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Disturbing Jokes

47 disturbing jokes and hilarious disturbing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about disturbing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article examines the recent outbreak of disturbing jokes from an objective viewpoint. It dives into the impact of such jokes on our mental health and the importance of cultivating positivity in our lives. We explore why we must take action against these jokes in order to reduce their prevalence and potential harmful effects.

Funniest Disturbing Short Jokes

Short disturbing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The disturbing humour may include short frightening jokes also.

  1. My girl keeps having disturbed dream, shouting things like "Hobbit!", "Gandalf!", and "Mordor!". Always Tolkien in her sleep...
  2. (from my 11 yo) What does Darth Vader say after cutting someone's head off with a lightsaber? "I find your lack of face disturbing."
  3. Why is it called white noise? Because if it wasn't white, it'd be called disturbing the peace
  4. My partner keeps on having disturbed dreams My partner keeps on having disturbed dreams, shouting things like "Hobbit!", "Mordor!" and "Gandalf!"
    Always Tolkien in their sleep...
  5. What do AMC and Robinhood have in common? Like AMC, Robinhood is asking their patrons to please turn their cell phones off as they are disturbing its customers.
  6. I don't like how people love their fandoms more than their god Especially Star Wars fans
    I find your lack of faith disturbing
  7. The Thinker by Rodin is... Rodin’s masterpiece sculptural work The Thinker is based on a distinctive Xi’an figure with a disturbed expression. The Terracotta Worrier.
  8. What do you say to an officer responding to a domestic disturbance call? "There's no way I hit her, sir! She isn't black and blue! She's white and gold!"
  9. What first tipped Darth Vader off about the Millennium Falcon? He found their lack of freight disturbing
    ^^May ^^the ^^Fourth ^^be ^^with ^^you!
  10. The lead singer of Disturbed has Covid-19 He is really down with the sickness
    Thanks for the gold!!

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Disturbing One Liners

Which disturbing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with disturbing? I can suggest the ones about unsettling and disturbed.

  1. I saw a kidnapping today.. So I didn't disturb him
  2. What is white and disturbs your breakfast? An avalanche
  3. I had a disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad >!I was tossing all night!<
  4. When don't you disturb a broom When it's sweeping.
  5. What is white and disturbs people while they are demonstrating? An avalanche.
  6. Life is like a box of chocolates: Disturbingly expensive, yet... vaguely disappointing.
  7. What is a couples' favorite sign? The "Do Not Disturb" sign.
  8. Something disturbing came in the mail today... ...my mailman.
  9. What did Darth Vader say to The Question? "I find your lack of face disturbing."
  10. What is white and disturbs your lunch? An avalanche
  11. Why did the green bean go to jail? He was disturbing the peas.
  12. What is blond and disturbs camping trips? Anders Breivik
  13. What is white and disturbes your dinner? An avalanche.
  14. My friend almost died coming back from a Disturbed concert He came down with the sickness
  15. Where is Disturbed's favorite vacation spot? Hawa-a-ai-i

Disturbing joke, Where is Disturbed's favorite vacation spot?

Silly Disturbing Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about disturbing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean scaring jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make disturbing pranks.

Carrie Fisher runs into George Micheal in the afterlife...

She says, "Oh man, I'm a huge fan! I've got every one of your albums except the first one."
He says, "I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing".

The son of a b**...

Henry was doing maths homework, saying to himself...
"2+5, the son of a b**... is 7"
"3+6, the son of a b**... is 9"
His mother heard this & asked, " Henry ! What is this nonsense you are doing?"
"Oh Mom. Don't disturb. I am doing my maths homework"
Mom: "Is this how your teacher taught you?"
"Yes mom "
Infuriated mother picked up her cell phone and called the teacher:
"Are you teaching maths to children by saying... 2+2, the son of a b**... is 4?"
There was silence for a moment
Then the teacher started laughing :
"What I taught them was... 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4."
***

I recently found out my mom has a disturbing f**.... She has slept with several underage teenagers and I am really concerned about their well being.

The victims contacted me while playing CoD.

God and Canadians

When God made Canadians, he made them polite, peace-loving, and nice.
But the Devil said, "you are disturbing the balance of nature".
God thought about it, and said, "you are right. But I don't want to undo my work."
Devil: "well, there is only one way to fix this."
So God created Canadian Geese.

A guy and a girl are in the same programming class..

Out of nowhere, the guy reaches over and grabs the girl's breast.
Disturbed, the girl looks at the guy and says "What are you doing!? Those are private!"
He only states "How is that? We're in the same class."

Carrie Fisher runs into George Micheal in the afterlife...

Carrie Fisher runs into George Micheal in the afterlife...
She says, "Oh man, I'm a huge fan! I've got every one of your albums except the first one." He says, "I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing".

Wife calls her scientist husband...

"Honey.. Its Saturday.. you're late..."
"I'm busy with my team in an experiment"
"Whats that?"
"We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH with ambiant temperature H2O and aqueous CO2. To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O, now while waiting for some protein, we are fumigating the lab with vapours of nicotine...
It's 4 or 5 round experiment.. So I will be late."
"Oh dear.. I won't disturb you. Take your time.."

The boss was busy and did not want to be disturbed.


He told his secretary to tell visitors he didn't want to be disturbed. If they persisted with some story about how important it was, she should tell them "That's what they all say."
Later that day, the boss' wife stopped by to visit her husband. The secretary told her that he didn't want to be disturbed. The wife said, "That doesn't apply to me, I'm his wife." So obediently, the secretary said, "Yeah, that's what they all say."

Wife or Girlfriend

A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend. The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment." The mathematician: "A wife. You have security." The computer scientist: "Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me..."

A man was walking through the desert and passed a group of vultures feasting on a dead animal.

The vultures stopped eating and looked at him, obviously disturbed.
The man casually commented "Carrion."

So this lady is getting on the bus with her baby...

And as she gets on, the bus driver glances at her child, does a double take and says "Gaaaaahhhh!!"
Well, this disturbs the lady, but she sits down.
The passenger next to her sees that she's disturbed, and asks what's wrong.
"The bus driver was VERY rude to me!"
The passenger says, "Well, you should go give him a piece of your mind! Let me hold your monkey for you."

A man and his wife are having s**......

...They are going at it hot and heavy, and suddenly they hear a noise. It's their son, little Timmy, standing in the doorway. Shocked, Timmy runs back to his room.
The father goes, "I'll go talk to Timmy."
So he goes to Timmy's room and opens the door; there, he sees Timmy's giving it hot and heavy to grandma!
The father, disturbed, says, "O my god!"
Timmy goes, "Not so funny when it's your mother, is it?"

You disturbed the first part of this f**....

Just let us do the rest in peace.

Pretty woman sneezes

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.
The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

Only three doors

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

A man sees an attractive girl sitting alone

At a restaurant, a man sees an attractive girl sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the girl says, and she pops her eye back in place.
"I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy a drink to make it up to you. May I join you?"
He agrees.
The girls is good at keeping conversation, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common.
He asks her phone number and then he compliments her:
"You are the most charming girl I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No", she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

So a mentally disturbed man walks into a dentist's office.

He says, "Doc, you gotta help me! I think I'm a moth!"
"You think you're a moth??" the dentist asks.
"Yes!"
"Well you don't need a dentist... you need a psychiatrist."
"I know," says the man.
"Then what are you doing here?"
"Well, you're light was on, so..."

There was a farmer who grew watermelons...

He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his water melon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!!!"

I saw a homeless man sleeping outside the train station this morning.

Not wanting to disturb him, I crept over and put a Starbucks coffee cup on top of his box.
He immediately woke up and said, Thank you.
No problem. I smiled.
He looked at me again and said, It's empty.
I said, I know, it's meant to be a chimney.

Mommy...

A little girl comes home from school and her mother asks how her day was. The little girl told her mom That she had found out something new. Her mother asked what it was and the girl replied
"Johnny showed me his pee-pee today and it reminded me of a peanut."
Of course her mother was disturbed and she decided to go along with the little girl's act to see if it wasn't true.
"What about it reminded you of a peanut? Was it small like a peanut?"
"No, it tasted salty."

My grandfather came back from the war with 2 amputated legs and an amputated arm.

He never said exactly where he got them and the whole family was pretty disturbed when he displayed then over the fire place.

Last night I was dreaming...

So last night I was dreaming that I was writing *The Hobbit* and *The Lord of the Rings* books but my wife complained that I was very loud and disturbed her sleep.
Apparently I was tolkien in my sleep.

At the doctors office

I went to the doctors office due to a strange abdominal pain. My doctor adviced me to stop m**.... "Is it dangerous?" I asked. "No", said the doctor " but it disturbs my concentration".

Disturbing joke, The Thinker by Rodin is...

jokes about disturbing