Divine Jokes
42 divine jokes and hilarious divine puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about divine that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover how divine intervention and divine 9 can bring a celestial atmosphere of devoutness. This article provides a variety of jokes from different perspectives from Catholicism to Presbyterian. Get some laughs with Divine Jokes!
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Funniest Divine Short Jokes
Short divine jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The divine humour may include short holy jokes also.
- What’s the difference between an accordion heaven and hell? In heaven, the music is divine, and in hell, it’s an eternal polka party.
- A programming genius named Sewter Built a limerick-writing computer
The metre was fine
And the rhymes quite divine
But for some reason it always got the last line wrong - How to use religion to your advantage 1. Claim divine visitation of some nature
2. ???
3. Prophet - There's new offshoot of the Catholic Church that worships a paper bag as the divine manifestation of the One, True God. It's pretty sack-religious.
- Why do Reddit astrologers not try to divine humor from the movement of planets? Because the real joke is in the comets!
- Whoever wrote the Bible should've come up with two more divine entities So instead of calling it the "Holy Trinity" it would be the "Repentagon".
- What did the Oblivion character say when he saw a molecule of magnesium sulphate? BY THE NINE DIVINES! A SALT!
- Israel Health minister who previously claimed that CORONA Virus is divine punishment against homosexuality. Has tested positive for the virus!!!
- If you're Divine and you want to stop a river, what do you do? You God Dam it!
-I thought this up after hearing mom say her 2nd favorite curse - I just installed TempleOS on my old laptop, and that divine touch has brought it back to life. The battery charge alone lasts five years.
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Divine One Liners
Which divine one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with divine? I can suggest the ones about spiritual and sacred.
- Did you hear about the gay pope? He couldn't decide if he was divine or simply gorgeous.
- Our divine caster lost track of his healing spells. It was a clerical error.
- How do you cook divine spaghetti? Al Dante.
- Jesus said to his disciples I am divine And you are the branches
- What do you call someone who uses smoothies for divination? A smooth-sayer.
- What do you do when a God becomes an alcoholic? Divine intervention.
- You must be an angel, because your texture mapping is so divine!
- Did you know that Jesus is the wealthiest divinity? Jesus saves.
- I wanted to go to school for divination... But then I realized there was no future in it
- What does the emperor have when he goes for a sunday drive? he has Divine Right of way
- I tried to read Dante's Divine Comedy but I can never get past Purgatorio
- What is a synonym for the Holy Trinity? The divine t**...
- Where does a divine b**... live? A God Dam!
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Divine Jokes
What funny jokes about divine you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean goddess jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make divine pranks.
A priest, a lawyer and an engineer are to be guillotined.
The priest puts his head on the block, the rope is pulled but nothing happens. He claims he has been saved by divine intervention and is released.
The lawyer puts his head on the block, but again, nothing happens, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and is set free.
The engineer places his head under the guillotine. He looks up at the release mechanism and says:
'Wait a minute, I see your problem...'
During the French Revolution a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer were facing execution on the guillotine.
The doctor was first, but the blade jammed and the doctor was set free due to Divine Intervention.
The lawyer was next, again the blade jammed, and was also set free.
As the engineer was being led to his doom, he glanced up at the blade and said Wait a minute! I think I see the problem…
Judy entered a church
She was wearing a see through blouse and no bra.
"You can't come into this church dressed like that!" Exclaimed the priest.
"But I have a divine right!" Replied Judy.
"You have a divine left too, but you still can't come in dressed like that!"
The priest, laywer, and engineer
By chance, a priest, a laywer, and an engineer find themselves in line to be guillotined. They demand that the priest steps up, and he reluctantly does so. They put his head in the guillotine and pull the rope, but to everyone's surprise, nothing happens. The priest declares that he was saved by divine intervention, and they let him go.
They then make the lawyer step up to the guillotine. They pull the rope and again, nothing happens. The lawyer reminds them that he cannot be executed twice for the same crime, and so they reluctantly let him go.
Then they make the engineer step up, and they put his head in the guillotine. The engineer says, "Oh wait, *here's* your problem.."
A divine mathematical story
After creating the world, the Lord looked at it and he said to the animals "Go forth and multiply!"
The snakes came to him and said "Oh Lord, please forgive us, we cannot do as you command, for we are adders".
The Lord turned to the trees and said "Fall over and build furniture from your trunk, because adders can multiply with the aid of log tables".
Words of the Lord of math.
Suzy came to the church in a see-through blouse leaving nothing to imagination
After the congregation,the priest called her aside and said " you can't come to church dressed like that " pointing at her blouse.
"But I have a divine right" complained Suzy.
" And you have a divine left too " noted the priest " still you can't come dressed like that " .
Suzy came to the church in a see-through blouse leaving almost nothing to imagination
After the congregation,the priest called her aside and said " you can't come to church dressed like that " pointing at her blouse.
"But I have a divine right" complained Suzy.
" And you have a divine left too " noted the priest " but still you can't come dressed like that " .
Christian theologians have long maintained that Jesus is both human and divine simultaneously. A recent squabble has divided them over the subject of His nostrils. I know which side I'm on
I'm going with the God-only-nose crowd
Sophie walks into the church wearing a very low cut blouse.
The parish priest went up to her " you must not enter the house of God unless properly dressed"
" Oh, but I have a divine right"
"You also have a divine left" sighed the clergyman,"but I still have to insist that you should cover up"
A long time ago, in the middle east
There was a town where everyone worshipped many gods. But one day, a young boy arrived from afar, claiming to be a prophet sent by Allah. He told them to convert to Islam, or else they would receive divine punishment.
Naturally, the townspeople rejected his words, and they executed him in public. Mere days later, a mysterious disease swept through the town and killed every last one of them.
They should have obeyed the Quran teen.
An elderly gay gentleman has one too many at a bar on the night before Easter
And throwing trepidation to the winds, he stumbles towards home through Central Park. He gets terribly lost on 110th St. and ends up careering into St. John the Divine just as they're beginning midnight mass. The priest is walking up the aisle and swinging the censor when the man runs up to him and hisses, "sweetie, I love the dress, but your *handbag is on fire.*"
Did you hear about the hornet who left home in search of the divine truth?
He's a bee-leaver
Next Episode On h**... Kitchen...
"Is the wine divine or vintage?"
"D-divine chef."
"Jesus Christ..."
"Yes, probably."
What do you call the Moon spirit that at once sits upon a lake of glowing jade and exists nestled within our divine souls?
Altha'or syzygena
