Disney Jokes

Following is our collection of hasbro humor and shrek one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Disney puns for adults, dirty mickey jokes or clean pixar gags for kids.

There is an abundance of remake jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 74 funniest jokes on disney. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any pooh witze you can hear about disney.

The Best jokes about Disney

Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons.

If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.

I have two conditions in my will...

1) I want my remains spread around Disney World

2) I do not want to be cremated

GRANPA, GRANPA CROAK LIKE A FROG

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A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa.Β  When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room.Β  "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

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"What?" said her Grandpa.

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"Make a noise like a frog because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney World!

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Disney joke, GRANPA, GRANPA CROAK LIKE A FROG

Two blondes are going to Disney Land

At the turn off, they see a sign saying "Disneyland left"

They went home crying.

Rick Astley is such a nice guy

He'll let you borrow any of his Disney Pixar DVD collection! Except Up!

He's Never Gonna Give You Up


A million or more lab rats die each year and my fiance screams at me for running over a mouse.

That's the last time we're going to Disney.

Mickey Mouse "Doc, my knees hurt!"

Doctor: Which knee?

Mickey: Disney

Disney joke, Mickey Mouse "Doc, my knees hurt!"

Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White?

'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.

*Joke's from my Dad and his friend*

When I die I'd like my remains to be scattered at Disney Land...

Also, I don't want to be cremated.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies ?

Disney Movies still touch kids

Tip: when making a sex tape, play Disney music in the background.

That way, if it ever gets leaked online, Disney attorneys will have them all taken down.


The Ukrainian government is opening up a tourist attraction in Chernobyl.

It will be like Disney World, except the six foot tall mouse is real.

[NSFW] I'm so sad, my favorite dating site is shutting down

Disney has announced they are shutting down Club Penguin. =(

What does Disney have in common with a guy in an outhouse in Chicago?

They're both making frozen number two.

Rick Astley asked for my Disney films the other day.

I said, you can have Cars and Toy Story, but I'm never gonna give you Up.

Whats Bill Cosby's favorite Disney character?

Sleeping beauty

Disney joke, Whats Bill Cosby's favorite Disney character?

Whos the funniest disney princess?

raPUNzel

*sits there laughing to self*

...so lonely..

A couple driving to Disney World...

...saw signs for the nearby town of Kissimmee. Being unfamiliar with the area, they debated whether it is pronounced KISSimmee or kissIMMee or kissimmEE. The debate turned into an argument and they decided that when they got to the town they would ask one of the locals.

So they pulled into a fast food place on the main drag and went inside. Stepping up to the counter, the guy says, I know this may sound like an unusual request, but could you please very slowly and distinctly tell us where we are?

The clerk looks at him and slowly says Buuurrrrgerrrerrrr Kiiiiiiinggggh.

How do you hydrate a 2 year old at Disney World?

Gatorade


What do Disney movies and coathangers have in common?

They can both bring out the child from within.

Gimme your best Mickey Mouse/Disney character joke!

Going on a Disney Cruise and need your funniest, raunchiest or most nasty joke involving a Disney character.

Barack Obama was out jogging one day...

When he tripped, and fell over a bridge railing and landed in the river below. Before secret service could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted in return for saving his life. The first kid said, "I want to go to Disney world!" To which Obama replied, "not a problem, I'll even fly you there in Air Force one." The second kid then says, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's!" "You got it." Said Obama. "I'll even have Michael Jordan himself sign them." Then the third kid says, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in big screen tv and headset." Obama seemed a bit confused at this. "You don't look like yore handicapped." He said. To which the kid replied, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning.

Did you hear about the new Disney FastPass?

Skip the lines, go straight to the ICU

Obama went on a run

and fell in a river.

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three young boys pulled him out of the river. Obama said my god, you saved the president of your country. name any one thing you want and you'll have it.

-

The first boy said he wanted a house for his mother, they'd never had a house. Obama bought it.

-

The second boy wanted to go to Disney world. Obama made it so.

-

The third boy asked for a wheelchair. Perplexed, Obama said "Why do you need a wheel chair, you seem to walk fine".

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The young boy replied "well now, sure. but wait until my dad finds out i saved your life."

Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

BREAKING. With Disney buying Star Wars

Donald Duck will now have four nephews. Huey, Louie, Dewey and Chewie.

Rick Astley will let you borrow any DVD from his Disney Pixar collection, except one.

Walt Disney notices a sharp pain in his knee.

He starts rubbing it, icing it, elevating it on a pillow. But over the following days it only grows worse. He visits his doctor and reports this pain.

Which knee is hurting you, Walt?

The famous film producer points to his left knee.

Disney.

I just got a lifetime ban for spreading my wife's remains around Disney World

Guess we should of had her cremated first

What do you call an emo kids cartoon?

Disney XD.

[Scottish]What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

Bing sings, and Walt disnae.

My girlfriend told me to stop watching Disney movies and be a man.

Does anyone know how to be swift as the coursing river?

When I die, I want my remains to be scattered throughout Disney world.

I don't want to be cremated.

Rick Astley will give you any of his Disney movies except this one.

He's never going to give you Up.

What's Bill Cosby's favourite Disney movie?

Sleeping Beauty

A lot of people believe Walt Disney is cryogenically frozen in the basement of CalArts.

# I personally love this conspiracy theory because it's a wonderful example of suspended animation.

Credit to the greatest animation professor of all time, Mr. Theo Artz of Drexel University.

I asked Rick Astley if I could borrow some Disney DVDs...

He said, "You can take Cars and Lion King but I'm never gonna give you UP!"

Last requests

After I die, I have 2 requests on what shall happen to me.

1) I want my remains spread around Disney world.

2) I do not wish to be cremated

Which disney movie does gordon ramsay hate the most?

Frozen.

I got in line behind an old classmate of mine while vacationing at Disney World...

I said "Wow, it's a small world!"
She said, "actually this is Pirates of the Caribbean."

A young boy asked his grandad to do his frog impression...

Grandad: "What do you mean?"
Boy: "Do your frog impression!"
Grandad: "What frog impression?"
Boy: "Mum says: When you croak, we can go to Disney World!"

Did you hear about the woman banned from Disney World?

She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming, "Lie to me, Pinocchio! Lie to me!"

Disney makes female hips very big, anime makes female boobs very big

And america makes female waists very big

Jasmine tried to attend a "Disney Prince Only" gathering

She wasn't Aladdin.

I didn't know the Disneyland had moved to the white house ...

Apparently the president is Donald and the vice is Mickey.

Progressives are enraged, conservatives are cautiously optimistic, but no group is more excited than the Imagineers of Disney.

For the first time in the history of the Hall of Presidents, they have a shot at making an audioanimatronic more realistic than the original.

Why wasn't Euro Disney popular?

Every time they set off the fireworks, the French surrendered.

Which knee is Mickey's favorite knee?

Disney

Who's Bill Cosby's favourite Disney princess?

Sleeping Beauty

The Seahawks were going to go to Disney World...

but they decided to pass.

This just popped in my head...

What's a mexican's favorite Disney movie?

Mow lawn.

Sorry.

Why is Pinocchio the most requested at the Disney brothel?

Because he lets girls sit on his face while he tells them lies.

I want to create a Disney channel sitcom about an irreverent Chinese kid...

and name it "That's so Wong!"

Disney world is reopening today

It's about to be an even smaller world

I heard Rick Astley will give you any movie from his Disney collection

Except Up. He's Never Gonna Give You Up.

Disney is already working on a sequel to Beauty and the Beast...

They're calling it The French Prince in Belle's Snare.

Went to Disney World because my daughter is obsessed with Mickey Mouse.

She was so excited when I got home and told her.

When I die, I want my body to be scattered about at Disney World

But I do not want to be cremated

I knew this guy who was so dumb...

he saw a road sign that said, "Disney Land Left", so he turned around and went home.

What happens once a year and only at a graveyard?

Mother's Day for Disney characters.

Netflix and Disney should just join forces to create the most controversial movie ever: a young girl becomes infatuated with makeup and skimpy outfits, but first she must save China from the threat of the Uighur.

Call it *Mulan Rouge*

What's the name of the Disney princess that got burned?

Cinder-ella

Turns out my son is a heroine addict

Thanks a lot Disney

I heard Disney is making a princess that's more pc to viewers.

She's said to resemble Rapunzel. Except instead of letting down her hair, she lets down everyone in her life.

Hellen Keller was the first person to go to Disney land.

Don't worry, she didn't know it either.

The director of the "Guardians of the Galaxy" series will not be making the third part

I guess Disney really knows how to fire a Gunn

Disney has announced that all future Marvel movies will have an all male cast.

They are doing their part to combat the heroine epidemic.

Why did Walt Disney visit a mechanic?

He wanted to get his Car tuned

So which knee is hurting Walt?

Walt: Disney .

2 blondes go to disney world

They see a sign that's says Disney World left.
They start crying and head back home.

I've decided to get a couple tattoos. On my right knee I'm going to get "Disney." And on my left...

dat-knee.

Disney have finally announced a Ratatouille sequel!

It's called "Incredible Stew"

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents.

The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, "Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy? Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, "No, I don't really want to make the sound of a frog now."

So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, "Will you please make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa again says, "No, not now. I don't really want to do that. I'm in a grumpy mood. Maybe later."

Then the third little boy comes out and says, "Grandpa, oh please... Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?"

"Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa asked.

The little boy replied with a hopeful face, "Well, Mom said that when you croak we get to go to Disney World!"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes