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Dismay Jokes

27 dismay jokes and hilarious dismay puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dismay that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Dismay Short Jokes

Short dismay jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dismay humour may include short disappointment jokes also.

  1. I was dismayed this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn't actually mine. She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
  2. My girlfriend accused me of stealing her thesaurus Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.
  3. I recently bought a copy of Monty Python's Big Red Book, but was later dismayed to find that I'd purchased the Spanish language version... Nobody expects the Spanish text edition.
  4. The cannibal nervously decided to try his first human meal Much to his dismay, he got cold feet
  5. Leaders show the way.... Indians are *MODIfied*
    Brits are *disMAYed*
    Americans are *TRUMPed*
    And the French are *Macarooned*
    And Canadian are *Justified*
    While Russians just stay _*Put in*_..!!
  6. Donald has written a lot of books about business, but there's an interesting characteristic they all share... They all seem to end at Chapter 11.
    Credit (to my dismay): HRC
  7. Two trucks carrying thesauruses got in a wreck... Onlookers were aghast, amazed, appalled, astonished, astounded, dismayed, offended, shocked, stunned, upset...
  8. What did the Calendar say to the Wall-clock the moment it became June 1st? "I am dismayed!"
  9. Some of you may be dismayed by Ted Cruz's recent annoucements But please remember that "pulling out" is the only acceptable way for a Christian to terminate a presidency
  10. I do drugs like I do my girlfriend. Once or twice a week, much to the dismay of my conservative Christian family.

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Dismay One Liners

Which dismay one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dismay? I can suggest the ones about disbelief and appalled.

  1. Someone ripped the 5th month out of my calendar. I am completely dismayed
  2. My wife accused me of stealing her thesaurus… I was aghast, appalled, and dismayed.
  3. Someone removed the fifth month from the calendar I was really dismayed
  4. What did the victims of a month-delayed April Fool's prank feel? Dismay.

Dismay joke, What did the victims of a month-delayed April Fool's prank feel?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about dismay can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of dismay puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheerful Fun Dismay Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

What funny jokes about dismay you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean dumbfounded jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make dismay prank.

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister...

Are skinny dipping in the forest one day. Joking and talking philosophy and such. Suddenly they hear a large group of locals walking down the path toward them. To their dismay, they realized that they left their clothes hanging on branches on the other side of the path and would have to run past everyone to get them.
The minister gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the oncoming people to get his clothes.
The priest, in turn, gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the people to his clothes.
Finally the rabbi gets out of the water, covers his face and runs as fast as they can to his clothes.
As they dress the priest turns to the rabbi and asks,
"Why did you cover your face and not your g**...?"
"Well I don't know about you guys, but in my congregation they know me by my face."

Husband Wanted

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again.

She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70s),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day, she heard the doorbell.
Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair.
He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!
The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'
She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'
Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,
'Rang the doorbell, didn't I?'

What does the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

"Make me one with everything."
The vendor makes him the hot dog and the Buddhist hands him a $20 bill. The vendor hands him his hot dog and then the Buddhist sits down at a nearby table to enjoy it. Soon after, to the Buddhist's dismay, he realizes the vendor hasn't been forthcoming with the rest of his money. He knows the hot dog couldn't have been $20, so the Buddhist approaches the vendor and says:
"Excuse me, where's my change?"
To which the vendor replies:
"Change comes only from within."

Lucy, Linus, and Charlie Brown are assigned a history project.

Each person was assigned a country to report on.
Wow! Lucy said. I got Italy!
Interesting exclaimed Linus. I got Germany.
With dismay, Charlie Brown said, I got Iraq.

Emergency Services

An Emergency Call Centre worker in London has been fired, much to the dismay of her colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with
her dismissal.
It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating: "I am depressed and lying here on a railway track. I am waiting for the train to come so I can finally meet Allah."
Apparently, "Keep calm and stay on the line," was not considered to be an appropriate response.....

Remain Calm :)

An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal.
It seems that a caller dialled 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line

A young man walks into a convenience store

He opens up the beer cooler and grabs a six pack. An old man standing next to him gives him a look, and the young man says "how much do you want to bet they'll sell me this beer even though I'm not twenty-one?" The old man says "they even check MY ID here. Twenty bucks."
"You're on." The young man says as he walks up to the cashier. Much to the old man's dismay, the young man shows his ID and pays for the beer.
"How? How did they sell you that if you're not twenty-one?" The old man asks.
The young man puts out his hand and says "That's easy, I'm twenty-two."

First Date

A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne...the works. Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?" "No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."

We were two feet off the ground as we bounced vigorously

'Faster!' she screamed, as we got dirtier and dirtier
But then to my dismay, the rubber tore
Still, it was easy to change the tyre and we enjoyed the rest of the off-roading adventure

What might an ignoramus give as an accurate response to not encountering a sealed glassware container they had purchased from a consumable goods proprietor and believing to have deposited it in a specific location only to be greeted by the dismay that is in fact not within the immediate vicinity?

Jar gone

Repentance..

A man woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night. He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight.
He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall.
He smashed the first bottle swearing, "you are the reason I fight with my wife".
He smashed the second bottle, "you are the reason I don't love my children".
He smashed the third bottle, "you are the reason I don't have a decent job".
When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and was full. He hesitated for only a moment and said "you stand aside, I know you were not involved".

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender: I bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye.

The bartender says: Yeah, right! I've never seen anyone do that!
So the man takes out his glass eye and bites it.
The angry bartender pays the man his fifty dollars and the man walks away.
He comes back half an hour later and says: I bet you fifty dollars I can bite my left eye.
Now the bartender becomes really skeptical. She says: I just saw you walk in here, you can't be blind!
So, to the bartenders dismay, he takes out his fake teeth and bites his left eye.

A programmer is having trouble with a program.....

Stan has trying to make a program that can not only understand humour, but make original jokes.
After a year of neural network testing and months of creating the perfect algorithm, he runs the program for the first time.
Unfortunately all the program comes up with is stale, unfunny jokes that would get people booed off stage.
In dismay, he opens the program to try and fix bugs but five minutes into the search and he bursts out laughing.
He sent an email to every programmer he knew; he had to inform them of his program's sentience. He ended the essay of an email with a closing note.
"Looks like the real joke is in the comments"

A lonely widow...

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read: HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you...you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!" She snorted.
"You don't have any arms either!" Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!" She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed???" The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said.... "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

the lonely woman

A lonely woman, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED! MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. ... 3 weeks went by without a reply, and then the doorbell rang. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray- haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.
The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"
Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "and what makes you think you satisfy me in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

Black Hitchhikers

There was a truck driver going down a road when he saw a black hitchhiker, so he swerved to hit him and heard a resounding thud. A few hours later, he was driving again and sure enough he saw another black hitchhiker, so he swerved again to hit the man, and thud. Later, he saw a priest hitchhiking. Being a God fearing man he picked up the priest. As they were driving down the road, the driver saw yet another black hitchhiker and swerved to hit him, but j**... away at the last second fearful of what the priest would do. To his dismay, the driver heard a thud. With wide, horrified eyes, he looked at the priest who said, "Don't worry. I got him with the door."

Lonely widow.

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again.
She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME &
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she
opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a
wheelchair.. He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?
Just look at you...you have no legs!
The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'
She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'
Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said...
Rang the doorbell didn't I?

Dismay joke, Lonely widow.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these dismay jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.