Following is our collection of funny Doctor Patients jokes. There are some doctor patients physician jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these doctor patients physicians puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
2 days later he gets a call from the lab.
Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you sir that your wife's test results have been mixed up with another patient's. We're not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer's disease.
Man: So what am I supposed to do now?!
Doctor: I'd recommend taking her for a long walk and leaving her, if she finds her way back home, don't open the door.
Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story: There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.
Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.
We roleplayed as doctor and patient, and I was in the waiting room for 2 hours and 58 minutes.
Doctor says, "Take the spoon out of your mug"
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: They're gonna name a disease after you.
The patient replies: "But, Doctor, my name is not Jim." The surgeon says: "I know. I'm Jim."
But things went awry from the start when I said: "Hello! I'm your dietitian..."
Patient: Atleast Idont have Cancer
They're explaining how him smoking weed led to his condition worsening.
But it's just herbal! the patient protested. How can it be bad?
Dr Jenkins sighed. Apricot stones contain lethal amounts of cyanide. There is a certain plant in my back garden - if you sit under it for just ten minutes, you will die. Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's safe for you!
The man seemed to accept that, and after he and the doctors parted ways, Dr Smith asked, What is that plant that kills you if you sit under it?
A water lily.
I should have told you yesterday.
The doctor says: "I'm sorry sir I'm very busy today. You'll have to be a little patient."
You can explore doctor patients doctor reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean doctor patients medical procedure dad jokes. There are also doctor patients puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked ...
How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied ...
Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
A dwarf that loves to joke goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks.
I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?
The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
A man is sitting over the counter with his pants down at the doctors office.
The doctor comes in and sits down and starts working the gloves onto his hands.
Alright Brian, it's your first proctology exam, just sit back, relax, and try not to get an erection the doctor says.
The patient awkwardly looks back and says but my names Dan.
Doctor responds oh I know, my names Brian.
Doctor: "Your tonsils gotta come out."
Patient: "I want a second opinion!"
Doctor: "Okay, I don't like your haircut."
The doctor replies: you are just going to have to be a little patient.
***Doctor: You're obese. Patient: Whoa, for that I definitely want a second opinion. Doctor: You're quite ugly, too.***
I was in the waiting room for 2hrs 57minutes
Doctor: I don't know how to tell you this but you really have to stop masturbating.
Patient: Really doctor, why?
Doctor: So I can examine you.
And is feeling pretty down about it. On his left shoulder appears a devil. The devil consoles him saying "Hey man, don't even worry about it. Doctors have sex with their patients all the time. You are definitely not the only one." Then on his right shoulder appears an angel who says "Come on man! You're a vet!!"
Patient:"Well, might as well give me the bad news first."
Doctor:"The lab called and told me you only have 24 hours to live."
Patient:"24 hours!? That's terrible! What could be worse than that?"
Doctor:"Your phone has been off, and I've been trying to reach you since yesterday..."
[Edited to clarify punchline...I guess. xP]
His Doctor replies, "Now now, I can't fix things right away, you'll just have to be a little patient."
Patient: they wear suits of armor
Doctor: no, i mean at bed time
Patient: they probably take it off
They have a lot of patients.
Sorry.
Doctor: "You have AIDS."
Patient: "What's the good news?"
Doctor: "You have alzheimer's."
Patient: "Well that's not so bad, at least I don't have AIDS."
Patient: What is the bad news?
Doctor: You only have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What can possibly be worse news than that?
Doctor: I should have told you this yesterday...
Patient: I didn't even know I was I'll
the head doctor calls in the best doctor in the country to try and solve this problem. So the best doctor comes in and inspects the walls. He tells the head doctor to repaint the walls from red to green. The next day after the walls are repainted the head doctor comes in and sees the patients sitting and staring at the walls. "Why aren't you eating the walls now?" the head doctor asks them. "They arn't ripe yet"
Doctor: How did this happen?
Patient: I was banging my neighbor over her kitchen table when we hear the front door open.
She said "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!!"
Thinking back, I really should have ran, but you don't get offers like that every day.
Doc: Short answer. Yes.
Patient: What's the long answer?
Doc: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss.
"What's 9 plus 9?
12 .
What's 8 and 8?
10 .
The doctor shook his head. Very interesting. What about 6 times 5?
The man thought for a second, and answered 1E .
Aha, I've figured it out! The doctor said. Somebody's clearly put a hex on you.
A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!"
The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
After a lengthy and dangerous mountaintop rescue he's rushed to the nearest hospital, where after several days he finally wakes and is greeted by the Nepalese doctor.
Sir, I have bad news and good news. John, ever the optimist asks for the good news first.
Okay, the good news is the patient in the next bed has offered you a very generous amount for your slippers...
Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.
Patient: Ok, well... Give me the good news first.
Doctor: You have 24-Hours to live.
Patient: How is that good news?!? What's the bad news then??
Doctor: I've been trying to call you since yesterday.
The optometrist starts the eye exam and casually asks her if there's any particular reason she came in for a checkup.
"Doctor, I think am having hallucinations. Every time I open my eyes, I see really dark things. Evil. Malice. Hatred. Plague. I am seeing the worst in everything. Nothing looks like it used to. It's as if everything I see is shrouded in darkness."
The optometrist sits back from the patient, confused.
"That's interesting," he said, "because from what I can tell, you see 20/20."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the doctor patients surgeon jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working doctor patients psychiatrist piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.