Do Not Disturb Jokes
132 do not disturb jokes and hilarious do not disturb puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about do not disturb that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Do Not Disturb Short Jokes
Short do not disturb jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The do not disturb humour may include short distracted jokes also.
- My girl keeps having disturbed dream, shouting things like "Hobbit!", "Gandalf!", and "Mordor!". Always Tolkien in her sleep...
- Why is it called white noise? Because if it wasn't white, it'd be called disturbing the peace
- What do AMC and Robinhood have in common? Like AMC, Robinhood is asking their patrons to please turn their cell phones off as they are disturbing its customers.
- I don't like how people love their fandoms more than their god Especially Star Wars fans
I find your lack of faith disturbing - The Thinker by Rodin is... Rodin’s masterpiece sculptural work The Thinker is based on a distinctive Xi’an figure with a disturbed expression. The Terracotta Worrier.
- What do you say to an officer responding to a domestic disturbance call? "There's no way I hit her, sir! She isn't black and blue! She's white and gold!"
- What first tipped Darth Vader off about the Millennium Falcon? He found their lack of freight disturbing
^^May ^^the ^^Fourth ^^be ^^with ^^you! - The lead singer of Disturbed has Covid-19 He is really down with the sickness
Thanks for the gold!! - I just found out why they open medicine cabinets very carefully... To not disturb and wake up the sleeping pills...
- I don't know what disturbs me more about my attraction towards my girlfriends mother. The fact that she's 51 or the fact that she's also my mother.
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Do Not Disturb One Liners
Which do not disturb one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with do not disturb? I can suggest the ones about silence and snooze.
- I saw a kidnapping today.. So I didn't disturb him
- What is white and disturbs your breakfast? An avalanche
- When don't you disturb a broom When it's sweeping.
- What is white and disturbs people while they are demonstrating? An avalanche.
- Life is like a box of chocolates: Disturbingly expensive, yet... vaguely disappointing.
- What is a couples' favorite sign? The "Do Not Disturb" sign.
- Something disturbing came in the mail today... ...my mailman.
- Why did the green bean go to jail? He was disturbing the peas.
- What is blond and disturbs camping trips? Anders Breivik
- My friend almost died coming back from a Disturbed concert He came down with the sickness
- Where is Disturbed's favorite vacation spot? Hawa-a-ai-i
- What are the most disturbing words that woman can hear ? Honey I am home !
- 19 and 20 got into a fight... Now they're facing 123 years on disturbing the peace.
- Rotisserie Chicken is disturbing It's like watching them roll in their graves...
- Why should you never disturb a mirror? Because they are always reflecting.
Do Not Disturb Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about do not disturb you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean not knock jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make do not disturb pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself out late and decided to look for a place to rest the night.
He finally found a hut in the middle of the woods and knocked on the door.
An old man answered, and he agreed to give Johhny a bed for the night on one condition: the man's teenaged daughter would be in the other bed, and Johnny was not to touch her or disturb her sleep in any way.
Johnny agreed, but changed his mind when he saw how beautiful the sleeping girl was and, while she didn't respond to his caresses, she didn't push him away either.
The next morning, Johnny awoke alone, but he figured the girl had gone to do her chores and he eagerly awaited her return.
Instead the old man walked in, wiping the tears from his eyes.
"What's wrong?" asked Johnny.
"Oh, I've just come back from the cemetery we had my little girl's f**... this morning. But thank you so much for sitting up with her body last night."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A father, as he was going home, he saw his daughter on the porch, kissing a guy goodnight.
Disturbed, he turned to the guy.
"In our home, young man, we turn of the light at 11 o'clock, sharp!"
"Oh, Thank you so much Sir! That's so convenient! Thanks!"
Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you?
Answer: Shorten the chain.
I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me,
"
Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it."
I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.
"Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread."
"That's right."
"Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake."
"Well, today is his birthday."
Carrie Fisher runs into George Micheal in the afterlife...
She says, "Oh man, I'm a huge fan! I've got every one of your albums except the first one."
He says, "I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing".
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, 'Why are you eating grass?'
'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied. 'We have to eat grass.'
'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,' the lawyer said.
'But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.'
'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, 'You come with us, also..'
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, 'But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!'
'Bring them all, as well,' the lawyer answered
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, 'Sir, you are too kind.'
'Thank you for taking all of us with you.'
The lawyer replied, 'Glad to do it.
You'll really love my place..
The grass is almost a foot high.'
Golf Match.
The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel.
"Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match."
The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!"
Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just got this in an email: The ITALIAN f**......
The ITALIAN f**......
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual f**... procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said:
"I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a f**... like this. Whose f**... is it?"
"My wife's."
''What happened to her?"
"She yelled at me and my dog attacked
and killed her."
He inquired further, "But who is in
the second hearse?"
The man answered, "My mother-in-law.
She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her. She didn’t survive either."
A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.
"Can I borrow the dog?"
The man replied, "Get in line."
Savoir Faire
Three French boys are discussing what it means to have "savoir faire".
The first boy says "It is like this. If a man comes home from work and finds his wife in bed with another man and leaves quietly so as to not disturb them, then he has savoir faire."
The second boy say "No. That is Laissez faire. If he tips his hat and says 'Excuse me. Please continue.' then he has savoir faire."
The third boy says "No. If a man comes home from work, finds his wife in bed with another man, tips his hat and says 'Excuse me. Please continue.' and the other man CAN continue then HE has savoir faire."
The importance of never being late
A priest celebrates his 25th anniversary as head of a small congregation in a small village in rural America. The mayor was supposed to hold a speech at the beginning, but as always he had more important matters at hand. So the priest started with his speech.
'I know how disturbed I was 25years ago when I came to this village. The first man to confess, I will not name him, told me that he cheated on his wife and had 5 children with his affaire...'
As the priest came to an end the mayor arrived and started his speech: 'I still know I had the honour to be the first one to confess to Father Anderson...'
Blonde becomes a flight attendent
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
What did the emotionally disturbed teenager say to his parents?
Nothing! :D
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Europeans wash ashore on an island occupied by cannibals...
They are caught quickly, and the cannibal chief tells them that they are to be eaten and their skins used to make canoes. They are horrified at the thought of being cooked or eaten alive, but at least a little of their fear is relieved when the chief tells them that they will be permitted to kill themselves in a manner of their own choosing.
The first, an Englishman, elects to shoot himself and asks for a p**.... He is presented with one, and says farewell to his friends before ending it.
The second, a Frenchman, asks for poison. He turns to the other, says "au revoir," and drinks the poison, dying shortly.
The third, a Pole, asks for a fork. The chief is confused, but hands him one anyway. The Pole proceeds to stab himself an excessive number of times all over his body, drawing copious amounts of blood and astonishing and even disturbing the onlooking cannibals somewhat. The chief grabs hold of him and asks him why he would make himself suffer so. The Pole says, "I can't stop you from eating me, but it looks like you're going to be short one canoe."
Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The f**... Dog
A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian f**... procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file. The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said:
"I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian f**... like this. Whose f**... is it?"
"My wife's."
''What happened to her?"
"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"
The Italian man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."
A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and silence passed between the two men...
The Jewish man then asked "Can I borrow the dog?"
The Italian man replied, "Get in line."
Jesus was making his usual rounds in heaven
when he noticed a wizened, white-haired old man sitting in a corner looking very disconsolate. The next week he was disturbed to come across him again, looking equally miserable, and a week later he stopped to talk to him.
"See here, old fellow," said Jesus kindly, "this is heaven. The sun is shining, you've got all could want to eat, all the instruments you might want to play-you're supposed to be blissfully happy! What's wrong?"
"Well," said the old man, "you see, I was a carpenter on earth, and lost my only , dearly beloved son at an early age. Here in heaven I was hoping more than anything to find him."
Tears sprang to Jesus' eyes. "Father!" He cried.
The old man jumped to his feet, bursting into tears, and sobbed, "Pinnocchio!"
It was my first time riding a plane...
I was so nervous, and it was showing I was very uncomfortable...
A good-looking stewardess, approached me and asked if I was feeling okay, and If I needed anything. I said no, I was fine, it was my first time riding a plane and was just nervous. She smiled and said, "Ah perhaps you should listen to some music", then she walked away.
So I took out my phone, and played A7x in full blast, which disturbed everyone around me, as I did not have any earphones. Again the flight attendant approached me and asked,
"Would you like some headphones?"
I looked up to her at amazement and shock and said,
"yes, but how did you know my name was Phones?"
(end)
ba-dum-tiss
I'll see myself out
A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also." The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"
Bernard is sitting at the bar and slurs to the barman for another drink...
the barman, hearing how much he's clearly had, decides that it's time to chaperone this man out the back door, citing that he's clearly "had enough" for the night. A few minutes later, Bernard stumbles through the front doors again.
"BARman! Cahn ah plish haaav' adrink!"
The barman, again, doesn't want to disturb his customers, and escorts Bernard, discreetly, out the back door. "Bernard, you've had enough tonight. Go back home!"
Again, he stumbles in through the door, collapses on the chair and repeats his demands.
"Bernie, how many times am I going to have to tell you...you're drunk! Go home!"
Bernie fixes his wandering eyes on the barman and exclaims in exasperation, "Shishhhh, man! How miny baars do you work at??"
A homeless guy walks up to a table at an outdoor cafe where a woman is having lunch
"Pardon me, ma'am, for disturbing you, but I was wondering if you could help me out. I've been having a pretty rough time lately. I understand if you don't want to give cash, but could you at least spare me some of the bread off your table? I haven't eaten in two days."
She says, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island.
One day the blond comes running up to the others screaming that she found a magic lamp.
The others bored out of their minds decides to follow.
They finally show up to the spot and they see a really old lamp.
The brunette picks it up and wipes some dust off of it.
A genie pops out and says "You three who have disturbed my slumber, I will give you each one wish, so that I may sleep for a hundred more years."
The brunette, holding the lamp decides to go first. "I wish I were home with my family again." *p**...* and she vanishes.
The redhead goes next and says, "I wish I were back home with my boyfriend." *p**...* and she vanishes."
The blonde has no clue what to wish for, and the genie is getting impatient. She finally says "I don't know ask for... I wish my friends were here to help me decide."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"It's been proven that 9 out of 10 single women who .....
"It's been proven that 9 out of 10 single women who sit at home and have conversations with their cats are mentally disturbed."
My dog's full of useful information like that.
Pretty woman sneezes
At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.
The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy goes to the Doctor...
The Doctor looks at him with a grave look and says:
"I am sorry Sir but you are going to have to stop m**...."
The guy answers a bit puzzled:
"But I mean... Surely that's not bad for my health?"
"No, but it's a bit disturbing when I'm talking to you."
APPLICANTS for a clerical post in a paint company were given a simple written test. They were asked to write a short note using the words GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK one candidate wrote:
Phone went 'GREEN, GREEN'. I PINKed up the phone and said, " YELLOW, YELLOW! BLUE's Speaking? WHITE did you say? Wrong number! Don't PURPLEly disturb people! And don't call BLACK!!!
On a bench, in the park, two lovers
are kissing passionately. At some point another man sits down next to them and starts staring at the woman.
Eventually, her partner gets fed up by the staring and tells the other man:
- I haven't seen such insolence in my whole life!
- I'm sorry, I did not mean to disturb you, but I need to ask my wife to give me keys to the house.
There was a farmer who grew watermelons...
He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his water melon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!!!"
I don't like skinny fashion models cause I find their lack of weight disturbing.
So, Anakin thought Padme was cheating with Obi Wan.
It seems he found her lack of faithfulness disturbing
Disturbing Pattern of Suicides
When some scientists plotted the number of suicides per year, they discovered a curious pattern. Every four years, there would be a spike in the number.
This baffled them, until the old janitor said: "Perhaps it was not a good idea to call them leap years."
A man sees an attractive girl sitting alone
At a restaurant, a man sees an attractive girl sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the girl says, and she pops her eye back in place.
"I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy a drink to make it up to you. May I join you?"
He agrees.
The girls is good at keeping conversation, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common.
He asks her phone number and then he compliments her:
"You are the most charming girl I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No", she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Darth Vader say to the vegetarian stormtrooper?
"I find your lack of steak disturbing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A reporter is doing an article on the russian rural life-style...
...and she ends up in a small village.
The first person she interviews is an old man.
Reporter: Can you tell me anything interesting about your village?
Old man: Well there was this one time when a dog from a neighbouring village got lost in our woods... so we found it and took turns having s**... with it.
The reporter now slightly scared replies: I'm afraid that's not something I can very well use, maybe something more...cheerful?
The old man replies: Very well, back in the day this very attractive woman from a neighbouring village got lost in our woods... so we found her and took turns having s**... with her.
The reporter now visibly disturbed replies: That's not going to work either... maybe something sad that happened then.
The old man replies: Well there was this one time when I got lost in the neighbouring forrest...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Darth Vader say to Admiral Motti after browsing his collection of George Michael records?
"I find your lack of Faith disturbing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you punch a hippie, and a cop arrests you...
Would you get arrested for disturbing the peace?
Darth Vader...
Of all the things that Darth Vader lost when the Death Star blew up, it was the destruction of his George Michael box set that affected him most deeply.
He finds his lack of Faith disturbing.
BLONDE FLIGHT ATTENDANT
The flight crew all showed up on time, all except for one brand-new stewardess. They called the hotel and she answered the phone, sobbing. I can't get out of my room, she cried. What... Why not? There are only three doors in this room. One is the bathroom, one is the closet, and the other way has a sign hanging on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'.
Why was Darth Vader upset when he heard george michael will only play new songs at his concerts?
He found his lack of Faith disturbing.
Wife or Girlfriend
A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend. The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment." The mathematician: "A wife. You have security." The computer scientist: "Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me..."
A man and woman meet through a sneeze
A man sees a woman sitting alone at a bar.
He starts to walk over when she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he instinctively snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back into place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you." He agrees.
The woman is charming, stunningly pretty, and he realizes they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most wonderful woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy?"
"No," she answers. "You just happened to catch my eye."
Wife calls her scientist husband...
"Honey.. Its Saturday.. you're late..."
"I'm busy with my team in an experiment"
"Whats that?"
"We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH with ambiant temperature H2O and aqueous CO2. To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O, now while waiting for some protein, we are fumigating the lab with vapours of nicotine...
It's 4 or 5 round experiment.. So I will be late."
"Oh dear.. I won't disturb you. Take your time.."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
January 20, 2017; 12:02 p.m.
I felt a great disturbance in the force, as if millions of voices cried out in t**... and suddenly silenced!........oh wait, never mind. It was just the inauguration
Job interview at a psychiatrist
So you're interested in working with us. What is your experience with mentally disturbed people?
I've been on Facebook for 5 years now.
Very good, the job is yours.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy and a girl are in the same programming class..
Out of nowhere, the guy reaches over and grabs the girl's breast.
Disturbed, the girl looks at the guy and says "What are you doing!? Those are private!"
He only states "How is that? We're in the same class."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You disturbed the first part of this f**....
Just let us do the rest in peace.
A man walks into a bar, and sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?"
He nods.
The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
My friend said I should do some edging on my front lawn
My neighbors thought it was disturbing but when I finally came it was beautiful
At work:
Excuse me, may I disturb you shortly?
-
Of course, what is it?
-
Nothing, I just wanted to disturb you.
Horror movies are always much tamer when I watch them on my iPhone
I have it set to Do Not Disturb
A blonde calls the front desk of her hotel in a panic.
"Help! I'm trapped in my room!" she says. "How do I get out?"
The clerk at the front desk says, "just go out the door."
"I tried," she says "but one just leads to the bathroom, and the other has a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on it!"
Ever wonder why they don't include the cause of death in an obituary?
It's because they want you to show up and ask how they died in person. Why do you think they include the service times?
*This is a joke. Please do not disturb a family who had a loved one pass away.*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I felt a great disturbance in the force today:
Millions of parents quietly rejoiced while their children cried out in t**... and were quickly silenced by their new homeroom teachers.
I was arrested for blocking a bunch of children on a sidewalk
"You're creating a major disturbance." The police officer says.
To which I responded "no, I'm only creating a minor disturbance."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I m**... over a photograph of a dead guy.
It was the most disturbing thing I've ever come across
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
John was a little disturbed.
He confided in a friend: I have a Pakistani girlfriend. She says she will blow me.
Now I don't know whether to lower my pants or call the police....???
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a Disturbed fan with a fat f**... earlier today.
Guess he's down with the thickness.
Why did Darth Vader dislike the new more aerodynamic TIE fighters?
He found their lack of strafe disturbing.
A wealthy lawyer was riding in his car...
A wealthy lawyer was riding in his car when he saw a man on the side of the road eating grass. Disturbed and intrigued, he ordered his driver to stop. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.
The man said, "I'm hungry and i don't have any money for food."
"Come to my house and I'll feed you," said the lawyer.
"I can't leave my wife and my child," said the man.
"Bring them along, too, of course."
Overjoyed, the man, his wife, and his child got into the lawyer's car. "You are too kind," said the man, "Thank you so much!"
"No problem," said the lawyer. "You'll love my house. The grass is almost a foot high!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently found out my mom has a disturbing f**.... She has slept with several underage teenagers and I am really concerned about their well being.
The victims contacted me while playing CoD.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So this lady is getting on the bus with her baby...
And as she gets on, the bus driver glances at her child, does a double take and says "Gaaaaahhhh!!"
Well, this disturbs the lady, but she sits down.
The passenger next to her sees that she's disturbed, and asks what's wrong.
"The bus driver was VERY rude to me!"
The passenger says, "Well, you should go give him a piece of your mind! Let me hold your monkey for you."
A man walks into a bar and then proceeds to order a pint and drink in peace, disturbing no one...
He was very courteous and paid his bill in a timely manner.
My friend keeps talking about eating vegetables and I'm beginning to find it kind of disturbing.
I mean, I know they haven't really got a functioning brain, but they're still human.
On a faraway island lived a solitary genius
On a tribal island, far far away from here, lived a man called Cong Clu. Mr. Clu was a physicist, and had lately taken a liking to particle physics.
His research, however, was disturbed quite a lot, by the strong magnetic flow from the ferrous rocks, that the island was made up of, and in the end he had to give up..
It simply proved too hard to draw Cong Clu's Ions from the experiments.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know the difference between a vegan and a mentally disturbed person.
Mentally disturbed people don't hold memorial barbecues for their pet pigs.