Dishwasher Jokes
127 dishwasher jokes and hilarious dishwasher puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dishwasher that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
"Who says laughing about broken dishwashers can't be hilarious? Get your fill of these zany jokes about dishwashers, wives, ovens, and toasters. We guarantee to bring a smile to your face with these jokes that are sure to have you doubled-over with laughter - especially when it comes to those all-important issues like detergent!"
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Funniest Dishwasher Short Jokes
Short dishwasher jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dishwasher humour may include short wash dishes jokes also.
- My wife was happy when I told her a put a load in the dishwasher... Until 9 months later when Consuela's baby came out looking just like me!
- So I woke up this morning to my dishwasher making a weird sound.. Turns out she was just vacuuming.
- Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times? I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
- Prank Caller- Hello! is your refrigerator running?? Me- No, but the dishwasher is..
Prank Caller- Huh???
Me- Yeah my wife's out on a jog... - My dishwasher makes this loud rumbling sound... Strange thing is, it only seems to happen at night, when she's sleeping.
- My girlfriend: "Did you forget to turn on the dishwasher?" Me: *sipping coffe from a vase*
"No, why?" - Last September my wife asked me to put a load in the dishwasher. So long story short, happy fathers day to me.
- Finished putting a load in the dishwasher when I thought to myself.. She's on the pill right?
- Are tectonic plates dishwasher safe? Not sure, but they are great for a continental breakfast.
- My wife told me that before I come to bed, she'd like me to start the dishwasher, set the coffee maker, and bring her some water. I said, "Ok, but I'm bound to forget one of those two things."
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Dishwasher One Liners
Which dishwasher one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dishwasher? I can suggest the ones about kitchen appliance and washing machine.
- I put a load in the dishwasher She swallowed.
- How do you turn your dishwasher into a snowplow? Give her a shovel
- Why does a bride wear white? So the dishwasher matches the rest of the appliances.
- What do you do when your dishwasher breaks? Remarry
- Why do men prefer white women? They want the dishwasher to match with their fridge
- What do you call a defective dishwasher? A feminist
- Put a load in the dishwasher last night She was mad I didn't pull out.
- I finally got a smart dishwasher.... My wife finished college.
- Today a waitress got her finger stuck in the dishwasher We had to fire both of them.
- How do you get a dishwasher to dig a hole? Give the woman a shovel!
- Getting married is like buying a dishwasher You'll never need to do it by hand again
- A cook got his hand caught in the dish-washer and they were both fired.
- What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You break up with her
- Great news, I've got a new dishwasher! Well, the wedding is in 2 months.
- She was amazing, she always took my load so well I can't believe that dishwasher broke.
Wife Dishwasher Jokes
Here is a list of funny wife dishwasher jokes and even better wife dishwasher puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife was happy to hear I'd put a load in the dishwasher. until 9 months later.
- I don't understand... My wife keeps telling me to load the dishwasher... Then she gets mad when I pour her a double...
- My wife called me this morning to say the dishwasher was leaking... ...so I came home with tampons.
- Husband: We should get a dishwasher. Wife: We already have one.
Husband: I meant one that doesn't talk back. - Its been really hot in Seattle lately, so I converted my dishwasher into an air conditioner the other day. How? I handed my wife a hand fan to keep me cool.
- Keeping the dishwasher clean... Today someone told me that keeping your dishwasher clean makes it last longer
So I went back home and gave a good bath to my wife - I turned my dishwasher into a snowblower... ...gave my wife a shovel
- My wife was wondering if we should wash dishes by hand, in order to save a little money. I figure that using the dishwasher uses more electricity, but less water. So overall it's a wash.
- "Turning on the dishwasher..." Is what I call foreplay with my wife.
- I opened the dishwasher and it's full of clean dishes and I'm scared my wife is going to know that I know.
Loading The Dishwasher Jokes
Here is a list of funny loading the dishwasher jokes and even better loading the dishwasher puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Over a year ago, I left a full load in my friends dishwasher when I stayed at his home. Lucky me, he's the father.
- Whats the difference between your mom and my dishwasher? My dishwasher doesnt follow me around for two weeks after I put a load in it.
- I finally figured out how to perfectly load the dishwasher Just leave all the dirty dishes out until someone else does it
- What cleans the dishes, spends most of its life in the kitchen and occasionally takes a load from the husband... A dishwasher
- I needed to clean my FleshLight, i heard they were dishwasher safe. But that would Just ruin the load.
- I called my friend and told him I put a load in his dishwasher I also told him she wants him to clean his room
- When I told you the dishwasher is loaded what I meant was... My wife is drunk.
Broken Dishwasher Jokes
Here is a list of funny broken dishwasher jokes and even better broken dishwasher puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I think my dishwasher is broken It stopped giving me head
- Came home today to find that my dishwasher has broken down and his leaking. Guess that's me off to the chemist to get the old boot her tampons.
- Our WIFI was down yesterday and I spent 45 minutes trying to fix it. Our dishwasher has been broken for 3 weeks and I haven't even touched it.
- What do you call a feminist? A broken dishwasher.
- Who should a man call if his dishwasher is broken? A coroner.
- How do you fix a broken dishwasher?
- My dishwasher is broken... My girlfriend broke her arm. :(
Woman Dishwasher Jokes
Here is a list of funny woman dishwasher jokes and even better woman dishwasher puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A woman asks a man what his job is The man tells her that he empties dishwashers for a living
"So you're like a maid?" The woman asks
"No" says the man "I'm a midwife" - I always dreamt I was a dishwasher when I was younger When people started putting all sorts of odd things inside me I realized something
I wasn't a dishwasher
I was a woman.
Cheerful Fun Dishwasher Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about dishwasher you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cooker jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dishwasher pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Marriage advice for dummies: Five worst things you can do
5 Abandon
4 Lie
3 Cheat
2 a**.
..
1 Forget to start the dishwasher
Wife's Duties
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties at home.
The first man had married a woman from Georgia and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day, he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Arkansas. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was cleaned and the dishes were done, and food was on the table.
The third man had married a girl from Texas. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.
A very sexist from my high school days
Person 1, "Your dishwasher stops working and like any good mechanic you hit it and tell it to get back to work, and it does. You return later to find dishes that are only half clean. Why?"
Person 2, "I have no clue."
Person 1, "You must have hit her in the eye."
I just returned from the store, I had to get some tablets for the dishwasher.
How do you know when it's time to get a new dishwasher?
When the old one expects you to "do your share"
My mom comes up to me and says "I'm can do a magic trick"
I go, "Really? What's you magic trick?"
and my mom says she can turn a dishwasher into a snow blower.
"I can't wait to see this!" I said
So she hands me a shovel.
Went to Lowes for a new dishwasher
pretty stoked that she has a job too.
Dishwasher at work is like my girlfriend...
It has everything it needs, but still beeps.
A company hire an efficiency expert as a consultant.
To everyone's surprise, the presentation was very interesting. For once many felt like this was a valuable use of time! as the presenter finished up, he said, "I hope you have found use in my presentation today, but I would warn you, be careful about using these techniques at home. The other night I was watching as my wife did the dinner dishes, and noticed some inefficiency in her technique. Wanting to be helpful, I advised her of several small improvements that could add up to maximum efficiency."
One of the attendees raised their hand,"Did it work? Did the dishwashing become more efficient?"
"Oh yes," the consultant replied,"before my advice, my wife took 18 minutes to finish the dishes, now I do it in 12."
I've got a dishwasher that's still going strong after 37 years.
She does nag a bit though.
What do you do when the dishwasher stops working?
You tell her to get back to work.
Abraham Lincoln.
The reason I now have to hire a dishwasher instead of buying one.
After a dinner party
...while taking plates to the kitchen my guest asked if the dishwasher was dirty.
I said no, I believe she showered before dinner.
I came home and noticed my dishwasher was missing
So I asked my kids what happened. Apparently she left me 3 days ago.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I lost my dishwasher, washingmashine, dryer, iron, stove, and vacumcleaner today.
Her f**... will be this saturday.
How does a dishwasher make his money?
Panhandling
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a s**... housewife?
A dirty dishwasher.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a sexist man is having s**... with another mans wife...
The husband comes home from work and sees this man drilling his wife on the kitchen counter.
The man says, "Oh hey Paul, I'm just loading the dishwasher!"
In the west, You have a washing machine, a dish-washer, a shower, litter boxes, a toilet & a cemetery
But in India: We have the Ganges!
My dishwasher has racks on racks
I'm not talking about the machine
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my wife, "no man should spend more time washing dishes than he does having s**...!"
Our new dishwashing service is great.
One of the dumbest things you can buy online is a dishwasher
Sometimes they forget to poke holes in the box and she's dead when she arrives
What's the difference between a dishwasher and the Calgary Flames?
The dishwasher holds more than one cup!
A 90 year old Holocaust survivor told me this joke.
How do you know when it's time to get a new Dishwasher?
When she cheats on you.
...
^(That makes it okay, right?)
I have a dishwashing liquid that attacks grease.
Mostly the uninspired cinematography and John Travolta's singing.
I was washing the dishes when a drop of the dishwashing liquid I was using somehow got to my eye. It stung so bad I started crying.
I guess this is what they call tears of Joy™.
A guy walks into an eletronics store
Employee: *Hello Sir, how may I be of assistance*
Guy: *My dishwasher just died on me, I was wondering if I could get a similar one*
Employee: *Sure thing Sir, what was the make and model?*
Guy: *Fat, Brown Hair, Brown Eyed Virgo with an annoying mother*
Going to look at an apartment
Guest: Does this apartment come with a dishwasher?
Landlord: No, that's why we posted an ad...
Annoyingly, my dishwasher has stopped working
I guess it might have been something to with the fact that I was only paying him $1 a week.
Husband comes home to his wife putting a load into the dishwasher
Husband: "Hey Honey, what are you doing?"
Wife: "Just putting a load into the dishwasher, how about you?"
Husband: "Trying to put a load into the dishwasher."
The new dishwasher I bought was made with water-soluble parts.
That's the last time I buy something from a store called "Appliance Solutions".
My buddy asked where he could find a good dishwasher
so I set him up on tinder.
My dishwasher and laundry machine broke today.
We had to rush her to the hospital immediately.
What do you call a neighborhood inhabited by a lot of maids and dishwashers?
A scrubdivision
My dishwasher broke...
Up with me the other day.
Gordon Ramsay goes to a restaurant.
He comes across what looks like soup.
Let me taste the soup!
But...
No buts!
He tasted the soup.
IT TASTES LIKE DISHWASHER WATER!
It is dishwasher water, but you didn't listen.
After dinner I started to pack the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, when it suddenly started talking!
In a really dejected, pitiful voice it told me, "Don't bother pal, I'm useless. I'll never get that crusty lasagne off that pan. I'm terrible. The glassware will all have water spots by the time I'm done. I'm the worst appliance in this house!!"
I said, "What's wrong with you?!"
"Nothing, I'm a self loathing dishwasher."
Co-Written by: IveyRoney
I love dishwashers, I have two
The right and the left one.
Does anyone know how to fix a noisy dishwasher?
I've tried flowers and chocolates, but she's still whinging
I just ordered a new dishwasher from china!
The wedding's next month.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my friend that I never knew that Rage Against the Machine was so political, and that it really ruined the music for me.
He looked at me deadpan and asked, "What machine did you think they were r**... against, the dishwasher?
I had the luxury of obtaining a Russian style dishwasher during quarantine...
Her name is Natalia and she makes a lot of noise when there's too much inside.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Husband: Do you love me?
Wife: Of course i love you, light of my life.
Husband: Would you love me even if i wronged you?
Wife: I will always love you, my darling.
Husband: But would you love me if i gambled away all our savings?
Wife: i would still love you, my precious husband.
Husband: what if i cheated on you, would you still love me?
Wife: of course. I will always love you, apple of my eye.
Husband: Ok. I forgot to turn on the dishwasher last night.
Wife: I HATE YOU, YOU LAZY, SELFISH IRRESPONSIBLE m**...!!
