Division Jokes

What are some Division jokes?

The Washington Redskins are changing the team name because of all the negativity, shame, humiliation, dissent, polarity, adversity, defiance, animosity, contempt, discrimination, division, counter-productivity and hostility associated with their name.

....from now on they will be known simply as the Redskins.

Who won the first Tour De France?

The 2nd Panzer Division.

Why do cellular biologists never agree with mathematicians?

For them, division and multiplication are the same thing.

French Jokes

Who won the first Tour de France?
The 6th Panzer division.

Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors?
To see the front line.

How many French troops does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows.

Why do a lot of math nerds wear glasses?

It helps with division.

[Bad joke] The other day my sister asked me what the difference between cellular division and a sock is

To which I replied 'Nothing, they both involve mitosis'

Hitler is in his Bunker

One day, Hitler is in his bunker planning his strategy for the next phase of the war when there is a knock at the door. He says "enter" and Goebbels walks in.
"What is it Goebbels? Can't you see I'm busy?!" asks Hitler, clearly irritated.
"Mein Fuhrer," says Goebbels, "I have news. The Italians joined the war today."
"No problem," replies Hitler, "send a division against them."
"Mein Fuhrer, they are on our side."
"Ah," says Hitler, "then send two divisions."

What's Kim Jong Un's favorite step of mitosis?

Nuclear division.

Who won the Tour de France in 1940?

The Sixth German Panzer Division.

"Herr General, the Italians have entered the war"

said the Wehrmacht commander's subordinate.

"Really?" his boss sighed. "Send half a division to stop them."

"Nein, herr General." replied his subordinate; "they are entering on our side."

Upon hearing it, the General collapses onto the table, crying; "Send two armies to help them!"

The Montana Department of Employment

The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.

AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.

RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.

He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.

AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.

RANCHER: That would be me.

Why does the cell always fail at Math?

It performs division for multiplication.

Minimum Wage

The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards got an anonymous tip that a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help. They immediately sent an official agent out to investigate him.

GOVT AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.

RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $350 a week plus free room and board.

GOVT AGENT: Well, those payments and conditions are within the law. Anybody else work here?

RANCHER: Well, I wasn't going to say. But there's also a mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work on the ranch. He makes about $10 per week, sometimes less. He pays his own room and board. I do buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life, but then sometimes he tries to make love to my wife.

GOVT AGENT: Okay, yes, then THAT's the guy I heard about, and need to talk to -- the mentally challenged one.

RANCHER: That would be me.

Semper Fi, Motherf*****

A Taliban division is patrolling the desert when, over a nearby dune, they hear a voice call out "One Marine is worth 10 Taliban." The Taliban commander sends 10 of his men over the dune, and a gun battle ensues, then silence.

Then the voice laughs and says "One marine is tougher than 100 Taliban." Angered, the commander sends 100 of his troops over the dune. A fierce gun battle breaks out, then silence.

Then the voice once again calls out: "The Taliban are wimps. One Marine can smash 1000 of you cowards!" Enraged, the commander sends 1000 of his best men over the dune. Bullets are flying everywhere, grenades exploding left and right, and then silence again.

Then, through the smoke, one badly wounded Taliban soldier crawls back over the dune. He looks at his commander and says "Don't send any more men, it's a trap. There are actually TWO of them!"

Who won the first Tour De France?

The 6th Panzer division.

Of course the joke isn't historically accurate. It's a joke, not a fact.

Who won the original Tour De France?

The 7th Panzer division

Who won the first Tour de France?

The 3rd German Tank Division.

A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of manager of a large division...

He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate. He simply asked each applicant this question, "What is two plus two?"

The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was, "Twenty-two".

The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm very glad that we had the opportunity to discuss it."

The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and came up with an answer "somewhere between 3.999 and 4.001."

Next came an attorney. He stated that "in the case of Jenkins vs. the Department of the Treasury, two plus two was proven to be four."

Finally, the businessman interviewed an accountant. When he asked him what two plus two was, the accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it, came back and sat down. Leaning across the desk, he said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

Homework.

A girl is doing her homework and her little brother walks in. She asks him for help with a question and he refuses. Angrily she says "Just tell me what the division of two cells is and I won't hurt you". He still won't tell her so she stamps on his foot. "Tell me!" she yells "ouch! mitosis!."

Police dog

One evening, a deputy in the canine division was dispatched to the scene of a possible burglary, where he discovered the back door of a building open. He let the dog out of his patrol car and commanded it to enter and seek. Jumping from the back seat, the dog headed for the building. After lunging through the doorway, the dog froze and backed out. My friend was puzzled until he investigated further. Then he noticed the sign on the building: "Veterinarian's Office."

What division does a blacksmith boxer compete in?

Smelterweight.

Who was the winner of the first Tour De France?

The Wehrmacht Tank division.

Can you explain cell division very fast??..

o
0
8
oo

What was the General's answer...

to the President's inquiry, as to what military division has been most under appreciated during his term?

"Tanks, Obama."

Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.

Multiplication in biology means reproduction, which is microscopically accomplished by cell division.

My friend asked me to stop making Math jokes

I said that I'm sorry, but bad jokes are my division

What did the blind kid miss most about math class?

Division.

I wear glasses during math,

Because it improves division.

Just bought one of these new Brexit calculators..

..nothing seems to add up, it just takes away and does division

I have an idea for a movie about undead tank operators

I call it GHOST DIVISION

What do you call a division that does the same things again for no reason?

The Department of Redundancy Department

Talk Like A Pirate Day

"Okay, we know we said we'd come back stronger than ever this year, and we admit that 4th place in the division is not where we wanted to be. But it IS a better-than-.500 record, so there's that, and we have some good prospects in the pipe for 2019."

What music do vegan goths listen to?

Soy division

The result of mutiplication is called a product

Does that mean division is counterproductive?

Looking for a joke about religious divisions...

I heard a joke a long time ago about two people who were in the same religion. and they go through the sub-parts of the religion- they're both christians, protestants, lutherans, same synod, etc... but when they get to the smallest possible division - they are in different ones and they get into a big fight, yelling at each other about being apostates. Anyone know how it goes?

I always wear my glasses during math exams...

Because it help me with division.

Who was the true winner of the 1940 Tour de France?

The 7th German Panzer Division

With all the division in this country, I wanted to reach out...

...and tell my Latin friends "Feliz ano nuevo!"

My friend lost my favorite Joy Division movie

She's lost Control again.

I identify as the second largest oceanic division...

I am a Trans-Atlantic.

Why do mathematicians wear glasses?

Because they improve division.

The manager of my power drill company was doing so well I promoted him to head of the cement mixer division.

One good turn deserves another.

Grandma was making lasagna when suddenly an entire US division came crashing through her door.

She put a little too much oil in the lasagna.

Maths teachers are the worst...

...they're always creating division.

Last night on a flight to Denver I finally joined the mile high club!

.....solo aviators division.

-Arj Barker is a legend.

There's a rumor that "Hooter's" is going to open a new division.

The new operation will sell basically the same food menu, and employ a similar staff and concept, but for home

delivery. They plan on calling the new operation "Knockers".

If Cruella de Vil had a daughter, she would be named Lucy.

Lucy would aid the family business by taking up a logistics division, calling the child company Lucy's Fur.

How to make Division jokes?

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