Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Divine Jokes
A priest, a lawyer and an engineer are to be guillotined.
The priest puts his head on the block, the rope is pulled but nothing happens. He claims he has been saved by divine intervention and is released.
The lawyer puts his head on the block, but again, nothing happens, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and is set free.
The engineer places his head under the guillotine. He looks up at the release mechanism and says:
'Wait a minute, I see your problem...'
During the French Revolution a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer were facing execution on the guillotine.
The doctor was first, but the blade jammed and the doctor was set free due to Divine Intervention.
The lawyer was next, again the blade jammed, and was also set free.
As the engineer was being led to his doom, he glanced up at the blade and said Wait a minute! I think I see the problem…
Judy entered a church
She was wearing a see through blouse and no bra.
"You can't come into this church dressed like that!" Exclaimed the priest.
"But I have a divine right!" Replied Judy.
"You have a divine left too, but you still can't come in dressed like that!"
Did you hear about the gay pope?
He couldn't decide if he was divine or simply gorgeous.
The priest, laywer, and engineer
By chance, a priest, a laywer, and an engineer find themselves in line to be guillotined. They demand that the priest steps up, and he reluctantly does so. They put his head in the guillotine and pull the rope, but to everyone's surprise, nothing happens. The priest declares that he was saved by divine intervention, and they let him go.
They then make the lawyer step up to the guillotine. They pull the rope and again, nothing happens. The lawyer reminds them that he cannot be executed twice for the same crime, and so they reluctantly let him go.
Then they make the engineer step up, and they put his head in the guillotine. The engineer says, "Oh wait, *here's* your problem.."
A divine mathematical story
After creating the world, the Lord looked at it and he said to the animals "Go forth and multiply!"
The snakes came to him and said "Oh Lord, please forgive us, we cannot do as you command, for we are adders".
The Lord turned to the trees and said "Fall over and build furniture from your trunk, because adders can multiply with the aid of log tables".
Words of the Lord of math.
Suzy came to the church in a see-through blouse leaving nothing to imagination
After the congregation,the priest called her aside and said " you can't come to church dressed like that " pointing at her blouse.
"But I have a divine right" complained Suzy.
" And you have a divine left too " noted the priest " still you can't come dressed like that " .
A programming genius named Sewter
Built a limerick-writing computer
The metre was fine
And the rhymes quite divine
But for some reason it always got the last line wrong
How to use religion to your advantage
1. Claim divine visitation of some nature
2. ???
3. Prophet
Our divine caster lost track of his healing spells.
It was a clerical error.
There's new offshoot of the Catholic Church that worships a paper bag as the divine manifestation of the One, True God.
It's pretty sack-religious.
You can explore divine presbyterian reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean divine miracles dad jokes. There are also divine puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why do Reddit astrologers not try to divine humor from the movement of planets?
Because the real joke is in the comets!
Suzy came to the church in a see-through blouse leaving almost nothing to imagination
After the congregation,the priest called her aside and said " you can't come to church dressed like that " pointing at her blouse.
"But I have a divine right" complained Suzy.
" And you have a divine left too " noted the priest " but still you can't come dressed like that " .
Sophie walks into the church wearing a very low cut blouse.
The parish priest went up to her " you must not enter the house of God unless properly dressed"
" Oh, but I have a divine right"
"You also have a divine left" sighed the clergyman,"but I still have to insist that you should cover up"
Whoever wrote the Bible should've come up with two more divine entities
So instead of calling it the "Holy Trinity" it would be the "Repentagon".
A long time ago, in the middle east
There was a town where everyone worshipped many gods. But one day, a young boy arrived from afar, claiming to be a prophet sent by Allah. He told them to convert to Islam, or else they would receive divine punishment.
Naturally, the townspeople rejected his words, and they executed him in public. Mere days later, a mysterious disease swept through the town and killed every last one of them.
They should have obeyed the Quran teen.
How do you cook divine spaghetti?
Al Dante.
Israel Health minister who previously claimed that CORONA Virus is divine punishment against homosexuality.
Has tested positive for the virus!!!
An elderly gay gentleman has one too many at a bar on the night before Easter
And throwing trepidation to the winds, he stumbles towards home through Central Park. He gets terribly lost on 110th St. and ends up careering into St. John the Divine just as they're beginning midnight mass. The priest is walking up the aisle and swinging the censor when the man runs up to him and hisses, "sweetie, I love the dress, but your *handbag is on fire.*"
Jesus said to his disciples I am divine
And you are the branches
If you're Divine and you want to stop a river, what do you do?
You God Dam it!
-I thought this up after hearing mom say her 2nd favorite curse
What is a synonym for the Holy Trinity?
The divine t**...
I just installed TempleOS on my old laptop, and that divine touch has brought it back to life.
The battery charge alone lasts five years.
Did you hear about the hornet who left home in search of the divine truth?
He's a bee-leaver
Next Episode On h**... Kitchen...
"Is the wine divine or vintage?"
"D-divine chef."
"Jesus Christ..."
"Yes, probably."
What do you do when a God becomes an alcoholic?
Divine intervention.
What do you call the Moon spirit that at once sits upon a lake of glowing jade and exists nestled within our divine souls?
Altha'or syzygena
What does the emperor have when he goes for a sunday drive?
he has Divine Right of way
I tried to read Dante's Divine Comedy
but I can never get past Purgatorio
