Dish Jokes

Following is our collection of sauce humor and ladle one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Dish puns for adults, dirty platter jokes or clean hollandaise gags for kids.

There is an abundance of casserole jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 55 funniest jokes on dish. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any bullfight witze you can hear about dish.

The Best jokes about Dish

Justice is a dish best served cold because...

...if it were served warm, it would be justwater.

I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living.

He can't take it, but he can dish it out.

Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,

"For extra body and volume."

No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads

"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.

Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish.

The results speak for themselves.

Justice is a dish best served cold

If it were served warm it would be justwater.


What is it called when one biologist steals a petri dish from another biologist?

Cultural appropriation.

Making a deep dish pizza is surprisingly super easy!

It's a pizza cake!

Wife: The vacuum cleaner doesn't suck the way it used to.

Husband: Neither does the dish washer.

My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.

It's an extremely rare dish order.

Do you know why Justice is a dish best-served cold?

Because if heated, it would become justwater.

A man goes to the dentist for a check-up

"Uh oh" the dentist says, "looks like your denture plate is eroding a bit. Have you been eating any new foods lately?"

The man thinks for a moment and says "you know, my wife has been using a lot of hollandaise sauce lately. She's been putting it on every dish."

"Ah, that explains it" the dentist replies. "We'll have to make you a new denture plate, but this one will need to be made of chrome."

"Chrome?" The man asks in surprise. "Why chrome?"

"Well, you know what they say", replies the dentist.

"There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise"


Scientists have successfully grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish.

The results speak for themselves

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?

Remarry

70% of dishes are under-seasoned, according to a recent survey by the seasoning manufacturers' association. Obviously, this is biased.

Take it with a grain of salt.

You're surely familiar with Murphy's Law, but do you know what Cole's Law is?

It's a cabbage salad, often served as a side dish at a BBQ.

What is my girlfriend's favorite meal?

A dish called: "I don't know, you choose."

What's Luigi's favorite dish at a seafood restaurant?

It's a Cala-Mario!


I thought of this joke while I was dreaming one night and laughed myself awake.

My dishwasher makes this loud rumbling sound...

Strange thing is, it only seems to happen at night, when she's sleeping.

What is Waldo's (Wally's) least favorite dish?

Fondue!


Dear Fork,

Dear Fork,

I know we haven't spoken since I ran away with Dish, but I thought you should know you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair.

Sincerely,
Spoon

A recent survey reported that three quarters of men don't know how to turn on the dish washer...

I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick...

Many Chinese restaurants have names like, Golden Palace, Golden Lotus, Golden Dragon...

But mine is named after my favourite dish, Golden Retriever.

A penguin is driving when he sees a check engine light on. He takes his car to the mechanic and then goes for ice cream.

A penguin is driving when he sees a check engine light on. He takes his car to the mechanic and then goes for ice cream. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says It looks like you blew a seal. No no, the penguin replies, it's just vanilla ice cream. 

What do you need to have to do the dishes when you don't want to?

Dishcipline

This is literally a joke I told in a dream and I remembered it when waking up.

A gentleman orders a spinach omelette at a diner.

He asks his waitress if she had some hollendaise sauce to go along with his omelette, she said "I sure do, and I'll even bring it on our special chrome dishes."

He was confused a bit, but he didn't say anything. A few minutes later he got his omelette and sure enough, it was on a dish made entirely out of chrome. The man was very curious. He noticed he was the only one in the diner who had a dish like that.

He finished his omelette and when the waitress came by to leave the check he stopped her. "Excuse me Miss, but I've gotta ask you, why did you serve my omelette on a chrome dish?"

"You ordered it with hollendaise sauce right?"

"Yes"

"Well silly, everyone knows there's no plate like chrome for the hollendaise."

A rabbi and a priest

A rabbi and a priest were at a communal dinner when a dish of roast pork was served.

The priest leaned into the rabbi's ear and whispered, "You planning on eating that buddy?"

The rabbi chuckled and replied, "Not today. But I'm definitely planning to have some at your wedding."

Have you heard of this new butter dish that can precisely measure servings for you?

It's said to have a very low margarine of error.

I used to think revenge was a dish best served cold...

But now I know it actually means "getting back at somebody".

A friend tried to trip me up in an Indian restaurant, failed, and fell face first in to someone's mild chicken dish.

I call it instant korma.


I don't care if you like it, I can tikka or leave it.

Did you hear about the new Christmas restaurant downtown?

They have an eggs Benedict dish that they service on car hub caps - it's called there's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise

Credit to Colin Mochrie.

One arm butlers

they can take it but they can't dish it out…

A Spanish restaurant

One day a man goes to a Spanish restaurant and orders a meal. While his meal is being prepared, he smells something amazing coming from the table next to him.

He looks over and sees a man eating a meatball dish, so he asks a waiter what that dish is:

"That is a dish made from bull testicles, very exquisite."

"Can I cancel my order and have that instead please?"

"I am sorry sir, but we only get those once a week after the bullfights, you can reserve next weeks if you want?"

"Sure."

So the man waits all week and he can't get that smell out of his head, until finally the meal is in front of him.

It was a little smaller than he remembered, but the taste more than made up for it, savouring every bite. When he was finished the waiter came to him and asked:

"Was everything to your standard, sir?"

"Yes, thank you, I could have sworn they were bigger last week though...?"

"Ahh, yes sir, that is... you see... a problem... sometimes the bull wins"

I've got a dishwasher that's still going strong after 37 years.

She does nag a bit though.

What is every dad's favorite dish?

Puncakes.

My dishwasher broke down and stopped working

So I remarried

What is a chronic masturbator's favorite dish?

Meat stroganoff

My buddy got home today to find his wife had left him...

She took his prized Bob Marley collection and the satellite dish.

Feel sorry for him..... No Woman, No Sky.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

You break up with her

What did the spice jar say as he emptied into the dish?

Oh my god, I'm cumin!!!

Today, I was thinking about the expression 'revenge is a dish best served cold'.

Then I considered 'revenge is sweet'. I've come to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream.

What is Russia's national dish?

Empty

A man's at a restaurant in spain and he sees a waiter delivering two huge, round meatballs to the next table.

A man's at a restaurant in spain and he sees a waiter delivering two huge, round meatballs to the next table.
he calls a waiter over and says he wants the same but the waiter says, ah senor, there is only one dish per day, they are the testicles of the bull killed at the bullfight today
the man say, ok can i reserve that for tomorrow then?
next day he's at the restaurant but the waiter brings him over a plate with two tiny objects on it.
what is this, asks the man
ah senor, sometimes ze bull wins

I didn't think housework is a full-time job, so for Thanksgiving my wife served me a raw turkey.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

You can always tell when a chef is Russian.

They never put thyme into the dish!

Did you hear about the Pizza Chef with no drivers license?

He could dish it out but he couldn't take it.

I got charged for a satellite dish the other day...

I was furious. He told me it'd be on the house.

What is the coldest dish at a Mexican restaurant?

a b-r-r-r-r-ito

What's a terrible plate pun?

dish one.

Did you hear about the prize for the Amish children's cooking competition?

Whichever kiddo makes the best egg dish gets to keep the Amlet omelet amulet

What is a horse's favourite italian dish?

Spaghetti bologneighs.

Don't ask, my brain comes up with silly things ._.

Penguin

A penguin is driving his car into town when it starts to smoke. He brings it to the local garage and asks the mechanic to look at it.
"I'll be across the street at the drug store." he tells him. He goes to the drugstore and orders a dish of vanilla ice cream which he has to eat with his beak because of his short arms.
He finishes up and goes back to the garage. The mechanic comes out and says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says "That's just a little ice cream."

What's Pao's favorite Chinese dish?

Infant children.

You may know Murphy's law, but have you heard of Coles law?

It is a side dish consisting primarily of finely shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.

Justice is a dish best served cold

Because when you look at it again, you realize it's just ice.

Why do cannibals love eating people with epilepsy?

Because their favorite side dish is Seizure Salad.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes