Distracted Jokes
55 distracted jokes and hilarious distracted puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about distracted that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a laugh? This article will have you in stitches over jokes about distracted driving. Learn why motorist should keep their attention on the road, and the consequences that can leap from a brief moment of inattention.
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Funniest Distracted Short Jokes
Short distracted jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The distracted humour may include short distraught jokes also.
- Went to a diner with a couple I know. They started arguing. Normally, I'm not one to take sides, but they were so distracted by yelling at each other that I stole her fries and his cole slaw...
- What do a G-string and a barbed wire fence have in common? They both run along the property line without distracting from the view.
- A kid gets home very distressed..... And says "mom everyone at school says that im always distracted"
"FOR THE LAST TIME KID, YOU LIVE NEXT DOOR!!!!" - "Doctor, everytime I play a table-top role playing game I get really distracted." Doctor: "Sounds like you may have AD&D"
- Is cakeday. Comment with best Latvian joke. Make laugh. Is good distract from malnourish.
- Don't let this election distract you... From the fact that Slytherin blew a 472 to 312 point lead to Gryffindor for the House Cup during the trophy presentation ceremony at Hogwarts back in 1992.
- Don't let the Golden State Warriors blowing a 3 - 1 lead in the nba finals.. ..distract you from the fact that the British blew a 13 colony lead in 1776
- i uninstalled reddit to be less distracted and more productive with my time. thats why im posting this from my browser now
- I just adopted two puppies the other day. I love them so much but they're so distracting whenever I try to watch a movie. They keep pressing paws.
- TOP TEN SIGNS YOU HAVE ADD: 1) Easily distracted
2) Frequently lose your train of thought 3) Unfinished projects
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Distracted One Liners
Which distracted one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with distracted? I can suggest the ones about bewildered and disoriented.
- If I had a dollar for every time I was distracted... I wish I had a puppy
- I took Adderall for my ADHD I started focusing on my distractions better.
- What do you call a distracted Israeli in Palestine? Preoccupied
- If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted I wish I had some ice cream
- Distracted driving can be very dangerous It can hit you when you leas
- Why didn't the guy with ADD seek help? He was going to but then he got distracted
- My wife said that I get distracted too easily. So I
- Don't let this Superbowl distract you... from the fact that the Warriors blew a 3-1 lead.
- Why do some race drivers hate wet tracks? Because the water is a distraction.
- Why does Betsy look so distracted Her husband devos her
- As a dyslexic rapper, It's hard to release a distract without getting disstracked.
- Guess how I spell distraction? R-E-D-D-I-T
- A distracted man walks off a cliff while talking on his phone. He was sentenced to death.
- I've been meaning to do something about my ADHD diagnosis. But I keep getting distracted.
- Why did we invade Iraq? They were making smart phones.
Weapons of Mass Distraction.
Distracted Driving Jokes
Here is a list of funny distracted driving jokes and even better distracted driving puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I tried to text and drive to test whether or not i get distracted But I can text just fine!
Uplifting Distracted Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about distracted you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean disturbed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make distracted pranks.
A lady was driving along the highway...
...when suddenly she is distracted and crashes into the car in front of her, causing a bit of damage. She immediately jumps out of her car to give her details to the person she's crashed into. She walks to the driver's door and out hops a dwarfed man. 'I'm very sorry for the accident I've caused,' the lady says, 'I'll pay for any damage.' To which the dwarf replies, 'I'm not happy...' The lady says, 'If you're not happy, then which one are you?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor: I have the results of your test. You're gonna have to stop m**....
Me: Oh no! Why doctor?"
Doctor: Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting.
A man bought a horse from a pastor of a church...
The pastor explains to him "to make the horse go yell 'Thank God!' And to make it stop yell 'Hallelujah'". He is riding the horse and gets distracted when he notices he is about to ride off a cliff and begins to yell "Hallelujah! Hallelujah!", and the horse stops just at the edge of the cliff. He wipes his sweat off and says "Phew! Thank God!".
*Old Russian joke my dad used to tell*
My boss recently fired me...
So, my boss recently fired me and he sent me an email that read "I did not want to fire you, but I had to. You were slacking on every project I assigned to you and you get too easily distracted. Please stop by and pick up your things, OK? I expect to see that your office is empty by Saturday."
I then realized how much OK resembled a stick-man.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I visited my doctor last week, and he told me I had to stop m**.... I asked him why, because surely it's not dangerous.
He said it was distracting him.
A lady walks into a dry cleaners...
...she's carrying a beautiful black dress. She tells the clerk, "I'll need to pick this up tomorrow."
The clerk, hard of hearing and distracted, innocently asks, "come again?"
Unfazed, she replies, "No. Vanilla ice cream this time."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Urologist told me a joke during my vasectomy...
So during my vasectomy it was just me and the younger female doctor in the room. She was talking with me to distract me and said you want to hear a good vasectomy joke? Of course I said yes, not knowing it was going to go this way.
If a Bluebird has blue babies, a blackbird has black babies, a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies?
A s**...!
I got distracted today while driving and rear-ended the car in front of me.
The car door opened and out hopped the driver. He stormed up to me, all 3' 9" of him, and angrily blurted out "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
*"Which one are you then?"*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife thinks our s**... life is boring and I get distracted easily..........
Well I Better get back to it....
Do not let the fact that today is July 4th distract you
From the fact that England blew a 13 colony lead
I went to my in-laws for dinner
An argument inevitably broke out and my wife told me not to take sides.
I told her "they wont notice", as I slid the roast potatoes into my pocket "they are to distracted"
In one episode of Dexter's Laboratory, Dexter fires Dee-Dee because.....
....he can't focus properly when she distracts him. So he hires this pretty blonde girl to mimic Dee-Dee, and he asks her "I want to see you dance" "That'll be 50$ extra" Took me awhile to figure that one out
My summer camp, which was all about focus and blocking out distractions, did really poorly this year
Apparently no one wants to go to a concentration camp
Don't let the Australians' defeat in the Emu War distract you from the fact that...
the Americans lost to Gorilla Warfare.
I told my wife that she's like a firework
Explosive, distracting, and can put you in hospital if you get to close.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was single I always felt like a pirate.
I'd start by looking for wenches with a good chest, but always ended up distracted by their b**....
Little Johnny's mother receives a note from his teacher
"johhny is a very clever boy, but he spends too much time thinking about girls and it distracts him from matters that are really important"
The mother replies: "please inform me right away if you ever find a solution. His dad is having the same problem"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't get what's so hard about No Nut November
It's the 3rd day and I haven't eaten any nuts yet. I just distract myself by constantly m**... all day.
A Russian joke my grandmother once told me. I hope it works in English.
A man sits at the deathbed of his mother-in-law.
She suffers very much and cries in agony:
"Oh I'm dying!" "It hurts" "I'm gonna die soon"
She stops for a seconds and says:
"Well at least the weather is nice today"
The man says: "hey dear, don't get distracted!"
A man with a family and a 5 year old daughter frequently visited his hot neighbour at her house in morning.
But the neighbour had a son who was about 6 years old. One day, as a way to distract and have some private time with his mother, he said
A: Go to the patio and look at my house to see if anyone's there. If you find anyone inform me.
The son went as usual to check the neogbour's house and returend after half an hour and he said
Son: i didnt see anyone except your daughter who stood on the patio for half an hour like me!
The Prince of Wales and the Duke of Edinburgh
The recent death of the Duke of Edinburgh reminded me of the time that Prince Charles went to open a school in Brixton in London. The Prince's speech went well, but people were distracted by his headwear, which was a Davey Crockett-type hat made from fox fur, with the fox's tail hanging down at the back. After the ceremony the headmaster thanked Charles and said, "I couldn't help noticing what you were wearing on your head ...?"
"Ah yes", said Charles, "That was Daddy's idea. He asked where I was going today, then he said 'Brixton? Wear the fox hat'".
Politicians go on a vacation
Politicians go on a vacation by bus.
The bus driver gets distracted by the beautiful scenery and drives off a cliff next to a farm.
The following day the police question the farmer:
\- Did you not find any victims?
\- Actually, I did.
\- And where are they?
\- Well, I buried them.
\- Every politician died?!
\- Some of them said they didn't, but I don't believe a word of what they say anymore...
PS: English is my second language so apologies for mistakes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does a redditor carve a pumpkin?
To distract himself from the fact that he is too, just a lifeless round object putting on a fake smile when another person is near.
A few bananas are planning a heist
Right before they leap into action, they decide to run through the process again so all bananas know what they're doing.
Firstly, two bananas will be creating a distraction a distance away from the heist. Then, the rest of the bananas will scatter to confuse the enemy and start the heist.
After going through the process a few more times, the bananas are certain that they know what to do, and thus a couple bananas peel off and the rest of the bananas split.
Every night, my whole life, I'd prayed to the saints to keep my family and home safe.
Which is why when my house was destroyed in an earthquake my faith was shook. The saints must have been distracted by something that day. I don't want to point the finger at anyone in particular, but I can't help feeling it must have been San Andreas' fault.
My local council decided to build road signs saying "Avoid Distractions".
There's been an increase in car accidents ever since.
