Dog Eating Jokes
144 dog eating jokes and hilarious dog eating puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dog eating that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dog Eating Short Jokes
Short dog eating jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dog eating humour may include short dog sitting jokes also.
- I told my girlfriend that if she wanted her Hersheys bar she had to bark like a dog After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasn't good for dogs.
- My daughter really wants a dog this Christmas I am open for new ideas but we normally eat turkey.
- I can't take my dog to the park anymore.. Every time we show up, all of the ducks try to eat him... I guess that's what I get for having a pure bread dog..
- At a recent job interview I was asked about my background. I got my phone out and showed him that it was a picture of a dog eating spaghetti.
- When people are scared of my dogs I tell them... "They eat kibble not people"
And when they relax I add:
"But that's because I ran out of neighbors"
(I actually say that) - Me: I reckon if we got a dog we should call it Noodles. Wife: That's silly, we eat noodles.
Me: If this recession gets bad enough, yes, we would. - Depression... Me: Depression is the worst. I just want to sleep all day, I've been eating the same thing for every meal, life has lost its color—
My dog: oh my God, I have depression - Did you hear about the overweight introvert who thought he had won the hot dog eating contest? Turns out he was just a bit shy.
- My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice. She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
- Did you hear about the guy who had a dog named minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks? Bad minton
Share These Dog Eating Jokes With Friends
Dog Eating One Liners
Which dog eating one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dog eating? I can suggest the ones about dog food and dog chewing.
- My child doesn't eat meat, what to substitute it with? A dog, dogs eat meat
- Why are Chinese kids so good at math? Because their dog doesn't eat their homework
- Why are Asians so good at Math? Their dogs can't eat their homework.
- What do you call a sad dog that likes to eat fruit? A melon-collie.
- What do you call a dog that doesn't eat meat? A vegiterrier!
- Why are dogs terrible students? They always eat their homework
- My dog is vegan. She eats meat, that's just her name.
- What did the Leopard say after eating a chili dog? That hit the spot.
- What do Greek dogs eat? Barklava
- If you are what you eat, then my dog is a calculator.
- If my dog doesn't like you I'm not eating you either.
- Did you know that dogs actually love chocolate? After they eat it, they're in heaven!
- "We're eating dinner soon. Don't fill up on homework" ~ Dog's mother.
- What do you call a dog who likes to eat at subway? A sub-woofer!!
- What does Shakespeare's dog eat? Iambs!
Hilarious Dog Eating Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about dog eating you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog biting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dog eating pranks.
Two nuns from Ireland come to tour New York City.
Before they come, they hear that Americans eat dogs, so they both agree to try it when they arrive. As they're walking around New York, they hear, "Hot Dogs! Get your hot dogs!" They rush over to get one! As the first nun opens hers, her face turns white and she gasps, "What part did you get?!"
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
You own a homemade fur coat.
The people on j**... Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
Bears do not eat bears.
Tigers do not eat tigers.
Dogs do not eat dogs.
Cats stopped eating kebabs.
Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart.
"Two dogs, please," she says.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.
Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
One of them opens the foil and begins to blush.
Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
Chuck Norris was hungry so he went to eat a hotdog.
When he saw it giggled and said: "What a bad luck! Look what a part of a dog I've to eat!"
"What are you eating and how can I help?"
-Dogs
two men were walking thier dogs...
Two men, tom and bob were walking their dogs when they smell a delicious scent. "You smell that?" tom asked. Bob replied, "the heck I do, let's find where it's coming from! . After 5 minutes of searching, the scent led them to a restaurant. Tom said "let's get something to eat!" they both were hungry but bob reminded him that they couldn't enter with their dogs! so tom said "it's cool, follow my lead!" he puts on shades and is stopped at the door "no dogs allowed sir!" tom insisted "oh it's my seeing eye dog let me in" "it is? But that's a dachshund !"
"Yes they're using them now because of their amazing sense of smell"
"Very well come in." bob puts on shades and also stopped before entering
"No dogs allowed sir!" the waiter heckled.
"Oh please forgive me, it's my seeing eye dog" bob apologized.
"A chihuahua?!!!" the waiter shouted
"what??? THEY GAVE ME A CHIHUAHUA!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
A construction worker and his dog
A construction worker brings his dog to work every day, and at noon tucks a 5 dollar bill under the dog's collar. The dog t**... off to the local bar, where the bartender takes the fiver and gives the dog a sandwich in a paper bag which the dog brings back to the work site for his owner.
One day, the man only has a 20, but figures that the bartender will be honest. An hour goes by, and he stomps angrily over to the bar where he confronts his dog who is sitting on a stool drinking a beer and eating a sandwich.
"I never had change before" says the dog.
What do you call a dog that eats an entire bottle of paste? (compliments of u/wizang)
A shitzglu
Duke!!
A new boyfriend is having dinner at his new girlfriends house. He walks in shakes hands with everybody, and then they sit down and begin eating. A few minutes into the meal, the boyfriend realizes that he really needs to f**..., really badly. He quickly glances around, and notices the family's dog, Duke, is sitting right next to him. He takes advantage of his good fortune, and quickly let's out his f**.... Everyone at the table stops eating, looks up, and says, "Duke!" Relieved, the boyfriend begins eating again.
Several minutes later, the boyfriend realizes that he has to f**... again. Luckily, Duke is still by his side, so he once again quickly let's his f**... go. "Duke!" the family cries once again. The boyfriend is now very pleased with himself that he is blaming Duke for the farts, and not getting blamed himself.
Several minutes pass, and once again, the boyfriend decides that he needs to let one rip. The boyfriend once again releases his f**..., and in reply the family shouts, "Duke, get away from him before he craps on you!"
Two Irish nuns are on a boat to the US...
Two Irish nuns are on a boat to the US, when the first nun says, "You know, I've heard they eat dogs in America."
"I've heard the same thing," says the second.
After some discussion, the two nuns decide that they will try some dog in order to start immersing themselves in American cultural customs.
When they get off the boat, they find their way to a hot dog stand on the corner, ask for two dogs, and sit down to eat this new food.
The first nun unwraps her tinfoil and blushes a deep red.
"What is it?!" asks the second nun.
The first nun asks, "What part did you get?"
Two guys and their dogs are walking down the street...
...one's got a german shepherd and the other's got a chihuahua.
They get hungry so the german shepherd guy suggests they grab a bite to eat at the restaurant on the corner, but his friend says, "They won't let us into a restaurant with our dogs!"
"Just follow my lead," says the first guy.
He walks up and the maitre'd says, "What are you, nuts?! You can't come in here with a dog!"
"But it's a seeing eye dog," the guy with the german shepherd explains.
"Oh, excuse me, now I understand. Go right ahead," says the maitre'd.
The next guy walks up and the maitre'd stops him too. "You can't come in here with a dog!"
Following his friend's cue the guy says, "But it's a seeing eye dog!"
The maitre'd looks skeptical and says, "Sir - that's no seeing eye dog. It's just a chihuahua."
The guy jumps back in shock... "WHAT!? They gave me a chihuahua!!?"
My uncle invented this one today.
What is the best part of a dog eating peanut butter?
He has no hands to pick the p**... out.
Three brothers eating soup
A mom has three sons and she's making them soup, While she's not looking a cupboard above the stove opens and a box of beebee's falls in the soup. She keeps cooking, serves them lunch and they go back outside to play. Ten minutes later the first boy comes in and says 'Mommy I was peeing and a beebee came out.' She doesn't believe him and he goes back out to play. Ten minutes later the second boy comes in and says 'Mommy I was peeing and a beebee came out.' She doesn't believe him and he goes back out to play. Ten minutes later, the oldest boy comes in and the mom says 'Let me guess, you were taking a pee and a beebee came out?' He says 'No, I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.'
A mailman walks up to a house...
He sees a pig with a wooden leg. When the owner answers the door, the mailman asks why the pig has a wooden leg.
"Well, you see, that pig is a life-saver."
"That doesn't explain why he has a wooden leg."
"A couple nights ago, our house caught on fire. That pig dragged every one out of the house- even the dog."
"Okay, but that still doesn't explain the leg."
"Well, with a pig that great, you can't eat him all at once!"
Topical Jokes for 6/1
A video has surfaced of Justin Bieber saying the n-word. People are calling it the least offensive Justin Bieber video ever.
In Illinois, a 115-pound-woman won a hot dog eating contest, after she ate 28 hot dogs. The judges then congratulated the 138-pound-woman.
The NSA is reportedly collecting millions of images per day to build a f**...-recognition database. The NSA is cataloguing the photos in a massive online database -- it's called Instagram.
If you are what you eat...
then I guess all women only eat female dogs.
I was walking downtown, and I saw a sign advocating veganism, that showed a pig and a dog.
It said, "why love one and eat the other?"
I thought to myself, "that is a good point. I should start eating dogs."
Have you guys heard the joke about Helen Keller eating a hot dog?
It's okay, she never heard it either
Imagine being n**... in a room full of people and everyone wants to eat you...
This is the life of a chinese dog.
The Chinese man and the hotdog
A man from china comes to america to visit his friend. He is very new to american culture , so he asked his american friend "What is one of the bests foods america is known for?". The american immediately drives to the nearest 711 and shows the Chinese man all the hot dogs. He then proceeds to buy one and eats it. After finishing, he then turns to the american man and says "Wow , that's funny how back in china we eat all of the dog , and throw away the part you guys eat!".
What do you call a depressed dog eating honeydew ?
A meloncollie
What do you call a zombie eating a dog?
Asian zombie
Two Scottish nuns
Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replied, "But if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it. "Two dogs, please," said one.
The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their 'dogs'.
The mother superior was first to open hers, stared at it for a moment, then leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, "What part did you get?"
Dog for sale
Eats everything. Loves kids.
Why did the dog eat the salad?
For ruffage.
My friend's dog eats anything and everything.
She told me that he was a bottomless Pit...I dunno. He looks more like a Boxer to me.
A talented artist sculpts a dog out of melons.
After it looks perfect, he takes a picture of it, then starts eating it. He is suddenly very sad.
He was full of *melon-collie*.
How do you eat the Flesh Hounds?
WH40K Humor: I don't know about you, but I prefer my Khorne Dogs with ketchup.
What bone will a dog never eat
a t**...
Daddy, did you ever eat cat food when you were little?
"Yeah, but it didn't taste very good." She smiled and nodded, "I know, it taste like dog food."
*A recent conversation I had with my daughter*
Somebody told me a story of a homeless man who had to eat his dog,
I guess his life was pretty Ruff
What happens to Pastors who eat chili dogs?
They have to sit in their own pew.
What do you call the UN translator who quit his job to pursue his dream of becoming a hot dog eating champion?
A cunning linguist who became a professional masticator.
My son won't eat his dinner
Which is confusing, because he told me he loved that dog.
When did h**... let his dog eat his homework?
When it was Jew.
Why did the boy eat his homework?
His dog died.
Can the dogs from China communicate with the dogs from America?
No, because they eat dogs in China
A kid asks for a dog for Christmas.
His mom says "No, we're eating a turkey like always."
Hot dogs
Two foreigners arrive in America for the first time, in New York City. They step out into the city and see a hot dog stand. One says to the other "wow - they eat dogs in America? Well I guess we should give it a try". They each get a hot dog and sit down to eat. After a minute of just staring at his hot dog, one turns to the other and says "hey... what part did you get?".
Each culture has its own unique cuisine.
Chinese eat their dogs and Africans eat their dawgs.
United States
Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"
It's a dog eat dog world out there.
The chocolate lab is the most delicious, yet poisonous of all breeds
In a dog eat dog world...
The chocolate lab is both the most delicious, and the most deadly.
Old joke from when my dad was a kid
My dad told me that when he was a kid in Romania (late 1960's). The old people in the town told him that if you take meat and rub it against the school at night that dogs would come and eat the school and there would be no school the next day.
Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United State
Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S.
One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.'
The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"
I was stopped by a Korean p**... in the park last night. She smiled and said, "I'll eat you for breakfast, you handsome thing."
I still don't know whether she was talking to me or my dog.
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vender and says
"Make me one with everything."
He then hands the vender a $20 and starts eating his hot dog. After he's done he asks the vender
"Where's my change?"
The vender replies
"Change only comes from within."
Why do Asians never put "grass fed" on their meat products...
Because cats and dogs don't eat grass.
I was told this by my S/O 4yr old as she was eating on the floor
Her: What do you call a dog with no ears?
Me: What?
Her: What do you call a dog with no ears?
Me: What?...
Had me cracking up
What kind of dog only eats tapas?
Espanol.
A guy is hungry and is looking for something to eat.
He approaches a hot dog stand and asks, 'how much is a hot dog?'
'$3 for one and 3 for $10', replied the hotdog vendor
Surprised by this rate, he ponders a bit and says, 'In that case, I'll have one' and pays $3. Then he proceeds to order another one and pays $3 and then another one till he has three hot dogs and quips, 'You see, people like you will never succeed in any business. I just bought 3 hotdogs for $9'.
'Yeah, but... I just sold 3 hotdogs!'
A Buddhist monk orders a hot dog
A Buddhist monk orders a hot dog and gives the vendor a 20 dollar bill. After eating the hot dog he is still waiting and asks the vendor for his change. The vendor replied, "Change only comes from within."
A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.
A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all," the woman replied.
The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.
What do sled dogs eat?
Mush
Is joke from Latvia. I tell now.
Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son's body. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat.
A man was eating a hotdog...
A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Immediately the little dog began to bark at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all." the woman replied.
The man picked up the dog and tossed him over a wall.
The Dog Pound
Three dogs were in a cage at the city pound: A Pit Bull, a German Shepherd and a Great Dane. The Pit Bull told the others "I was eating my dinner and my owner's two year old niece tried to grab my food, so I ripped out her t**.... Now they are going to put me to sleep."
The German Shepherd said "I chewed up my master' shoes yesterday and now they are going to put me to sleep."
The Great Dane said "My master is a beautiful twenty two year old woman. The other day she came out of the shower and bent over in front of me, so I mounted her and did my thing."
"So are you in here to be put to sleep too?" asked the others.
"No, I'm here to have my nails clipped!"
Why do Americans make fun of Asians for eating dogs?
I mean they love eating dogs too..
What do you call a dog that eats too much c**...?
Odie.
What do you call a dog that only eats seaweed?
A kelpie
Inner Strength
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can resist complaints and excessively loud people,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs...
If you can do all of these things, then you are probably a dog
My new pet is so s**...... he won't even eat the dog food I give him!
I don't know why I even bother raising children.
If koreans eat dogs, what do l**... eat?
everything...
An American brings a Chinese Man to a hotdog stand.
The American orders a hotdog and assures the Chinese Man that the food here is very good.
When the hotdog is finished cooking and served, the Chinese Man begins to look pale.
The American asks, What's wrong?
The Chinese Man replies, When we eat dogs, we typically remove this part of the body.
I believe in save the best for last.
That's why i eat corn dogs upside down.
A gutsy dog once made a bet with his friends
"I'll be the only dog to eat chocolate and live", the dog proudly said to his friends.
And so he did.
Needless to say, he didn't live to tell the tail.
