Disneyland Jokes

Following is our collection of monorail humor and goofy one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Disneyland puns for adults, dirty sign jokes or clean tinkerbell gags for kids.

There is an abundance of tourists jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 45 funniest jokes on disneyland. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any parks witze you can hear about disneyland.

The Best jokes about Disneyland

When I die, I have but 2 requests.

The first, I want my remains to be scattered around Disneyland.



The second, I don't want to be cremated.

A little girl asks her grandad...

"Would you make a frog noise for me?"
The grandad, confused asks, "why?"
The little girl replies, "dad says when you croak we are all going to disneyland".

I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat

So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland

Two blondes are going to Disney Land

At the turn off, they see a sign saying "Disneyland left"

They went home crying.

A little boy asks grandpa to make a noise like a frog. Grandpa asks why?

Because mummy said the moment you croak is when we're all going to Disneyland!


A little boy calls his best friend on Christmas day...

HEY! So what did you get for Christmas? The second little boy pauses and says well I got a gift card and a t-shirt…you?

The first little boy excitedly replies Oh man, I got a new scooter, a new 3DS XL. A PS Vita. A new bike and were going to Disneyland on Friday. Can't believe all you got was a gift card and t-shirt! to which the second little boy replies well…at least I don't have cancer…

Two blondes were on their way to Disneyland

... and came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.

A blonde was driving on the way to disneyland.

She came to an intersection and stopped, she saw a sign that read, 'Disneyland Left'. So she pulled a U-turn, cried and drove home.

Some blondes are in a car on their way to Disneyland.

When they see a sign at an intersection.

"Disneyland left" ←

so they went back home.

A blond is driving to DisneyLand...

She sees a sign saying "DisneyLand left" so she turns around and drives home.

Ukrainian authorities are planning to turn the Chernobyl exclusion zone into an amusement park

They say the only difference between it and Disneyland will be that the six foot tall mouse isn't a costume.


What do the Patriots and Measles have in common?

They both got to go to Disneyland, because some idiot decided to pass on something.

Literary position.

Years ago, my grandparents took me on a vacation to Disneyland. Grandma was excited for me when we boarded the plane, she exclaimed that I was lucky, because I got the Shakespeare seat.

"Why is it the Shakespeare seat Grandma?"

"You are in seat 2-B, so it's the Shakespeare seat."

"Don't be silly Grandma. All the seats on an airplane are Shakespeare seats."

"How do you figure that?"

"Well, it's either seat 2-B or not 2-B."

Two blonde girls...

...were driving to Disneyland. The sign said: Disneyland left. They started crying and headed home.

A man and a monkey

A man found a monkey by the side of the road, but he didn't know what to do with it. When he got home with the monkey he asked his neighbour:

-What should I do with this monkey?

-Take it to the zoo, the neighbor answered.

-That's a good idea, I'll do that tomorrow.

The next day the neighbour saw the man come home again with the monkey.

-You didn't take it to the zoo?

-Yeah, I did. Next week we're going to Disneyland!

A Blonde on her way to Disneyland...

...saw a sign that said "Disneyland, Left", so she turned around and went home.

A little boy asks his mother what the difference is between a Democrat and a Republican?

The mother thinks hard and comes up with this explanation for the child.

A Democrat is like that very nice aunt you have that always promises to take you to Disneyland. But something always comes up and you never actually go.

A Republican is like a grumpy uncle. Every time you ask him about Disneyland he says absolutely not, we don't have enough money.

But then later you find out that he went with out you anyway.

- Corey Kahaney

Two blondes were in a car heading to Disneyland

They saw an intersection

It said:
Disneyland left ⬅️

So they started crying and went home.

Whenever my boss asks, "Having fun yet?"

I say, "Are you kidding, this is my Disneyland!"

because my boss is a rat, my co-workers are goofy and this is a Mickey Mouse operation.


A man saves up enough money to take his kids to Disneyland...

...when he goes to tell them about it, his son says "Thank you so much, daddy! When are we going?"

"Well, whenever we save up enough to come back."

Dad an Son

Dad: Great news, son! We've saved enough money to go to Disneyland.
Son: That's great! When are we going?
Dad: As soon as we save enough to get back.

Kids who are visiting Disneyland for the first time get a button that says It's my first time at Disneyland!

Do Make-a-Wish kids get a button that says It's my last time at Disneyland! ?

Three blondes were driving to Disneyland...

Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. When they were close to the destination they saw a sign: Disneyland Left . They stopped, started to cry and finally turned around and drove back home.

The ugly club was going to Disneyland!

When the bus crashed killing all 43 of the occupants and the ugly bus driver. When they reach the pearly gates saint peter tells them all to form an orderly line and they will each get one wish before they pass into heaven.

Each person asks for the same thing, I want to be the most beautiful person ever created. As they move through the line, each person becoming more beautiful than the last they can hear giggling from the back of the line.

The line eventually dissipates and saint peter asks the last person in line his wish.

He says make them all ugly again!

I didn't know the Disneyland had moved to the white house ...

Apparently the president is Donald and the vice is Mickey.

My farmer grandpa died this time last year. This was his favourite joke...

My grandpa who lived on a farm always used to say that if he won the lottery he would buy Disneyland, bulldoze it to the ground and plant crops...because he's used to struggling.

I hope this made you smile as much as he made me smile.

A little boy went running into his grandfather's hospital room.

Excited, he shrieked, "Grandpa! Make a noise like a frog!"

The grandpa replies, "Why?"

Still excited, the little boy replies, "Because Grandma says that as soon as you croak, we're going to Disneyland!"

What is Anakin doing in Disneyland?

Killing children

Sex with my ex was like Disneyland.

I'd have to wait in line for an hour and a half and when it was finally my turn I wasn't big enough to get on the ride.

A boy says to his grandfather "Grandpa, can you make a noise like a frog?"

He says "Sure I can. but why do you ask?"



"Mom says we can go to Disneyland once Grandpa croaks"

Two blondes decided

To drive to Disneyland. Those both jumped into the car and started driving. After 13 hours of straight nonstop driving, they see a sign which reads, *** Disneyland - Left ***.

So they turn around and go back home.

Two blondes are on the way to Disneyland

and sees a sign with a photo of Disneyland.

It reads: Disneyland left

Suddenly they stop and start crying.

My kid was dying to go on our trip to Disneyland

sponsored by Make-A-Wish.

Two Blondes were on their way to Disneyland.

Two Blondes were on their way to Disneyland.


They reach the road junction, and the sign display "Disneyland Left".

So, sadly, they went home...

2 blondes were driving to Disneyland...

They see the sign, "Disneyland left." So they turned around and went home.

What do Venezuela and Disneyland have in common?

They have long food lines

Ukraine is opening a theme park in Chernobyl.

It's like Disneyland, except the 2 metre mouse is real.

Sorry to hear that they banned your mom from disneyland...

.. but at least she collected a lot of money from kids trying to put quarters in her ears to ride her.

Two blonde girls are heading to Disneyland...

While driving they see a sign "Disney Left". They cry and head home.

(Little bro told me this one. Not sure if it has been told before.)

A Father and his Son are talking

Dad: Great news, son! We've saved enough money to go to Disneyland.

Son: That's great! When are we going?

Dad: As soon as we save enough money to get back.

Did you hear about the broken helicopter that Mickey Mouse bought from Scotland?

Disneyland

Why didn't death row records go to Disneyland for their holiday outing?

Because it was too pac'd.

When I die, I want to be scattered around Disneyland.

Oh, and I don't want to be cremated.

Wits wrong wae Mickey Mouses helicopter?

Disneyland

If they opened up a massage parlor in Disneyland...

Would it be called a "Happily ever after"?

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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