Divide Jokes
78 divide jokes and hilarious divide puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about divide that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you ready to split your sides with some of the funniest math jokes? In this article, we bring you the best jokes related to the divide, from divide by zero jokes to those covering the North-South divide. Explore the integral part that laughter can play in mathematics!
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Funniest Divide Short Jokes
Short divide jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The divide humour may include short split jokes also.
- A dad joke my science teacher told me a long time ago: Why are bacteria so bad at math?
Because they multiply by dividing.
RIP Miss Henn. Miss her lots. - My wife is so much better looking than me... ...that a cashier just put a plastic divider down in the middle of our groceries.
Cr - My brother and I used to fight in the pool until the day our mom told us to divide it in half and stay on our side. I picked the top half.
- What's a simple method for calculating the number of bees in a beehive? Easy. Just count all their legs and divide by six.
- My teen daughter is acting really odd. She can't even. It's causing a family divide. We've got to figure it out before our problems multiply.
- I was talking to a mathematician the other day about fractions it was fair to say, our opinions were divided
- I got fired from my job as a math teacher I was supposed to teach the kids what sine divided by cosine was, but I kept going off on a tangent.
- Breaking news: A teacher was arrested for carrying a protractor, a compass and a divider. The cited reason for the arrest was: " He was carrying weapons of math instruction".
- I really want to buy one of those grocery checkout dividers but the lady behind the counter keeps putting it back
- I hate shopping. No matter how much I try and buy supermarket conveyor belt dividers, the cashier keeps on putting them back!
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Divide One Liners
Which divide one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with divide? I can suggest the ones about division and spread.
- What do you get if you divide a pumpkins circumference by its diameter? pumpkin π
Sorry. - How do you find a velociraptor ? You divide the distanceraptor by the timeraptor
- Why is bacteria so bad at math? ...It multiplies by dividing!
- Why did I divide sin by tan? Just cos.
- What do you get when you divide 355 jack o'lanterns by 113 jack o'lanterns? Pumpkin Pi.
- You know what seems odd to me? Numbers that can't be divided by two.
- Why are Amoebas so bad at math? Because, when they need to multiply, they divide.
- I can prove that primates don't exist... Eight divides evenly by 2 or 4.
- Resistance is not futile... It's voltage divided by current.
- What's a pumpkin circumference divided by pumpkin diameter? Pumpkin pie
- How do bread cells divide? They sbread apart through mitoastis
- My family is divided on the question of imported fruits. My mom says no. Papaya
- How does a blonde count a thousand sheep? She counts the legs, and divides by 4.
- Why did the Indian programmer divide by zero? To get NaN.
- Ask siri what 0 divided by 0 is and get prepared for some sass
Divide By Zero Jokes
Here is a list of funny divide by zero jokes and even better divide by zero puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When I make math jokes, I try to appeal to the lowest common denominator... The problem is that with you lot I usually end up dividing by zero.
/mathburn! - My love for you is like dividing by zero - it cannot be defined.
- How to simplify your life You divide it by zero.
Why?
Because your life does not have an answer. - X says to Y : "i feel so close to you, i feel like zero divides us"
- What do you get when you divide by zero?
- Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- Two people are discussing math. 1: What number satisfies 1/x=0
2: Nothing satisfies that equation.
1: ...
1: I'm pretty sure that you can't divide by zero. - Why can a number divided by zero never be found in the dictionary? Because it's undefined.
- Who are the 1%? They're the ones behind the divided zeroes
- I figured out what X divided by zero equals... An Existential crisis
North South Divide Jokes
Here is a list of funny north south divide jokes and even better north south divide puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call something that divides the North and South hemispheres, is just an imaginary organizational tool, and nobody really knows when it ends? Winter.
Laughter Divide Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about divide you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean portion jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make divide pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... is like...
s**... is like math. You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, leave your solution, and pray you didn't multiply.
s**... is like air. You don't know what it's worth until you're not getting any.
How do a neckbeard's cells divide?
by m'tosis
Two men on a train.
One of them occasionaly says a number like 256, 128, 280, 660 and this goes on for a while.
The other one asks him: "Hey what's the deal with with all those numbers?"
"Well, to pass the time, I just count the animals in the herd as the train passes one."
"Wow, cool! How can you do it so fast?"
"Simple, I count the legs and divide by four."
Old couple goes to a fast food restorant.
They order one burger and fries, sit down and divide the burger and fries. A man from table next to them sees that and asks politely: "If you want, I can buy some extra food for you." "No thanks, we are a old couple, we share everything." Time goes by and the man is eating, but the woman is not. From the table next to them, the man asks again:"I really have no problem buying you food." Man replies:"Dodnt worry about it, she will eat! We share everything" But the stranger is not happy with that and asks the woman:"Why are you not eating?" Woman looks at him and says:"I am waiting for the teeth."
After much discussion, it was decided that Korea would divide its capital city into two, half for North and half for South, the job of splitting the city went to some unusual ministers: Cenobites. In their first public address about their new task, they gave their mission statement:
"We'll tear your Seoul apart"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mathematics of Love
Add a girl to your bed
Subtract her clothes
Divide her legs
and keep Multiplying
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to equally divide a cake among five people with only three cuts
Slice three people with your knife and ask the last, "Do you also want a piece?"
What's black and white and can divide the largest numbers without much effort?
Obama
2016 has been one of the most dividing years
1,2,3,4,6,7,8 and 9 divide it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
To whom was Shia LaBeouf chanting "*He will not divide us*" after he got arrested yesterday?
His b**....
Think Recursion
There are two kinds of people in the world, ones who divide the world into two kinds of people and ones who do not.
What do you get when you divide 3.14 by 6?
6 slices of pi
Life is like mathematics.
You add your friends, subtract your enemies, divide your sorrows, and you multiply your joys.
What is 10 Divided by 0?
Original Content
What do you call the divide between people who enjoy seeing others in pain and people who enjoy being in pain?
Sadomasoschism
This girl wanted to divide me from her life..
So I went in her 4 times.
You have a pumpkin.
You measure around it. All the way around.
Then you cut the pumpkin in half so the top is separate from the bottom.
Measure across the cut pumpkin.
Divide the circumference by the diameter.
What do you have now?
Pumpkin Pi
0 said to 8, "Divide by me."
8 said, "Nah. I'd rather lie down instead."
What kind of bird can divide by two?
"Tou"-can
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three cats live at the football stadium
It was lean pickings one winter but eventually they managed to catch a mouse and are discussing how they will divide it up.
The first cat says "as we live at the football stadium let's divide it by team. I support Liverpool so I will eat it's Liver
"Great idea" says the second cat "I support Hartlepool. I will eat the heart
The third cat says "I support Arsenal, I'm not that hungry thanks"
What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?
A cow pi.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you have s**... with a female mathematics teacher?
Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, square root her and she'll multiply.
What is 5 divided by 5?
Communism
I tell ya, ya just can't divide by the number of girlfriends I have.
That was the last thing I said before I dumped her.
5 Jokes About Pi
1. Divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter and what do you get?
Pumpkin Pi
2. I saw a movie and gave it a 3.1415 out of 5.
It was Life of Pi
3. My friend decided to get a tattoo of the symbol pi on his face.
It was an irrational decision
4. Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's table?
Sir Cumference . but how did he get that way?
eating too much Pi.
5. I hate all these Pi jokes.
They go on forever.
With that last one I'll show myself the door.
There's a lot of political turmoil in the Americas at the moment.
Even in Panama there's a big divide.
"We divided the population as you requested Mr. President", announced the assistant at the door,"so we're just waiting for your approval on the memory wipe"
"Wipe the memories of groups 1-8, leave 9 and wipe 10 too." "Why leave 9 sir? 9 refers to children born between 1990 and 1999, why should they be left with their memories?"
The president looked out of the window
"Only 90s kids will remember this."
Deal!
A man from Poland and a man from Russia together dig up a treasure.
The guy from Poland says:
\-- Let us divide this like brothers!
The Russian:
\-- Let's better 50-50.
Republicans are math geniuses.
They want you to both multiply and divide.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What every doctor is taught in med school.
"What the patient says he drinks, double. What he says he smokes, triple. Frequency of s**... i**..., divide by four.
What do you get when you divide 25 by 3?
5, 29, and 51
What's a second divided by 2.2?
A kilosecond.
Guy #1 I've never been good at counting cows.
Guy #2: Let me count .... hmmm .... 1341.
Guy #1: Wow! That is impressive. How did you do that?
Guy #2: Easy. I just count the legs and divide by 4.
After 5 years of marriage, a couple filed for divorce.
The court was finalizing their divorce when the Judge looked to the couple and said; "You've got 3 kids, how will you divide them?"
The couple then had a long conversation between the two of them. "We'll be back after 1 year." They said.
9 months later, they had twins.
Math Teacher: James, what do you get when you subtract 897 from 1824 and add 176 and divide the answer by 3?
James: A Headache ma'am.
I don't like jokes about math….
They always divide people and it adds up to arguments in the comments
We all know that there's a divide in the lepidopterist community...
We all know that there's a divide in the lepidopterist community, and that traditionally most of the glamour goes to the entomologists who study the butterflies, because they're so pretty and colorful, rather than the brown and grey moths. So for 364 days a year, the butterflyers get all the glory. But today is the day when we recognize the contributions of those devoted lepidopterists who chose a less glamorous, but no less important, path. Happy mothers day.
What do you get when you divide a pumpkin's circumference by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi
Heard this on Psychostick's livestream :3
Chuck Norris's password is the last 9 digits of pi.
Chuck Norris can divide by 0.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice
Chuck Norris can cross a vector with a scalar
Chuck Norris is so tough he can draw a circle with exactly 100 degrees.
Chuck Norris is so badass he can find value of a variable in an expansion without factoring the coefficient within the expansion.
Chuck Norris is so tough he can draw an isosceles triangle with four perfectly identical vertices
Chuck Norris is so tough he can simplify an improper fraction without first dividing the denominator and using it to multiple the numerator.
