Dist Jokes
37 dist jokes and hilarious dist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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What is a good dist joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
How do you distinguish between a news reporter and a chemist....
Ask them to pronounce "lead".
I got distracted today while driving and rear-ended the car in front of me.
The car door opened and out hopped the driver. He stormed up to me, all 3' 9" of him, and angrily blurted out "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
*"Which one are you then?"*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You disturbed the first part of this f**....
Just let us do the rest in peace.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A distant relative of mine died and I came into some money...
but my friends told me that I have a weird f**....
The distinction between a sibling and a half-sibling
is apparent.
What distance does light travel on a diet?
Lite years.
When it comes to distinguishing male genitalia from female genitalia...
There's a Vas Deferens.
When don't you disturb a broom
When it's sweeping.
I distrust people in two cases only:
- When I don't know them.
- When I know them.
Our distributor shipped us a box of broken calculators.
Seriously, we can't count on them at all anymore.
I'm really distraught, my barber cut my hair way shorter than normal!
I would be more upset, but I think it's growing on me.
I don't know what disturbs me more
about my attraction towards my girlfriends mother. The fact that she's 51 or the fact that she's also my mother.
Distribution of collection money
A pastor, a priest and a rabbi discuss how they split up the collection between themselves and god.
Said the pastor "I draw a circle on the ground, then I throw the money in the air. What falls in the circle is mine, what's outside is god's".
Said the priest "I have a similar method, I draw a circle and throw the money, but what falls outside is mine, what's in the circle is god's".
Said the rabbi "My system works along the same lines, but I omit the circle. I just throw the money in the air, and what god needs, he's gonna keep, what falls back down is mine".
What is the distinction between a man that has had a vasectomy and one who hasn't?
I don't know, as far as I'm concerned there's not a vas deferens.
How do you distress a leather jacket?
By telling it punk is dead!
disturbed joke
doctor: say ahh
me: ow-a-a-a-a
doctor: it appears you are down with the sickness
A District Court judge, a Circuit Court judge, and a Supreme Court justice are sitting at a bar
The District Court judge says, "I interpret the Constitution the way I read it."
The Circuit Court judge says, "I interpret the Constitution the way it's written."
The Supreme Court justice says, "The Constitution isn't anything, until I interpret it."
(original joke was three umpires talking about calling strikes)
If you need a distraction from the election there is a new American reality TV series starting soon.
It's called The White House. Apparently the lead actor has been given a 4 season contract.
Distracted driving can be very dangerous
It can hit you when you leas
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A distraught farmer asked a preacher what would happen if he killed a b**... who had begun working near the canal by his farm.
"d**... if you do, dammed if you don't."
a district administrator was offered a large bribe to fire some of the heads of his local schools
but he stuck by his principals
How do you distinguish a French tank from a British tank?
The rear-view mirrors
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Dist One Liners
Which dist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dist? I can suggest the ones about density and entropy.
- What do you call an ant that's been shunned by his community? Socially dist-ant
- Famous last quote No, no, he'll never be able to shoot me from that dist..
