Dish Jokes
116 dish jokes and hilarious dish puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dish that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dish Short Jokes
Short dish jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dish humour may include short meal jokes also.
- Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50 Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes.
Riceless. - Justice is a dish best served cold because... ...if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
- I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living. He can't take it, but he can dish it out.
- Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish. The results speak for themselves.
- Just realized I really like eggs Benedict when they're served on disposable dishes.. There's just no plates like foam for the Hollandaise
- What is it called when one biologist steals a petri dish from another biologist? Cultural appropriation.
- I hear voices telling me to do things I don't want to do "Take out the trash"
"Do the dishes"
"Clean the litter box"
Why did I get married? - I told my gf she doesn't have to do the dishes on women's day Honey, you don't have to do the dishes today. Today is your day. You can do them tomorrow
- I ordered my ex wife food she hates and had Uber Eats deliver it... Because revenge is a dish best served cold
- My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought. It's an extremely rare dish order.
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Dish One Liners
Which dish one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dish? I can suggest the ones about diet and ding.
- For halloween I'm dressing up as a plate. Girls love to do dishes.
- Making a deep dish pizza is surprisingly super easy! It's a pizza cake!
- What is my girlfriend's favorite meal? A dish called: "I don't know, you choose."
- What is Waldo's (Wally's) least favorite dish? fondue!
- Why did Sean Connery hire a special kid to clean his kitchen? He had Dish-abilities
- What dish makes the worst jokes at a Thanksgiving dinner? The corny bread.
- My wife arranged the plates by color and size... It's a rare dish order
- One arm butlers they can take it but they can't dish it out…
- I dropped my phone while washing the dishes Guess it is in sync now .....
- What is every dad's favorite dish? Puncakes.
- What is a chronic masturbator's favorite dish? Meat stroganoff
- Why do petri dishes make good conversationalists? They're cultured.
- A cook got his hand caught in the dish-washer and they were both fired.
- My wife calls me "The Dishes." Because she doesn't them.
- What did the spice jar say as he emptied into the dish? Oh my god, I'm cumin!!!
Satellite Dish Jokes
Here is a list of funny satellite dish jokes and even better satellite dish puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two satellite dishes met on a roof... They hit it off and decided to get married. The ceremony was boring but the reception was great!
- My buddy got home today to find his wife had left him... She took his prized bob marley collection and the satellite dish.
Feel sorry for him..... No Woman, No Sky. - I got charged for a satellite dish the other day... I was furious. He told me it'd be on the house.
- I had to pay for a satellite dish But the salesman said it was on the house.
- Reception -An antenna and a satellite dish meet on a roof. The get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
- My girlfriend walked out on me, with my Bob Marley CD and Satellite dish. Oh well, No Woman No Sky.
- A lesbian was unhappy with her Dish Network satellite TV bill...
- Did you know West Virginia has a state flower? They call it "the satellite dish"
- What does an astronaut eat it's food from? A satellite dish.
- What's the small box on the back of a satellite dish called? A council flat.
Dish Soap Jokes
Here is a list of funny dish soap jokes and even better dish soap puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was wondering where the dish soap was. And then it Dawned on me
- My wife uses an entire bottle of dish soap when she washes the dishes every night. Another day, another Dawn
- what do apples, dish washer soap, the muppets, a black guy, beer, yankee candels, and the keyboard on a flip phone all have in common? they all help make a really convoluted joke.
- Now I know why I'm getting fat.. Its the shampoo that says " to give body & volume ".
Now I will use dish washing soap that says " Dissolves all fat even at hard to reach places ". - What do you get when you put olives in your hand? Dish Soap.
(I'll wait) - I was trying to wash the dishes, but the soap wouldn't come out of the bottle. I shook it, hit it and smacked it, and nothing happened. Finally, I squeezed it, and... It Dawn-ed on me.
Traditional Dish Jokes
Here is a list of funny traditional dish jokes and even better traditional dish puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I asked my Japanese girlfriend to make me a traditional dish tasty enough to make me fall in love with her national cuisine. Sushi did.
- What's the name of a traditional Ethiopian dish? "The Empty Bowl"
- What's the name of a tradition Muslim pasta dish? Meccaroni and cheese
Heartwarming Dish Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about dish you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bread jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dish pranks.
What is the coldest dish at a Mexican restaurant?
a b-r-r-r-r-ito
What's the first step to making your favorite Jewish dish?
Preheat the oven
What do you need to have to do the dishes when you don't want to?
Dishcipline
This is literally a joke I told in a dream and I remembered it when waking up.
Did you hear about the prize for the Amish children's cooking competition?
Whichever kiddo makes the best egg dish gets to keep the Amlet omelet amulet
What's Pao's favorite Chinese dish?
Infant children.
Today, I was thinking about the expression 'revenge is a dish best served cold'.
Then I considered 'revenge is sweet'. I've come to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream.
I used to think revenge was a dish best served cold...
But now I know it actually means "getting back at somebody".
Watching a cooking show when "We believe this was the last dish they served on the Titanic on that fateful day"
I bet that went down well.
What was the cannibal's favorite part about the Vegetarian dish?
The Vegetarian
A friend tried to trip me up in an Indian restaurant, failed, and fell face first in to someone's mild chicken dish.
I call it instant korma.
I don't care if you like it, I can tikka or leave it.
I've got a dishwasher that's still going strong after 37 years.
She does nag a bit though.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do cannibals love eating people with epilepsy?
Because their favorite side dish is Seizure Salad.
What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?
Remarry
My dishwasher makes this loud rumbling sound...
Strange thing is, it only seems to happen at night, when she's sleeping.
Dear Fork,
Dear Fork,
I know we haven't spoken since I ran away with Dish, but I thought you should know you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair.
Sincerely,
Spoon
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A recent survey reported that three quarters of men don't know how to turn on the dish washer...
I find that l**... her n**... and a light gentle f**... usually does the trick...
Did you hear about the Pizza Chef with no drivers license?
He could dish it out but he couldn't take it.
What's a terrible plate pun?
dish one.
I didn't think housework is a full-time job, so for Thanksgiving my wife served me a raw turkey.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
A man goes to the dentist for a check-up
"Uh oh" the dentist says, "looks like your denture plate is eroding a bit. Have you been eating any new foods lately?"
The man thinks for a moment and says "you know, my wife has been using a lot of hollandaise sauce lately. She's been putting it on every dish."
"Ah, that explains it" the dentist replies. "We'll have to make you a new denture plate, but this one will need to be made of chrome."
"Chrome?" The man asks in surprise. "Why chrome?"
"Well, you know what they say", replies the dentist.
"There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise"
My brother can dish it out, but he can't take it.
He since lost his job as a waiter.
What's Luigi's favorite dish at a seafood restaurant?
It's a Cala-Mario!
I thought of this joke while I was dreaming one night and laughed myself awake.
You can always tell when a chef is Russian.
They never put thyme into the dish!
What is Russia's national dish?
Empty
I have a dishwashing liquid that attacks grease.
Mostly the uninspired cinematography and John Travolta's singing.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
You break up with her
A rabbi and a priest
A rabbi and a priest were at a communal dinner when a dish of roast pork was served.
The priest leaned into the rabbi's ear and whispered, "You planning on eating that buddy?"
The rabbi chuckled and replied, "Not today. But I'm definitely planning to have some at your wedding."
What is a horse's favourite italian dish?
Spaghetti bologneighs.
Don't ask, my brain comes up with silly things ._.
Did you hear about the new Christmas restaurant downtown?
They have an eggs Benedict dish that they service on car hub caps - it's called there's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise
Police are searching for a fugitive chef after he killed a customer who was arguing about spices used in a dish.
They are saying it's only a matter of thyme.
Many Chinese restaurants have names like, Golden Palace, Golden Lotus, Golden Dragon...
But mine is named after my favourite dish, Golden Retriever.
I seek to promote the welfare of a certain baked dish.
I'm a flanthropist.
As a Englishman, I feel shame for my countries lack of a unique dish
I mean, look at Italy with their pasta and pizza. Portugal has Peri-Peri sauce, the French have omlettes and fancy bread. And I think we all know how the good the Germans are with ovens.
Do not shampoo in the shower
I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,
"For extra body and volume."
No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads
"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.
Sod's law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
Moore's law: The complexity of integrated circuits doubles every 24 months.
Campbell's law: The more any quantitative social indicator is used for social decision making, the more subject it will be to corruption pressures and the more apt it will be to distort and corrupt the social processes it is intended to monitor.
Cole's law: A salad dish of shredded raw cabbage, carrots, and other vegetables mixed with mayonnaise.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because when you look at it again, you realize it's just ice.
What is the riskiest dish to order from a Japanese restaurant?
Fish of the north star.
70% of dishes are under-seasoned, according to a recent survey by the seasoning manufacturers' association. Obviously, this is biased.
Take it with a grain of salt.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wife: The vacuum cleaner doesn't s**... the way it used to.
Husband: Neither does the dish washer.
If a recipe calls for you to turn off the heat and begin mincing your herbs to add to the dish, that step would be called:
Stop. Hammer thyme.
My dishwasher broke...
Up with me the other day.
Whats the national dish of ethiopia? Dont know?
Neither do they.
I wanted to make a nice herby chicken dish for dinner but scratched my plans
I didn't have the thyme for it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did one petri dish say to the other?
Ahh, I see you too are a man of culture.
What did the petri dish say to the refrigerated porkchop?
>!Uncultured Swine!!<
Have you heard of this new butter dish that can precisely measure servings for you?
It's said to have a very low margarine of error.
In memorial of Sean Connery: My favorite knock knock joke. (Say out loud for best effect)
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dish
Dish Who?
(Said in Sean Connery accent) DISH IS SEAN CONNERY LET ME IN!
A woman was working at a nursing home
One of her patients was an old man that always had a dish of almonds he would offer the staff when they came in his room.
Her and her coworkers would nibble away as they did their duties, tidying him and his room. They got to talking about why he always had almonds, and he told them his family brings them for him, but he doesn't like them.
So the woman said, well if you don't like them, you should tell them, so they stop bringing them for you! And the old man said no that's ok, I like the chocolate, just not the almonds inside.
What do you call a dish that makes your taste buds explode?
A bomb appetit...
My friend forced me to tell the world about my dumb joke.
God, I'm awful, sorry about that!
A tasty dish made by Voldemort
Avada - KEBAB- ra...
Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes....
Large, small, circle, square, thin crust, deep dish, extra toppings....
An art collector walks by a shop and sees a stray cat drinking from a dish that looks very valuable.
The art collector asks the shop keeper if he could buy the cat.
The shop keeper tells him he can have it for $10.
The art collector asks if he could get the dish as well because the cats already familiar with it.
The shop keeper tells him he can't have it because its his lucky dish.
The art collector asks why it is lucky.
The shop keeper tells him its lucky because he has sold twelve cats this week.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's a t**...'s favorite dish?
Dynamite shrimp
A dishonest college graduate wrote PhD on his transcript
I guess you could say he doctored it
Little Johnny and the waitress
Little Johnny: I'm not very hungry, any simple dish?
Waitress: Maybe the chicken strips for $6.99?
Little Johnny: Maybe it does but that won't help with my hunger.
Told my wife I wanted a new dish washer.
She wasn't happy when I told her I was going with a blonde this time
I've decided to start up my own restaurant. Main dish is curry poured over french fries.
It's called "Curry on my Wayward Spud". And for dessert? There'll be peas when you are done.
Wife was making Canneloni for dinner. I asked her why Canneloni is a surfers favourite dish?
Because theyre tubular, dude.
I received such a satusfying groan. Thats why i do this job.
I heard U.S. Senator Herb Kohl once wrote a bill that would standardize the ratios of carrots, mayonnaise, and cabbage in his favorite side dish.
He called it Kohl's Law.
What is Gargamel's favorite dish ?
Smurf n Turf
A disheveled man is busking on the side of the street in London with a sign that says Falklands War Veteran
A well-dressed man notices this and feels bad, having himself been a veteran of the British Army. He pities the busker and tells him, It must be a pity to serve your country and then come home to this. I served in the army, in fact, so I know what it's like. Maybe this will help you out. He then gives the man a rather large stack of cash.
The busker is overjoyed, and as the well-dressed man walks away, he tells him, ¡Muchas gracias, señor!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to Spain on vacation
While he's there he goes to a restaurant and the waiter gives him an additional side dish along with his meal
The man loves the side dish and when he asks the waiter what it is, he says "A bull died in a bull wrestling show and these were its t**..."
The next day the man asks for the same side dish but notices that its tiny compared to the ones yesterday
He asks the waiter why they're so small and the waiter says "Sometimes the bull wins"
