District Jokes

48 district jokes and hilarious district puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about district that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh along with some humorous district jokes from around the world! From the district attorney to the Lake District to the Red Light District, we'll explore the most hilarious jokes about the various districts. Learn how applicants for the Peak District Committee had to answer a few tough questions, or how the town folk in one district had to get creative to solve a problem. Get ready to have a good time!

Funniest District Short Jokes

Short district jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The district humour may include short county jokes also.

  1. The Trump Years in a Nutshell 2016: Trump doesn't stand a chance.
    2017: Trump's still trying?
    2018: "Hey, are you guys going to watch the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins"
  2. I have a hard time reading woman's signals. I once tried going to the red light district, but I didn't stop.
  3. a district administrator was offered a large bribe to fire some of the heads of his local schools but he stuck by his principals
  4. 2016: Surely Donald Trump won't win 2017: He can't do that... right?
    2018: I hope my district wins the Hunger Games!
  5. I always thought District of Columbia was a weird name Until I realized it probably has the highest rates of coffee and caffeine usage anywhere in the US
  6. They discovered a new monkey living on the outskirts of a red light district in Thailand. It's called the Yuusuk Macaque.
  7. Who is simply the best worker in the red light district? The deuteranopic girl, she just gives the green light for anything.
  8. I've just came back from Saudi Arabia... There are many streets and districts with the word "al" in it, such as "Al-Hamra" or "Al-Jazirah".
    But never was I able to find any place with "Al-Cohol"...
  9. My sister is a teacher in our rural district. During afternoon class, she had a flyswatter hanging out of her back pocket. One of her students said she looked like she was fixin' to show a hog !
  10. What's the 4th grade essay in the Detroit School District? What I want to be *if* I grow up.

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District One Liners

Which district one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with district? I can suggest the ones about province and division.

  1. I heard the Toronto Maple Leafs now have the milk board as their sponsor. Now they only have to put in 2% of the effort.
  2. A blind man walks into a fishing district He says, Hey Ladies.
  3. I'm scared to go to the Red Light District. It's a hard part of town.
  4. Where's the red light district in Vancouver? Behind the Canucks' goal net
  5. What did they call the district manager with epilepsy? Carpe DM
  6. What do you call a new gym opening up in the finance district Capital Gains
  7. [OC] What district of LA do all the best online gamers live in? 10 C.
  8. Where's the red light district in Edmonton? Behind the Oilers' goal net.
  9. I'm a man of strong convictions. The District Attorney in this town is pretty good.
  10. I was driving through the red light district last night ....... It took forever
  11. I know what sign you were born under, "Red Light District!"
  12. Why did the Indian move out of the city? He was Sikh of the corrup Turban districts.
  13. Where do bakers pick up their h**...? The breadlight district
  14. Today's the worst, I got caught running a red light district h**... over with my car

Red Light District Jokes

Here is a list of funny red light district jokes and even better red light district puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • After many years of wanting to, I finally had s**... at the Red Light District. It must be said, I'm not the most attractive worker.
  • The ocean floor is just like the red light district It's dark, sketchy, and everyone has experience with c**...
  • As I watched the gorilla b**... against the glass I started to become mildly scared. Standards have really dropped at the Red Light District.
  • It always takes me so long to get home through the red light district I get stuck in s**... traffic for hours

District Attorney Jokes

Here is a list of funny district attorney jokes and even better district attorney puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • We truly are living in an alternate timeline. I was sure the Deputy District Attorney's name was Rod Rosen**stain**.
District joke, We truly are living in an alternate timeline.

Howlingly Hilarious District Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about district you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean town jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make district pranks.

An old man is on his death bed and calls all his family and the priest.

He says to his first son "I want you to have all the property in the north of the town, I have 16 houses there."
He says to his second son "I want you to have all my commercial property, 8 businesses."
He says to his third son "I want you to have the houses in the southern district, there are only 4, but they are expensive and lucrative."
The old man passes away and the priest says "That is unbelievable, he must have been incredibly wealthy?"
The old man's widow laughs and says "He was a Window Cleaner"

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a civil engineer were having a drink after work

As they drank, the conversation turned to God. Obviously, he was an engineer! But what sort of engineer?
The mechanical engineer brought up the perfection of the human joints and musculature. Surely that proved God was a mechanical engineer!
The electrical engineer responded that, without the brains and nerves, those muscles and joints would be useless. God must be an electrical engineer!
The civil engineer just looked at the two of them and shook his head. "Who else but a civil engineer would put the sewer outflow right in the middle of the entertainment district?"

After someone pointed it out to her, my mother asked me to explain the difference between the District of Columbia and the country Colombia.

So explained to her that one of them is famous for it's drugs, corruption and blatant criminal activity, while the other historicly lost to England on penalties in this years world cup.

A man is walking trough the red light district..

He stops at a window with a beautiful girl behind it, takes good look, knocks on the window and yells: 'HOW MUCH!!?'
She: '€50,- !!!'

An old soviet joke.

In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. What did they arrest you for? asks the first. Was it a political or common crime? Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.

An old sailor decides to get in uniform and hit the "red light" district, for one last good time...

He finds himself a willing "date", and after a bit of haggling, the price is settled on, and the transaction is made. After about 10 minutes, he asks the lady, "How am I doin', honey?" The p**... replies, "About 3 knots, sailor... you're not hard, you're not in, and you're not gettin' your money back."

A clothing buyer is walking down the street in the Garment District one day...

...when she's approached by a f**.... The guy whips open his raincoat to expose his total nakedness. After the lady studied what was presented to her for a bit she looked up at the guy and asked, "You call that a lining"?

I went to Amsterdam and decided to visit the red light district...

In one of the back alleys I met a man who asked "Looking for a good night"
I replied yes, so he gave me his offer
"My ordinary prostitutes all cost 1cent a go, but my finest are beyond money. They will cost you your arm and leg.
I thought about this and finally said
"If your finest women cost an arm and a leg, I'd a penny for your thots..."

My wife recently won the Annual Women's Golf Meet in our district

Needless to say, I have started calling her the "i**... Champion of the County "

A District Court judge, a Circuit Court judge, and a Supreme Court justice are sitting at a bar

The District Court judge says, "I interpret the Constitution the way I read it."
The Circuit Court judge says, "I interpret the Constitution the way it's written."
The Supreme Court justice says, "The Constitution isn't anything, until I interpret it."
(original joke was three umpires talking about calling strikes)

My High School had a nap time class

It was great, every day it was so refreshing to get some sleep after lunch. But in order to get the class approved by the school district it had to have an official sounding name. So the school called it Math.

District joke, What do you call a new gym opening up in the finance district