The Best 19 Dispatcher Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dispatcher jokes. There are some dispatcher firefighters jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dispatcher truck dispatcher puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Dispatcher Jokes and Puns

Cop: Suspect is dancing naked downtown.

Dispatcher: Copy that.

Cop: I'll try but I'm not much of a dancer.

An elderly woman called 911...

An elderly woman called 911 from her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into.

"They've stolen everything! My radio is gone, my center console is gone, my mirror and the rosary beads hanging from it...even the steering wheel!"

The dispatcher responds that an officer is on the way.

Minutes later, the officer arrives and radios back into dispatch.

"Disregard that last call. She got in the back seat by mistake."

"Hello, Police? I'd like to report an anonymous tip."

Me: Hello, Police? I'd like to report an anonymous tip.

Dispatcher: Go ahead.

Me: Flossing daily reduces your risk of tooth decay.

Dispatcher joke, "Hello, Police? I'd like to report an anonymous tip."

Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"

Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"

Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"

Translated - hope it makes sense to you guys :)

Calling 9-1-1

A guy walks into a bar after a long day of work to relax and have a beer. Unfortunately there is a big group of young men crowded into the bar laughing loudly and carrying on. Finally, in exasperation, the guy calls 9-1-1. "Hello, 911, what is your emergency?" the dispatcher asks. "These men won't stop laughing," the guy complains."Okay that sounds annoying but it's not a crime," the dispatcher says. "Well, what the heck is manslaughter then?" the guy complains.


Little old lady calls the fire department

A little old lady calls the fire department and says, help, come right away, my house is on fire.
The dispatcher says okay ma'am, how do we get there?
The little old lady replies, don't ya'll still have that red truck?

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

Dispatcher joke, Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She tele

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ME

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!
" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
"Disregard," he says. She got in the back-seat by mistake."

A man gets woken up by intruders in his house.

He phones the police and says "There's people robbing my house, please send help".

They dispatcher says there's no cars or police available.

The man hangs up and phones back 2 minutes later.

"I just shot the guys. They're both here with bullets in them"

2 minutes later, police cars, helicopters, armed forces, counter-terror police turn up and raid the house, catching the burglars in the act.

The police looked confused and asked "You said you shot them!"

The man replied "You said there were no police available."

A Blonde in a Fire

One day a blonde woman is in her house and she smells smoke then her fire detector goes off. She quick runs to the phone to dial 911. She explains to the dispatcher her situation. The dispatcher asked her how do we get there? The blonde replies in a big red truck, duh.

A constable receives notification about a theft from McGregor's farm near Nottingham. The dispatcher tells him that farmer McGregor reports the theft of 2033 pigs...

The constable starts writing the report, but decides to double-check the exact amount of the pigs. He calls McGregor and asks: "Mr McGregor, are you absolutely sure that there were 2033 pigs stolen?"


"Oh, yeth, conthtable, abtholutely!" McGregor answers.


The constable thanks him and continues to write the report: "Victim McGregor lost 2 sows and 33 pigs".

You can explore dispatcher officer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dispatcher emergency dad jokes. There are also dispatcher puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Two men were hiking in the woods when one of the guys faint

His buddy calls 911 and says "My friend just died, what should I do?!"

The dispatcher says : " Stay calm and I am calling help right now. First we have to make sure your friend is dead." And the line suddenly becomes silent. The dispatcher continues to ask "Hello, are you still there?"

Then the guy that called 911 returns on the line and asks: " Ok, now what?"

Dumb blonde

A dumb blonde calls the fire department because her home is on fire.

"Help me, help me! My house is on fire!" she says.

"Ok, how do we get to your home". replies the dispatcher.

"DUH! Big red truck!"

I worked as an Emergency Dispatcher, and Im happy to announce

911 was an inside job!

What did the police dispatcher say when a short psychic woman escaped from prison?

Calling all units, we have a small medium at large

A drunk shoots a police officer

He calls 911 and asks:

Drunk: Is this 911?

Dispatcher: Yes.

Drunk: Well there's 910 of you now!

Dispatcher joke, A drunk shoots a police officer

I got sacked on my first day as a 911 dispatcher...

I got a call saying "officer down, officer down"

I said "aw, what's up buddy, I'll cheer you up"

British ship sinking close to Germany...

...The dispatcher goes "We are sinking!We are sinking!"

German coast guard "What are you 'thinking' about?"

A guy calls 911 and says someone dropped a box on his head

Dispatcher: "Is it empty?"

Guy: "Yes it is"

Dispatcher: "How about the box?"

(my dad told me this yesterday)


Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dispatcher handler jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dispatcher mayday piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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