The Best 57 Dish Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dish jokes. There are some dish ladle jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dish hollandaise puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Dish Jokes and Puns

Justice is a dish best served cold because...

...if it were served warm, it would be justwater.

One arm butlers

they can take it but they can't dish it out…

What is a chronic masturbator's favorite dish?

Meat stroganoff

Dish joke, What is a chronic masturbator's favorite dish?

What do you need to have to do the dishes when you don't want to?


This is literally a joke I told in a dream and I remembered it when waking up.

Today, I was thinking about the expression 'revenge is a dish best served cold'.

Then I considered 'revenge is sweet'. I've come to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream.

Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish.

The results speak for themselves.

My dishwasher broke down and stopped working

So I remarried

Dish joke, My dishwasher broke down and stopped working

I used to think revenge was a dish best served cold...

But now I know it actually means "getting back at somebody".

A friend tried to trip me up in an Indian restaurant, failed, and fell face first in to someone's mild chicken dish.

I call it instant korma.

I don't care if you like it, I can tikka or leave it.

I've got a dishwasher that's still going strong after 37 years.

She does nag a bit though.

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?


You can explore dish sauce reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dish platter dad jokes. There are also dish puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

My dishwasher makes this loud rumbling sound...

Strange thing is, it only seems to happen at night, when she's sleeping.

Dear Fork,

Dear Fork,

I know we haven't spoken since I ran away with Dish, but I thought you should know you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair.


A recent survey reported that three quarters of men don't know how to turn on the dish washer...

I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick...

What is my girlfriend's favorite meal?

A dish called: "I don't know, you choose."

I didn't think housework is a full-time job, so for Thanksgiving my wife served me a raw turkey.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Dish joke, I didn't think housework is a full-time job, so for Thanksgiving my wife served me a raw turkey.

A man goes to the dentist for a check-up

"Uh oh" the dentist says, "looks like your denture plate is eroding a bit. Have you been eating any new foods lately?"

The man thinks for a moment and says "you know, my wife has been using a lot of hollandaise sauce lately. She's been putting it on every dish."

"Ah, that explains it" the dentist replies. "We'll have to make you a new denture plate, but this one will need to be made of chrome."

"Chrome?" The man asks in surprise. "Why chrome?"

"Well, you know what they say", replies the dentist.

"There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise"

My buddy got home today to find his wife had left him...

She took his prized Bob Marley collection and the satellite dish.

Feel sorry for him..... No Woman, No Sky.

What's Luigi's favorite dish at a seafood restaurant?

It's a Cala-Mario!

I thought of this joke while I was dreaming one night and laughed myself awake.

What is Russia's national dish?


What is every dad's favorite dish?


What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

You break up with her

A rabbi and a priest

A rabbi and a priest were at a communal dinner when a dish of roast pork was served.

The priest leaned into the rabbi's ear and whispered, "You planning on eating that buddy?"

The rabbi chuckled and replied, "Not today. But I'm definitely planning to have some at your wedding."

What is it called when one biologist steals a petri dish from another biologist?

Cultural appropriation.

Did you hear about the new Christmas restaurant downtown?

They have an eggs Benedict dish that they service on car hub caps - it's called there's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise

Credit to Colin Mochrie.

Many Chinese restaurants have names like, Golden Palace, Golden Lotus, Golden Dragon...

But mine is named after my favourite dish, Golden Retriever.

You're surely familiar with Murphy's Law, but do you know what Cole's Law is?

It's a cabbage salad, often served as a side dish at a BBQ.

What did the spice jar say as he emptied into the dish?

Oh my god, I'm cumin!!!

Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,

"For extra body and volume."

No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads

"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.

70% of dishes are under-seasoned, according to a recent survey by the seasoning manufacturers' association. Obviously, this is biased.

Take it with a grain of salt.

What is Waldo's (Wally's) least favorite dish?


Wife: The vacuum cleaner doesn't suck the way it used to.

Husband: Neither does the dish washer.

My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.

It's an extremely rare dish order.

Have you heard of this new butter dish that can precisely measure servings for you?

It's said to have a very low margarine of error.

I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living.

He can't take it, but he can dish it out.

Do you know why Justice is a dish best-served cold?

Because if heated, it would become justwater.

Making a deep dish pizza is surprisingly super easy!

It's a pizza cake!

Scientists have successfully grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish.

The results speak for themselves

Justice is a dish best served cold

If it were served warm it would be justwater.

In memorial of Sean Connery: My favorite knock knock joke. (Say out loud for best effect)

Knock knock.

Who's there?


Dish Who?

(Said in Sean Connery accent) DISH IS SEAN CONNERY LET ME IN!

A woman was working at a nursing home

One of her patients was an old man that always had a dish of almonds he would offer the staff when they came in his room.

Her and her coworkers would nibble away as they did their duties, tidying him and his room. They got to talking about why he always had almonds, and he told them his family brings them for him, but he doesn't like them.

So the woman said, well if you don't like them, you should tell them, so they stop bringing them for you! And the old man said no that's ok, I like the chocolate, just not the almonds inside.

What do you call a dish that makes your taste buds explode?

A bomb appetit...

My friend forced me to tell the world about my dumb joke.

God, I'm awful, sorry about that!

Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes....

Large, small, circle, square, thin crust, deep dish, extra toppings....

An art collector walks by a shop and sees a stray cat drinking from a dish that looks very valuable.

The art collector asks the shop keeper if he could buy the cat.

The shop keeper tells him he can have it for $10.

The art collector asks if he could get the dish as well because the cats already familiar with it.

The shop keeper tells him he can't have it because its his lucky dish.

The art collector asks why it is lucky.

The shop keeper tells him its lucky because he has sold twelve cats this week.

My wife arranged the plates by color and size...

It's a rare dish order

I ordered my ex wife food she hates and had Uber Eats deliver it...

Because revenge is a dish best served cold

What is a dishonest Hebrew's favorite time of year?


A dishonest college graduate wrote PhD on his transcript

I guess you could say he doctored it

Justice is a dish best served cold...

Otherwise it's justwater.

Little Johnny and the waitress

Little Johnny: I'm not very hungry, any simple dish?

Waitress: Maybe the chicken strips for $6.99?

Little Johnny: Maybe it does but that won't help with my hunger.

Eggs Benedict

A man goes to breakfast during the Christmas season. He orders eggs Benedict from the server since it's the special.
The server returns several minutes later with the dish, steaming on a an old metal hubcap from a car.
What's the meaning of this? The man exclaims.
It's the holiday special, replied the waiter. There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.

I order my ex girlfriend a meal she hates and had Uber Eats deliver it because...

Revenge is a dish best served cold

Told my wife I wanted a new dish washer.

She wasn't happy when I told her I was going with a blonde this time

I've decided to start up my own restaurant. Main dish is curry poured over french fries.

It's called "Curry on my Wayward Spud". And for dessert? There'll be peas when you are done.

Used to think that revenge is a dish best served cold

But now I realise it means getting back at somebody

Wife was making Canneloni for dinner. I asked her why Canneloni is a surfers favourite dish?

Because theyre tubular, dude.

I received such a satusfying groan. Thats why i do this job.

I heard U.S. Senator Herb Kohl once wrote a bill that would standardize the ratios of carrots, mayonnaise, and cabbage in his favorite side dish.

He called it Kohl's Law.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dish casserole jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dish bullfight piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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