Divo Jokes

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

Q: What's the difference between a divorce and a circumcision?
A: In a divorce, you get rid of the whole s**....

Q: What comes with the new Divorced Barbie doll?
A: All Ken's stuff.

Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?
A: He thought his wife was a flake.

Two coworkers were talking by the water fountain o**.

.. said, "Today I got through the first step of getting divorced."
The second guy replies, "Oh, did you go to Mr. Guggenheim? Everyone goes to him for divorces."
The first man replies, "No, I just got married".

At a divorce court a family of bears is waiting for the judge to grant custody of little bear.

The judge asks the baby bear, "Do you want to live with papa bear?"
The baby bear replied, "No he beats me."
The judge asked, so do you want to live with mommy bear!
The baby bear said, "No she beats me too."
The judge asked, "Then whom do you want to live with?"
The baby bear says, "The Chicago bears, they don't beat anyone!"

2 girls meet:
"Me & my husband are no longer together..."
"Why?"
"Well, could you live with a person who smokes w**..., drinks, has no job and always cusses?"
"No, of course I couldn't!"
"Well he couldn't either!"

Two men are discussing their lives.
One says, "I’m getting married. I’m tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear."
The other one says, "I’m getting divorced for the same reasons."

Doctor: "And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?"
Patient: "Very well, I've been divorced for half a year now."

Q: How many divorce attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It only takes one divorce attorney to change your light bulb to his light bulb.

Divorce Joke my Family Law Professor Told

Elderly couple, 102 and 98 years old respectively. And they are getting a divorce. Judge asks them why they are getting one now...
"we were waiting for the kids to die"

Divorce

A a man in his 70's calls his son to tell him he and his mother are getting a divorce. "Dad, you can't do this! You're not thinking straight." The son calls his sister to talk about it, and she is in agreement; their parents cannot do this. "Dad, we're flying out there tomorrow. Do not sign any papers, contact any lawyers, or even thinking about going down to the courthouse." After the dad gets off the phone, he looks over at his wife and says, "It worked. They'll be here for Christmas and are paying their own airfare."

In the divorce court today

In the divorce court today an 85-year old farmer divorced his 17-year old wife, claiming he could not keep his hands off her.
He has since fired all of his hands and bought a combine harvester.

I got a divorce for my birthday.

When I woke up, my wife and kids forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't get any birthday cards or phone calls. When I went into work my secretary wished me happy birthday and I felt really special.
We went out for a drink after work to celebrate and she invited me back to her place. She excused herself for a minute an went into her bedroom and returned with my wife, kids and all my friends.
I was sitting on the couch n**....

Why are divorces so expensive?

Because they're worth it.

what do a divorce and a tornado have in common in west virginia?

either way you lose the trailer

They say divorce is ruining marriage, but my wife's parents are still married...

...and so are my girlfriend's.

How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?

No one knows. They never get to keep the house.

If you get divorced in West Virginia...

Are you still considered brother and sister?

Why is divorce so expensive?

because it's worth it.
I'm going through a divorce right now and my dad just told me this joke. It's dumb but it made me laugh uncontrollably.

Why is the divorce rate so high?

Women never marry the best man.

What's a divorce attorney's favorite dessert?

Wedding cake