The Best 35 Dog Bite Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dog Bite jokes. There are some dog bite bitten jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dog bite rottweiler puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Dog Bite Jokes and Puns

You better not.

I heard this on Christmas day from an elderly, retired preacher.

Two men were watching a dog lick himself. One of the guys said "Man, I sure wish I could do that!"

The other guy said, "You better not- that dog will bite you!"

Two men and a dog sitting out on the porch.

The dog is licking itself.
One man says to the other, "I wish I could do that!" He responds "he'll bite you."

A man is home and sees a gorilla hanging on his backyard tree.

So he naturally picks up the yellow pages and calls the Gorilla Removal services. The professional arrives in less than ten minutes, and gets off his van with a pole, a ladder, a dog, a shotgun and handcuffs. He says "I see it's a male gorilla, so I'm taking the ladder up the tree and poke him with this pole. He's gonna fall, and my dog is trained to bite the crouch, so when the gorilla protects his groins, I handcuff him and bring him back to the wild. Hold this gun, please". The man asks "what do I do with it?", and the guy "If I fall from the tree, shoot the dog".

Does your dog bite?

A man walks in the park and sees a man with a dog sitting on a bench.
"Does your dog bite?", asks the first man.
"No"
The man proceeds to pet the dog, but the dog bites him.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite?!", he says quite angry.
"This is not my dog."

My mom told me this joke, it's from one of the films of 'pink panther'. I've never seen the film though.

Two guys and their dogs are walking down the street...

...one's got a german shepherd and the other's got a chihuahua.

They get hungry so the german shepherd guy suggests they grab a bite to eat at the restaurant on the corner, but his friend says, "They won't let us into a restaurant with our dogs!"

"Just follow my lead," says the first guy.

He walks up and the maitre'd says, "What are you, nuts?! You can't come in here with a dog!"

"But it's a seeing eye dog," the guy with the german shepherd explains.

"Oh, excuse me, now I understand. Go right ahead," says the maitre'd.

The next guy walks up and the maitre'd stops him too. "You can't come in here with a dog!"

Following his friend's cue the guy says, "But it's a seeing eye dog!"

The maitre'd looks skeptical and says, "Sir - that's no seeing eye dog. It's just a chihuahua."

The guy jumps back in shock... "WHAT!? They gave me a chihuahua!!?"


Two rednecks watching a dog lick its balls...

The first redneck says, "I wish I could do that." The second redneck says, "I reckon that dog would bite you."

Does the dog know the proverb?

The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

A guy walks up to another guy with a dog. . .

The man asks, "Does your dog bite?" and the other guy replies, "No, not at all."
So then the guy asks, "Can I pet him?" and the other guy says, "Sure." As the man goes to pet the dog, it bites him viciously. The guy complains, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" which the other person replies, "That isn't my dog."

Sorry if bad format. Heard this joke while at the airport.

Steve and John are watching the football when Johns dog starts licking its nuts. Steve says "i wish I could do that"

To which John replies "probably best to pat him first or he might bite ya"

In Transylvania. We go hunting for bear!

Father tells son:

Son! We go hunting for bear! Bring the dog, rope and the gun.

So the boy asks: Why we need the dog and the rope?

Because, when we go hunting for bear. The bear will be up on the tree. I climb up, shake the bear down. When the bear falls the dog will bite his nutz so you can rope the bear!

But then why we need the gun?

Because if the bear shakes me down, you have to shoot the dog!

A Londoner is walking his dog...

...When he passes a policeman. As he walks past, the dog leaps up and bites the copper's hat off, and tears it to pieces.

"Oi!" the policeman says, "You gonna let your dog get away with that?!"

"Ah, he's just a bleedin' dog! Leave it out!" the Londoner replies.

"I don't like your attitude!" the policeman says.

"It wasn't my 'at he chewed, it was YOUR 'at he chewed!"

You can explore dog bite dog reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dog bite doberman dad jokes. There are also dog bite puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Dog at the bar

A man's sitting next to a dog at the bar
Woman walks in, "Is your dog friendly? I'm a dog lover, can I pet him?"
Man replies "sure"
Dog proceeds to bite woman
Irate woman to the man, "I thought you said your dog was friendly! "
Man replies, "That aint my dog"

The husband gets a love bite on his neck from his secretary

He goes home quite worried, but suddenly gets a brainwave! Upon reaching his house, he allows his pet dog to jump on him and shouts:

"Honey, our dog bit my neck!"

The wife removes her bra and says:

"See what he did to me!"

Why did the Alaskan man name his dog Frost?

Because Frost bites.

I can't take my dog to the park anymore. The ducks keep biting him.

I should have known this would happen. He's pure bread...

A married couple were walking through a garden

when suddenly a dog ran towards them.

They both knew it will bite them..

The husband lifted his wife to let the dog bite him rather than his sweetheart.

The dog stopped before them, unsure what to do, barked a little and ran away.

The husband put his wife down, expecting a hug and a few kind words of gratitude from her.

But his wife shouted, I've seen people throwing stones & sticks at dogs, this is the first time I see someone trying to throw his wife at a dog

Moral : No one else can misunderstand a Husband better than a Wife

Two homeless men...

were sitting under a bridge watching a dog lick its crotch.

One of the men said, "I wish I could do that!"
To which the other replied, "Oh no you don't! He took a bite outta my arm the last time I tried!"

I had to stop taking my dog to the park, because the ducks kept biting him.

Should have known this would happen. He's pure bread.

A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all on the run from the cops...

They find an abandoned potato factory and each hide in a huge brown sack. The cops arrive and kick the first sack. The redhead yells, "Woof! Woof"! to imitate a dog. The captain says, "Leave it be! We don't need some dog out here biting our ankles". A cop kicks the second sack, and the brunette says, "Meow!" The captain says, "Leave it be! I don't want some cat out here scratching our faces". A cop kicks the last sack, and the blonde says, "Potatoes!"


Two men are sitting on the steps of a country store

As they sit, a dog approaches and begins to lick its crotch.

The first man looks to the other and says I wish I could do that.

The other man looks at him and says yeah, but that dog will bite you.

I wouldn't do that if I were you!

Two rednecks were sitting on a porch.
A dog walks up on the front lawn and takes a seat. It starts to lick himself. The one readneck looks to other and says, "man, I sure wish I could do that"
The other redneck says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you..that dog will bite you"

Spider bite created Spiderman. What would a dog's bite create?

Doberman.

The most loyal, kind and noble of all dog breeds is the hot dog...

He's the only one who feeds the hand that bites him

What do you do if your Islamic dog bites you?

Muslim

Two Irishmen are walking along the beach and they see a dog turned around licking himself.

One of the Irishmen says, Don't ya wish you could do that?

And the other says, Sure, but I'd be afraid he'd bite me!

My dog has to wear this cone till he heals from surgery. It helps with the biting, but the barking?

He sounds like a sub-whoofer.

What do you do if an Islamic dog bites you?

Musl-im

Two guys walking down the street spot a dog licking his privates...

"I wish I could do that," one says.

"Don't," the other replies. "The dog would bite you."

Does your dog bite?

Man walking in a park, sees a woman sitting on a bench with a dog at her feet. He walks up to her...
Man: *Does your dog bite?*
Woman: *No*
Man goes and pets the dog, then...
*OUCH!!! I thought you said your dog didn't bite!!!*
Woman: *That's not my dog.*

A man and his new guard dog

A guy and his dog walk into a bar. The guy orders a beer and the dog flops down on the floor and immediately starts licking its butt. "This is my new attack dog," the guy tells the bartender. "He's very dangerous." The bartender looks at the dog that is still flopped down, panting, licking. "He doesn't look too scary from here, he's more interested in his butt." "Oh, don't mind that," the guy replies. "He just got done biting my lawyer. He's still trying to get the taste out of his mouth."

"Excuse me sir, does your dog bite?"

"Naw, he never bites. He's very sweet."

"Aw, who's a good boy? Who's ... OW! UGH, SHIT! I'm BLEEDING! YOU SAID YOUR DOG NEVER BITES!!"

"That ain't my dog."

A man asks his neighbour if it's ok to pet his dog

Yea he's a sweetheart, never bit a soul in his life, of course you can! Says the neighbour

The man pats the dog and the dog bites his hand

I thought you said your dog is a sweetheart and doesn't bite! Exclaims the man

The neighbour looks at him shrugging and says
Yes, but that's not my dog

Two country men are sitting on the front porch with the dog

The dog starts licking himself between the legs and one man says Hey look at that, I wish I could do that

The other man says That dog would BITE you!

Ever had to force your dog into taking their medication?

It's the worst, right? You try to cover it with peanut butter, even then they know you're up to something. So it gets kinda physical, have to get in there with both hands and hold them open and push it in with your finger, hoping they don't bite you. Turns into a wrestling match, sometimes. But as it turns out, the trick was we were just using the wrong peanut butter. Ever since we switched to creamy, those suppositories just pop right in.

[Long] A redneck was walking with its dog...

A redneck was walking with his dog, when another dog starts to pick a fight with the redneck's dog, the redneck's dog with just one bite kills the other dog.

A lot of people get scared, cause there's a lot of blood and carnage, them a guy asks the redneck "What is your dog's breed?"

To wich the Redneck responds "Before we cut the tail it was a gator"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dog bite rabid dog jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dog bite bites piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes