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Diving Board Jokes

30 diving board jokes and hilarious diving board puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about diving board that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Diving Board Short Jokes

Short diving board jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The diving board humour may include short diving jokes also.

  1. "Sir, you'll need to leave, you can't pee in the pool." "But everyone pees in the pool!"
    "Yes, but not from the diving board."
  2. I got kicked out of a pool for peeing in it The lifeguard started yelling, telling me to stop.
    "But all the little kids do it too!" I yelled back.
    "But not while standing on the diving board!"
  3. Some lifeguard kicked me out of the pool for peeing in it. I told him everyone does it. He told me not off the diving board
  4. Why am I being banned from the pool?! Because you're peeing in it.
    But everyone pees in the pool!
    Yes, but not from the diving board.
  5. Pee in the pool and nobody bats an eye Do it from the diving board and everyone loses their minds
  6. At the swimming pool A lifeguard reprimand a kid:
    - Boy! Stop peeing in the pool!
    - But everyone does!
    - I know, but not from the diving board!
  7. What does Mr. T say after tossing two 20's and a 10 off the diving board? I fitty da pool. Peckahs
  8. Jacob was at his neighbourhood community swimming pool. Lifeguard: Jacob! Stop Peeing in the pool!
    Jacob: But everyone does it!?
    Lifeguard: Yes, but not when on the DIVING BOARD.
  9. Olympics synchronized-diving hopeful from a country so poor he had to practice in a pool with one diving board . . . And a mirror.
  10. "Madam, Please ask your son to stop peeing in the pool!" "Oh, But everyone pees in the pool! Are you saying you haven't?"

    ***'Not from the Diving board!!!"***

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Diving Board One Liners

Which diving board one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with diving board? I can suggest the ones about dive and scuba divers.

  1. What did Mr. T say after throwing five $10 bills off the diving board? I fitty da pool!
  2. Me and the wife are getting swimming costumes I'm going as a diving board
  3. How did the hipster break his neck? He jump off the diving board before it was pool.

Diving Board Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about diving board you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean scuba diving jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make diving board pranks.

I got banned from the local swimming pool today

They banned me for "peeing in the pool".
I tried defending myself by saying *everybody* pees in the pool, but according to them no one does it from the diving board

So this guard was escorting me out of the pool the other day…

I asked him why.
Because you p**... in the pool!
He shouted.
So what? everyone does!
I exclaimed.
To which he replied:
Well… yeah… but not from the diving board!

I've been watching you urinate in the pool..

Lifeguard: I've been watching you, Mr. Jones, and you'll have to stop urinating in the pool.
Mr. Jones: But everybody urinates in the pool.
Lifeguard: From the diving board?

My wife keeps blaming me for making inanimate objects mad

My wife keeps blaming me for making inanimate objects mad.
"Quit p**... off the roof. Quit p**... off the balcony. Quit p**... off the diving board."

the newlyweds go to the hotel swimming pool...

The guy goes to the diving board and performs a 2 1/2 sommersaults with 2 twists backwards.
-"Whoa, that was impressive," says the wife when the man comes back.
-"I was a double medallist in London olympics, dear".
So the woman dives in and does 90 lenghts of the pool in 2 1/2 minutes.
-"Baby, that WAS impressive", says the husband.
-"I was a p**... in Venice, dear"

A lifeguard blows his whistle at a little boy and asks him to come over...

He says to the boy, "Hey, you're not allowed to pee in the pool."
"That's not fair!" says the boy, "There must be dozens of people peeing in the pool every day! Why do you gotta pick on me?"
The lifeguard says, "Well most people don't do it off the diving board."

Little Jimmy at the Pool

Jennifer the lifeguard tells Jimmy to stop peeing in the pool. Little 6 year old Jimmy replies that everbody pees in the pool. Jennifer says that yes people do, but not from the diving board...

Diving

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he was not wearing a scuba gear.
The diver went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later.
The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the h**... are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'M DROWNING s**...".

I was desperate for a p**... at the pool....

I was at the swimming pool last week, and you know when you're absolutely bursting for a p**... but the toilets are way over there?
I thought: "weeelllll..... everyone else does it..."
So I decided just to let one slip out in the pool.
The lifeguard must have spotted me though. He shouted at me so loud I nearly fell off the diving board.

One of the Saddest Stories I've Ever Heard

The HighSchool Girls National diving team's plane crashed into the ocean, and they washed up on a deserted island.
Physically, the few survivors were unharmed, but as the days past, their minds began to crack as they realized that they had not the tools, knowledge, or materials to build a working diving board and bring some normalcy back into their lives!


But alas… The poor b**... were forced to resort to cannonballism.

I climbed the stairs and saw a man standing on the edge about to jump.

"Don't do it!" I screamed. "Your life is worth more than that!"

Anyway, then he jumped, and I was escorted down from the diving board.

One day John decided to go swimming.

He's at the pool, enjoying himself, when the lifeguard approaches and says "John, it's time for you to leave the swimming pool".
John: "Why, I just got here a little while ago, I'm enjoying myself, why do I have to leave?".
Lifeguard: "Because you're peeing in the swimming pool".
John: "So what! Everybody pees in the swimming pool!"
Lifeguard: "BUT FROM THE HIGH DIVING BOARD!?"

So little jimmy was peeing in the pool.

And the lifeguard yells at him, hey little jimmy, your not allowed to pee in the pool.
And little jimmy says to the lifeguard, but, but all the little kids pee in the pool.
And the lifeguard replies, Yeah, but not from the diving board...

Pete and Jenny were long time patients at the mental institution...

...and they had formed a relationship.
They were walking past the pond, Pete fell in and sank, Jenny, with no thought for her own safety, dived to the bottom of the pool and rescued him, she also gave him the kiss of life.
A few days later Jenny was summomed before the board of the hospital and was told that seeing how she had the sense to dive in to rescue Pete she could not be classed as insane, she was going home the day after.
When the nurse was helping her pack, she gave Jenny the bad news..........After you had rescued Pete, he was foubd in the hospital ward, dead, hanging from a beam !
Jenny replied, "yes, I hung him up to dry,can I go home now ?