The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."
Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"
He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."
I replied, "Yes just once."
The doctor asked, "What was it like?"
I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."
Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
My youngest son thought of this all by himself...he's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska.
Me: (handing baby back to him) Bring me the one my wife made
His doctor tells him to ease the pain by dipping it in a saucer of cold milk. Later, his blonde wife comes home and finds him with his dick in a saucer of cold milk.
"Good heavens!" she remarks "I always wondered how you reloaded those things!"
Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.
I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
My girlfriend insists that it says dyslexia but what does she know
The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS"
Doctor: Well, everyone is going to die eventually.
Man: Everyone?? Holy shit, what have I done?
I replied, "Yes just once."
The doctor asked, "What was it like?"
I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."
The judge gave me 50 years. Problem solved.
After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.
Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.
Me: Tell me the bad news first doc.
Doctor: The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe.
Me: No way. Whats the good news?
Doctor: The good news is the surgery was successful.
Me: What are you trying to say?
Doctor: You now have a Tic-Tac toe.
Me: And ?
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when erect."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.
So I shot him. Judge gave me 20 years. Problem Solved.
We think the doctor would do a way better job than us
The man hands the baby back and responds, "Well, bring me the one my wife made."
I can't tell you how upset I am.
A nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts "Is there a doctor here?"
A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: "I am. What is the problem?"
She replies: "Do you want to meet my daughter?"
Doctor: sir, we've narrowed your wife's illness down to two things. She either has Alzheimer's or AIDS.
Man: Well how are we supposed to know which?
Doctor: Take her for a drive, drop her off 30 minutes from your house and if she comes home don't fuck her.
Man: Can't say I do.
Doctor: Yes. That's the main one.
He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
"Which doctor?", she replied.
"No, the regular kind."
We roleplayed as doctor and patient, and I was in the waiting room for 2 hours and 58 minutes.
The bartender asks, "What's less?" The guy says "I don't know but the doctor told me I have to start drinking it."
"Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
An old woman visits the doctor for a routine check-up.
"Doctor, I have constant gas, but the farts are always silent and they don't stink!"
The doctor prescribes her some pills and sends her on her way.
Two weeks later she returns for a follow-up.
"Doctor, I still have constant silent farts, but now they stink!"
Doctor replies, "Alright, so we have cleared out those sinuses, now for your hearing..."
that 1 doctor lives in flint michigan
The doctor tells them theres been a mix up and doesn't know who's baby is who's. The English man runs in and grabs the only brown baby and starts to walk out. The Indian man looks relly confused and says "I'm pretty sure that's not your baby it looks Indian so it's mine". The English man says "I know, but there's not a chance in hell I'm leaving here with a baby that could be Welsh."
Me: Can I eat sugar instead?
Doctor: No fatty, don't eat anything.
"Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
Doctor says, "Take the spoon out of your mug"
Cause I'm trying to give you a physical
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