The Best 65 Divo Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Divo jokes. There are some divo friend jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these divo wife puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Divo Jokes and Puns
Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?
A: He thought his wife was a flake.
Two coworkers were talking by the water fountain one guy said, "Today I got through the first step of getting divorced."
The second guy replies, "Oh, did you go to Mr. Guggenheim? Everyone goes to him for divorces."
The first man replies, "No, I just got married".
Divorce Joke my Family Law Professor Told
Elderly couple, 102 and 98 years old respectively. And they are getting a divorce. Judge asks them why they are getting one now...
"we were waiting for the kids to die"
Divorce
A a man in his 70's calls his son to tell him he and his mother are getting a divorce. "Dad, you can't do this! You're not thinking straight." The son calls his sister to talk about it, and she is in agreement; their parents cannot do this. "Dad, we're flying out there tomorrow. Do not sign any papers, contact any lawyers, or even thinking about going down to the courthouse." After the dad gets off the phone, he looks over at his wife and says, "It worked. They'll be here for Christmas and are paying their own airfare."
In the divorce court today
In the divorce court today an 85-year old farmer divorced his 17-year old wife, claiming he could not keep his hands off her.
He has since fired all of his hands and bought a combine harvester.
I got a divorce for my birthday.
When I woke up, my wife and kids forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't get any birthday cards or phone calls. When I went into work my secretary wished me happy birthday and I felt really special.
We went out for a drink after work to celebrate and she invited me back to her place. She excused herself for a minute an went into her bedroom and returned with my wife, kids and all my friends.
I was sitting on the couch naked.
Why are divorces so expensive?
Because they're worth it.
what do a divorce and a tornado have in common in west virginia?
either way you lose the trailer
They say divorce is ruining marriage, but my wife's parents are still married...
...and so are my girlfriend's.
How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?
No one knows. They never get to keep the house.
Why is divorce so expensive?
because it's worth it.
I'm going through a divorce right now and my dad just told me this joke. It's dumb but it made me laugh uncontrollably.
You can explore divo divorce reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean divo clear dad jokes. There are also divo puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why is the divorce rate so high?
Women never marry the best man.
What's a divorce attorney's favorite dessert?
Wedding cake
If you get a divorce in Arkansas...
... is she still your sister?
How to get a divorce
Wife: Honey, how do I look?
Husband: Like a.. Well, great!
Wife: Good great or bad great?
Husband: Overflowing sewer grate.
Divorce
I consider myself pretty lucky in my divorce because we negotiated a 50-50 split of our assets. My wife got half, my lawyer got half.
How's a divorce like a hurricane...
There's a bunch of sucking and blowing, but in the end she takes your house.
DIVORCED & DRUNK
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.
His wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband. "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
divorce
Wife to husband: I want a divorce. You always tell me I am fat.
Husband: Dont be crazy. What about our child ?
Wife: What ? What child ?
Husband: So you are not pregnant ??
Two Divorced Men Talking...
"You know," says one of the men, "Next time, instead of getting married, I'm just going to find a woman I don't like and buy her a house."
After my divorce, I had a sex change
from very seldom to not at all.
There are no divorce courts at the North Pole,
so when Santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.
They're great for separating independent Clauses.
Before I got divorced, I should have converted all my assets to jokes.
Because my ex couldn't ever take one.
After I got divorced, my former wife told me about a movie she gave 2 thumbs up that I should definitely take the kids to see.
I told her, "That wouldn't be appropriate. That movie is ex-rated"
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's fuckin' worth it.
A friend's divorce is being finalized today and he often says this.
I may have to divorce my wife...
My son broke both his arms today.
I had to divorce my wife when I went blind.
I just couldn't see myself with her anymore.
Divorce is tough on some kids
Others are just happy to be single again.
Your parents' divorce was so bad
you had 3 Christmases.
Divorce custody
A couples divorce proceedings are in progress, and the case of who gets custody of their 4 year old child gets raised.
The mother pleads her case: "I'm the mother, I carried her for 9 months so of course she should stay with me."
The father responds: "if I go to an ATM machine, and I insert my card, and money comes out, does the money belong to me or to the machine?"
I wish I was getting a divorce.
Because it would mean someone once loved me enough to marry me.
I just divorced my wife of six years. It was very amicable.
She was the first one to "like" my Facebook status when I indicated I was single again.
For me, Divorce is like Algebra.
I look at my X and wonder Y.
Divorce...
A man calls his mom to let her know that he planned to file for divorce from his wife:
"Well that's terrible!", his mom says. "You've only been together a few years. What happened?"
"It didn't work out, Ma."
"Oh, c'mon! There has to be more to it than that!"
"No, that's pretty much it. She just stopped going to the gym."
After getting divorced,
I met a girl on a first date
Girl: where were you before?
Me: i was in jail, i just came out after doing 10 years.
Girl: why? What crime did you commit?
Me: I committed a marriage.
** today is my 10th anniversary and i just created this joke**
A divorced couple standing in court over a child custody, the mother makes her claim and says: "I had him in my womb for 9 months, so he is mine"
The judge turns to the father and asks: "and what is your claim?"
The man, smiling, says calmly: "Your honour, when I put a coin in the vending machine, the coke that comes out is mine or the machine's?"
Divorce
My wife wanted to file for divorce. It was clear that she would get the house. So I gave her a cask of Amontillado. She's not going anywhere for a while.
Why does a divorce cost so much?
Because it's worth it.
What do divorce lawyers practice to defend themselves?
Marital Arts.
After divorcing from my ten year marriage, I started dating again and was soon using muscles I'd forgotten I had.
Mainly when I smiled.
I had to divorce my wife, she was just SO childish
She kept stealing my bath toys.
What does divorce Barbie come with?
All of Ken's stuff.
Divorced couples in Colorado are having trouble deciding who gets the Marijuana...
The judges have started issuing joint custody
I was at my divorce settlement yesterday, when I announced I would like to make a suggestion...
They agreed, so I told them, "She can have the car, the house, all the funds in our joint account and full custody of our children on one condition... I get to keep whatever I have in my pocket."
"It's a deal!" my wife said, with a smug look on her face.
"You obviously didn't check the lottery numbers last night, did you?"
You should never divorce a furry.
I don't remember why, but I think it's an old wife's tail.
I divorced my wife and bought a horse...
I'm finally in a stable relationship.
How many divorced men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. The sockets went with the house.
I'm going through a divorce at the moment, and my soon to be ex-wife said she is going to make sure my bank balance is going to be $0.
That's nice of her, paying off all my debt.
How much Divorced men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they didn't get the house.
Every since I divorced my wife life has been so much better
Turns out I really enjoy living in my own Accord
The divorce rate has now reached 50%.
That means statistically speaking, either you or your spouse are going to end up divorced.
I divorced my best friend 10 years ago...
My wife is a lot happier now, but Dave.....Dave's not here
How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb?
We wouldn't know, the women always get to keep the house.
Now that he's divorced, what does Amazon's CEO do when he's feeling lonely?
Jeff pays hoes.
My ex divorced me because she said I treated her like a maid.
But even the judge agreed that she should keep the house.
The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order.
I said alphabetically or by age
Why are divorce lawyers so expensive?
They're worth it.
After the divorce went through, Kevin felt...
Unbridaled joy.
What is something that a divorce lawyer and a kidnapper can both say
You give me the money and I'll give you the kids
A divorced father picks his 5 year old son up for their weekend together.
After they have lunch the father says what do you want to do now, son?
Kid says, I want to go back to Sea World!
No, son, we're not doing that.
Please
No
Pretty please?
No
Why not?
You just got here. I don't feel like taking you home to your mother.
I said I want to go back to Sea World.
Oh, I thought you said C Word.
How are a divorce in Oklahoma and a tornado alike?
Somebody's going to lose a trailer...
"I want a divorce" I told the judge. "All my wife does every night is go from bar to bar to bar.
"What is she doing that for?" Asked the judge.
"Fu***ng looking for me."
Why did 4 divorce 5?
Because 5 had 6 with 7.
why do divorces cost so much?
Because they are worth it.
Why did D divorce E?
Because E, F, G
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the divo vocalist jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working divo supermodel piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.