Distributism Jokes
67 distributism jokes and hilarious distributism puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about distributism that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Distributism Short Jokes
Short distributism jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The distributism humour may include short jokes also.
- You are what you think you are Her: What do you do?
Me: Global prosthetics distribution.
Her: So you're an artificial limb salesman?
Me: I prefer 'international arms dealer'. - Captan Kirk & Today's Shuttle Launch If William Shatner really wanted to go where no man had gone before , He should have just used the associates bathroom At the Amazon distribution center.
- Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest? Because it would be economically unsound to attempt to establish a pharmaceutical distribution network in such a sparsely populated area
- I just want to thank that guy who taught me another word for "distribute"... It means allot.
- What's the difference between a point in a distribution whose value is much higher than the rest and Boris Johnson? One is an outlier to the right, the other is an outright liar.
- What do you call it when a statistician secretly gives out clothes? Discreet uniform distribution
- Is your normal probability plot approximately linear? Cause you can distribute your sample over me
- I just donated some money to the maintainers of a Linux distribution derived from Red Hat \*tips fedora\*
- I felt like I was just a statistic, so I went to see a psychologist... She diagnosed me with multiple personality disorder.
Now I feel like a distribution. - In the Military bootcamp Soldier: SIR WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN STEPPING ON A MINE?
Sergeant: Easy jump 10 meters in the Air and distribute yourself evenly in a radius of 15 meters
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Distributism One Liners
Which distributism one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with distributism? I can suggest the ones about and .
- I was bored so I made a robot to distribute herbs It helped pass the thyme
- What's Asian on top and black on bottom? IQ distribution graph
- What is a Statistician's preferred method of killing people ? Poisson Distribution
- I analysed ghost sightings over a 100 year period They followed a paranormal distribution
- Planters will be distributing exclusively to airlines. That's just plane nuts.
- You know, that Poisson distribution is really strange. It's just not Normal.
- What would it be called if all punctuation was distributed equally? Comma - unism
- Which Linux distribution does fiat use? Upunto.
- What is the main factor that affects population distribution in Ethiopia? The wind
- I made a graph to plot the curvature of bells. The distribution was random.
- Communism doesn't make sense. It doesn't make dollars either, just distributes them.
- I like my women how I like my statistics distributions Fat tailed
- Subtracting the average from a distributing is demeaning.
- Did you hear about the bombs? Samsung distributed millions of them.
Distributism Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about distributism you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make distributism pranks.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the fire dwindling nearby, Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".
Watson said "I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it suggests to me that if there are billions of other galaxies that have roughly similar stellar population densities as represented by my view, that, potentially, trillions of planets may be associated with such a galactic and, therefore, stellar population. Allowing for similar chemical distribution throughout the cosmos it may be reasonably implied that life-and possibly intelligent life-may well fill the universe.
Also, being a believer, theologically, it tells me that the vastness of space may be yet another suggestion of the greatness of God and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, the blackness of the sky and the crispness of the stellar images tells me that there is low humidity and stable air and therefore we are most likely to enjoy a beautiful day tomorrow.
Why? - What does it tell you, Mr. Holmes?"
Holmes: "Someone stole our tent".
What do you call an IT department with an office on every floor?
Distributed Denial of Service.
A rabbi and a priest discuss their methods of distributing the donations of their congregation
The priest tells the rabbi, "I draw a circle on the ground around me and throw the money in the air, whatever lands within I dedicate to god, and whatever lands on the exterior I keep for myself.
The rabbi tells the priest, " I also draw a circle around me and throw the money in the air. Whatever god catches I let him keep, and whatever returns to the earth I keep for myself.
-told by my grandfather during tonight's Shabbos dinner.
Jesus party
When Jesus distributed fish and bread, he surely turned some water into red wine for the feast, being his blood and all, everyone knew he could do that party trick by then.
I'm sure someone must have went like:
"That's all good Jesus, but white wine would have been better with fish".
That person miraculously had food poisoning that day.
A 'Cold War' joke I tought up today...
It's early September, 1984. Children around the world are going back to school. Despite living on opposing sides of the Iron Curtain, two Mathematics teachers, one in the United States and the other in the Soviet Union, ask their respective classes the same question.
"OK class." Said the American teacher, "If I had three oranges, and I divided them fairly between four children, how many oranges would each child receive?"
Most of the children in his class answered with pretty much the same thing. "It's easy." Replied the class, "One child gets two oranges, the second gets a half, the third gets an eighth, the fourth gets nothing, and we keep the rest to throw at our enemies."
On the other side of the world, in Russia, the Soviet teacher asks the same to her own class.
"Students." She asked, "If I had three oranges, and had to distribute them fairly to four children, how many oranges will each child have?"
The Russian class asked their teacher "What are oranges?"
Kim Jong Un's fat could be evenly distributed among his people so that all are well fed
:/
Two Missionaries...
Two missionaries were ascending a hill in an expedition to convert the hostile unreached jungle inhabitants.
Since very few had ever returned alive from the unfriendly summit very little was known. The two agreed that the best way to win them over was with gifts from their food provisions.
They reached a pass where only one was able to ascend at a time. As the first man cleared the pass, he was immediately set upon by the natives. They took his large pack, pulled the large bunch of bananas out, and distributed them amongst themselves.
The natives began a strange ritual that involved shoving the bananas into their rectums and dancing about in a manner similar to the Māori Haka.
At first, the m**... was horrified by what he saw but he started to giggle and then broke into an hysterical cackle.
The dancings stopped and the leader said, "Why you laugh?"
The m**... said, "my friend is coming with pineapples!"
Why were the Star Wars made IV, V, VI, I, II, III?
Because in charge of distribution, Yoda was.
How many socialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They cant. The bulb has been smashed and distributed equally.
A relative of mine works at a toy distribution center.
They specialize in talking dolls. They recently received a Muslim one, but nobody knows what it says because they're all afraid to pull the cord.
Something happened at a friend's work
A relative of mine works at a toy distribution center. They specialize in talking dolls. They recently received a Muslim one, but nobody knows what it says because they're all afraid to pull the cord.
Why did the ghost get arrested on the playground?
He was caught distributing boos to minors.
I used to be sesquipedally loquacious
I got bullied because I couldn't even explain that that meant I was talking all the time with big and overly complicated words.
That's when the e**... made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device.
Did you hear about the guy who tried selling dendrobranchiata babies online?
He got arrested for distributing child prawn.
Why did the Libertarian fail 5th grade math?
They refused to learn the distributive property.
What is the difference between when the UN distributes a flashlight to each country, and when it delivers a cow to each country?
One's illumination, one's a mule a nation.
A priest, a minister and a rabbi are playing golf.
They're discussing how to distribute the charity they've received this week. The priest suggests "We draw a big circle on the green, we throw all the money up in the air, whatever lands inside the circle, we give to God." The minister says "No. We draw a big circle on the green, we throw the money up in the air, whatever lands **outside** the circle, we give to God." The rabbi says "No, no, no. We throw all the money in the air, whatever God wants, he keeps."
This year, Santa will have some competition.
One of Santa's little Elves has gone rogue and decided to start a rival gift distribution business.
He's a rebel without a Claus.
Santa Claus and Karl Marx are pretty similar when you think about it.
They both have long beards, re distribute items for free, and we all stop believing in them at a certain age.
Why should you respect pornstars more than structural engineers?
Most pornstars I've seen are better at handling distributed loads.
The Egg
I'm utterly opposed to any form of egg cracking on anyone's head and I totally condemn the act of the underage violent vigilante who cracked an egg on senators head. However with that being said what it highlights is the endless distribution and importing of eggs all around the world. Rising fear of egg presence all around Australia and new Zealand. The real cause of what happened today was Australian government allowing to import and to produce eggs in their country in the first place. While today the senator is the victim it doesn't make him the blameless. If you banned eggs in the first place it would have been avoided.
(Collected)
(Cr
I recently started working for a charity that convinces local supermarkets to give us their expiring baked goods to donate to refugees and the local homeless. We're working in conjunction with local churches to help distribute donations. All of us are there voluntarily, after all..
It's a naan-prophet organization.
Good old russian joke
— What would you do if you were given a million?
— Well, I would distribute the debts.
— And the rest?
— The rest would wait
Snipe Hunting joke
How to make the snipe hunt joke:
A SNIPE HUNT IS A HUNT FOR AN IMAGINARY ANIMAL. IT IS A GAME. BEFORE THE HUNT BEGINS, BROWN BAGS ARE DISTRIBUTED TO THE HUNTERS AND THEY ARE TOLD THAT SNIPES LIVE IN THE WOODS AND ARE ATTRACTED TO NOISE. THE HUNT BEGINS WITH THE HUNTERS GOING INTO THE WOODS AND HITTING STICKS TOGETHER FOR NOISE. p**... AND PAN LIDS CAN ALSO BE USED. THE PLAYERS ARE TOLD TO HOLD THEIR BAGS OPEN SO THAT THE SNIPE CAN JUMP IN AND THEY CAN CATCH IT. THE NOISE MUST BE MAINTAINED IN ORDER TO ATTRACT THE SNIPE.
What do you call the mass distribution of news and information regarding m**..., as well as the demand for its legalisation?
Propaganja. Thank you. I'll let myself out.
Distribution of collection money
A pastor, a priest and a rabbi discuss how they split up the collection between themselves and god.
Said the pastor "I draw a circle on the ground, then I throw the money in the air. What falls in the circle is mine, what's outside is god's".
Said the priest "I have a similar method, I draw a circle and throw the money, but what falls outside is mine, what's in the circle is god's".
Said the rabbi "My system works along the same lines, but I omit the circle. I just throw the money in the air, and what god needs, he's gonna keep, what falls back down is mine".
God spoke to His angels
He said, "after extensive trials I have figured out a way to rotate a planet so it receives an even distribution of sunlight and evening."
"Wow," said one angel. "What are you going to do now, sir? "
And God said, "Call it a day."
At this mornings press conference, Ron Desantis announced that the state of Florida will be outlawing the consumption and distribution of coffee.
He went on to condemn the beverage as a tool of the WOKE agenda.
A drill sergeant was drilling the recruit squad in the use of the rifle
Everything went smoothly until blank cartridges were distributed.
The recruits were instructed to load their pieces and stand at the ready, and then the sergeant gave the command:
"Fire at will!"
Private Lunn was puzzled. He lowered his gun.
"Which one is Will?", he asked.