Do Dogs Understand Jokes
68 do dogs understand jokes and hilarious do dogs understand puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about do dogs understand that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Do Dogs Understand Short Jokes
Short do dogs understand jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The do dogs understand humour may include short dogs don t tell jokes also.
- This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious that she thought her cat could understand her.
I came to my house and told my dog. We laughed a lot. - "Man, I got so drunk last night I blew chunks..." "Don't worry, dude; we've all done that at some point"
"You don't understand, Chunks is my dog..." - I don't understand why the police train up bomb dogs to work at the airport They're all colourblind and always cut the wrong wire
- Why couldn't the dogs understand each other. Because they didn't have any common scents. Ha ha ha... I'll see myself out.
- If you want to understand who loves you more, your wife or your dog, lock them both on the balcony After three hours unlock them and see who's happier to see you
- My dog understands several human words... Yet i dont understand anything my dog barks.
He may be smarter than me. - I'm developing some flash cards to improve communication and understanding with my dog Not much to speak of yet, I just have a handful of ruff sketches.
- I think I understand the dog better when I'm really high... It doesn't really talk to me otherwise.
- I can't understand people who don't like dogs I've tried them in China and they're pretty tasty.
- Pork Chop Most people are confused when I tell them that me and my dad had a falling out over him cutting up my little Pork Chop.
I guess that they don't understand the bond between man and dog.
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Do Dogs Understand One Liners
Which do dogs understand one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with do dogs understand? I can suggest the ones about dog sniffing and talking dog.
- I don't understand how elvis got so fat He ate nothing but a hound dog
- You know those weird cat-dog things in Undertale?... I could never understand tem
Do Dogs Understand Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about do dogs understand you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog smiles jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make do dogs understand pranks.
A man walks into a bar with a dog.
The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."
"You don't understand," says the man.
"This is no regular dog, he can talk."
"Listen, pal," says the bartender.
"If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks.
"The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"
"Roof!" "Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?" "Bark!"
"And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!"
"I guess you've heard enough," says the man.
"I'll take the hundred in twenties."
The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."
As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"
An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor’s office.
“Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.”
“I have good news for you,” the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications.
“Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over.”
“Great,” the blonde answered, “I’ll try anything. Let’s give it a shot.”
A few weeks later the blonde returned, looking worse than ever.
“Doc, your plan is no good. I’m more tired than before!”
“I don’t understand how that could be”, said the doctor, shaking his head. “Those are the strongest pills on the market!”
“That may be true,” answered the blonde wearily, “but I’m still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it’s hard getting him to s**... the pill!
Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night.
The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks."
The second guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch."
The third guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I took a p**... home to my wife."
The first guy exclaims, "You guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"
Two Jews die and wait outside the pearly gates.
While waiting they realise that they both survived the same concentration camp.
After some chatting, one says to the other: "remember that time when the guard pushed you onto the electric fence and you almost died?" A second of silence passes and suddenly they both start laughing hysterically.
Upon calming down the other Jew asks his new friend: "remember when that dog chased you for so long that you ended up exhausted and almost died of hunger?" Another second of silence passes and again, they both start laughing like crazy.
God, overhearing the conversation, approaches the old Jewish couple and asks them what's so funny about any of these events.
They both look up and say: "Oh you wouldn't understand, you just had to be there".
a man orders a shot at a bar...
the bartender is feeling nice and offers to give him one for free. the man declines saying,
"sorry i'll blow chunks if i take that"
"oh come on, live a little" says the bartender, "everyone pukes once in a while"
"no, you don't understand" says the man, "chunks is my dog"
So a guy walks into a bar...
So a guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Whiskey?"
"No," says the customer, "just water; i was so drunk last night that I went home and blew Chunks."
The bartender tries to console him, saying "Oh come now, everyone gets a bit wasted from time to time."
To which the guy replies, "No, you don't understand: Chunks is my dog."
A guy sits in front of TV all day, f**... like there's no tomorrow.
But not just gassy airish farts, I'm talking mega greasy wet ones, the kind that would make your dog p**....
The wife, understandably is very angry, and says: "one day Honey, you are gonna f**... your guts out."
The next Sunday, as wife is preparing Turkey for sunday lunch, her husband falls asleep.
The wife spies an opportunity to get her own back, so she takes the innards of the turkey and places them in the underwear her husband is wearing. She then went back to cooking the turkey. Later on that night, her husband came to the dinner table looking very frightened.
"What happened?" asked his wife.
"Well," the man said, "you were right. I f**... my guts out."
"What did you do?" asked his wife.
"Well with the Grace of God and these two fingers I got 'em all back up in there!"
Blowing chunks
Two guys are talking and one asks the other, "Hey, you wanna go drinking later, I just got promoted?"
The other replies, "Thanks, but I can't."
"Aw, come one why not?"
"Cause last time I went drinking, I blew chunks."
"That's normal, people v**... after drinking all the time."
"No, you don't understand; Chunks is my dog."
drinking
A guy says to his friend "Man, I feel terrible. Last night I drank too much, came home and blew chunks."
Friend says "aw don't worry mate, that happens to all of us"
Guy says "you don't understand; my dog's name is 'Chunks'"
A guy walks into a bar and orders 15 shots...
He proceeds to drink them in 15 minutes and then leave. He returns the next night and repeats the procedure, 15 shots in 15 minutes. This goes on for 3 solid months. It gets to the point that the bartender starts setting up the 15 drinks before the guy even arrives.
One night, the guy walks in as the bartender is preparing his order and waves away the 15 shots. "What's the matter," asks the bartender, "You're one of the best drinkers I've ever seen"
The man replies, "It's just that I got a little too drunk last night I went home and blew chunks."
The bartender says, "So what, everyone gets sick now and again."
The guy says, "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog."
A Man and His Son...and Puppies
A man and his young son are walking together in a park, and they stumble upon two dogs having s**.... The son asks, "Daddy, Daddy! What are those dogs doing?" to which the man replies, "Son, those dogs are making puppies." His son seems to understand.
One day, a few weeks later, the child walks in on his parents having s**.... Of course, he asks, "Daddy! What are you doing?" The man, blushing, responds, "Well, son........we're making babies."
The child then says, "Flip her over! I want puppies!!"
Blowing chunks
At work, three friends get into an argument over who got more wasted the night before.
"I got so drunk last night, when I got home I blew chunks," said the first man.
"I got so drunk last night, I had to sleep outside because I couldn't make it inside my house," said the second man.
But the third man was certain he got more wasted than his friends. "I got so drunk, I set my entire house on fire!" he argued.
"I don't think you guys understand," said the first man. "My dog's name is chunks."
The woman is the exact opposite of the dog
The dog understands everything, but can say nothing ...
Chunks
A guy walks into a beer store, and asks the employee,
Guy: This is my first time buying beer, what do you recommend?
Employee: Bud Light is popular?
Guy: I'll take a 24 then. Same guy comes into the same beer store a week later and asks the same employee for a 24 of different beer.
Employee: Did you not like the Bud Light?
Guy: No, it made me blow chunks.
Employee: That happens to all of us if we drink to much.
Guy: You don't understand, Chunks is my dog.
Dog Bar Mitzvah
A man walks into a synagogue with his dog. He goes up to the Rabbi and he says.
Man: Rabbi, I want my dog to have a Bar Mitzvah and I want to do it here
Rabbi: What are you, crazy? We can't do that!
Man: Please, I'll do anything
Rabbi: No, it can't be done
Man: Rabbi, I don't think you understand, I'm willing to donate $20,000 to this synagogue
Rabbi: Why didn't you tell me your dog was Jewish?!
Two guys and their dogs are walking down the street...
...one's got a german shepherd and the other's got a chihuahua.
They get hungry so the german shepherd guy suggests they grab a bite to eat at the restaurant on the corner, but his friend says, "They won't let us into a restaurant with our dogs!"
"Just follow my lead," says the first guy.
He walks up and the maitre'd says, "What are you, nuts?! You can't come in here with a dog!"
"But it's a seeing eye dog," the guy with the german shepherd explains.
"Oh, excuse me, now I understand. Go right ahead," says the maitre'd.
The next guy walks up and the maitre'd stops him too. "You can't come in here with a dog!"
Following his friend's cue the guy says, "But it's a seeing eye dog!"
The maitre'd looks skeptical and says, "Sir - that's no seeing eye dog. It's just a chihuahua."
The guy jumps back in shock... "WHAT!? They gave me a chihuahua!!?"
Anything but Guinness...
A guy goes into a liquor store and the guy behind the counter asks if he needs any help. He says "I'll take a case of beer please. Anything but Guinness!"
Clerk: "Sure buddy, but what's wrong with Guinness? It's one of our top sellers!"
Guy: "I don't have anything bad to say about the taste or anything like that, it's just that the last time I drank a case of Guinness to myself, I blew chunks!"
Clerk: "I don't think Guinness is your issue... If you drink a case of any beer to yourself you will blow chunks!"
Guy: "No sir, you don't understand. See, Chunks is my dog!"
A man walks into his regular bar..
He takes an open seat next to the bartender. He and the bartender are good friends so they begin to talk.
"You want the same thing as yesterday? I just got restocked on your usual.."
"Nah. I don't drink that anymore. I drank so much that when I got home I started blowing chunks."
"Well...anyone who has 7 beers will usually throw up from it...doesn't mean you can't drink it anymore," said the bartender.
The customer replies, "No, you don't understand. My dog's name is Chunks."
Man walks into a bar and orders a water...
The bartender, looking puzzled, says to the guy "but you were just in here last night getting hammered. What gives?"
The man responds, "Yeah, I quit drinking after I went home last night and blew chunks."
The bartender says, "That's not a big deal man. Everyone does it."
And the man says, "you don't understand. Chunks is my dog."
I drank so much I blew Chunks
Jon : Oh Ted, I had a terrible night. I drank so much that when I got home, I blew chunks.
Ted: Hey, thats not so bad. At least you were in the comfort of your own home.
Jon: No, you dont understand. Chunks is my dog...
A guy is sitting in a bar...
And in walks a friend he hasn't seen in a few weeks. Being curious as to where his buddy has been, he asks what's been going on. His friend replies "after that last bender we had I figured it was time to lay off the sauce for a while". The first guy asks "what was so bad that you felt the need to cut back?" Well, says the second guy, after we got hammered I went home and blew chunks." That's nothing to be ashamed of says the first guy, we've all done it. The second guy gives a mournful shake of his head and says "you don't understand, Chunks is my dog!"
A man phones the customer service of a beer company.
A man phones the customer service of a beer company.
Customer service: "Hello, what can I help you with today?"
Man: "There is something wrong with your beer, it made me blow chunks!"
Customer service: "Well ya, it'll do that."
Man: "No I don't think you understand... Chunks is my dog!"
I don't understand why dogs are called man's best friend.
Surely a man's real best friend would never try to h**... his girlfriend's leg.
Overly intoxicated man in a bar one night is making a fool of himself
The next day he returns to the bar sits down and orders a coffee. The bartender sarcastically asks," are you sure you don't want another shot of whiskey?" Holding his stomach, and wiping his mouth the man says," I drank so much last night that I went home and blew chunks." The bartender says, "see what happens when you drink too much, you end up throwing up all night." The man replies." no, you don't understand, chunks is my dog".
A man is sobbing into his beer...
It being a slow night, the bartender asks him what's wrong and offers him some sympathy.
The man responds "My roommate says I should quit drinking, last night I came home and I blew chunks all over the living room."
"Harsh," the bartender replies, "But that's hardly a reason to quit drinking."
"No man, I blew chunks in the kitchen, I blew chunks on the stairs, I blew chunks in the bathroom, I blew chunks EVERYWHERE."
"I'd hate to agree with your roommate, seeing as how that means less business for me, but maybe he's got a point. That's an awful lot of v**... to have to mop up..."
"No, no, you don't understand," The man sobbed, "Chunks is my Dog."
Man walks into a bar
Says to the bartender "let me get a bottle of anything that's not v**...."
Bartender says "why not v**...?"
Man replies "well I drank a whole bottle of that last night and blew chunks."
Bartender says "drink a whole bottle of anything and you'll throw up."
Man says "no you don't understand, chunks is my dog."
My friends told me I need to socialize my chow chow while he's still young.
I googled on how to socialize Chinese dogs. He understands the plight of the proletariat, but I don't think he fully grasps the concept of sharing.
Guy walks into a bar.
A guy walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender notices the guy and says "are you okay? You look terrible!" The guy says "yeah, i had kind of a rough night last night. I drank way too much and blew chunks." "Well that doesn't sound so bad" says the bartender. And then the guy says "no you don't understand. Chunks is my dog."
Why are dogs smarter than people?
Because dogs can understand English, can you understand Dog?
My mother said that I'm indecisive
I couldn't understand where that came from, so I asked people. "It's because you like both dogs and cats" said my boyfriend. "No, no, no. It's because she likes both tea and coffee" said my girlfriend.
3 guys walk into a bar...
Guy 1: Oh boy, I'm not drinking with you fellas. Last time I drank with you I got in trouble with the wife. Her parents were home for the night and when I got home I blew chunks in the living room in front of them.
Guy 2: That's nothing! When I got home my wife's mother was over and instead of sleeping with me wife I slept with her mother!
Guy 3: Well when I last drunk with you fellas I got home, My wife was with her friend who was getting married and I spewed all over the dress.
Guy 1: Fellas you don't understand... Chunks is my dog.
A dog and the policeman
Jabu goes into a bar to have himself a cold one.
Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the bar and asked," Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?"
Jabu said it was his.
"Your dog seems to be in heat" the officer said.
Jabu replied, "No way... She's cool 'cause she's t**... under that shade tree."
The policeman said, "No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred."
"No way," said Jabu. "That dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this morning'."
The exasperated policeman said, "NO! You don't understand; your dog wants to have s**...!"
Jabu looked at the cop and said, "Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog
Guy walks into a bar…
Guy walks into a bar…
Orders 5 shots of tequila shoots them one after the other.
Bartender says Are you celebrating?
Guy says Yup! Had my first b**...!
Bartender says Congrats! Here is one on the house.
Guy shoots it, says Six shots of tequila and i still can't get the taste out of my mouth
Next day guy comes back to the bar and orders a tall glass of water.
Bartender says What happened, you were in here last night celebrating and having a great time
Guy yeah, I went home last night and blew chunks
Bartender Well, as much as you drank, not surprised
Guy you don't understand, Chunks is my dog…"
My buddy came to me after a night of drinking and said...
"I drank moonshine last night and blew chunks. Now I'm embarrassed." I said, "no need to be embarrassed my son, we all have gotten sick from the shine." He said, "you don't understand, Chunks is my dog."
3 guys come back late from a night of drinking...
They met for brunch for the next day.
Guy 1: I drank way to much, first thing I did when I got home I blew Chunks...
Guy 2: That's nothing, I wrapped my car around a tree on my way home.
Guy 3: I beat all of you, I was arguing with my wife and knocked a candle over! It destroyed the whole house.
It went silent for a minute.
Guy 1: I don't think you guys understand. Chunks is my dog.
A bartender notices one of his regulars at the bar looked depressed, so he strikes up a conversation
What's got you down? the bartender asks.
Well, the man says sheepishly, I got fired for having s**... with my boss's daughter.
You old dog, the bartender chuckles. I understand why he'd be upset, but i would think what you do on your personal time is none of his business. Did you even know she was his daughter?
Not at all! He says. I didn't even know he had a daughter at that grade school.
A night of drinking
After a night of heavy drinking at the bars, 3 girls meet up the next day to recall their drunkin night
Girl 1: I was so drunk last night when I got home I blew chunks for hours!
Girl 2: That's nothing! When I got home I couldn't even make it to the toilet and threw up all over my bathroom walls!
Girl 3: You think that's bad. When I got home I went straight to bed and woke up with p**... all over me and my bed sheets.
Girls 2 and 3 are laughing hysterically after hearing about their crazy night when Girl 1 quietly interrupts and says I don't think you two understand, chunks is my dog.
Why doesn't my dog understand when I tell him why he can't go outside that moment?
He doesn't speak english
We decided to call our dog 'low priority bugs'
That way people will understand why we don't plan to get him fixed.
I saw my neighbour talking to her cat
Clearly she thought It could understand her, I went home and told my Dog. We had a good laugh!!
Panic struck, I couldn't understand why my dog was motionless...
Then I realized...it was on paws.
A dog is talking to his owner. Dog: Tell me a joke
Dog: Tell me a joke
Man: Don't be silly, you're a dog
Dog: Oh, go on
Man: You're a dog, you won't understand
Dog: Do it anyway, pleeeeese
Man: OK. Knock Knock
Dog: Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof……….
Why did the outside dog not understand the joke on the fridge?
Because it was an inside joke.
Guy calls his buddy and says, "Hey man, I'm throwing a party this weekend!"
"Gonna get a case of beer; what are you thinking?"
Buddy responds, "Anything but Heineken is cool with me. Drank a case of Heineken last weekend, and I blew chunks."
Guy says, "Dude, drinking a whole case of anything is going to make you p**...."
Buddy responds, "No, man, you don't understand... Chunks is my dog."
A Native American boy talks to his father,
Boy: Dad, why is my sister called 'Running Water'?
Father: Son, in our family we have a tradition. When our child is born we name them after the first thing we see in nature. Your sister was born next to a stream.
Boy: Oh ok. So my brother is called 'Soaring Eagle' because when he was born you saw a flying eagle?
Father: Yes that's correct. Hopefully you understand now 'Two Dogs f**...'.
But what he really wants ...
While my mother was pregnant with me, my parents warned my three-year-old brother not to get his heart set on either a brother or a sister, as they didn't know what I would be. He seemed to understand but added this caveat: "Well, if it's a dog, I hope it's a Boxer".
A young man turns 21 and decides to change his name.
He goes to the village wise man and explains what he wants.
"You do realize that, in our village, it is a tradition for the father to name a child after the first thing he sees after the child is born, don't you?" The young man nods.
"That is why your older sister is named 'Flying Dove.'" The young man nods.
"And that is also why your younger brother is named 'Running Deer.'" The young man nods.
"So, I don't understand why you would want to change your name, 'Two Dogs f**...'!"
A guy walks into a liquor store and ask for a case of Heineken.
The gal behind the counter replies, "Sorry. We're out of Heineken."
The guy shrugs his shoulders and says, "Fine. Make it Rolling Rock."
The woman replies, "Sorry, but the only cold beer we have in stock is Budweiser."
The man says, "Nope. No way. Last time I drank a case of Bud, I ended up getting sick and blowing chunks."
The cashier replies, "You drink a case of any beer you're gonna get sick!"
The man retorts, "No, you don't understand. My dog's name is Chunks."
A woman drags her husband to the doctor,
He's been complaining for weeks about a sore stomach. The doc gives the man a full workover and deduces he is missing a vital enzyme mainly found in dog food. Reluctantly they agree to put him on the pet food diet to save his life.
A week later the doc sees her walking the street and asks how he's doing. "He's dead" She replies. The doc is understandably upset "How, dog food is not toxic?" She wipes a tear and says "He was hit by a car in the middle of the road l**... his g**..."
3 women meet for brunch after a wild night...
1st woman says "girls I got so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks".
2nd woman says "you think that's bad? After I dropped you two off, I drove home. I was so hammered I ended up driving through my garage door and kept going. Destroyed my garage, my husband says it's going to cost 5 grand to fix".
3rd woman goes "When I got home I decided to take a bath and light some candles. I was so drunk, I passed out, knocked over the candles and ended up burning down my whole house".
1st woman exclaims "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog!"
Hot Dog
A foreign tourist was taking a walk around New York, but was getting very hungry and had only 2 dollars on him . Then, he saw a hot dog stand with a sign "Hot Dog - 2$". Unable to understand what's the meaning of "hot dog", he took out the dictionary. After a brief moment, he looked up in confusion and thought: "If there is nothing to eat, I will eat the d**... dog."
He ordered and got a long piece of bread with sausage in between it. He looked straight at the salesman eyes in frustration and asked: "From a whole dog, all I get is the dog's d\*c**...?"
A man walks into a bar, his head hung in shame.
"What'll it be?" asks the bartender.
The man says, "Just a club soda. I think I'm done drinking."
The bartender fills the order. "Why?"
"Well," the man says, "Last night I got so drunk, I went home and blew chunks."
"I've been tending bar for 25 years," the bartender sympathizes, "and I have seen a lot of people v**... after drinking too much. It's not that big of a deal."
The man takes a long sip of the soda. "You don't understand," he says. "Chunks is my dog."
Inner Peace
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!
And you thought I was going to get all spiritual ...
John manages a band where his dog plays guitar and his cat sings.
Everyone is amazed. No one understands how they're doing it and it becomes a huge hit. The band travels around the country and John makes a lot of money from the band's success.
Eventually, it catches wind in Italy and Berlusconi wants to hear the band live. He invites John to Rome and he comes with his cat and dog ready to play.
Before they play, Berlusconi begins a dialogue.
Berlusconi: John, I don't care about your actual band, I just want to know the secret. How do you do it?
John: I don't do anything, the dog plays guitar and the cat sings, it's as simple as that.
Berlusconi: come on John, just tell me! No way it's real
John: look, it's my livelihood. I can't go around telling the secret i make a career out of this
Berlusconi: money is nothing to me, I'll pay you whatever you want just tell me how you do it
John: alright...I'll tell you. The dog plays guitar and sings, the cat just moves its mouth and pretends.