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Dive Jokes

74 dive jokes and hilarious dive puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dive that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

From deep dives in the ocean to skydiving out of a plane, dive-related jokes and puns are sure to bring a smile to your face. Read our compilation of dive bar puns, jokes about dived, and humorous skydiving stories to get a real laugh. Don't forget to check out our retrieve section too!

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Popular Dive Short Jokes

Short dive jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dive humour may include short diving jokes also.

  1. Everyone pees in the pool... But you do it once from the high dive and you're some sort of monster.
  2. "Sir, you'll need to leave, you can't pee in the pool." "But everyone pees in the pool!"
    "Yes, but not from the diving board."
  3. All my CDs are in my ex's car. I'd get them, but I don't want to face her. Plus I don't have the equipment for diving to the bottom of the river.
  4. I got kicked out of a pool for peeing in it The lifeguard started yelling, telling me to stop.
    "But all the little kids do it too!" I yelled back.
    "But not while standing on the diving board!"
  5. The Titanic was recently visited by a diving crew with a robot submarine. What they found out was completely amazing. Even after 100 years of being sunk, all the pools are still full.
  6. Some lifeguard kicked me out of the pool for peeing in it. I told him everyone does it. He told me not off the diving board
  7. One time, I was out scuba diving when I suddenly heard beautiful voices singing in unison. I was very surprised until I looked beneath me and realized it was coming from a choral reef.
  8. You would think with an entire soccer team stuck in a cave.... One of them would have known how to dive
  9. I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor the first day at work. Deep down.., I realized it wasn't for me.
  10. What did the professional diving roach say to his captain right before being lost to the sea? Suffocation, no breathing, this is my last report.

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Dive One Liners

Which dive one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dive? I can suggest the ones about scuba and scuba diving.

  1. If at first you don't suceed... sky diving isn't for you.
  2. What did Mr. T say after throwing five $10 bills off the diving board? I fitty da pool!
  3. I hate scuba diving It was the lowest moment of my life.
  4. Deep down... ...I knew scuba diving wasn't for me.
  5. I recently quit my job as a scuba diving instructor I couldn't handle the pressure.
  6. Every bar in Houston right now.. ..is a dive bar.
  7. Where do mermaids go to watch movies? The dive in.
  8. I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving... One day I lobster and never flounder again.
  9. Did you hear about the guy who vomited while sky diving? It's all over town.
  10. Why can't bill clinton go scuba diving? He won't inhale.
  11. Guy walks into a bar... Find out more on the next episode of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.
  12. How do you know a swimming pool is safe for diving It deep ends.
  13. An Expensive Scuba Diving Store in My Town Just Opened It went under
  14. You know what they say? If at first you don't succeed, then sky diving is not for you.
  15. My friends tried to take me to an underwater tavern but I declined. I hate dive bars.

Deep Dive Jokes

Here is a list of funny deep dive jokes and even better deep dive puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend keeps obnoxiously bragging that he broke my record for deep sea diving. That's a new low.
  • My son asked me, "Is this pool safe for diving?" I chuckled and replied... "It deep ends!"
  • My life-long rival just beat my record for deep-sea diving! This is a new low...
  • People are always asking me 'how deep can a submarine dive'... And I always answer 'all the way to the ocean floor'.
    The trick really is coming back up again.
  • Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends.
  • While deep-sea diving I was strangled by an octopus The whole experience was rather breathtaking.
  • What don't you want to see when you're deep sea diving? Adele, rolling in the deep!

Dive Bar Jokes

Here is a list of funny dive bar jokes and even better dive bar puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I asked my sister why she always drops her kids at dive bars. She shrugged, The drinking brings the labor on.
  • What do you call a sketchy gay bar A Swan Dive Bar
  • A swimmer and a shark walk into a dive bar They had a great time.
    Fin.
  • A whale dives into a bar... and leaves with bernie sanders.
  • Why are they called dive bars? Because they have pool
Dive joke, Why are they called dive bars?

Dive Depths Jokes

Here is a list of funny dive depths jokes and even better dive depths puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call an actor that scuba dives? Johnny Depth
  • Extreme diving is the latest sports craze for adrenaline junkies Many of them are saying it's really *depth* defying.
  • I tried learning to scuba dive but I was clearly out of my depth.
Dive joke, I tried learning to scuba dive

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about dive can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of dive puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Heartwarming Dive Jokes that Make You Laugh

What funny jokes about dive you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean diving board jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make dive prank.

A Priest and a Jamaican man are on a plane...

..and as they're taking off, the pilot says over the intercom "folks, I have something to tell you. I cannot fly the plane if someone passes gas; if someone does, I'll pass out and the plane will c**...."
So halfway through the flight, the plane noses forward and goes into a dive. And the Jamaican stands up and screams "Who passed de gas?"
The priest says "how did you know?"
And the Jamaican answers "de scent!"
...I'll show myself out

Why are divers always so nervous?

Because they're always under pressure!

Why do scuba divers dive out of the boat backwards?

'cause if they dive forward they fall in the boat

They say Jesus can walk on water...

But Cristiano ronaldo can dive on land.

Why did Trotzky put his plane in a dive?

To stop Stalin'

Why do divers fall backwards out of the boat whilst diving?

Because if they fell forward they would land in the boat.

Why do scuba divers dive backwards?

Cause if they dived forward they would fell on the boat.
Real reason so that the eye and nose masks don't get filled with water on the impact straightforward and the oxygen tanks are heavy and it would exert less strain on the back. A prudent way.
Throwback Thursday Joke
Edited few grammar mistakes.

A man decided to go to the pool.

A man decided to go to the pool. Just after getting there, he was ready to take a dive right in. Before he could do anything though, the lifeguard ran over to him urging him to stop.
"Sir, what on Earth do you think you are doing? There's no water in the pool!" He exclaimed.
"Oh, that's okay." The man replied." I can't swim!"

When changing your diet to salad,

It's best not to dive head-first.

A pair of Arms, a pair of Legs and a head have a swimming race...

All contestants dive in, the arms take the lead with the legs just behind, however the head has sunk to the bottom. The arms eventually win, with the legs in second.
They recover the head and they asked what happened? The head replied "I've been training for 6 months using my ears and just before we start, some c**t put a swimming cap on me"
*Edit, spelling mistake

Swimming pool

I was at a pool once, and the life guard yelled over to me, HEY KID! QUIT PEEING IN THE POOL!
I replied Oh come on man. Everyone pees in the pool!
Yes, but not from the high dive!

I got caught peeing in the pool, want to know how?

I was on the high dive.

Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive & Dodge

The 5 D's of politics!

Put the P in pool

A police officer is on his beat walking past a public pool. A woman runs out of the pool area and shrieks Officer!! Officer! There's a man peeing in the pool!
The cop responds so what lady, everyone pees in the pool
She responds, well not off the high dive!

This lindsay lohan can't swim a s**....

But she sure knows every dive in town.

My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel b**..., and 11 Stuka dive b**....

He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

How do you say dive in Portuguese?

Neymar

Brazil have sent star player Neymar to Thailand to help rescue the young footballers in the cave

...they heard they needed someone to teach them how to dive

Neymar is meeting up with the Thailand football team who were trapped in a cave...

He's going to teach them how to dive

You know what's weird about the situation in Thailand?

The coach never taught the boys how to dive.

It's kinda ironic that 12 kid football team got trapped by water

Judging by the World Cup, I thought every team knew how to dive

How do you know the thai football team are fair football players?

Because they don't know how to dive.

Why did a diver that took a picture of fishes got arrested?

He shot a school of fish.

Billy Bob parked his rig in Florida for a few days before driving back home. He was about to dive into the surf but figured he'd better check out the alligator situation with the townsfolk. "Nope, no gators here," a local as- sured him.

Billv Bob had swum out 50 led before his
brain kicked in again. "Hey. how come there
ain't no gators in here?" he yelled back to the
guy onshore.
"Because they're afraid of the sharks," came
the reply.

Why do divers always fall off the boat backwards?

Because if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat.

A joke from an old timer at a dive bar

How did the female deer get back at her cheating husband?
She went downtown and blew a few bucks.
*I used to work next to a dive bar and would pop in there for a beer after my shift. One of the old timers was a guy named Doc and he told me this joke almost every day. He passed away a few years ago, but I thought y'all might appreciate it. RIP, Doc ♥️

A diver is applying a job

Hiring manager: what is your ability?
Diver: i can work under pressure

Do you know why divers fall backwards into the water.

If they fall forward they will fall on the boat floor

You don't need a parachute to sky dive...

... you need a parachute to sky dive twice.

Mr. Green is reading a newspaper by the pool.

A lifeguard walks up and quietly says "Mr. Green there have been some complaints by the other guests."
Mr. Green puts down his paper. "Well I'm sure there isn't much of an issue."
The lifeguard continues, "it appears someone has been peeing in the pool."
"Everyone pees in the pool." Mr. Green stated plainly.
The lifeguard shouts "from the high dive Mr. Green?!?"

Mr Munger

Mr. Munger is lying poolside at the country club when the club manager approached him. "Mr. Munger, some of the other members have been complaining about you peeing in the pool," said the manager. "Oh c'mon," said Munger. "Why are you you singling me out? I'll bet everyone here pees in the pool!" The manager replied angrily, "NOT FROM THE HIGH DIVE, MR. MUNGER!"

Why do divers fall backwards off of boats?

Because if they fell forward they'd bang their heads on the deck.

An Scotsman accidentally dropped a penny into an open sewage pit

The pit was full of e**..., and after a few moments of thinking the Scotsman concluded:
"It's not worth it. I will never dive in for a penny!"
Then he checked his pockets for some change, picked two pounds and throw it to the pit:
"Now it's better" he said and jumped into the sewage.

Why are diversity officers in progressive companies always women?

Because it is cheaper.

Why do divers always fall backwards from the boat

If the fall forward they'd still be on the boat

Why do divers fall backwards off the boat?

Because if they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat.

It's total b**... that you need a parachute to go sky diving.

You need a parachute if you plan to sky dive twice.

What's the opposite of diversity?

Uni-versity

Dive joke, What's the opposite of diversity?

jokes about dive

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these dive jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.