Dispatcher Jokes
18 dispatcher jokes and hilarious dispatcher puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dispatcher that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
When you're having a rough day, it's always helpful to take a break and indulge in a few hilarious dispatching jokes! From truck dispatcher jokes to flight dispatcher jokes, we've gathered some of the funniest ones that will have you laughing from the comfort of your office. So take a break from your frantic and frantic duties as an officer and laugh away your stress!
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Funniest Dispatcher Short Jokes
Short dispatcher jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dispatcher humour may include short relay jokes also.
- "Hello, Police? I'd like to report an anonymous tip." Me: Hello, Police? I'd like to report an anonymous tip.
Dispatcher: Go ahead.
Me: Flossing daily reduces your risk of tooth decay. - What did the emergency dispatcher say when they were asked if they worked indoors or outdoors? "911 is an inside job"
- What did the police dispatcher say when a short psychic woman escaped from prison? Calling all units, we have a small medium at large
- A drunk shoots a police officer He calls 911 and asks:
Drunk: Is this 911?
Dispatcher: Yes.
Drunk: Well there's 910 of you now! - British ship sinking close to Germany... ...The dispatcher goes "We are sinking!We are sinking!"
German coast guard "What are you 'thinking' about?" - I got sacked on my first day as a 911 dispatcher... I got a call saying "officer down, officer down"
I said "aw, what's up buddy, I'll cheer you up" - We call the offices to register Births, Marriages and Death's in our town.... Hatch em, Match em and Dispatch em.
- Why do Germans make terrible marine rescue dispatchers? Because when you call them saying you're sinking, they'll ask you "What are you sinking about?"
- A guy calls 911 and says someone dropped a box on his head Dispatcher: "Is it empty?"
Guy: "Yes it is"
Dispatcher: "How about the box?"
(my dad told me this yesterday) - Cop: Suspect is dancing n**... downtown. Dispatcher: Copy that.
Cop: I'll try but I'm not much of a dancer.
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Dispatcher One Liners
Which dispatcher one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dispatcher? I can suggest the ones about caller and receiver.
- I worked as an Emergency Dispatcher, and Im happy to announce 911 was an inside job!
- Dude: "Hey Alexa, set a daily alarm for 420pm" Alexa: "Police car dispatched"
Hilarious Dispatcher Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about dispatcher you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dealer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dispatcher pranks.
A group of police officers are sitting outside a woman's house after she murdered her husband
One calls dispatch and says "we got a woman armed with a knife in here and she just killed her husband."
Dispatch says "do you know why she killed her husband?"
The officer replies "yeah, she told him not to step on the floor right after she mopped, and he stepped on it anyway"
Dispatch asks "well do you have her in custody yet?"
"No not yet" the officer says
Dispatch says "Why not?"
The officer hesitates for a moment, then finally replies "well the floor still looks wet"
Two guys out hunting, one has a heart attack and falls dead.
Second guy calls 911.
Hunter: My friend just died of a heart attack!
Dispatcher: Calm down, first make absolutely sure he's dead.
Hunter: Okay hold on... \*BANG\* Okay now what?
a policeman calls for backup
Dispatch, we've got a h**... here. Looks like This old lady just shot her husband. She claims it was because he kept tracking dirt over her freshly mopped floors. Over
Understood, is the suspect in custody? Over.
No dispatch. The floor isn't dry yet.
An advertiser for coke is dispatched to Israel
When he comes back, his friend asks him how it went. He replies that it did not go well.
"What happened?" his friend asked.
"Well, since I didn't know hebrew, I decided to convey the ad through a comic. The first panel showed a guy in a desert, dying of thirst. The secone panel showed him drinking coke. And the third panel showed him completely rejuvenated."
"That sounds great! Why didn't it work?"
"Nobody told me they read right to left!"
A police officer was dispatched to the house of an elderly couple when the neighbors heard gunshots
Shortly after arriving the officer called into the station to update the sergeant
Officer: "well sergeant, the old woman shot her husband because he walked through the kitchen while she was mopping the floor."
Sergeant: "did you arrest her?"
Officer: "no sir"
Sergeant: "why not?"
Officer: "the floor is still wet."
An elderly woman called 911...
An elderly woman called 911 from her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into.
"They've stolen everything! My radio is gone, my center console is gone, my mirror and the rosary beads hanging from it...even the steering wheel!"
The dispatcher responds that an officer is on the way.
Minutes later, the officer arrives and radios back into dispatch.
"Disregard that last call. She got in the back seat by mistake."
First day as a cop
Me: Suspect is dancing n**... in the street.
Dispatch: Copy that.
Me: Okay, I'll try, but I'm not much of a dancer.
A police officer called his station back on Radio.
He was at a m**... scene where an old woman shot her husband for stepping on just mopped floor.
Dispatch: So was an Arrest made ?
Officer: Not yet.
Dispatch: ?
Officer: The floor is still wet.
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
Translated - hope it makes sense to you guys :)
First day as a cop:
Newbie cop: Suspect is dancing n**... on the plaza, I repeat, suspect is dancing n**...
Dispatch: Roger, copy that
Newbie cop: ...I can try but I'm not much of a dancer?..
A Czechoslovakian and a Russian go bear hunting.
When they hadn't returned for several days, a search party was dispatched.
The search party followed the two men's tracks until they stopped at two dead brown bears, a male and a female.
They cut open the female, and sure enough, there was the Russian.
They didn't bother with the second bear, because they just assumed the Czech was in the male.
A cop was patrolling a neighborhood after receiving a call from dispatch about suspicious activity.
He stopped a man walking past and asked, "Seen anything unusual?"
"I saw a dolphin wearing a hat once," said the man.
"I meant around here," the cop said annoyed.
*"Nah man, they live in the water."*
Calling 9-1-1
A guy walks into a bar after a long day of work to relax and have a beer. Unfortunately there is a big group of young men crowded into the bar laughing loudly and carrying on. Finally, in exasperation, the guy calls 9-1-1. "Hello, 911, what is your emergency?" the dispatcher asks. "These men won't stop laughing," the guy complains."Okay that sounds annoying but it's not a crime," the dispatcher says. "Well, what the heck is manslaughter then?" the guy complains.
Little old lady calls the fire department
A little old lady calls the fire department and says, help, come right away, my house is on fire.
The dispatcher says okay ma'am, how do we get there?
The little old lady replies, don't ya'll still have that red truck?
