it was a picture of a dog eating spaghetti.

My grandpa was very competitive...

My grandpa was so competitive with me and would always try to win any game we played. Baseball. Soccer. Even who could eat the most corn dogs.

But I'll never forget his last words to me as he was about to pass away, he look at me wide eyes and with his last breath he said…

… staring contest, go!

I was walking downtown, and I saw a sign advocating veganism, that showed a pig and a dog.

It said, "why love one and eat the other?"

I thought to myself, "that is a good point. I should start eating dogs."

What do you call a dog that eats too much cocaine?

Odie.

What do you call a sad dog that likes to eat fruit?

A melon-collie.

A man had been away from home for 3 days trying to hunt a deer.

Finally, he was able to shoot the largest deer he had ever seen.

He took it home and kept it a surprise from everybody else. He cooked it in the shed so that no one could see what it was.

When he brought the cooked deer to the table, his kids asked what it was.

"It's what your mother calls me," he said with a smile on his face.

The eldest son was repulsed by this statement and shouted, "Nobody eat it! It's a dog!"

I go to the store and buy ten hotdogs, nine burgers, three bags of chips, and six sodas. If I eat nine hot dogs, seven burgers, three bags of chips, and drink five sodas, what do I have?

No self control

Topical Jokes for 6/1

A video has surfaced of Justin Bieber saying the n-word. People are calling it the least offensive Justin Bieber video ever.

In Illinois, a 115-pound-woman won a hot dog eating contest, after she ate 28 hot dogs. The judges then congratulated the 138-pound-woman.

The NSA is reportedly collecting millions of images per day to build a facial-recognition database. The NSA is cataloguing the photos in a massive online database -- it's called Instagram.

Hot Dog

A foreign tourist was taking a walk around New York, but was getting very hungry and had only 2 dollars on him . Then, he saw a hot dog stand with a sign "Hot Dog - 2$". Unable to understand what's the meaning of "hot dog", he took out the dictionary. After a brief moment, he looked up in confusion and thought: "If there is nothing to eat, I will eat the damn dog."

He ordered and got a long piece of bread with sausage in between it. He looked straight at the salesman eyes in frustration and asked: "From a whole dog, all I get is the dog's d\*ck?"

A mailman walks up to a house...

He sees a pig with a wooden leg. When the owner answers the door, the mailman asks why the pig has a wooden leg.

"Well, you see, that pig is a life-saver."

"That doesn't explain why he has a wooden leg."

"A couple nights ago, our house caught on fire. That pig dragged every one out of the house- even the dog."

"Okay, but that still doesn't explain the leg."

"Well, with a pig that great, you can't eat him all at once!"

A dog gets left in a forest by its owners. A tiger spots it, and thinks to itself: "What is that? It looks delicious." The dog catches wind of it though, and in a bit of quick thinking, it stands in front of a pile of bones, and shouts: "Mmmm, tiger meat is the best! I gotta hunt for more!"

The tiger kills and eats the dog, because it doesn't know dog language.

An American brings a Chinese Man to a hotdog stand.

The American orders a hotdog and assures the Chinese Man that the food here is very good.

When the hotdog is finished cooking and served, the Chinese Man begins to look pale.

The American asks, What's wrong?

The Chinese Man replies, When we eat dogs, we typically remove this part of the body.

What do you call a dog that doesn't eat meat?

A vegiterrier!

Why are dogs terrible students?

They always eat their homework

This is something my dad told me.

A man was going to meet his girlfriend's dad, when they started eating dinner his stomach started to hurt and he let a little fart out, no one noticed so he was like neat then he let a little more out, then the dad shouted Rover! , the man snickered and thought they think it's the dog farting so he farted again so the dad shouted Rover! then the man thought again man this is so cool so he did it again but a bit more, then the dad shouted a final time Rover get over here before that man shits on you!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dog eating civets jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dog eating pit bull piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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