The Best 24 Divorcing Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Divorcing jokes. There are some divorcing divorced virgin jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these divorcing marriage puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Divorcing Jokes and Puns

So Katie Holmes is divorcing Tom Cruise...

Apparently she found out that he'd been in A Few Good Men.

The perils of divorcing a stoner.

He thinks joint custody means "who brought the ganja"

My wife is divorcing me, apparently she is sick of all my flower puns...

I asked her "Where's this stemming from petal?"

Divorcing joke, My wife is divorcing me, apparently she is sick of all my flower puns...

Did you hear why the Quartz is divorcing her husband?

She says he took her for Granite

Religious differences

Judge: Why are you divorcing your wife?

Husband : We have major religious differences!

Judge: What are those differences??

Husband : She thinks she is God, I don't.


After divorcing from my ten year marriage, I started dating again and was soon using muscles I'd forgotten I had.

Mainly when I smiled.

How to quickly lose 150lbs of fat?

By divorcing.

Divorcing joke, How to quickly lose 150lbs of fat?

A 94 year old man decided to divorce his 93 old wife...

They went to the lawyer together. When he asked why they were divorcing at such an old age, the woman replied, "We wanted to wait until the kids were dead".

A boy stands before a judge

His parents are divorcing, and the judge asks him to choose where to live.

Do you want to live with your dad? asks the judge.

No, because he beats me replies the boy.

Would you like to live with your mother?

No, she beats me too. I want to live with Eli Manning.

Confused, the judge asks Why do you want to live with Manning?

Because he doesn't beat anybody.

I like to sleep with a fan on me at night.

It's why I'm divorcing my wife to join a band

What did the magician say after divorcing his wife?

And now for my next trick.

You can explore divorcing marital reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean divorcing divorce proceedings dad jokes. There are also divorcing puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My Parents are Divorcing and Went to Court

The judge asks me who I would want to live with. "I don't want to live with my dad because he beats me, but I don't want to live with my mom because she beats me too," I say. "Then who would you rather live with," the judge asks. "The Phoenix Suns, they never beat anybody".

A Redneck Couple Is Divorcing

Wife: "I really wish we didn't have to do this..."

Husband: "It's okay, we'll still be cousins."

Nikke Bella is divorcing John Cena

Supposedly, she couldn't see him.

My wife is upset I'm divorcing her for becoming a man. She asked me, what about the kids, why?

I thought the reason was transparent.

My wife is divorcing me because I'm obsessed with Football coaching.

In my defence, I have J.J.Watt, Michael Bennett, and Richard Sherman.

Divorcing joke, My wife is divorcing me because I'm obsessed with Football coaching.

Me: It sure is muggy outside.

My wife: I swear to God, if I look outside and see all of our mugs on the lawn I'm divorcing you.

Me: *sips coffee from a bowl*

What is the single best long-term investment?

Getting married to a CEO & divorcing him once he's wealthy.

Two friends are drinking beers in a bar. One guy says to his friend,"I'm thinking of divorcing my wife,she hasn't spoken to me in almost two months."

His buddy replies, "Better not be to hasty, women like that are hard to find."


My wife is divorcing me because I refused to buy her some new bras.

Her attorney calls it failure to support .

A husband is divorcing his wife coz she poured glue all over his firearms...

He says "She denies it, but I am sticking to my guns"

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are divorcing.

After naming their kids after directions they're the ones going south.

My wife is divorcing me because I keep getting aroused by serious situations. She tried to explain it away, but I said, "Baby, please...

"Don't make this harder than it already is."

The Rock is divorcing his wife..

Because she takes him for granite.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the divorcing divorcee jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working divorcing separation piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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