The Best 35 Doctors Prescribe Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Doctors Prescribe jokes. There are some doctors prescribe jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these doctors prescribe puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Doctors Prescribe Jokes and Puns

"Silent farts that don't stink..."

An old woman visits the doctor for a routine check-up.

"Doctor, I have constant gas, but the farts are always silent and they don't stink!"

The doctor prescribes her some pills and sends her on her way.

Two weeks later she returns for a follow-up.

"Doctor, I still have constant silent farts, but now they stink!"

Doctor replies, "Alright, so we have cleared out those sinuses, now for your hearing..."

I was at the doctors office the other day...

So I was at the doctor's office and he decided to prescribe a drug for an illness. But when he reached into his pocket to grab a pen so he could write the prescription, he instead pulled out a thermometer. He looked at it, then turned to me and said "Great, some asshole's got my pen."

A man's in-laws are causing him severe stress....

It's gotten so bad that he's decided to talk to his doctor about the physical pain he's experiencing. The doctor prescribes him some painkillers and sends him on his way.

A few days later, the man comes back complaining that the painkillers aren't working. The doctor ups his dose and sees him out. This process continues until a few weeks later. The man is visibly happier and healthier. The doctor asks him if the painkillers worked.

"Yep! They're finally dead."

My doctor prescribed me medicines for dailysex.

But my girlfriend keeps telling me, its for dyslexia.

A man goes to the Doctor

and tells him he's been having terrible gas, but his farts don't smell and they are always silent, so nobody seems to notice.
The Doctor prescribes him a pill and asks tells him to come back in a week.
The man returns a week later and the Doctor asks if there had been any change in his condition.
Yes! The man says. I still have terrible gas, but now my farts smell horrible!!
Great! Says the Doctor. Now that we have your sinuses cleared up, let's work on your hearing!


My doctor just diagnosed me with very low blood pressure.

He prescribed two IKEA self-assembly wardrobes.

Stop saying no to drugs

You talking to inanimate objects is the reason why your doctor prescribed them to you in the first place.

After some pressure from his family a man who is hard of hearing visits his doctor.

After a lengthy examination, the doctor identifies the problem and prescribes the solution. He takes it and the doctor tells him to come back in a week to check that everything is A-OK.

A week later he revisits. The doc announces, "You're hearing is perfect. Your family must be delighted."

He replies. "Oh, I haven't told them yet, I just sit around the house listening to them. So far I've changed my will three times."

Sick chihuahua

A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They're immediately taken back to a room.

Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor
comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill.

This must be a mistake, the man says. I've been here only 20 minutes!

No mistake, the doctor says. It's $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan and $50 for the medicine.

It's pretty strange, doctors are now prescribing cannabis for arthritis sufferers...

I mean, the definition of arthritis is "inflammation of the joints"

I told my doctor that I got a nasty reaction from applying the haemorrhoid cream he prescribed.

He asked where I had applied it.

I was on the bus.

You can explore doctors prescribe reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean doctors prescribe dad jokes. There are also doctors prescribe puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


At first I was mad when my doctor prescribed me medication that would lower my sex drive, but now ..

No hard feelings.

A man comes to a doctor and says...

β€” Help me, please, I can't fall asleep. Every time I go to bed there are a million thoughts in my head...

β€” I see, β€” replies the doctor, β€” I'll prescribe you a laxative.

β€” Will it help me fall asleep?

β€” Probably not but there sure will be only one thought on your mind.

Doctor please

Doctor: "I'm afraid you're going to have to take one of these pills every day for the rest of your life."

Patient: "But you only prescribed 7 pills!"

Doctor: "Exactly!"

My doctor prescribed me some anti-gloating cream...

Now all I want to do is rub it in.

A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup

Three days later the patient comes for a check up and the doctor asks Well? Are you still coughing?

The patient replies No. I'm afraid to.

A man goes to the doctor for a follow-up on his Deep Vein Thrombosis

Doctor: "So I prescribed you blood thinners last month, have you been taking them?"

Man: "No. I have a great reason why not though"

Doctor: "Aaah! The clot thickens!"

"I'd like to prescribe you a topical ointment for that skin condition," my doctor said.

"Woah, woah, woah, doc," I replied. "Let's not make any rash decisions."

Do you know why doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis?

Because the definition of arthritis is inflammation of the joints


My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.

It's called Enditol.

Obesity runs in my family.

An obese woman goes to the doctor. The doctor prescribes diet and exercise. The woman says, "Doctor, you don't understand. My mother is obese. My father is obese. My sister is obese. My brother is obese. My aunts are obese. Obesity runs in my family. " The doctor replies, "It sounds like nobody runs in your family."

Satan went to the doctor because he felt he wasn't evil enough for the current times….

After his check up the doctor prescribed to him some meta-sin.

Remedy

"Doctor, you prescribed me this strengthening remedy last week."
"Yeah, what about it?"
"I can't open the bottle."

I got jet lag on my last trip to Paris...

The French doctor prescribed me something to keep track of time: Queloratil.

A doctor made a mistake and unknowingly prescribed his patient a powerful laxative instead of cough drops.

At the end of the week the patient comes back for a check-up. The doctor asks him: *So how's it going, Mr. Kowalski? Do you still cough a lot ?*''

The patient, who's been sitting there very rigidly, looks at him with wide eyes, *No. I'm afraid to*.

My doctor prescribed anti-gloating ointment.

I can't wait to rub it in.

Medication

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed To me has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

A Lady walks into a Grocery Store..

A lady went into the grocery and asked for fifty gallons of milk. The clerk, amazed, asked her what she was going to do with that much milk. "I have a skin problem and the Doctor prescribed a milk bath". The clerk asked "Pasteurised?" She replied "No just up to my chin"

A man has serious a Gas Problem.

Then he came to visit a doctor, saying he has a serious problem, but every time he farts there is no noise and Smell.

Then added " i have farted 20 times while talking to you"
Then doctor prescribed some medicine and said to visit him after 2 weeks.

After 2 weeks, he came to visit the doctor, saying that the medicine solved one problem. Everytime he farts, it has a serious bad smell, but still no noise. Your medicine didn't work

Then the doctor said, " medicine did worked it solved your nose problem, now i am prescribing new medicine for your hearing problem"

My doctor prescribed me Adderall to help my concentration and frustration. The only problem is that...

now I'm super concentrated on my frustrations.

So this woman had some heart troubles….

She went to see her doctor who prescribed testosterone.

About a month later she returns for a checkup. Doctor asks her how she's been. She says: "Fine, but I have some unexpected hairgrowth in unusual places."
Doc says: "really? Like where?"

She says: "at my balls"…

An elderly lady goes to see the doctor about her flatulence.

Doctor, can you please help? I pass wind all the time. They don't smell, they don't make a sound, but I've farted three times already since coming in here.

The Doctor prescribes some tablets and asks the lady to return in a week.

Doctor, help! My gas has gotten worse! They still don't make a sound but now they stink, it's disgusting!

The Doctor replies, Good, we've fixed your sinuses, now let's work on your hearing.

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence.
The senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

My doctor prescribed me a drink to help with my Parkinson's disease.

On the front it says, "Shake before use."

Woman goes to the doctor...

Doctor prescribed her some pills and she asks:
"Hey Doc., can I take these pills with my period?"
- Doc: "Ermm.... sure, but I'd recommend chugging them down with water!..."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the doctors prescribe jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working doctors prescribe piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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