The Best 44 Dive Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dive jokes. There are some dive underwater jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dive dip puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Dive Jokes and Puns

A Priest and a Jamaican man are on a plane...

..and as they're taking off, the pilot says over the intercom "folks, I have something to tell you. I cannot fly the plane if someone passes gas; if someone does, I'll pass out and the plane will crash."

So halfway through the flight, the plane noses forward and goes into a dive. And the Jamaican stands up and screams "Who passed de gas?"

The priest says "how did you know?"

And the Jamaican answers "de scent!"

...I'll show myself out

Why are divers always so nervous?

Because they're always under pressure!

Why do scuba divers dive out of the boat backwards?

'cause if they dive forward they fall in the boat

Dive joke, Why do scuba divers dive out of the boat backwards?

I'm sure without any training, I can sky dive..

Only once

What do you call a sketchy gay bar

A Swan Dive Bar

This sub has taken a dive recently

I guess I should put my phone in rice to try and dry it out.

I asked my sister why she always drops her kids at dive bars.

She shrugged, The drinking brings the labor on.

Dive joke, I asked my sister why she always drops her kids at dive bars.

They say Jesus can walk on water...

But Cristiano Ronaldo can dive on land.

Why did Trotzky put his plane in a dive?

To stop Stalin'

Why do divers fall backwards out of the boat whilst diving?

Because if they fell forward they would land in the boat.

Everyone pees in the pool...

But you do it once from the high dive and you're some sort of monster.

You can explore dive retrieve reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dive swimmer dad jokes. There are also dive puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why do scuba divers dive backwards?

Cause if they dived forward they would fell on the boat.

Real reason so that the eye and nose masks don't get filled with water on the impact straightforward and the oxygen tanks are heavy and it would exert less strain on the back. A prudent way.

Throwback Thursday Joke
Edited few grammar mistakes.

The reason why Scuba-divers dive backwards

is because they'll just hit their heads in their boats if they dive forward.

A man decided to go to the pool.

A man decided to go to the pool. Just after getting there, he was ready to take a dive right in. Before he could do anything though, the lifeguard ran over to him urging him to stop.

"Sir, what on Earth do you think you are doing? There's no water in the pool!" He exclaimed.

"Oh, that's okay." The man replied." I can't swim!"

Every bar in Houston right now.. a dive bar.

When changing your diet to salad,

It's best not to dive head-first.

Dive joke, When changing your diet to salad,

A pair of Arms, a pair of Legs and a head have a swimming race...

All contestants dive in, the arms take the lead with the legs just behind, however the head has sunk to the bottom. The arms eventually win, with the legs in second.

They recover the head and they asked what happened? The head replied "I've been training for 6 months using my ears and just before we start, some c**t put a swimming cap on me"

*Edit, spelling mistake

Swimming pool

I was at a pool once, and the life guard yelled over to me, HEY KID! QUIT PEEING IN THE POOL!

I replied Oh come on man. Everyone pees in the pool!

Yes, but not from the high dive!

I got caught peeing in the pool, want to know how?

I was on the high dive.

A divers reached 300 meters under the sea

Diver : the pressure here is immense
Fish : all the cool kids take drugs
Diver : all the cool kids you say?

Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive & Dodge

The 5 D's of politics!

Put the P in pool

A police officer is on his beat walking past a public pool. A woman runs out of the pool area and shrieks Officer!! Officer! There's a man peeing in the pool!

The cop responds so what lady, everyone pees in the pool

She responds, well not off the high dive!

Why do divers fall back in the water after suiting up?

Because if they fall forward, they land IN the boat.

This Lindsay Lohan can't swim a stroke.

But she sure knows every dive in town.

My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers.

He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

How do you say dive in Portuguese?


Two frogs are sitting on top of a rock in the pond.

It starts raining. One frog says to the other "We better dive in before we get wet!"

Brazil have sent star player Neymar to Thailand to help rescue the young footballers in the cave

...they heard they needed someone to teach them how to dive

Neymar is meeting up with the Thailand football team who were trapped in a cave...

He's going to teach them how to dive

You would think with an entire soccer team stuck in a cave....

One of them would have known how to dive

You know what's weird about the situation in Thailand?

The coach never taught the boys how to dive.

It's kinda ironic that 12 kid football team got trapped by water

Judging by the World Cup, I thought every team knew how to dive

How do you know the thai football team are fair football players?

Because they don't know how to dive.

Why didn't the Thai boys know how to dive?

Because they didn't watch the World Cup.

Why did a diver that took a picture of fishes got arrested?

He shot a school of fish.

Billy Bob parked his rig in Florida for a few days before driving back home. He was about to dive into the surf but figured he'd better check out the alligator situation with the townsfolk. "Nope, no gators here," a local as- sured him.

Billv Bob had swum out 50 led before his
brain kicked in again. "Hey. how come there
ain't no gators in here?" he yelled back to the
guy onshore.
"Because they're afraid of the sharks," came
the reply.

Why do divers always fall off the boat backwards?

Because if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat.

A joke from an old timer at a dive bar

How did the female deer get back at her cheating husband?

She went downtown and blew a few bucks.

*I used to work next to a dive bar and would pop in there for a beer after my shift. One of the old timers was a guy named Doc and he told me this joke almost every day. He passed away a few years ago, but I thought y'all might appreciate it. RIP, Doc ♥️

A diver is applying a job

Hiring manager: what is your ability?

Diver: i can work under pressure

Do you know why divers fall backwards into the water.

If they fall forward they will fall on the boat floor

You don't need a parachute to sky dive...

... you need a parachute to sky dive twice.

Mr. Green is reading a newspaper by the pool.

A lifeguard walks up and quietly says "Mr. Green there have been some complaints by the other guests."

Mr. Green puts down his paper. "Well I'm sure there isn't much of an issue."

The lifeguard continues, "it appears someone has been peeing in the pool."

"Everyone pees in the pool." Mr. Green stated plainly.

The lifeguard shouts "from the high dive Mr. Green?!?"

Mr Munger

Mr. Munger is lying poolside at the country club when the club manager approached him. "Mr. Munger, some of the other members have been complaining about you peeing in the pool," said the manager. "Oh c'mon," said Munger. "Why are you you singling me out? I'll bet everyone here pees in the pool!" The manager replied angrily, "NOT FROM THE HIGH DIVE, MR. MUNGER!"

Where do mermaids go to watch movies?

The dive in.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dive shore jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dive neymar piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes