The Best 80 Disgustin Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Disgustin jokes. There are some disgustin despicable jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these disgustin distasteful puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Disgustin Jokes and Puns

Why does the witch not wear panties when flying?

Because she wants to get a better grip on the broom.

A farmer gets a phone call from his son.



"I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive."

"Shoot it," says the farmer, "and then bury it."

About 20mins later he gets another call..."

"Done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike?"

Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!

Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!

Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party?

They gave him the cold shoulder!

Q: Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation?"

A: It hasn't come out yet.


A man farts in bed next to his wife.

His wife asks, "What in the world was that?"

He replies, "Touchdown. I'm winning, seven nothing."

She decides to get even, so she lets one loose.

He yells at her, "What was that?"

She replies, "Touchdown, tie score."

He wants to get her back, but he tries so hard he sh*ts in bed.

The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"

He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."

A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers.



He rushes to the emergency room.

The doctor says, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do."

"But I don't have the fingers!"

"Why didn't you bring the fingers?!" asks the incredulous doctor.

"Doc, I couldn't pick them up."

Disgustin joke

What is grosser than gross?

When you're kissing Grandma and she slips you the tongue.

What's grosser than gross?

Ten babies in one mail box.



What's grosser than that?

One baby in ten mailboxes.

What's grosser than that?

Biting into a pickle and finding a vein.

What's grosser than that?

A cheerleader doing a split and sticking to the floor.

What's grosser than that?

A girl thinking she has crabs only to find it's fruit flies because her cherry rotted.

A doctor complains to his colleagues about the sanitary problems at a latex glove factory in Mexico.



"Workers stick their hands in melted latex and then dip their hands in a vat of cooling water to solidify the latex. The glove is then thrown in a finished products box."

His colleagues are disgusted by the lack of care taken in keeping the gloves sanitary.

"That's not all," says the doctor.

"You don't even want to know how they make their condoms!"

Q: How do you eat a frog?

A: You put one leg behind each ear.

You can explore disgustin atrocious reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean disgustin woman dad jokes. There are also disgustin puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger.



The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "One burger!"

Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill.

"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," the old lady says.

"Yeah?" says the counterman. "You should be here in the morning when he makes the doughnuts."

Two guys always catch the train to work together;

one is French, the other Italian.

Every morning when the French guy gets on, he passes his fingers underneath his nose while sniffing and says "Aaahhh... Fifi!"

He does this every day, so the Italian guy says to him one morning, "Why do you do that and say 'Aaahhh... Fifi!'?"

The French man explaines that Fifi is his wife, and he fingers her every morning and it reminds him of her all day.

The next morning, the French guy gets on the trains and sniffs his fingers saying, "Fifi!"

Then the Italian guy gets on and runs his whole arm under his nose and says, "Aaahhh... Maria!"

What do Mario LeMieux and Courtney Love have in common?

They both shower after three periods!

A redneck boy runs into his house and proclaims, "I've found the girl that I'm gonna marry! And she's a virgin!"

Incensed, his father pounds his fist on the table.

"There's no way you'll marry that girl! If she aint' good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."

An old woman goes to the doctor's office.



The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests."

The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."

Disgustin joke

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob.



On the wall? Art.

On the floor? Matt.

"Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?"

"Shut up and eat your corn flakes."

If I wanted some comeback, I'd wipe it off your chin!


Q: Why do farts smell?

A: So deaf people can enjoy them, too.

Q: What is worse than waking up the morning after an orgy with pubic hair in your teeth?

A: Waking up with a lump in your throat and a string hanging out of your mouth.

A guy gets out of the V.D.

Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long.

Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times.

After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital.

"How's the food there?" asks the hooker.

"Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"

Q: How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose?

A: Her ankles swell up when she farts.

Why should you only put 239 beans in bean soup?

Cuz one more will make it "too farty!"

Q: What does a plumber need to know about his job?

A: Sh*t runs downhill and payday is on Friday.

Why fart and waste when you can burp and taste?

Disgustin joke

Q: Did you hear about the leper poker game?

A: One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.

Q: What can popsicles do that men can't?

A: Come in five flavors.

Q: Did you hear about the depressed proctologist?

A: He's been feeling down in the dumps.

Q: What do parsley and pubic hair have in common?

A: You push them both aside when you eat.

Q: What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together?

A: A redhead with a yeast infection.

Little Red Riding Hood went to her grandma's house and found her laying in bed.



Little Red Riding Hood said, "Grandma, what big eyes you have!"

Grandma: "The better to see you with, my dear."

Little Red Riding Hood: "Grandma, what big ears you have!"

Grandma: "The better to hear you with, my dear."

Little Red Riding Hood: "Grandma, what a big mouth you have!"

Grandma: "Of course I do, have you seen Grandpa's d**k?!"

What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

When you take sausage out of the fridge it doesn't fart.

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there.

A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.

The other missionary couldn't believe it! He said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"

The other missionary replied, "I just peed in the soup!"

"How are your hemorrhoids?"

"Swell."

What did Obi Wan say when Luke was constipated?

"Use the F-O-R-C-E Luke!"

An old man and his wife went to the doctor's office.



The doctor asked the man for a blood, urine and feces sample.

The man was slightly deaf and said, "What?"

The doctor said, "I need a blood, urine and feces sample."

The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear, "Sheldon, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear."

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert

Hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel.

"Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver."

"I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart."

"I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."

Sperm 1: How much longer tell we get to the egg?

Sperm 2: We've still got a long way to go.

We're only half way down the esophagus.

Q: What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?

A: "How are we supposed to find an egg in all this sh*t?"

Q: What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?

A: Line dancing at a nursing home.

A young, innocent couple goes on their honeymoon.



They get naked and jump into bed, but neither knows what to do.

Eventually, they decide to rub their noses together.

After awhile, they decide to rub their toes together.

Finally, they begin to rub their hips together.

Suddenly, the man jumps up and runs to the bathroom.

After several minutes, he returns to the bedroom, looking scared.

"What happened?" asks his bride.

"I don't know," he replies, "but something curdled my urine!"

Q: What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

A: Kids don't eat broccoli.

One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top.



She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel.

Then a little girl came running up to her.

"If you're going to drown those puppies, at least let me have the one with the cute little pink nose."

Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night.



The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks."

The second guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch."

The third guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I took a prostitute home to my wife."

The first guy exclaims, "You guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"

What did the tampon say to the other tampon in school?

I'll see you next period.

Q: What's the difference between pea soup and roast beef?

A: Anyone can roast beef.

Q: What's grosser than gross?

A: Two vampires fighting over a used tampon.

Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary?

A: It runs in your genes.

One day a miserable toothbrush sits down and says, "Sometimes I feel I have the worst job in the world."

Then the toilet paper yells, "Think again buddy!"

Prostitute 1: Tonight's my night I can smell c**k in the air.

Prostitute 2: Oh, sorry. I burped.

While grocery shopping, a single man comes across toilet brushes.



"Wow! What a great idea," he thinks to himself and buys three of them.

Two weeks later, however, he goes back to using toilet paper.

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off.



After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off.

Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off.

I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand.

Now I'm afraid to pee.

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?

A: Gulp.

Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore.

Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!

Q: What do you call a Shih-Tzu mixed with a poodle?

A: A Shih-Tzpoo.

What's grosser than gross?

When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall.



What's grosser than that?

When you come back an hour later and it's moved up three feet.

Q: What compliment do you NOT want from a midget?

A: Wow! Your hair smells good!

What does a cannibal eat with cheese?

Pickled organs.

Q: Why there are many bubbles on the pool's water?

A: Swimmers are farting.

Q: Who is brave?

A: He who has diarrhea and wants to fart!

One night my mother in law came to our home.



In the middle of the night suddenly I was awakened by a horrible sound from WC.

She farted.

I was so angry that shouted and said: "Your food is under your feet and your weapons are complete get out and go to fight with ISIS!"

If you have a grief nobody feels,

If you have a pain nobody feels.



If your heart is broken nobody feels,

but if you fart all will understand.

Yo mama's lips are so big when you smile you wet your hair.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Urine.

Urine who?

Urine trouble if you don't open the door.

Q: Did you hear about the redneck who was shooting craps?

A: He blew a hole in the toilet.

Five liters of bean soup for dinner – letΒ΄s spend the night with the gas mask!

If there are two people in an elevator and one of them farts everybody knows who did it.

Really disgusting joke I overheard

What do you call an Ethiopian woman with a vaginal infection? A quarter-pounder with cheese

Why is 6.9 disgusting as compared to 69?

6.9 has the period.

Rosie Jones Greta Thunberg joke

β€œI think Greta’s amazing and what she’s doing is brilliant, but don’t do it now,” Jones said. β€œShe needs to live a little.”

β€œShe’s only 16,” she continued. β€œShe should be doing two things: drinking Lambrini and getting fingered.”

What do disgusting people eat?

Groceries.

What's more disgusting than a hickey on a haemorrhoid?

The girl who puts it there.

Most disgusting joke I know ... [NSFW]

So, I was eating out my girlfriend when all of a sudden I tasted horse sperm. I couldn't help but shout out "aha grandmother, so that's how you died!".

Most disgusting "Would you rather.." ever

Would you rather - live for the next four years and have Hilary Clinton as President or Live for the next four years and have Donald Trump as President?

Its disgusting and derogatory to call a gay man a fruit

How could something so pure and sweet be compared to a homosexual!!!

It's disgusting how people think because I'm southern my sister is my Valentine

She can't be my valentine because she's married.

I saw a disgusting thing at the grocery today. A snowman rummaging through the carrots?!

I mean picking your nose in public? Come on.

It's disgusting. They used to make COCA-Cola with REAL Cocaine! So you can probably guess what they used to make shamPOO with!

Yep, child labour.

That's disgusting...

The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"

Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question."

The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye."

"Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct."

She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a Big disappointment."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the disgustin nsfw jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working disgustin joke piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes