Dog Bark Jokes
141 dog bark jokes and hilarious dog bark puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dog bark that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dog Bark Short Jokes
Short dog bark jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dog bark humour may include short bark jokes also.
- I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
- I told my girlfriend that if she wanted her Hersheys bar she had to bark like a dog After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasn't good for dogs.
- My wife thinks the dog can talk to her and that every bark is a word. My family asked what it was like and I said: It's rough
- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog because he shuts up after you let him in.
- Animals can sense disasters before they happen. That's why the neighbors dog barks whenever I make a move on a girl.
- Q: If your dog was barking on the front door and your wife knocking on the back door, who should you let in first? A: The dog, because at least it would shut up once it got in.
- My friend had a dog... My friend had a dog that could only bark below 100hz. It was a sub woofer
- Your wife is locked out at the front door yelling at you and your dog is barking at the back door to be let in. Which do you let in first? Your dog, because it'll stop barking once you let it in.
- My dog swallowed my engagement ring last night, but luckily coughed it out when he barked. There was a diamond in the ruff.
- I need to re-home a dog I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot.
If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
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Dog Bark One Liners
Which dog bark one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dog bark? I can suggest the ones about barking dog and dog woof.
- I have a pet tree... It's like having a pet dog but the bark is much quieter.
- How does a dog camouflage itself in the forest? It barks.
My 4 yo made this up. - How do dogs always know who is barking? They have collar ID
- Trees are like dogs Some shed and some don't. Others just bark
- What does an Icelandic dogs bark sound like? Björk
- How many times a day does a dog bark? About 100, but that's just a ruff estimate.
- Why do dogs always bark when they hear a doorbell? It's almost never for them.
- I have a pet tree It's not as good as a pet dog but the bark is quieter.
- My dog has no sense of humor Every time I say knock knock he just starts barking.
- A wise chinese guy once said: If a dog barks- It's undercooked.
- What do you call a barking dog in a submarine? A sub-woofer!
- What did they call the dog that only barked in deep, gutteral borks? Subwoofer
- What dog can't bark? A hot dog.
- My dog was arrested today! He had unpaid barking tickets.
- What did the dog say when it ran into a tree Bark
Dog Bark Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about dog bark you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog smell jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dog bark pranks.
Chuck Norris can make a dog bark the alphabet, in spanish, backwards.
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in.
Which one do you let in?
The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!
I have got a new dog.
We have trained together for two months and imagine, after these two months I was able to reach him my paw and managed even barking around on command.
My dog can be proud of myself.
The dogs bark but the caravan moves on.
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!
If a dog was a computer, would its bark be bigger than its byte?
Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...
The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.
After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and kicks the first potatoe's bag, with the asian girl inside...
The asian girl, quickly respond the kick with barking noises: ruff ruff
"Oh... These are just a few dogs!", says the cop.
He then approaches to the second potatoe's bag, with the redhead inside, and kicks it as well.
"Meow... Meow", the redhead answers.
"Oh... These are just a few cats!", says the cop.
Finally, he gets close to the third potatoe's bag, with the blondie inside, and kicks it too.
The voice inside the bags respond:
"Potatoes".
Another classic Dutch Bakerjoke
* A dog walks into a bakery
* Baker: How can I help you?
* Dog: Woof!
* Baker: Anything else?
* Dog: Bark!
* Baker: That'll be 12 Euro's. Do you want a receipt?
* Dog: No.
I heard that my upstairs neighbor was a vet, so I brought him my dog for a well visit.
Turns out he was a Vietnam vet, and he ended up strangling the dog after it started to bark at him.
Dog or Wife?
Your Wife is shouting at you to open the front door, and your dog is barking at the back door. Which one do you let in?
Well you can choose, but if you let the dog in at least they will stop barking.
The intelligent dog
Roxy, a large black Labrador, was sitting up in his seat at the movies, wagging his tail, growling at the villain and barking excitedly at the hero's escapades. The woman in the seat behind him was intrigued.
Excuse me, she said, tapping Roxy's owner on the shoulder, that dog is extraordinary. I've never seen anything like it!
Yes, he's surprised me, too, said the owner. He hated the book.
A business was looking for office help and puts a sign on the window
The sign reads: "HELP WANTED: We are an equal opportunity employer looking for someone good with computers, Word, Excel and is bilingual"
One day a dog walks up, sees the sign and goes inside. He looks at the receptionist, looks back at the sign and barks.
Figuring out what the dog came here for, the receptionist gets the office manager, who looks at the dog surprised. However, the dog looked so confident that the manager leads him into the office, where the dog jumps on a chair and looks at the manager. The manager sits down, looks back at the dog and says "I can't hire you, the sign says that you have to be able to use a computer and Word."
The dog jumps down, walks to a computer and begins to create a word document, drafting a letter for the manager. Caught off guard but unconvinced, the manager says "The sign also says you have to be good with excel."
The dog then goes on to create a perfect spreadsheet that works flawlessly the first time.
Dumb-founded, the manager looks at the dog and says "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog with some interesting abilities. However, I still can't hire you."
The dog jumps down and walks over to a copy of the sign, putting his paw on the phrase "Equal Opportunity Employer".
The manager says "Yes, we are an equal opportunity employer. However, the sign also says you need to be bilingual." The dog looks at the manager confidently and says, "Meow."
out the door
Q: if your wife was at the front door and your dog was barking at the back door which one will you let in first
a: your dog cause if you let him in first atleast he will shut up once he gets in :3
Im on Drugs ?
Tommy is walking out of customs from his trip back from Amsterdam .
He's stopped by a policeman and his sniffer Dog Rufus
*Bark Bark
Officer : Excuse me sir Rufus here is telling me you're on Drugs
Tommy : Im on Drugs ? you're the one talking to a Dog !
Ukrainian dog in Russia.
The dog runs from Ukraine to Russia across the boarder. People asks: "Why are you running?" The dog replies: "Life in Ukraine is hard, I decided to go live in Russia." A week later, the dog, with the eyes bulging, runs back to Ukraine. "Why are you coming back?" "They didn't allow me even to bark there!"
Mexican, American, Polish and a Russian dog...
Four dogs -- Mexican, American, Polish, Russian -- are discussing their lives. The Mexican dog says, "the servants used to leave meat out for me, but now I have to bark for it." The American dog says, "you have servants in Mexico?" The Polish dog says, "they feed you meat?" The Russian dog says, "they let you bark?"
The Chinese and the dog
A Chinese man, coming home from a long day of work, is walking on the sidewalk. All of a sudden, a stray dog jumps out of the bushes and barks at the man. The Chinese man, appreciating a good laugh, barks back at the dog for fun. The dog stops barking and stands up on his hind legs. The dog , deeply offended, says, "That's very rude. How would you like it if I said Ching Chang Chong?"
I have an autistic nephew...
and I'm starting to think my dog is autistic as well because she also barks at the vacuum.
The magic Dog
A man goes to a casting show for talents with his dog.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I present: Gizmo the magic dog! I ask him a question and he answers it correct!"
The jury laughed, but he asked:"Gizmo, what is on top of this house?"
"Roof! Roof!", Gizmo said. The audience went quiet.
"Gizmo, what can sink ships?"
"Reef! Reef!", the dog said. One from the jury asked:"Is this a joke? This dog is just barking!"
"Wait! One last question! Gizmo, name one famous composer!"
"Orff! Orff!", Gizmo said.
Man and dog were thrown out of the building. On the street, Gizmo looked up to his owner and said:"I know, Frank. I should have said Mozart..."
The police knocked on my door the other night...
...and informed me that they were there to take my dog away. Apparently there had been complaints that he was chasing down and barking at my neighbors' son on his bike.
I happen to know, however, that my dog doesn't ride a bike.
A blind man decided to kill himself...
Q: When the blind man decided to kill himself by jumping off of the Empire State Building, how did he know when he was just about to hit the ground?
A: The dog quit barking.
A Cop and His Trained Dog Stop me on a Sidewalk
The dog sniffs around me for a bit and barks to the officer.
The officer walks up to me and says, "Where are the drugs? The dog says he could smell them off you."
I reply, "Drugs? What drugs? You're the one talking to dogs."
AT THE DOOR
Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog -- at least he'll quiet down after you let him in.
A man went to the vet for advice to curb his racist dog that kept barking at his Asian neighbour.
"Muzzle him" the vet advised.
The man paused, and exclaimed, "could be, he does have a big beard"
Yelling at a dog to stop barking doesn't work.
The dog probably just thinks,
Awesome, now we're both barking
My dog is like Tumblr.
They bark and whine whenever they feel threatened and oppressed, even though they weren't oppressed in the first place.
A wise chinese guy once said to me
"if the dog barks, it's undercooked"
- Some wise chinese guy
My neighbors dog barks unbelievably loud...
... so I asked him to train his dog to bark at a more believable level.
A blonde and her husband
A blonde and her husband are sleeping when the neighbor's dog starts barking and wakes them up. The blonde sighs, shakes her fist and says 'Wait until you see what I'm going to do to those neighbors!'
She runs out of the house and five minutes later she comes back with a smile on her face. The husband asks 'So, what did you do?'
The blonde says 'Well, I took the dog from their yard and I put it in our yard to see how they like it having the neighbor's dog barking all night.'
A dog comes back to life
His owner says: "how's it been"
The dog says "bark"
Dogs can't talk
My dog understands several human words...
Yet i dont understand anything my dog barks.
He may be smarter than me.
What is the difference between a pet dog and a pet tree?
The bark is much quieter and throwing a stick for it to Chase is seriously messed up
Hey kids! What's some dogs favorite movie?
"Bark to the Future"......, I say "some dogs" for legal reasons.
You are in the kitchen. Which one do you let in first?
On one side of the house outside is the dog barking to be let in, and on the other side is your wife who lost her keys screaming to be let in. Which one do you let in first, and why?
The dog - because at least he will shut up as soon as you let him in
A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.
A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all," the woman replied.
The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.
Bob didn't believe that Fred's dog could talk
So Fred asked his dog, What's on top of a house?
Roof, the dog barked.
Bob wasn't convinced. So Fred asked the dog how sandpaper feels.
Rough.
He still wasn't convinced.
O.K., who was the greatest baseball player of all time? Fred asked the dog.
Ruth.
With that, Bob walked away, shaking his head in disbelief. The dog turned to Fred and asked: Was it Hank Aaron?
What's my dog's favourite part of the tree?
The bark.
What's my bank's favourite part of the tree?
The branches.
What's my elephant's favourite part of the tree?
The trunk.
What's my father's favourite part of the tree?
The leaves :(
I've written a poem about the sounds made by dogs...
It can only be read if you scan it first.
It's a bark ode.
If you have your wife b**... at one door, and your dog barking at the other, which do you let in first and why?
The dog, because after you let him in, he stops whining.
Why is there a dog in the courtroom?
How else is he supposed to contest all those unpaid barking tickets, idiot?
Who is my dog's favorite president?
Bark Obam—
NO. THAT IS NOT EVEN A PRESIDENT, STEVE. MY FAVORITE IS ABRAHAM LINCOLN. TELL THEM.
But then it won't be funny.
STEVE.
...my dog's favorite president is Abraham Lincoln.
A man was eating a hotdog...
A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Immediately the little dog began to bark at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all." the woman replied.
The man picked up the dog and tossed him over a wall.
You know the honeymoon's over when...
your dog brings your slippers...and your wife barks at you.
What do you do with your dog when she just won't stop barking?
You put her in a barking lot.
Why do dogs always bark when someone ring the doorbell?
No, seriously. It's almost never for them.
I went and got a dog the other day, and it was so much easier than I thought.
They just had to scan the bark-code.
Why did everyone in the army hate the dog that was a General ?
Because he kept barking orders
An American dog, Polish dog and a Russian dog were discussing things so the American dog tells them that if you bark long enough, people will give you meat. The Polish dog asks "what's meat?"
The Russian dog asked "what's bark...??!!"
This farmer was telling me about how brilliant his sheepdog was at maths,
"Watch this," he said. "Shep, what's seven plus two, "
And the dog barked ten times.
"OK, Shep, what's fifteen plus four. "
And the dog barked twenty times.
"He's very good, " I replied, but he's a little over. "
"Yeah, " answered the farmer, "old habits die hard, he's just rounding them up. "
Did you hear the one about the dog who ate a bunch of garlic?
His bark was worse than his bite
An english man, an irish man and a scottish man are running away from the police.
An english man, an irish man and a scottish man are running away from the police. They find 3 sacks and hide in them. The police man approaches the sacks and kicks the first one. The English man barks like a dog. The police man kicks the next one and the Scottish man screams like a cat. The policeman kicks the next one and the Irish man says "sack of potatoes".
"You never talk to me anymore, you treat me like I'm a dog barking"
"Oh, you were talking? I thought a dog was barking."
A drunk old Irish man told me this one...
A man, a pig and his dog are marooned on a deserted island. After a couple of months in isolation the man becomes lonely and begins getting ideas about the pig. But every time he tries it on with the pig, the dog would start biting his leg and barking at him.
One day the man spots a beautiful woman floating on a raft out in the sea. He swims out as fast as he can and rescues her, and brings her onshore. The woman is overwhelmed with gratitude for him and says
Thank you for saving me, I will do anything you want .
With a cheeky glint in his eye, delighted with this offer, the man eagerly says
Brilliant! You see that dog? Go take him for a feckin walk
Walking your dog
A Korean man walks up to his friends house and sees that his dog is barking profusely and says,
"Do you want me to wok your dog for you?"
Why is it a bad idea to let dogs onboard the ISS?
Because they would keep barking at the vacuum in space
What did the squirrel say to the police dog when it raided its tree house?
...You're barking up the wrong tree.
...Blonde dog!
...Blonde lying in bed with her husband listening to next door neighbours' dog barking for hours and hours every night!
* **blonde:** "I've had enough of this," ....the blonde runs downstairs, finally returns back to bed.
* **husband:** "The dog is still barking. What have you done?"
* **blonde:** "I've put their dog in our yard, now we'll see how they like it!"
Last time I rode the train in London, I taught my dog to play the trumpet.
We went from Barking to Tooting.
(you may need to be British to get this joke but trust me it's amazing)
So, why do dogs love bark?
Tree bark? They don't love tree bark as far as I know. They make a sound called a "bark". That might be what you're thinking of.
Person 1: What do dogs and trees have in common?
Person 2: bark?
Person 1: no, people eat them both in China
If your woman is screaming outside the front door and dog is barking outside the back door who do you let in?
The dog. At least it with shut up when it gets in
Bark bark, I'm a dog
Meow meow, I'm a cat
Quack quack, I'm a duck
First first, I'm a YouTube commenter
A man walks into a talent agency with his dog claiming it can talk. The agent says, ok, let's see if this dog is gonna make us rich . The guy says, Fido, what's the top of a house called ? Roof! What's on a tree ? Bark! How does sandpaper feel ? Ruff!
The talent agent tells the man off and kicks him out of his office. As the man and the dog are walking down the street the dog looks up at the man and says, Gee Bob, maybe you should have asked some harder questions .
My dog was barking at the neighbour's dog so I gave her a big stick...
Now she barks softly.
I kidnapped my neighbour's dog.
Let's see how he likes the constant barking.
Your dog is barking at the back door, and your wife is yelling at the front door. Who do you let in?
The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in
Dad jokes meet dog jokes
Do you know why redwood is the favorite tree species of every dog?
It has the thickest bark.
I went to the cinema to watch Harry Potter
...and I was surprised to see a man and his dog there. The dog barked at the exciting bits, growled at the scary bits and whimpered at the sad bits. At the end I approached the owner and said how I had never seen a dog enjoy a film so much and I was amazed. He replied So am I. He hated the book
What do you do if you dog barks too much?
Put him in a barking lot
Why do dogs start barking instead of trying to solve the problem?
Because solving problems are ruff.
TIfu by giving my dog roofies
To help with his barking.