Dismissal Jokes
21 dismissal jokes and hilarious dismissal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dismissal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dismissal Short Jokes
Short dismissal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dismissal humour may include short dismissed jokes also.
- I had a speeding ticket dismissed by a judge who knew his physics The cop wrote down my location, so I told the judge if he knew where I was, he couldn't possibly measure my velocity.
- The author of what's been described as the world's worst thesaurus has dismissed the comments. He's described the comments as unfair, unfair and unfair.
- Somebody once argued to me "that which is asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." I replied "no it can't."
- I was recently fired from my job operating rides at the carnival My lawyer has advised suing for funfair dismissal
- My boss was going to fire me over breakfast this morning but the coffee shop was closed. There were no grounds for dismissal.
- A Sunday school teacher asked the children just
before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is
it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping" - Waiting at the student drop off for school dismissal and the teacher asked who my child was. Time to switch schools.
- Why did the judge dismiss the case of the pizza being delivered without the crust? Because it was a baseless accusation
- A teacher was fired for not letting kids out at the end of the day unless they gave her fresh coffee. It was grounds for dismissal.
- I got sacked from the dodgems. I'm going to take them to court and win the case based on funfair dismissal.
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Dismissal One Liners
Which dismissal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dismissal? I can suggest the ones about disposal and firing.
- I got dismissed from my job as a pilot. They told me I had an altitude problem.
- What scares a caterpillar? A dog-erpillar! (From a 3rd grader at dismissal yesterday!)
- How do you dismiss a bird that's making fun of you at a bar? Tequila mocking bird.
- Just been fired from my carnival job I'm going to get them for funfair dismissal.
- A friend of mine got sacked from the dodgem cars; he's suing for funfair dismissal!
- My mate got sacked off working the dodgems. He's suing them for funfair dismissal.
- Don't dismiss homeopathy. It has been proven to reduce swelling of the wallet.
- Your dismissed. "Don't you mean you're?"
Don't try to roast my grammar, your dis missed. - The case of the Garden m**... was dismissed Apparently all the evidence was planted
Humorous Dismissal Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about dismissal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean getting fired jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dismissal pranks.
One day, a teacher said "Whoever can answer my next question can get dismissed now".
Tom threw his bag outside the window.
The teacher asked angrily "Who threw the bag?"
Tom answered "It's me! "
Tom got dismissed early.
A Bar opened opposite a Mosque!
The angry congregants of the Mosque prayed daily against the business....
Days later the Bar was struck by lightning and caught fire .
The Bar owner sued the Mosque authorities for the cause , as an action by their prayer...
The Mosque denied all responsibility!
So, the judge commented:
It's difficult to decide the case because we have a Bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and an entire group of Mosque congregants that does not believe in it !!!
The case is hereby dismissed!
A man is sentenced to 15 years in prison, but escapes after only 3 days
He's taken in front of a judge, who orders the prisoner to explain his actions. The prisoner says "Well your honor, the first day, they gave me a comb, then s**... off all my hair. The second day, they gave me a tooth brush, then pulled out all my teeth. The third day, they gave me a jock strap, I went over the wall". "Case dismissed" declares the judge
Emergency Services
An Emergency Call Centre worker in London has been fired, much to the dismay of her colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with
her dismissal.
It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating: "I am depressed and lying here on a railway track. I am waiting for the train to come so I can finally meet Allah."
Apparently, "Keep calm and stay on the line," was not considered to be an appropriate response.....
An engineer on trial.
At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.
"Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination."
"Thanks," he said, "but the plaintiff's lawyer sure had me worried."
"How's that?" the lawyer asked.
"I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!"
Remain Calm :)
An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal.
It seems that a caller dialled 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line
A man invites his Jewish friend out for lunch
Upon arriving at the restaurant, his friend says "I'm not sure I can eat here. Is Burger King kosher?" The man waved his hand dismissively and says "Don't worry, it's Burger King: Have it Yahweh."
A teacher assigns her students to read a chapter of a book.
"Class, I want you to read chapter 31 of the book I assigned you. Understood?"
The entire class agreed. "Okay. Class is dismissed. Remember to read it."
Skip to the next day in the classroom. "Okay, so whoever read chapter 31, please stand up."
Every student stood up. "Now, all of you go to the principals office."
Every student is shocked and confused.
"Why, you ask? There isn't any chapter 31!".
