Dist Jokes
37 dist jokes and hilarious dist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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What is a good dist joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
How do you distinguish between a news reporter and a chemist....
Ask them to pronounce "lead".
I got distracted today while driving and rear-ended the car in front of me.
The car door opened and out hopped the driver. He stormed up to me, all 3' 9" of him, and angrily blurted out "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
*"Which one are you then?"*
Why should you distrust atoms?
Because they make up an awful lot of stuff.
You disturbed the first part of this f**....
Just let us do the rest in peace.
A distant relative of mine died and I came into some money...
but my friends told me that I have a weird f**....
A distressed but attractive woman
A distressed but attractive woman stands at the top of a cliff trying to get together the nerve to jump.
A passing hobo stops and asks "since you're about to kill yourself anyway, do you mind if we have s**... first?"
The woman replies, "Get away from me you sicko"
As the hobo turns and walks away he mutters "fine, I'll just go wait at the bottom then"
The distinction between a sibling and a half-sibling
is apparent.
What distance does light travel on a diet?
Lite years.
I had a disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad
>!I was tossing all night!<
When it comes to distinguishing male genitalia from female genitalia...
There's a Vas Deferens.
How do you distinguish between a Japanese guy and a Chinese guy?
Use a Geiger Counter.
When don't you disturb a broom
When it's sweeping.
I distrust people in two cases only:
- When I don't know them.
- When I know them.
Our distributor shipped us a box of broken calculators.
Seriously, we can't count on them at all anymore.
I'm really distraught, my barber cut my hair way shorter than normal!
I would be more upset, but I think it's growing on me.
A distressed man is in the cemetery
crying his eyes out and beating a tombstone while shouting "Why did you have to die! Why did you have to die!"
A nearby man comes up to him and asks him "I'm very sorry, was she your wife?"
The distressed man looks up at him and responds "it was her first husband".
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence.
The senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
I don't know what disturbs me more
about my attraction towards my girlfriends mother. The fact that she's 51 or the fact that she's also my mother.
Distribution of collection money
A pastor, a priest and a rabbi discuss how they split up the collection between themselves and god.
Said the pastor "I draw a circle on the ground, then I throw the money in the air. What falls in the circle is mine, what's outside is god's".
Said the priest "I have a similar method, I draw a circle and throw the money, but what falls outside is mine, what's in the circle is god's".
Said the rabbi "My system works along the same lines, but I omit the circle. I just throw the money in the air, and what god needs, he's gonna keep, what falls back down is mine".
What is the distinction between a man that has had a vasectomy and one who hasn't?
I don't know, as far as I'm concerned there's not a vas deferens.
How do you distress a leather jacket?
By telling it punk is dead!
disturbed joke
doctor: say ahh
me: ow-a-a-a-a
doctor: it appears you are down with the sickness
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Dist One Liners
Which dist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dist? I can suggest the ones about prod and density.
- What do you call an ant that's been shunned by his community? Socially dist-ant
- Famous last quote No, no, he'll never be able to shoot me from that dist..
