Dob Jokes

What are some Dob jokes?

A Russian is travelling to Poland...

and he is stopped to be checked by an officer.

"Name?" the officer asked.

"Vlad Dobrynin," the man answered.

"Nationality?"

"Russian."

"Occupation?"

"No, no, just visiting."

Which program do Jedi use to open PDF-files?

Adobe Wan Kenobi

What does a Jedi use to open files?

Adobe-wan Kenobi

"Update the force, Luke"

Adobe Wan Kenobi

What did adobe illustrator say to Windows 10?

Nothing (Adobe Illustrator has stopped responding)

Why did the adobe acrobat document go to jail?

Because it was a pdf file.

They call me Joe Fat Fingers

And I dobn't kniw whu

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar, and asks:

-who owns the big dobermann outside.


-I own that dog, the meanest and ugliest of the bikers say.

-I am truly sorry, but it appears that my little Chihuahua has killed it.

-"What? How is that possible?" The biker says.

-Well, your dog got mine stuck in its throat.

Some guys are talking about pets...

They get to talking about how good big dogs are because they can make good guard dogs.

One of the guys says "I preferred my old chihuahua pebbles better. And no other dog made me feel safer! He died killing a rabid full grown doberman for me!"

The other guys are confused and ask how that was even possible.

"The doberman choked to death."

Why was the Adobe Acrobat document arrested?

It was a PDF file.

Which Jedi can save PDF files?

Adobe Wan Kenobi

As a burglar breaks into a house, he hears a voice say "Jesus can see you"

A burglar breaks into a house and heads for where he thinks the valuables are kept. Then he hears a voice say, I can see you! Jesus can see you, too!

He freezes in his tracks! He doesn't move a muscle! A couple of minutes go by. The voice repeats I can see you! Jesus can see you, too!
He slowly takes out his flashlight, switches it on, and looks around the room. He sees a bird cage with a parrot in it. Did you say that? he asks the parrot.

The parrot says again, I can see you! Jesus can see you, too!
Hah! So what? You're just a parrot! says the burglar.
I may be just a parrot, replies the parrot. But Jesus is a Doberman!

Spike & The Parrot.

A woman called a dishwasher repairman. Since she had to go to work, she told him she would leave the key under the mat and for him to
leave his bill on the counter and she would send him a check. "Don't worry about my Dobberman Spike. He won't bother you, but, whatever you do, do not, under any circumstances talk to the parrot!"

When the repairman arrived, he discovered the biggest and meanestlooking Dobberman he had ever seen. But the dog just lay there, watching him go about his business.

However, the parrot drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name-calllng.

Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!

The parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

What do you call a guy who likes Adobe and little boys?

a PDFile

Dogs playing poker

Why are dogs bad at poker?

Because they wag their tails whenever they have a good hand.

Why did John's dog win the poker tournament?

Because he's a Doberman.

A Bulldog, Doberman, and a Chihuahua Walk Into a Bar...

A Bulldog, Doberman, and Chihuahua walk into a bar looking for a cool drink. A beautiful female Collie struts by and stops at their table, saying: "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese!" The Collie replies: "That's not good enough for me."

The Bulldog grumbles, "I hate liver and cheese." The Collies says: "That's not creative enough for me."

Finally the Chihuahua says: "Liver alone... cheese mine."

What do wizards use to read PDFs?

A Dobby.

Invitation to a Scientists' ball

Some of the replies from the scientists invited:

Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.

Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.

Volta was electrified and Archimedes, buoyant at the thought.

Ampere was worried he wasn't up to current research.

Ohm resisted the idea at first.

Boyle said he was under too much pressure.

Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience.

Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.

Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.

Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.

Dr Jekyll declined -- he hadn't been feeling himself lately.

Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now must dash."

Heisenberg was uncertain if he could make it.

Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.

Henry begged off due to a low capacity for alcohol.

Audobon said he'd have to wing it.

Hawking said he'd try to string enough time together to make a space in his schedule.

Darwin said he'd have to see what evolved.

Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?

Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.

Descartes said he'd think about it.

Newton was moved to attend.

Pavlov was drooling at the thought.

Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.

JP Clark & Siegfried the Deerslayer Wanna-Be

Ethnographic expedition lost in the Sub-Saharan Africa

An Ethnographic expedition lost in the Sub-Saharan Africa. The head of expedition, a prominent Russian scientist, Artem Pizdobolov, have bad news and good news to tell his comrades. First the bad news, he said. We run out of food and water. There left only camel's dung. Tell us a good news fellow travelers asked in desperation. The good new is that we have that camel dung in abundance.

What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

a doberman

How does an electrician free Dobby?

With a shock.

What do graphic designers smoke up to get high?

Adobe.

Brits, Aussies, and Kiwis will most likely only get this:

Remember Bill and Ben, The Flowerpot Men?

One day, Bill says to Ben, "Flobadobglibglobbloobleglob!"

And Ben say, "If you loved me, you'd swallow that....."

What's the program jedi use to read pdf files?

Adobe wan kenobi

I heard that Kim Jong Un invented Adobe Acrobat...

...Or maybe they're both just supreme readers.

Breaking news: Creator of adobe flash player just died.

More updates coming soon.

What do you call a gymnast covered in clay?

An adobe acrobat.

in india, muslim guy used to get divorce just bay saying the word 'talaq' 3 times. i found a joke based on it.

Wife: What I really hate about this house is the lack...

Husband: the lack....

Wife: the lack!

Husband: the lack?

Wife: yeah the lack of...

Husband: the lack o-

Wife: aye Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf

Husband: Damnnnnnn Fatima.

I saw a pirate finally purchase Adobe Photoshop.

He handed the cashier a hook and a peg.

What kind of dog do IT people prefer?

A Dobie

What do Jedi use to view PDF files?

Adobe-Wan Kenobi

A dog used lived in a clay-brick house but was evicted for not paying his mortgage..

A Dobie's adobe abode owed dough.

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman, and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink, when a great looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."Β 

So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."

A man is walking along when he sees a funeral procession going by

A man is walking along when he sees a funeral procession going by, the longest procession he's ever seen. It seems to consist of the hearse, followed by a man with a Doberman on a leash, followed by several hundred other men. After watching for a few minutes, he can restrain his curiosity no longer, and walks up to one of the mourners.

"Excuse me, sir, I don't mean to bother you in your moment of grief, but this is the strangest procession I've ever seen. What happened, who is the funeral for?"

"Well, it's nothing special, really, the funeral is for the mother-in-law of the man at the front of the procession. You see, his Doberman attacked and killed her."

"That's awful!", replies the onlooker. "But... um... tell me, you don't think he'd let me borrow that dog, do you?"

"Get in line, buddy," replies the mourner, "get in line."

Ad in the classifieds:

Trade cute Doberman Dog for orthopedic hand.

How to make Dob jokes?

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