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Divide Jokes

78 divide jokes and hilarious divide puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about divide that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you ready to split your sides with some of the funniest math jokes? In this article, we bring you the best jokes related to the divide, from divide by zero jokes to those covering the North-South divide. Explore the integral part that laughter can play in mathematics!

Funniest Divide Short Jokes

Short divide jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The divide humour may include short split jokes also.

  1. A dad joke my science teacher told me a long time ago: Why are bacteria so bad at math?
    Because they multiply by dividing.
    RIP Miss Henn. Miss her lots.
  2. My wife is so much better looking than me... ...that a cashier just put a plastic divider down in the middle of our groceries.
    Cr
  3. My brother and I used to fight in the pool until the day our mom told us to divide it in half and stay on our side. I picked the top half.
  4. Why do cellular biologists always disagree with mathematicians? Because to them dividing and multiplying are the same
  5. What's a simple method for calculating the number of bees in a beehive? Easy. Just count all their legs and divide by six.
  6. My teen daughter is acting really odd. She can't even. It's causing a family divide. We've got to figure it out before our problems multiply.
  7. My brain is divided into left and right On the left there's nothing right, and on the right there's nothing left
  8. I was talking to a mathematician the other day about fractions it was fair to say, our opinions were divided
  9. I got fired from my job as a math teacher I was supposed to teach the kids what sine divided by cosine was, but I kept going off on a tangent.
  10. Breaking news: A teacher was arrested for carrying a protractor, a compass and a divider. The cited reason for the arrest was: " He was carrying weapons of math instruction".

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Divide One Liners

Which divide one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with divide? I can suggest the ones about division and spread.

  1. What do you get if you divide a pumpkins circumference by its diameter? pumpkin π
    Sorry.
  2. How do you find a velociraptor ? You divide the distanceraptor by the timeraptor
  3. Why is bacteria so bad at math? ...It multiplies by dividing!
  4. Why did I divide sin by tan? Just cos.
  5. What do you get when you divide 355 jack o'lanterns by 113 jack o'lanterns? Pumpkin Pi.
  6. How do you find a velociraptor Divide a distanceraptor by a timeraptor
  7. You know what seems odd to me? Numbers that can't be divided by two.
  8. Why are Amoebas so bad at math? Because, when they need to multiply, they divide.
  9. How do you divide old Rome? Using a pair of Caesars.
  10. Why did the amoeba flunk the math test? Because it multiplied by dividing.
  11. I can prove that primates don't exist... Eight divides evenly by 2 or 4.
  12. Resistance is not futile... It's voltage divided by current.
  13. What's a pumpkin circumference divided by pumpkin diameter? Pumpkin pie
  14. How does a Roman Emperor divide his empire? He uses his Caesars.
  15. How do bread cells divide? They sbread apart through mitoastis

Divide By Zero Jokes

Here is a list of funny divide by zero jokes and even better divide by zero puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When I make math jokes, I try to appeal to the lowest common denominator... The problem is that with you lot I usually end up dividing by zero.
    /mathburn!
  • Why did the Indian programmer divide by zero? To get NaN.
  • My love for you is like dividing by zero - it cannot be defined.
  • How to simplify your life You divide it by zero.
    Why?
    Because your life does not have an answer.
  • X says to Y : "i feel so close to you, i feel like zero divides us"
  • What do you get when you divide by zero?
  • Black holes are where God divided by zero.
  • Two people are discussing math. 1: What number satisfies 1/x=0
    2: Nothing satisfies that equation.
    1: ...
    1: I'm pretty sure that you can't divide by zero.
  • Why can a number divided by zero never be found in the dictionary? Because it's undefined.
  • Who are the 1%? They're the ones behind the divided zeroes

North South Divide Jokes

Here is a list of funny north south divide jokes and even better north south divide puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call something that divides the North and South hemispheres, is just an imaginary organizational tool, and nobody really knows when it ends? Winter.
Divide joke, What do you call something that divides the North and South hemispheres, is just an imaginary organi

Divide joke, What do you call something that divides the North and South hemispheres, is just an imaginary organi

Laughter Divide Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity

What funny jokes about divide you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean portion jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make divide pranks.

s**... is like...

s**... is like math. You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, leave your solution, and pray you didn't multiply.
s**... is like air. You don't know what it's worth until you're not getting any.

How do a neckbeard's cells divide?

by m'tosis

Two men on a train.

One of them occasionaly says a number like 256, 128, 280, 660 and this goes on for a while.
The other one asks him: "Hey what's the deal with with all those numbers?"
"Well, to pass the time, I just count the animals in the herd as the train passes one."
"Wow, cool! How can you do it so fast?"
"Simple, I count the legs and divide by four."

Old couple goes to a fast food restorant.

They order one burger and fries, sit down and divide the burger and fries. A man from table next to them sees that and asks politely: "If you want, I can buy some extra food for you." "No thanks, we are a old couple, we share everything." Time goes by and the man is eating, but the woman is not. From the table next to them, the man asks again:"I really have no problem buying you food." Man replies:"Dodnt worry about it, she will eat! We share everything" But the stranger is not happy with that and asks the woman:"Why are you not eating?" Woman looks at him and says:"I am waiting for the teeth."

If I am ever put in charge of hiring at my company ...

... I will randomly divide the stack of applications into two piles and then throw one of them away.
I just don't want to work with unlucky people.

After much discussion, it was decided that Korea would divide its capital city into two, half for North and half for South, the job of splitting the city went to some unusual ministers: Cenobites. In their first public address about their new task, they gave their mission statement:

"We'll tear your Seoul apart"

Mathematics of Love

Add a girl to your bed
Subtract her clothes
Divide her legs
and keep Multiplying

When people tell me I'm a nerd for being good at math...

...I simply tell them that I'll add a knife to my hand, divide all their blood vessels, and subtract them from this world.

Alaskan said to Texan: Stop bragging....

...about how big your state is, or we'll divide Alaska in half and make you the third largest state.

How to equally divide a cake among five people with only three cuts

Slice three people with your knife and ask the last, "Do you also want a piece?"

To whom was Shia LaBeouf chanting "*He will not divide us*" after he got arrested yesterday?

His b**....

What do you get when you divide 3.14 by 6?

6 slices of pi

What is 10 Divided by 0?

Original Content

If you pierce my colon with your stick,

you'll divide me.

Divided the circumference of a Jack-o'-lantern today by its diameter...

Ended up with pumpkin pi.

You have a pumpkin.

You measure around it. All the way around.
Then you cut the pumpkin in half so the top is separate from the bottom.
Measure across the cut pumpkin.
Divide the circumference by the diameter.
What do you have now?
Pumpkin Pi

0 said to 8, "Divide by me."

8 said, "Nah. I'd rather lie down instead."

Mathematical s**....

s**... is like math:
Add the bed
Subtract the clothes
Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply

Three cats live at the football stadium

It was lean pickings one winter but eventually they managed to catch a mouse and are discussing how they will divide it up.
The first cat says "as we live at the football stadium let's divide it by team. I support Liverpool so I will eat it's Liver
"Great idea" says the second cat "I support Hartlepool. I will eat the heart
The third cat says "I support Arsenal, I'm not that hungry thanks"

What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?

A cow pi.

How do you have s**... with a female mathematics teacher?

Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, square root her and she'll multiply.

What is 5 divided by 5?

Communism

I tell ya, ya just can't divide by the number of girlfriends I have.

That was the last thing I said before I dumped her.

5 Jokes About Pi

1. Divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter and what do you get?
Pumpkin Pi
2. I saw a movie and gave it a 3.1415 out of 5.
It was Life of Pi
3. My friend decided to get a tattoo of the symbol pi on his face.
It was an irrational decision
4. Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's table?
Sir Cumference . but how did he get that way?
eating too much Pi.
5. I hate all these Pi jokes.
They go on forever.
With that last one I'll show myself the door.

There's a lot of political turmoil in the Americas at the moment.

Even in Panama there's a big divide.

"We divided the population as you requested Mr. President", announced the assistant at the door,"so we're just waiting for your approval on the memory wipe"

"Wipe the memories of groups 1-8, leave 9 and wipe 10 too." "Why leave 9 sir? 9 refers to children born between 1990 and 1999, why should they be left with their memories?"
The president looked out of the window
"Only 90s kids will remember this."

Deal!

A man from Poland and a man from Russia together dig up a treasure.
The guy from Poland says:
\-- Let us divide this like brothers!
The Russian:
\-- Let's better 50-50.

s**... is like Math

Add a bed
Subtract the clothes
Divide the legs
And hope to not multiply

Guy #1 I've never been good at counting cows.

Guy #2: Let me count .... hmmm .... 1341.
Guy #1: Wow! That is impressive. How did you do that?
Guy #2: Easy. I just count the legs and divide by 4.

After 5 years of marriage, a couple filed for divorce.

The court was finalizing their divorce when the Judge looked to the couple and said; "You've got 3 kids, how will you divide them?"
The couple then had a long conversation between the two of them. "We'll be back after 1 year." They said.
9 months later, they had twins.

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi

Math Teacher: James, what do you get when you subtract 897 from 1824 and add 176 and divide the answer by 3?

James: A Headache ma'am.

I don't like jokes about math….

They always divide people and it adds up to arguments in the comments

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a Jack-O'-Lantern by its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi

We all know that there's a divide in the lepidopterist community...

We all know that there's a divide in the lepidopterist community, and that traditionally most of the glamour goes to the entomologists who study the butterflies, because they're so pretty and colorful, rather than the brown and grey moths. So for 364 days a year, the butterflyers get all the glory. But today is the day when we recognize the contributions of those devoted lepidopterists who chose a less glamorous, but no less important, path. Happy mothers day.

What do you get when you divide a pumpkin's circumference by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi
Heard this on Psychostick's livestream :3

Chuck Norris's password is the last 9 digits of pi.

Chuck Norris can divide by 0.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice
Chuck Norris can cross a vector with a scalar
Chuck Norris is so tough he can draw a circle with exactly 100 degrees.
Chuck Norris is so badass he can find value of a variable in an expansion without factoring the coefficient within the expansion.
Chuck Norris is so tough he can draw an isosceles triangle with four perfectly identical vertices
Chuck Norris is so tough he can simplify an improper fraction without first dividing the denominator and using it to multiple the numerator.

Divide joke, What's a simple method for calculating the number of bees in a beehive?

jokes about divide