The Best 83 Doesnt Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Doesnt jokes. There are some doesnt wouldnt jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these doesnt spitfire puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Doesnt Jokes and Puns
Whats the difference between a black guy and a snow tire?
A snow tire doesnt sing when you put chains on it.
Why doesnt justin bieber shop at Sports Authority?
Cause he prefers Dicks.
Joke directed insult
A woman walks into the doctors office. She says she wants a child, but doesnt want to have sex. The doctor says ok and asks what kind of child she wants. The woman said she wanted a smart and handsome kid. The doctor then hands her a blue pill.
A few months later, the woman comes back and says she has had a miscarriage but still wants a child. The doctor says ok and asks what kind of kid she wants. The woman said she will have a regular kid this time. The doctor then hands her a red pill.
Even more months later, the woman returns and says shes had a miscarriage but still wants a kid. The doctor says ok and asks what kind of kid she will want. She says since the other ones did not work out she will have a ugly, stupid kid. The doctor says ok and hands her a pill.
*At this point the joke teller asks the victim what color they think the pill is.
*The response will most likely be "I don't know, what?"
*The joke teller then says "I don't know, try asking your mother."
Immaturity at its best.
Why arent There Many jewish gardeners?
Because money doesnt grow on trees
Cheese Jokes
Q:What type of cheese do you use if you need to hide a horse?
A: Mascarpone
Q:What type of cheese do you use to make a Polar Bear come to you?
A:Camembert
Q: What type of cheese is made backwards?
A: Edam
Q:What type of cheese doesnt belong to you?
A: Nacho Cheese
The sons of Superman, Flash and John are chatting...
Superman's sons says, "my dad travels the fastest, he doesnt care about traffic and returns home from work in a matter of minutes."
Flash's son says, "Nah, dude, my dad travels at the speed of light, the moment he finishes work, he's home."
John's sons says, "Please, my dad's shift ends at 5, he's home watching TV at 4:30 already"
Best short jokes?
I need a joke for a meeting we have tomorrow at work but I cant remember any good ones after following this tradition weekly for the last few months.
It must be short with just an opening line and a punchline like this:
**Can a ninja throw a star?**
**Shuriken**
The punchline doesnt have to be one word of course, but it cant be a long joke.
Can anybody remember any good ones?
Two people are walking down the street......
One is a musician. The other doesnt have any money either.
A guest calls the front desk of a hotel:
and says my wife wants to commit suicide by jumping out of the window.
The receptionist: sir, this is a private matter. Please call the cops.
Guest: no. i need a maintenance guy. Your window doesnt open.
A woman went to a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.
Women: "It`s for my husband.
Shopkeeper: "Did he tell you what type should buy?"
Women: "Are you kidding? ,"He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him today!"
What's the difference between a gay guy and a refrigerator?
The fridge doesnt fart when i pull my meat out
You can explore doesnt eugenics reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean doesnt whats dad jokes. There are also doesnt puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Today my girlfriend left me Because I have a Linkin Park obsession...
...But in the end it doesnt even matter...
Your mom and a washing machine...
Whats the difference between your mom and a washing machine??
The washing machine doesnt follow me around for a week after I drop a load in it...
Whats The Diffrence Between A Fridge And A Child
The fridge Doesnt Care If You Stick You're Meat In It
A woman goes to confession, tells the priest she has deviant sexual thoughts...
She says she cant help these sexual thoughts and doesnt know what to do. It has gotten so bad she even stopped wearing panties. The priest says, "ok my child. I want you to do 10 hail marys 5 our fathers and 43 cartwheels."
My friend told me his favourite word was 'many'
It doesnt mean much to me...
I always told my mom shes like a lazy baker
When it comes to deserts, she doesnt knead any
please help laptop problem
I painted my laptop black in hope of it running faster, now it doesnt work at all.
2 scientists walk into a bar
the first one says: IΒ΄ll have a glass of H2O...
the second one says: iΒ΄ll have a glass of water too.... Wh... why did you say H2O ? Is there any reason to use the chemical formular outside the lab ?Doesn`t this just over-complicate things for no reason ? I really donΒ΄t think that was very smart...
the first scientists stares at his drink, angry, that his assassination plan has failed...
My girlfriend is like a unicorn
She doesnt exist
There are certain professions where having experience doesnt account for anything
like being a suicide bomber
What does an older woman have between her breast that a younger one doesnt?
Her belly button.
My dad doesnt trust anyone, in fact he has a saying about it
But he wouldnt tell me
Credits: Anthony Jeselnik
I don't understand why people say that it doesnt work to just "pull out"
Whenever I pull out a gun, people listen right away!
I helped my brother out a few days ago and he said "thanks means a lot"
I said "no it doesnt"
The secret service doesnt yell "get down!" When the president is in danger.
Now they yell "Donald, duck!"
The job market
The only place where being to good at something doesnt get you in
What doesnt get wet when it rains?
The oceans
(The joke is the joke itself.)
Please clap.
Argon walks into a bar
The bartender says
>"Argon your not welcome here GET OUT now"
Argon doesnt react
Three men walk in to a bar. One of them is wearing a hat
Oops!
Your current data plan doesnt cover this feature. Click here to upgrade.
Why does Waldo from the "Where's Waldo" books wear stripes?
Because he doesnt wan't to be spotted
My sex life is like the eclipse.
It doesnt happen often and only lasts a minute or so.
Jim said he masturbates under two conditions:
1. When it rains.
2. When it doesnt rain.
The reason we know time travel doesnt exist
No mysterious investor pooled all their money into Apple when it first started out.
An Irishman and Donald Trump are reading an article about brain transplants
It says you can get you can a brain transplant from a Irish man for β¬5000 cheaper than an american.
Trump says "This proves that America is the greatest country ever and Americans are the smartest people ever"
"No it doesnt" says the Irishman "It just means an Americans Brain hasnt been used as much"
Why doesnt snoop dog ever water his garden?
Cuz he don't love hose
If a tree falls in the forest
And the wife doesnt hear it
Is it still the husbands fault?
me playing some mentally hard games
"welp, this doesnt look like something i can beat and just forget about like i did with my wife..."
Last night we had passover, so this morning I told my wife I have been reflecting and decided I will stop drinking. She was so happy she started crying.
She doesnt realise yet its April 1rst
Why doesnt Sephiroth go outside?
There are too many clouds.
You know whats the difference between a pimple and a pastor?
The pimple doesnt come on your face before youre 13.ο»Ώ
A man marries a women who is a very good cook..
Every time she makes something he says,
"This doesnt taste like how my mom used to make it."
Final after a year of this at every meal she angrily asks, " How did your moms taste??!!"
"Awful" He replies.
I really hate posting in forums when trying to troubleshoot a tech problem
person 1: Having the same problem please fix
person 2: same pls halp
person 3: same someone please find solution
person 4: doesnt work for me either
person 5: yeah please solve
i took a dna test with my black friend.
Turns out im a little black and he's a little white.
My other friend said
"Doesnt matter if you're both midgets."
Trump doesnt like desserts
Really? I dont believe you.
Yes, he doesn't like Macrons, whether you believe me or not its trudeau.
God must be black..
He doesnt have a father
What do you call someone who doesnt drink coffee for caffeine or believe in religion?
A Teaist
On the topic of pleasurable foods, my friend said she likes cucumbers for their "multiple uses." She said she doesnt like pickles. I said...
It's better with some dill dho
A woman opens up a stand near the train station selling apples for 1$
Each day, the same man walks over to the stand, leaves a 1$, but doesnt take any apples. This went on for an entire year, until one day, the man left a dollar and was about to leave but the woman grabbed him by the hand. The man says: "I see you are finally interested why I keep leaving a dollar but not buying any apples well-" The woman cuts him off: "No I am not the least bit interested, apples now cost 2$ instead of one".
What goes down but doesnt go up?
A yo
When I heard of an air fryer that doesnt use any oil I thought there was no way it would actually fry foods
But then I found out it was full of hot air.
People think a clock has 3 hands, it doesnt.
People say there are 3 hands but the 3rd hand is just the second hand.
The only kids drake doesnt want to be around
Are his own
Chuck Norris doesnt sleep.
He waits.
How to get big dong?
Google doesnt work why?
Why doesnt google search what i want?
ALLERGY
After 2 months of dating, i asked my girlfriend why she doesnt go down on me. she told me she had a nut allergy
Why doesnt Thanos use instagram?
He prefers SNAPchat.
Whats black and doesnt work?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist
How many incels does it take to screw a lightbulb?
It doesnt matter how many try, they cant screw anything.
Donald Trump doesnt drink alcohol
unless a russian hooker drank it first
When a cow doesnt produce milk...
is that an udder failure ?
What's black and white? And doesnt give a toss?
A Nun......................
What doesnt kill you makes you strong
Tell that to 37 million people with HIV
A little boy called Harry hangs out at the local shop.
The shop owner doesnt know why, but the other boys tease him. They say hes slow and to prove it they always give him the choice between a 5$ note and a 1$ note. He always takes the 1$ note because he likes the look more. The owner asks him one day why he always takes the 1$ to which he simply responds: If i took the 5$ one they would stop doing it.
My wife doesnt like me greeting people at a funeral
Good mourning.
Little Debbie doesnt have a friend with benefits....
She has a Nutty Buddy
Whilst working out earlier I found a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in
But apparently she doesnt like that, and now I'm banned from my gym.
Whats the difference between your mom and my dishwasher?
My dishwasher doesnt follow me around for two weeks after I put a load in it.
How does a robot identify?
It doesnt its non-binary...well technically it is but...nevermind
Five Important qualities
1. Its important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. Its important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. Its important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesnt lie to you.
4. Its important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. Its very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
Why does Batman wear dark colors?
Because Batman doesnt want to get shot.
Why does Robin wear bright colours?
Because Batman doesnt want to get shot.
Will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?
I just cant see them taking off.
(edit) : why doesnt this joke have any upvotes? I guess it kind of flew under the radar.
I got a job at the zoo circumcising elephants
It doesnt pay much, but the tips are big.
Just because a cannibal is late for dinner...
...Doesnt mean he only deserves a cold shoulder
How do you call an alcoholic that doesnt admit the addiction?
Jack Denials
I bought a new puppy for my son (3)
Now he doesnt have to wait alone in the hot car
Why cant the chef finish making his food?
He doesnt have thyme.
Why doesnt Dracula attack chickens
Because their blood is fowl
(popular indian Joke) Why doesnt china have a cricket team?
They eat bats and don't understand the concept of boundaries..
Why should a banana go to the doctor?
He doesnt peel well.
Whats the difference between a piano, a keyboard and a bottle of glue?
The piano doesnt need electricity, the keyboard does.
I'm cannot stand to live with my flatmate anymore
She doesnt clean the flat, she doesn't cook and she basically just uses me for free rides.
I'm want to move so badly but my boyfriend says "we can't abandon our daughter."
My wife doesnt like that i drink brake fluid, i tell her
I can stop anytime
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the doesnt does jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working doesnt pupperoni piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.