The Best 33 District Jokes

Following is our collection of funny District jokes. There are some district precinct jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these district prominent puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest District Jokes and Puns

Where's the red light district in Toronto?

Behind the Maple Leafs' net.

An old sailor decides to get in uniform and hit the "red light" district, for one last good time...

He finds himself a willing "date", and after a bit of haggling, the price is settled on, and the transaction is made. After about 10 minutes, he asks the lady, "How am I doin', honey?" The prostitute replies, "About 3 knots, sailor... you're not hard, you're not in, and you're not gettin' your money back."

My High School had a nap time class

It was great, every day it was so refreshing to get some sleep after lunch. But in order to get the class approved by the school district it had to have an official sounding name. So the school called it Math.

District joke, My High School had a nap time class

2016: Surely Donald Trump won't win

2017: He can't do that... right?

2018: I hope my district wins the Hunger Games!

What do you call a new gym opening up in the finance district

Capital Gains


I was driving through the red light district last night .......

It took forever

a district administrator was offered a large bribe to fire some of the heads of his local schools

but he stuck by his principals

District joke, a district administrator was offered a large bribe to fire some of the heads of his local schools

An old soviet joke.

In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. What did they arrest you for? asks the first. Was it a political or common crime? Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.

The Trump Years in a Nutshell

2016: Trump doesn't stand a chance.
2017: Trump's still trying?
2018: "Hey, are you guys going to watch the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins"

I always thought District of Columbia was a weird name

Until I realized it probably has the highest rates of coffee and caffeine usage anywhere in the US

I'm a man of strong convictions.

The District Attorney in this town is pretty good.

You can explore district town reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean district county dad jokes. There are also district puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My wife recently won the Annual Women's Golf Meet in our district

Needless to say, I have started calling her the "Intercourse Champion of the County "

Today's the worst, I got caught running a red light

district hooker over with my car

I'm scared to go to the Red Light District.

It's a hard part of town.

We truly are living in an alternate timeline.

I was sure the Deputy District Attorney's name was Rod Rosen**stain**.

Where do bakers pick up their hookers?

The breadlight district

District joke, Where do bakers pick up their hookers?

What did they call the district manager with epilepsy?

Carpe DM

Where's the red light district in Vancouver?

Behind the Canucks' goal net

A blind man walks into a fishing district

He says, Hey Ladies.


It always takes me so long to get home through the red light district

I get stuck in sex traffic for hours

My sister is a teacher in our rural district. During afternoon class, she had a flyswatter hanging out of her back pocket. One of her students said she looked like she was fixin' to show a hog !

Who is simply the best worker in the red light district?

The deuteranopic girl, she just gives the green light for anything.

They discovered a new monkey living on the outskirts of a red light district in Thailand.

It's called the Yuusuk Macaque.

The ocean floor is just like the red light district

It's dark, sketchy, and everyone has experience with crabs

After someone pointed it out to her, my mother asked me to explain the difference between the District of Columbia and the country Colombia.

So explained to her that one of them is famous for it's drugs, corruption and blatant criminal activity, while the other historicly lost to England on penalties in this years world cup.

As I watched the gorilla banging against the glass I started to become mildly scared.

Standards have really dropped at the Red Light District.

After many years of wanting to, I finally had sex at the Red Light District.

It must be said, I'm not the most attractive worker.

Where's the red light district in Edmonton?

Behind the Oilers' goal net.

[OC] What district of LA do all the best online gamers live in?

10 C.

I went to Amsterdam and decided to visit the red light district...

In one of the back alleys I met a man who asked "Looking for a good night"

I replied yes, so he gave me his offer

"My ordinary prostitutes all cost 1cent a go, but my finest are beyond money. They will cost you your arm and leg.

I thought about this and finally said

"If your finest women cost an arm and a leg, I'd a penny for your thots..."

A man is walking trough the red light district..

He stops at a window with a beautiful girl behind it, takes good look, knocks on the window and yells: 'HOW MUCH!!?'

She: '€50,- !!!'

He: 'THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD PRICE FOR TRIPLE INSULATED GLASS!!!'

I have a hard time reading woman's signals.

I once tried going to the red light district, but I didn't stop.

A District Court judge, a Circuit Court judge, and a Supreme Court justice are sitting at a bar

The District Court judge says, "I interpret the Constitution the way I read it."

The Circuit Court judge says, "I interpret the Constitution the way it's written."

The Supreme Court justice says, "The Constitution isn't anything, until I interpret it."

(original joke was three umpires talking about calling strikes)

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the district counties jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working district diversity piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes