Dive Bar Jokes
21 dive bar jokes and hilarious dive bar puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dive bar that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dive Bar Short Jokes
Short dive bar jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dive bar humour may include short dive jokes also.
- I asked my sister why she always drops her kids at dive bars. She shrugged, The drinking brings the labor on.
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Dive Bar One Liners
Which dive bar one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dive bar? I can suggest the ones about diving and diving board.
- Every bar in Houston right now.. ..is a dive bar.
- Guy walks into a bar... Find out more on the next episode of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.
- My friends tried to take me to an underwater tavern but I declined. I hate dive bars.
- What do you call a sketchy gay bar A Swan Dive Bar
- A swimmer and a shark walk into a dive bar They had a great time.
Fin. - A whale dives into a bar... and leaves with bernie sanders.
- Why are they called dive bars? Because they have pool
Dive Bar Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about dive bar you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean best bars jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dive bar pranks.
Howard and Dale walk into a bar
They sit down at the bar and see people scuba diving on the tv.
"So here's a question" says Howard "How come scuba divers sit on the side of the boat with their oxygen tanks facing outward, and fall backwards off the boat?"
Dale thought for a minute and then said "Thats easy, if they fell forward they'd still be in the frigging boat!"
A joke from an old timer at a dive bar
How did the female deer get back at her cheating husband?
She went downtown and blew a few bucks.
*I used to work next to a dive bar and would pop in there for a beer after my shift. One of the old timers was a guy named Doc and he told me this joke almost every day. He passed away a few years ago, but I thought y'all might appreciate it. RIP, Doc ♥️
Definition of a good date
Three female room mates come back from three different dates, the first two arrived at the same time, both with miserable looks on their faces. They asked each other how their dates were.
"Terrible," said the first, "he wouldn't stop talking about himself. I nearly fell asleep in my meal."
"Well mine was no better." Said the second. "She took me to a horrible dive bar and a fight broke out. Mood. Killed."
At this point the door opened and the third roommate walked in.
"Hi. How was your date? I hope to god it was better than ours."
The third roommate reached under her skirt, took off her p**... and slapped them against the wall, where they stuck.
"Yup."
Two guys
Two guys are at the bar, o**... drinks 2 beers then tells his buddy he has to go home his wife only let's him have 2 beers. His buddy tells him that's messed up and here is what he should do, drink as many beers as he can, 5 whiskeys and a bourbon. Then go home and dive under the covers and eat out his wife's p**......she won't care what time you come home or how much you have had to drink if you do that.
He thinks about it for a minute then decides it's a great plan. So he gets drunk goes home dives under the covers and goes to town, after about 10 minutes he thinks she should be happy, but his wife won't kiss him until he washes his face. So he opens the door to the bathroom and there is his wife sitting in the tub.
The husband starts stuttering and carrying on confused. When his wife shushes him and tells him to be quiet...or he will wake his mother.
Bob And The Blonde
Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, so I knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did, too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Bob took the money.
The Memory Man
A man from Liverpool, England was touring the USA on holiday and stopped in a remote bar in the hills of Nevada. He was chatting to the bartender when he spied an old Native American man sitting in the corner. He had tribal gear on, long white plaits, wrinkled face.
"Who's he?" asked the Liverpudlian.
"That's the Memory Man." said the bartender. "He knows everything, remembers everything. He can remember every face he's ever seen. He can remember any fact he hears or reads. Go and try him out."
So the Liverpudlian goes over, and thinking he won't know about English football, asks "Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?".
"Liverpool" replies the Memory Man.
"Who did they beat?"
"Leeds" was the instant reply.
"And the score?"
"2-1."
"Who scored the winning goal?"
"Ian St. John" said the old man, without a hint of hesitation.
The Liverpudlian was knocked out by this and told everyone back home about the Memory Man when he got back.
A few years later he went back to the USA and tried to find the impressive Memory Man. Eventually he found the bar and sitting in the same seat was the old Native American, only this time he was older and even more wrinkled.
The Liverpudlian approached him with the greeting "How".
The Memory man looked up and said, "Diving header in the six yard box".