The Best 68 Disgusting Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Disgusting jokes. There are some disgusting eww jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these disgusting sick disgusting puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Disgusting Jokes and Puns

Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first?

A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!

What is the difference between a fridge and a kid?

A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.

Little Johnny walks into his parent's room one night to find them having sex.



"Mom? What are you doing?" he asks his mom.

"Making a cake" his mom replies.

Later that week, Little Johnny walks asks his mom in the car "Were you and daddy making a cake on the couch" he asks.

"Yeah. Why?" his mom asks, confused and worried.

"Because I licked the icing off the couch! It was delicious!" he responded.

Disgusting joke

YUK!

A man walks in on his daughter pleasuring her-self with a cucumber.

He yells at her: "Oh god, that's disgusting! I was going to eat that, and now it's gonna taste of cucumber"

A senior nun walks in on an novice...

... who was vigourously masturbating with a cob of corn.

The Mother Superior says: "That's disgusting! I was going to eat that, and you know I hate the taste of corn!"


What do you call a wind that never gusts?

Disgusting.

I'll see myself out...

The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree.

The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?"

The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living room!"

Disgusting joke, The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree.

An old ugly wife is looking in the mirror...

Listing all the things wrong with her old flabby hairy body while her husband lays on the bed watching an ocean documentary on TV.

"I'm disgusting, aren't I?"

He doesn't respond.

"Hey! Answer me! I look like a whale, don't I!?"

He responds, "No! Absolutely not, you don't look anything like a whale, my dear..."

Before she could get out an "aww thanks", he says "Have you *seen* how stunningly beautiful those creatures are!?!"

I put blood, sweat, and tears into my work,

said the disgusting bartender.

A man brought some cookies to a party...

His friend approached him later during the party. He asked for the recipe to show his wife.

"You see, the secret trick is that I put the dough in my belly button to measure out the perfect size of each cookie," he tells his friend.

"That's absolutely disgusting," says the friend.

He answers, "Oh, you're not going to like the way I make donuts then."

Put all your disgusting jokes here.

Heres one: Jimmy is playing in his room when a wormhole opens up and Jimmy 30 years from now gets out.

Younger Jimmy says,' Wow! What do I become when I grow up?'

'A pedophile' Older Jimmy says as he locks the door.

You can explore disgusting horrible reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean disgusting abomination dad jokes. There are also disgusting puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Homeless man and a Suicidal Woman.

A woman was standing on the edge of a bridge ready to jump, a homeless man approached her and the woman said "NO! NOTHING YOU CAN SAY WILL STOP ME FROM JUMPING, I AM WORTHLESS!!"

The homeless man replied "Okay, fine. But before you do, will you have sex with me? I haven't had sex in 25 years."

The woman replied "No, you're disgusting."

The homeless man turned and began to walk away when the woman said "WAIT! THAT'S IT? YOU'RE NOT GONNA TALK ME OUT OF THIS?"

The homeless man turned, smiled and said, "I'm going to the bottom, if I hurry, you'll still be warm."

A woman is looking at herself naked in the mirror

....she rubs her tummy and says to her husband "I feel ugly, fat and disgusting. Pay me a compliment"
Husband says "well, your eyesight is spot on"

On the bus today, I saw an attractive young woman breastfeeding

Suddenly an old woman started shouting, "you shouldn't be doing that in public, that's disgusting!!!".

A part of me wanted to scold the old woman, but another part of me thinks...

"Maybe I shouldn't have been masturbating on a bus..."

A young Korean couple are lying in bed...

When the guy starts farting nonstop.

The girl, unable to take the smell, says, "Stop, that's disgusting!"

"Don't blame me", the guy says. "It's the dog."

"Oh, don't blame him", she says. "He was cooked perfectly."

Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree...

The guy at the counter asked my dad "are you going to put it up yourself?" To which my dad responded "don't be disgusting... I'm going to put it in the living room."

Disgusting joke, Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree...

People say cannibals are disgusting human beings

But this one tastes pretty good

Lance Armstrong

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong. Especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike

A plumber rings the doorbell

"Come in", says the homeowner, Stacy.

"Hi, I am the plumber, sorry for being a bit late"

"That's fine, my sister must have called for you"

"Alright. So where's that disgusting clogged up mess?"

"Her name actually is Rita, and she's not home at the moment".


I hate people who finds it disgusting when i breastfeed in public ..

It's completely normal and strenghtens the bond between me and my dog.

Is he sleazy? Yes. Is he disgusting? Absolutely. Did he act in a vulgar manner towards women? Certainly.

But he's not running for President, his wife is.

I recently bought a Christmas tree at a shop...

The man at the cashier said to me "Are you going to put that up yourself?"

I replied to him in disgust saying "No, that is disgusting! I'm going to put it up in my living room."

A man buys a Christmas tree.

As he goes to pay for the tree, the attendant says, "Are you putting the tree up yourself?"

The man replies, "Quit being disgusting. I'm putting the tree in my living room."

When it comes to gay sex, I think the backwards views of my grandfather are disgusting

So I might try missionary style with him instead

Amy Schumer gets mad when people describe her as fat, slutty, and disgusting..

because she doesn't like when people steal her material.

Stop making jokes about how fat and disgusting Amy Schumer is.

You're stealing her material.

Dad, are bugs good to eat..?

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone."

Just found the absolute worst page in the dictionary

What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.

It's pretty disgusting how celebrity parents name their children after cooked rodent.

Poor Chris Pratt

How many appendages am I holding up?

This was an on-the-spot joke made by my dad at the dinner table:

>Dad: I can see everything

>Me: How many fingers am I holding up below the table?

>Dad: No more than five.

>Me (thinking to include toes): How many appendages am I holding up?

>Dad: That's disgusting.

My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24

What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.

A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting.

I said people who sell fruit and vegetables​ are grocer.

My wife made me dinner the other day. She got offended when I put down my knife and fork and said, "This dinner is disgusting"

then my wife said, "Well, boil your own toast next time then"

A woman gets on a bus with her baby in Glasgow.

The bus driver turns to her and says Oi! That there's the ugliest baby I've ever seen, you should be ashamed of yourself, bringing a baby like that out in public. It's disgusting! She rushes to the back of the bus in tears, and a gentleman leans over to her and asks Lassie, why're you crying?
She says Well that bus driver up there just said the most horrible thing to me that anyone's ever said before.
In shock the gentleman exclaims Well you can't just let him get away with that! You've got to get up there and give him a piece of your mind! Here, I'll hold your monkey.

Crime in elevators is disgusting and a huge problem for society

It's just wrong on so many levels

A man was picking out a Christmas tree

A man was picking out a Christmas tree.

When he goes to pay for it, the cashier asks him, "Will you be putting this up yourself?"

The man replies, "Quit being disgusting! I'm putting it in my living room."

Age old debate.

People these days always talk about how disgusting butchers and people who sell meat are, however I've found that people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

A group of men are out sailing when they decide to see what the chef is cooking for dinner.

They walk in and, being that he doesn't have a rolling pin, see him flattening biscuits with his armpit.

That's disgusting! One guy says to the other.

Yeah, well you should see how he makes donuts!

Men want only one thing and it's disgusting....

Women want only 2,337 things and it's exhausting.

I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking.

It was so disgusting I nearly couldn't finish my sandwich.

A warehouse worker...

A warehouse worker is getting ready to ship a bunch of cases of disgusting, prepackaged food, but he can't get it to fit properly on a skid.

The food was unpalatable.

As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting

but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer

I like to sleep completely naked

I don't know why is it disgusting to some people. Dude, you can just take another bus.

The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"

Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question." The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye." "Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct." She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."

My girlfriend told me I was disgusting for licking the bowl after I finished.

I guess she's used to most people just flushing.

I hate when my roommates throw cigarettes in the toilet for two reasons.

A: it's disgusting and B: they are harder to light.

Did you hear about the milk incident at the farm?

It was udderly disgusting

A vegan said to me : people who sell meat are disgusting

I replied with : people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies.

After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone."

Missed school yesterday

A little boy didn't go to school one day. The next day when theΒ  teacher asked him why, he said "Our cow was in heat, so I had to takeΒ her to the bull."

"How disgusting," said the teacher. "I'm sure yourΒ father could have done that."

"No ma'am, he couldn't have. It has to be the bull."

Dad, are bugs good to eat?

That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner, the dad replies.

After dinner the father asks, Now, son, what did you want to ask me?

Oh, nothing, the boy says. There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone.

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw in your laundry.

The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."

We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."

A vegan told me people who sold meat were disgusting.

I said people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.

There are two types of people that I hate the most.

One, there are racists;

the other, there are creepy, disgusting blue-skinned elves who are the enemy to the humankind.

What did the mathematician say looking at 144 anuses?

That's disgusting

I don't get it. When Civet's do it, it's the "smoothest" and "best" coffee.

When I do it, it's "disgusting" "depraved" and they shut down my cafe......

I saw a disgusting thing at the grocery today. A snowman rummaging through the carrots?!

I mean picking your nose in public? Come on.

The king's guard bursts into the throne room...

Out of breath and in a panic they alert the king
> Sire, the peasants, they're revolting!


The king nods and responds:
>Mmm yes, they are quite disgusting aren't they

Men only want one thing

From the Missing-the-point department:

Text from her: Men only want one thing, and it's disgusting!

Text from him: Wash it then?

I've realized that Children are like farts

You don't mind them when they're your own

But everyone else's are disgusting.

A Bug Story

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone."

A Subway sandwich maker has a very eccentric regular customer.

The eccentric customer always orders a tuna sandwich, but heavily modified, made with an extra cup of mayo, smothered in chili peppers, red peppers, onions, and pickles, then toasted until it's burnt. It looks and smells disgusting and the worker dreads it when he sees that customer come in.

Finally he asks his boss if he can just not wait on that customer. His boss asks why.

The worker screams in frustration: "I hate the mods on that sub!"

A woman was forced to choose between two suitors to wed.

The first man was about 4 foot 5 tall and ran a very successful store that sold many fruits and vegetables.

The other man was disgusting. He was covered head to toe in boils and bedsores and smelled awful. He had not ever even seen a bath. He was pretty much the most foul human you could imagine.

Yet the woman wed the second man.

Because no matter how gross you pictured him to be...

The first man was just a little grocer.

What is two times more disgusting than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm in your apple

Church lady

There was a church lady who always was dressed very properly and always carried her bible with her. She had a bad habit of judging people and letting them know what she thought of them.
One day, she was riding on the crosstown bus and a drunk guy got on. There was only one seat left which was right next to the church lady.
She said to the man, you're a disgusting and smelly drunk. You're going straight to hell.
The man said Excuse me ma'am. I think I'm on the wrong bus.

My ex and her parrot.

My ex had a talking parrot. This large kind with curved beak and multicolored feathers.

That disgusting creature talked all day and night never shutting its mouth!

And the parrot had to listen to all that crap.

It's disgusting. They used to make COCA-Cola with REAL Cocaine! So you can probably guess what they used to make shamPOO with!

Yep, child labour.

A bully walks into a bar

He walks to a man whose eyes are on the ground and grabs away his drink. He gulps it loudly and after it is finished he let out a disgusting belch. Then he asks in a woeful tone: "what happens, granpa?".

The man lifts his eyes and sighs: "yesterday I got fired from my job and when I returned home I caught my wife sleeping with my brother. Today I woke up and found that my kids and wife are not home so I decided to kill myself but I couldn't do it".

The bully puts a gloating smile and asks: "why? Are you not manly enough even to kill yourself?".

"No. Because you drank up my beer".

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the disgusting ghastly jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working disgusting disgusting baby piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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