The Best 44 Divide Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Divide jokes. There are some divide divisible jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these divide digit puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Divide Jokes and Puns
What do you get if you divide a pumpkins circumference by its diameter?
Pumpkin π
Sorry.
Sex is like...
Sex is like math. You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, leave your solution, and pray you didn't multiply.
Sex is like air. You don't know what it's worth until you're not getting any.
How do a neckbeard's cells divide?
by m'tosis
Two men on a train.
One of them occasionaly says a number like 256, 128, 280, 660 and this goes on for a while.
The other one asks him: "Hey what's the deal with with all those numbers?"
"Well, to pass the time, I just count the animals in the herd as the train passes one."
"Wow, cool! How can you do it so fast?"
"Simple, I count the legs and divide by four."
How do you divide old Rome?
Using a pair of Caesars.
Why did I divide sin by tan?
Just cos.
Old couple goes to a fast food restorant.
They order one burger and fries, sit down and divide the burger and fries. A man from table next to them sees that and asks politely: "If you want, I can buy some extra food for you." "No thanks, we are a old couple, we share everything." Time goes by and the man is eating, but the woman is not. From the table next to them, the man asks again:"I really have no problem buying you food." Man replies:"Dodnt worry about it, she will eat! We share everything" But the stranger is not happy with that and asks the woman:"Why are you not eating?" Woman looks at him and says:"I am waiting for the teeth."
If I am ever put in charge of hiring at my company ...
... I will randomly divide the stack of applications into two piles and then throw one of them away.
I just don't want to work with unlucky people.
After much discussion, it was decided that Korea would divide its capital city into two, half for North and half for South, the job of splitting the city went to some unusual ministers: Cenobites. In their first public address about their new task, they gave their mission statement:
"We'll tear your Seoul apart"
Mathematics of Love
Add a girl to your bed
Subtract her clothes
Divide her legs
and keep Multiplying
When people tell me I'm a nerd for being good at math...
...I simply tell them that I'll add a knife to my hand, divide all their blood vessels, and subtract them from this world.
You can explore divide separate reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean divide multiply dad jokes. There are also divide puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Alaskan said to Texan: Stop bragging....
...about how big your state is, or we'll divide Alaska in half and make you the third largest state.
How to equally divide a cake among five people with only three cuts
Slice three people with your knife and ask the last, "Do you also want a piece?"
To whom was Shia LaBeouf chanting "*He will not divide us*" after he got arrested yesterday?
His buttcheeks.
How do bread cells divide?
They sbread apart through mitoastis
What do you get when you divide 3.14 by 6?
6 slices of pi
What do you get when you divide 355 jack o'lanterns by 113 jack o'lanterns?
Pumpkin Pi.
How do you find a velociraptor
Divide a distanceraptor by a timeraptor
What is 10 Divided by 0?
Original Content
You have a pumpkin.
You measure around it. All the way around.
Then you cut the pumpkin in half so the top is separate from the bottom.
Measure across the cut pumpkin.
Divide the circumference by the diameter.
What do you have now?
Pumpkin Pi
Why did the Indian programmer divide by zero?
To get NaN.
0 said to 8, "Divide by me."
8 said, "Nah. I'd rather lie down instead."
Mathematical Sex.
Sex is like math:
Add the bed
Subtract the clothes
Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
Why are Amoebas so bad at math?
Because, when they need to multiply, they divide.
Three cats live at the football stadium
It was lean pickings one winter but eventually they managed to catch a mouse and are discussing how they will divide it up.
The first cat says "as we live at the football stadium let's divide it by team. I support Liverpool so I will eat it's Liver
"Great idea" says the second cat "I support Hartlepool. I will eat the heart
The third cat says "I support Arsenal, I'm not that hungry thanks"
What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?
A cow pi.
How do you have sex with a female mathematics teacher?
Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, square root her and she'll multiply.
How to simplify your life
You divide it by zero.
Why?
Because your life does not have an answer.
What is 5 divided by 5?
Communism
I tell ya, ya just can't divide by the number of girlfriends I have.
That was the last thing I said before I dumped her.
5 Jokes About Pi
1. Divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter and what do you get?
Pumpkin Pi
2. I saw a movie and gave it a 3.1415 out of 5.
It was Life of Pi
3. My friend decided to get a tattoo of the symbol pi on his face.
It was an irrational decision
4. Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's table?
Sir Cumference . but how did he get that way?
eating too much Pi.
5. I hate all these Pi jokes.
They go on forever.
With that last one I'll show myself the door.
There's a lot of political turmoil in the Americas at the moment.
Even in Panama there's a big divide.
What do you get when you divide by zero?
"We divided the population as you requested Mr. President", announced the assistant at the door,"so we're just waiting for your approval on the memory wipe"
"Wipe the memories of groups 1-8, leave 9 and wipe 10 too." "Why leave 9 sir? 9 refers to children born between 1990 and 1999, why should they be left with their memories?"
The president looked out of the window
"Only 90s kids will remember this."
Deal!
A man from Poland and a man from Russia together dig up a treasure.
The guy from Poland says:
\-- Let us divide this like brothers!
The Russian:
\-- Let's better 50-50.
Sex is like Math
Add a bed
Subtract the clothes
Divide the legs
And hope to not multiply
Guy #1 I've never been good at counting cows.
Guy #2: Let me count .... hmmm .... 1341.
Guy #1: Wow! That is impressive. How did you do that?
Guy #2: Easy. I just count the legs and divide by 4.
After 5 years of marriage, a couple filed for divorce.
The court was finalizing their divorce when the Judge looked to the couple and said; "You've got 3 kids, how will you divide them?"
The couple then had a long conversation between the two of them. "We'll be back after 1 year." They said.
9 months later, they had twins.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi
My teen daughter is acting really odd.
She can't even. It's causing a family divide. We've got to figure it out before our problems multiply.
Math Teacher: James, what do you get when you subtract 897 from 1824 and add 176 and divide the answer by 3?
James: A Headache ma'am.
My brother and I used to fight in the pool until the day our mom told us to divide it in half and stay on our side.
I picked the top half.
I don't like jokes about math….
They always divide people and it adds up to arguments in the comments
How does a Roman Emperor divide his empire?
He uses his Caesars.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the divide subtract jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working divide tau piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.