The Best 91 Distance Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Distance jokes. There are some distance mirage jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these distance long distance relationship puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Distance Jokes and Puns

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One of them sees a tree in the distance that's draped in bacon. "It's a bacon tree! We're saved!" he says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.

It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

Two mexicans are stranded in the desert for days....

... and they're at death's door....

They stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something, they suddenly spy through the heat haze a tree off in the distance.

As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with strip after strip of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts.

"Hey, Pepe" says the first hombre. "ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!"

"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe.

So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.

His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"

With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run,amigo, run!! ees not a Bacon Tree".......

"ees... a.... Hambush"

Jewish Business

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was trudging through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards it, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5"

The Taliban shouted, "Infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie! I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"

"OK, OK" said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."

Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead, and said "Your f***ing brother won't let me in without a tie!"

Distance joke, Jewish Business

A Woman Who Reads

One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies.

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"says the woman.

"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and left.

Moral of this story: Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.

An Odd Funeral...

A guy is just coming out of the store when he sees an unusual funeral procession moving down the road. In front is a black hearse, which is followed at a respectable distance of about 30 feet by another, slow moving hearse. Behind the two walks a man with a dog. And some twenty feet behind him is a line of 100 more men, walking just as slowly.

His curiosity gets the better of him and he approaches the man with the dog as they pass, falling into step beside him.

"This may not be the best time..." he begins "but I've never seen a funeral like this, so I need to ask what's going on. Who's in the first hearse?"

"My wife" says the man with the dog, mournfully. "She yelled at me, so Rover attacked and killed her." As if it feels guilty, the dog lowers its head and tail at the mention of his name.

"Oh.. oh my. I'm so sorry for your loss." Says the second guy. He walks alongside in respectful silence for a while before, once more, curiosity gets the better of him. "So whose in the second hearse?"

"My mother-in-law." comes the reply. "She tried to help my wife, so Rover killed her too."

"Oh my god, that's awful!" says the other guy, and walks alongside in respectful silence for a moment more. Eventually, he looks up and says "I don't suppose I could borrow your dog, could I?"

"Get in line." answers the guy.


A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island

they can see land in the distance, and decide to swim for it.

The redhead goes first, gets 1/4 of the way there, gets tired and swims back.

The brunette manages to swim 1/3 of the way there, but gets tired and swims back.

The blonde is able to swim halfway, but gets tired and returns to the island.

George and Mildred

It was a pleasant, sunny afternoon in the park, full of Sunday revelers. George and Mildred were sitting together on a park bench, feeding the ducks. Mildred turned to George and said: "You know George, we've been together 29 years now, don't you think its about time we were getting married?"

George stared reflectively into the distance and replied, "Aye, Lass, but who would have us?"

Distance joke, George and Mildred

Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

A pedestrian is walking past an insane asylum, and in the distance hears a bunch of the asylum inmates inside screaming at the top of their lungs, Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

Intrigued, the pedestrian peeks through a hole in the fence to see what all the commotion is about, and, suddenly, a finger pops out jabbing him right in the eye.

He screams in pain, and the inmates all start gleefully shouting, Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!

I once knew a bald guy who liked to draw rabbits on his head

but from a distance they looked like hares

The engineer and the mathematician

A mathematician and an engineer are at a bar when the most beautiful woman either of them has ever seen approaches them.

She takes them to a football field and tells them, "I'm going to stand on the far goal line, and you'll stand on this one. Whichever of you reaches me first can do whatever you want to me."

"There are two rules, however. Your first move can only be to the fifty yard line, and each move following can only be half the distance of the previous."

The woman walks to the far side to the far goal line, and the race begins.

The mathematician, upon seeing her reach the goal line, breaks down in tears, because he knows that he can never make it to the far goal.

The engineer takes off immediately. He knows he can never reach her, but he can certainly get close enough for all practical purposes.

I just can't take this long distance relationship anymore...

I'm moving the fridge to my room.

You can explore distance kilometer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean distance length dad jokes. There are also distance puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Priest and a Rabbi in a park

A priest and a rabbi are sitting in a park and they see some young children playing off in the distance. The priest turns to the rabbi and says, "Hey, wanna go screw a couple of those kids over there?"
The rabbi replies, "Out of what?"

Stiff....

A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
"Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.
"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on?" he asked again.
The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma`s idea!"

I booked an hotel in kenya on walking distance from the beach...

You can't imagine how far those kenyans will walk.
[source: philip geubels, Belgian comedian]

Ole and Sven are flying a plane over northern Minnesota

Ole is the pilot, and they are approaching their destination. Sven looks out the window and sees the runway in the distance. He notices the runway looks rather short and says, "Y'know, Ole, dat looks like a really short runway."

Ole replies, "Oh, don't worry. Dis is a small plane after all. Dere's plenty of space for us to land."

As they get closer, Sven sees that the runway is indeed very short, and he says, "Ole, I don't know bout dis, it looks like dat runway is too short."

Ole says, "Ok, I'll press da brakes as hard as I can when we come down, how bout dat?"

But Sven isn't reassured very much. At this point, he can see that the runway is almost certainly too short for them to land. He says, "Ole! Dis runway is way too short. we're gonna crash!"

Ole says, "Oh shut up. I'll just put de plane in reverse as soon as we land, that'll do it."

So, the plane touches down, and despite Ole's best efforts, they do go off the runway and into the fence. The plane flips over a few times and is heavily damaged, but luckily both Ole and Sven are relatively unharmed. The two climb out of the wreckage, and Sven says, "You see, I was right! Dis runway was too short!"

Ole looks up and down the runway, and then he says, "Aye, it was really short. But look at how *wide* it is!"

Recently divorced Marine sniper slapped with a 1500 yard restraining order.

He is now struggling to understand the distance that has become between them, as well as windage.

Distance joke, Recently divorced Marine sniper slapped with a 1500 yard restraining order.

On long plane trip, a woman is sitting next to a lawyer. She wants to sleep, but the lawyer does not stop talking...

*"Let's play a game"* - he suggests.

The woman ignores him.

*"To make it interesting"* - he continues - *"if I answer incorrectly to your question, I'll pay you $50. If you answer incorrectly to my question, you pay me $5."*

The woman agrees, and the lawyer asks the first question.

*"What is the distance between Earth and the Moon?"*

The woman hands him $5. Now it's her turn.

*"What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"*

The lawyer is astonished. He frantically surfs the Internet, searches his pocket encyclopedia and asks his scientist friends. He finds nothing. Hours later, when finally giving up looking for the answer, he wakes the woman, hands her $50 and asks:

*"So, what is the answer?"*

Without saying a word, she hands him $5 and goes back to sleep.

**

Grammar tip

Farther = physical distance

Further = metaphorical distance

Father = emotional distance

Daddy, what's it like being drunk?

A little girl goes up to her dad and asks "Daddy, what does it feel like being drunk?" "Well," the father replies "You see those 2 telephone poles over there in the distance?" he says, pointing in the direction of the poles. "A drunk person would see 4 telephone poles there." The little girl, confused, replies "But daddy, there is only one telephone pole over there"


Can a ninja kill someone from a distance?

Shuriken!

Graveyard shortcut

A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard.

He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.

Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"

The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."

Yo momma so fat...

Yo momma so fat when she talks to herself its a long distance call.

A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic

A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic on a really hot summer day and wanted to dip in the river to cool off. They had not thought to bring bathing suits, so decided to skinny dip instead.

The river was flowing rapidly and both clergy were washed a short distance downstream before getting out. After climbing out of the river they had just started to make a run for it to get to their clothes, when many members of their congregation came into view.

The Priest covered his privates with his hands and put on a burst of speed, but the Rabbi covered his face instead. "What are you doing?" the Priest asked. "I don't know about you," the Rabbi answered, "but my congregants recognize me by my face."

Love knows no distance...

but restraining orders do.

A Marine received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home...

It read as follows:

---

*Michael*,

*I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is too great and too long. I must confess that I have cheated on you twice, and this situation is not fair for either of us. I'm really sorry.*

*Love, Elizabeth*

*P.S. Please return the picture you have of me*

---

The Marine, his feelings hurt, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they had of mothers, sisters, girlfriends, cousins, ex-girlfriends, or aunts they had. After a while he had obtained a sizeable collection, and so he stuffed them all 62 of them into an envelope, including the picture of Elizabeth, along with this letter:

---

*Elizabeth,*

*I can't quite remember what you look like. Please take your picture from the pile and return the rest.*

*Take care, Michael*

My girl said she need distance and time

Still dont know what she's trying to calculate the velocity of...

What's the difference between an American and a Briton?

Britons think 200 miles is a long distance, and American's think 200 years is a long time.

My girlfriend and I had a fight and she asked me for distance and time,

But for the life of me, i cant figure out why she wants to calculate velocity

Why do stormtroopers never have long distance relationships?

Because they'd miss each other.

I was on a date other day when the girl said she wanted to start a long distance relationship using semaphore.

Raised a couple of red flags...

A ship was sailing in the middle of the ocean....

A storm was developing in the distance. As the storm raged, the captain realised the ship was sinking fast.

He called out loud, "Anyone here knows how to pray?"

A man proudly raised his hand and came forward, "Aye Captain, I know how to pray."

The Captain replied, "Great, you keep praying while the rest of us put our life jackets on.......we are short of one!"

So my girlfriend just told me that she needed velocity...

Well, her exact words were "time and distance" but I knew what she meant.

When is the Bible accurate?

When it's thrown from a short distance.

Two Russians, Vlad and Ivan, decided to have a race.

Both long distance runners, they decided the end would be a large rock a few miles past the Russia-Finland border.

Vlad was ahead for most of the race, but he faltered soon after the border and was passed by Ivan, who won.

"I told you I would win!" said Ivan.

"You may have won," replied Vlad, "but I beat you to the Finnish line."

If I ever start to go bald

I'll get a rabbit tattooed onto my head..
From a distance it would look like a hare

My girlfriend said she needs time and distance...

Is she trying to calculate velocity?

When I see stars I think of you...

Because you're only beautiful from a distance.

What distance does light travel on a diet?

Lite years.

I've built a spice catapult that is capable of seasoning a steak from a distance of 100 yards.

It's a little hard to aim but there's no sense crying over every missed steak.

My girlfriend "Dad joked" me on a hike.

I asked my girlfriend what she thought trees would sound like if they talked while on a hike.
She said "I bet we couldn't understand them"
I said "why do you think that?"
She said "because they probably only bark"
She then laughed the next half mile down the trail barking occasionally and saying "shh, shh, do you hear that? Thats a tree talking in the distance"

A cop pulled me over.....

and said I was doing 70 in a 50 mph zone. I explained I was only trying to keep a safe distance from the car behind.

I discovered that my socks exhibit quantum entanglement.

As soon as I put on my left sock, the other sock immediately becomes the right sock, and vice versa, regardless of the distance between them.

The perfect shot.

A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind direction and speed. The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," the partner says. "You'll never hit her from here."

So aliens flew by our planet recently and one asked the other...

Alien 1 How advanced is that civilization?

Alien 2 They have discovered nuclear technology.

Alien 1 Oh boy... That's pretty intelligent. We better keep our distance then from their missles.

Alien 2 Nah, they're not that smart yet. They have em pointed at themselves.

My girlfriend and I broke up today

Her: "I just need time."

Me: "Okay. Yeah, I understand."

Her: "And distance, as well."

Me: "Fine. But can I ask you one last question?"

Her: "Go ahead."

Me: "What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?"

My girlfriend told me she needed time, and distance.

So I gave her velocity and she was happy with that.

Almost all of my relationships are long distance relationships.

I'm a midget.

I went to college in Hawaii and

While I was jogging on the beach one day, I saw a man in the distance drowning !
He was waving his arms screaming:
Helllppppp.... *Shark* ... please... hellllpppppp

And then I started laughing, haha, cause I knew that that shark wasn't going to help him

I was out duck hunting with Olivia Wilde.

After a while, Olivia spotted a massive duck in the distance and insisted that I hunt it down.

I started to follow it, through bushes and brambles, woods and fields, over hills and through valleys, until finally, I caught up with it. The huge duck turned in my direction, honked and started running after me...

It was at that moment I realised, I wasn't pursuing a duck for Olivia, I was on a Wilde goose chase.

On my recent trip to Kenya, I booked a hotel within walking distance of the beach.

You can't imagine how far the Kenyans would walk.

My girlfriend and I are trying this whole "long distance relationship" thing.

I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.

A young man on his first date.

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex. The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. Why aren't we going anywhere? asked the girl. Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…

Today my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance...

"Well...," a friend replies, "...I'm going to be honest with you: you should take advantage of that, she's not for you. She is seeing other guys, she even had an affair with me, your best friend! I'm glad she said that. How did she start the conversation?"

The other guy stays speechless for a while. "she... was studying for a test, for physics. She needed random numbers to calculate velocity."

My girlfriend said she needed time and distance

I said: "Why do we have to involve velocity with this?"

If you could exterminate any race what would you pick?

Personally, I'd get rid of the 800m. It's too long to be considered a sprint and not long enough to really be long distance.

In class we learned that last names were determined by what your ancestors did

So I always made sure I kept my distance from my teacher Mr Dickinson

Two sailors are on deck looking out to sea.

In the distance, a huge hand rises from the water.

It keeps rising as the wrist and forearm become visible, the fingers stretching into the air. It wobbles back and forward then falls, crashing into the sea.

One sailor turns to the other and asks, 'Did you see the size of that wave?

If Elon Musk's space company establishes a Mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she'd be your....

Space x.

My girlfriend and I are trying the whole "long distance relationship thing"

Also, the police say on top of having to stay 100 feet away, I need to stop referring to her as my "girlfriend"

A man was going bald, so he got rabbits tattooed on to his head.

From a distance they looked like hares.

Bob Seger sits in a park with a tired-eyed old man. He's learning how to play chess.

After going over the layout and setup of the board, the old man begins a lesson on to the movement of the individual pieces.

Queens move in all directions, any distance. Kings are the same but with only one space. He didn't understand the knight, though.

Two in one direction, then one to the side.

Hm, funny how the knight moves.

I don't understand why everyone is saying that Americans are refusing to social distance...

...six feet is six feet, even if it's six feet under.

In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said I have some sad news.

Tell me, old friend said the faithful Tonto.

Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer

Bad spirits, replied his old companion.

The Lone Ranger look off into the distance for a minute. After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?

Chemo, sabe

Ps this is my first joke post ever so I hope I did it right.

The safety distance of 2 meters has been hard for the people in Finland.

Luckily, when it's over, we can return to the usual 10 meter distancing.

"Leagues" in "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" refers to horizontal distance, not depth.

Otherwise it would be called "Journey to the Center of the Earth."

What do you call a Sikh guy who keeps to himself?

Social Distance Singh.

My long distance girlfriend called me saying she finally wants to meet me in person. I left her this message right before my phone died: This is very important: I am not a man that normally makes huge commitments, but I think the time is right for us to see each other.

Unfortunately, my phone died right after man.

Your momma's so fat...

... no one can socially distance her.

How does a pirate measure distance?

With Yaaards!

How do Muslims social distance?

Qur'antine

A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.

He turns on his signal lamp and sends, Change your course, 10 degrees west.

The light signals back, Change yours, 10 degrees east.

The captain gets a little annoyed. He signals, I'm a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.

The light signals back, I'm a Seaman First Class. You must change your course, sir.

Now the captain is mad. He signals, I'm an aircraft carrier. I'm not changing my course.

The light signals back a final message: I'm a lighthouse. Your call.

A mathematician And an engineer decided to take part in an experiment.

They were both put in a room and at the other end was a naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said Don't you see? You'll never get close enough to actually reach her. The engineer replied, So? I'll be close enough for all practical purposes.

A shooting club was holding a competition. The winner was to get a somewhat ugly trophy, the second-placed shooter - a crate of champagne.

By the end of the final round, two shooters were tied for first place, so they were told to do a tiebreaker round - 5 shots at maximum distance. To keep things more dramatic, they had to shoot at the same time.

After both had stopped firing and were awaiting the results, one shooter turned to his rival and said with a little smile: "I'm sorry, pal. I put all five shots in the wall."

"I'm sorry, too," replied the other, "because I put all of mine into your target."

Two settlers hear a drum in the distance...

"I do not like the sound of that" One settler said.

"He's not our regular drummer" They hear over the hill.

As Northern Germans, we really struggle with the six feet distance mandate ...

Hopefully we can go back to our usual 10 feet distance after being vaccinated.

Two cowboys are stranded in the desert...

One cowboy sees a tree covered in bacon in the distance. He gets all excited and runs towards the bacon tree... As he reaches the bacon tree he gets shot to death. It turns out it wasn't a bacon tree... It was a hambush

A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.

"Grandpa, what are you doing?" the man exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asks again. The old man slyly looks at him and says, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"

Over 100 Coronavirus cases have been reported on the British Navy's flagship HMS Queen Elizabeth.

Other ships in the fleet have been told to keep their distance as it's a carrier.

3 blondes were standing around some tracks.

The first blonde said "look at these tracks! Do you think they're deer tracks?"

The second blonde shook her head "no, there are no hoof prints. If anything these are dog tracks".

The third blonde chuckled, "come on you two. Look at the even spacing, the consistent depth, the distance between the tracks - it's obvious they're bear tracks!"

The other two blondes looked at the third in admiration of her excellent knowledge of nature, and then all 3 were hit by a train.

A Knight, a Samurai, and a Viking are lost in a desert.

They see someone in the distance, and as they draw closer, they realise it's a buck naked woman in a crusader's helmet with a samurai sword on her back.

The knight exclaims, "Look at her helm. Surely she is of my people! "

The samurai says "Nay! See the sword. She is obviously from Japan!"

The Viking shakes his head and says " No! She is in truth a Viking! Behold the beard of Thor!"

My wife is an economist and I am an engineer.

I was watching my wife make her breakfast one morning, and noticed that she made way too many trips to get each of the items she needed. So I said in my best engineer voice, Hey sweetheart, why don't you utilize the load maximization principle and carry all the items you need in one trip, thereby minimizing total distance travelled?

Well don't you know, she loved my suggestion!

It used to take her 11 minutes to make her breakfast… now I do it in 5.

The long distance relationship

A guy walks into his usual local bar and orders a beer. "All alone tonight? Where's your girlfriend?" the bartender asks. "My girlfriend and I are trying this whole 'long-distance relationship thing'," he tells the bartender. "Well, that can be hard," the bartender says. "You're telling me. I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times," the guy says. "And the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend, too."

A physicist and an engineer agree to take part in an experiment.

They are shown into a room where a naked woman is lying on a bed on the other side of the room and told they can cross half the distance between them and the woman every minute.

The physicist throws up his hands and turns away.

The engineer walks halfway across the room.

"You fool!" says the physicist. "Don't you realise you will never actually reach her?"

"That's okay," says the engineer. "Pretty soon I will be close enough for all practical purposes!"

A chemist, physicist, and statistician go hunting.

They are behind a bush and all three see a 12 point buck off into the distance.



The chemist stands up and shoots at the deer but misses 50 yards to the left.



The physicist stands up and shoots at the deer and misses 50 yards to the right.



The statistician gets up and screams "We got him!".



I know, I know, it is a mean joke.....

My girlfriend and I just transitioned to a long distance relationship

Or as the judge insists on calling it, a restraining order

I drink a lot of alcohol. A LOT. So I'm doing twelve steps.

I moved to a walking distance from a bar.

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

Speed

When your SO asks for distance and time, but you don't know what speed she needs to calculate.

British guy immigrates to USA

chatting with his girlfriend (now in distance), she asks him how he finds his new place

"not bad",he answers "but the neighborhood is missing u"

TV's are getting thinner and peope are getting fatter

So the distance between the two is still the same

"Doctor, I can't see at far distance!"

"Can you see the sun?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, how the hell far do you want to see?!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the distance duration jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working distance mile piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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