The Best 44 Dist Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dist jokes. There are some dist oth jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dist shows puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Dist Jokes and Puns

Distracted driving can be very dangerous

It can hit you when you leas

A distant relative of mine died and I came into some money...

but my friends told me that I have a weird fetish.

Why should you distrust atoms?

Because they make up an awful lot of stuff.

When it comes to distinguishing male genitalia from female genitalia...

There's a Vas Deferens.

Something disturbing came in the mail today... mailman.

What distance say when velocity fell on top of him?

Ow, this really hertz.

Disturbing Pattern of Suicides

When some scientists plotted the number of suicides per year, they discovered a curious pattern. Every four years, there would be a spike in the number.

This baffled them, until the old janitor said: "Perhaps it was not a good idea to call them leap years."

Dist joke, Disturbing Pattern of Suicides

How do you distinguish a French tank from a British tank?

The rear-view mirrors

Why was the distracted man fired from his job at the distillery?

Because he couldn't concentrate

What is the distinction between a man that has had a vasectomy and one who hasn't?

I don't know, as far as I'm concerned there's not a vas deferens.

a district administrator was offered a large bribe to fire some of the heads of his local schools

but he stuck by his principals

You can explore dist prob reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dist make dad jokes. There are also dist puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I don't know what disturbs me more

about my attraction towards my girlfriends mother. The fact that she's 51 or the fact that she's also my mother.

If you need a distraction from the election there is a new American reality TV series starting soon.

It's called The White House. Apparently the lead actor has been given a 4 season contract.

I got distracted today while driving and rear-ended the car in front of me.

The car door opened and out hopped the driver. He stormed up to me, all 3' 9" of him, and angrily blurted out "I AM NOT HAPPY!"

*"Which one are you then?"*

A distraught farmer asked a preacher what would happen if he killed a beaver who had begun working near the canal by his farm.

"Damned if you do, dammed if you don't."

What distinguishes the US President from your regular US resident?

A big pee.

Dist joke, What distinguishes the US President from your regular US resident?

What distance does light travel on a diet?

Lite years.

You disturbed the first part of this funeral.

Just let us do the rest in peace.

What's the distance between South Korea and North Korea?

One Supreme meter

What distinguishes a good prostitute from a GREAT prostitute?

Excellent customer cervix.

How do you distinguish between a Japanese guy and a Chinese guy?

Use a Geiger Counter.

There were five distinctive wet little thuds against the garden fence....

That told me mowing the lawn in my flip flops may not have been a great idea.

The distinction between a sibling and a half-sibling

is apparent.

A distressed but attractive woman

A distressed but attractive woman stands at the top of a cliff trying to get together the nerve to jump.

A passing hobo stops and asks "since you're about to kill yourself anyway, do you mind if we have sex first?"

The woman replies, "Get away from me you sicko"

As the hobo turns and walks away he mutters "fine, I'll just go wait at the bottom then"

How can you distinguish an alligator from a crocodile?

>!Just determine which will see you later and which will see you in a while!<

Famous last quote

No, no, he'll never be able to shoot me from that dist..

[OC] What district of LA do all the best online gamers live in?

10 C.

How to distinguish between the meows of male and female cats:

1. Listen intently to the meow
2. Take a peek at their genitalia.

What is the distinction between nervousness, fear and panic?

Nervousness is when your wife is pregnant.

Fear is when your girlfriend is pregnant.

Panic is when they both are.

In the distance, I could see my friend kissing a girl, who looked really into it.

I couldn't really tell who the woman was.

All I know is, they're someone I can't make out.

I had a disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad

>!I was tossing all night!<

β€ͺAll the distilleries reworking to make hand sanitizer is crazy awesome

The stuff I've just bought to clean my hands in the car smells like Vodka, but it tastes just like Rum!‬

What do I do during distress?

Ice cream

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence.
The senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

disturbed joke

doctor: say ahh

me: ow-a-a-a-a

doctor: it appears you are down with the sickness

I distrust people in two cases only:

- When I don't know them.

- When I know them.

Distribution of collection money

A pastor, a priest and a rabbi discuss how they split up the collection between themselves and god.

Said the pastor "I draw a circle on the ground, then I throw the money in the air. What falls in the circle is mine, what's outside is god's".

Said the priest "I have a similar method, I draw a circle and throw the money, but what falls outside is mine, what's in the circle is god's".

Said the rabbi "My system works along the same lines, but I omit the circle. I just throw the money in the air, and what god needs, he's gonna keep, what falls back down is mine".

A distressed man is in the cemetery

crying his eyes out and beating a tombstone while shouting "Why did you have to die! Why did you have to die!"

A nearby man comes up to him and asks him "I'm very sorry, was she your wife?"

The distressed man looks up at him and responds "it was her first husband".

Our distributor shipped us a box of broken calculators.

Seriously, we can't count on them at all anymore.

A District Court judge, a Circuit Court judge, and a Supreme Court justice are sitting at a bar

The District Court judge says, "I interpret the Constitution the way I read it."

The Circuit Court judge says, "I interpret the Constitution the way it's written."

The Supreme Court justice says, "The Constitution isn't anything, until I interpret it."

(original joke was three umpires talking about calling strikes)

How do you distress a leather jacket?

By telling it punk is dead!

I'm really distraught, my barber cut my hair way shorter than normal!

I would be more upset, but I think it's growing on me.

How do you distinguish between a news reporter and a chemist....

Ask them to pronounce "lead".

When don't you disturb a broom

When it's sweeping.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dist diff jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dist dev piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes