Disgusted Jokes
88 disgusted jokes and hilarious disgusted puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about disgusted that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Disgusted Short Jokes
Short disgusted jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The disgusted humour may include short appalled jokes also.
- A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting. I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
- Just found the absolute worst page in the dictionary What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.
- What's the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer? One is disgusted by rack of lamb and the other is disgusted by lack of RAM.
- Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class. Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down they want some too
- My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24 What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.
- My sister walked up to me this morning and with disgusted look on her face said to me: 'You're on drugs again!!!' She could be right.. I'm an only child.
- My wife made me dinner the other day. She got offended when I put down my knife and fork and said, "This dinner is disgusting" then my wife said, "Well, boil your own toast next time then"
- A vegan said to me : people who sell meat are disgusting I replied with : people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer
- Yesterday I saw a girl driving next to me while texting on her phone... I was so disgusted by her irresponsible driving that I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
- What is two times more disgusting than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple
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Disgusted One Liners
Which disgusted one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with disgusted? I can suggest the ones about outraged and shocked.
- People say cannibals are disgusting human beings But this one tastes pretty good
- Why was the king so disgusted by the peasants? They were revolting.
- What did the mathematician say looking at 144 anuses? That's disgusting
- Did you hear about the milk incident at the farm? It was udderly disgusting
- What do you call a wind that never gusts? Disgusting.
I'll see myself out... - I am disgusted by people who poach rare animals. They are much better grilled.
- (Meta) To all the people with disgusting "jokes" Guess what......... Chicken Butts!
- What do European Nationalists say when they see something disgusting? EU .
- Q: Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation?"
A: It hasn't come out yet. - Why is 6.9 disgusting as compared to 69? 6.9 has the period.
- Why do people eat rabbit meat? Aren't they disgusted by the hare in their food?
- Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm." - Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?
A: Winnie the Pooh. - Why do guys pee in the shower? Because peeing the the bath is just disgusting!
- Q: How do you know a blonde just lost her virginity?
A: The crayons are still sticky.
Witty Disgusted Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about disgusted you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean disappointed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make disgusted pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A m**... was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the m**... if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely r**... by a dozen w**... than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations...
to be entitled 'Lenin in Poland'.
Around a month later the artist unveils his painting to a crowd of Soviet dignitaries, and it is greeted by gasps of disgust
The painting depicts Lenin's wife in bed with Leonid Trotsky
One of the assembled guests asks 'But where is Lenin?'
To which the artist replied, 'Lenin's in Poland'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whales
A large Humpback whale is lazily enjoying a beautiful day when he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he's going to try to impress her...
He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large h**... on his back.
She looked unimpressed as she breached and showed a larger more well formed h**... herself.
Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it.
Once again she looked unimpressed and she blew a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow.
Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole!
He swam back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attentions with a disgusted look on her face...
As she swam off she said..."I'll h**..., I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T s**... s**...!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Irish and Muslim on a plane
A Muslim was sitting next to p**... on a plane.
p**... ordered a whiskey.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust "I'd rather be r**... by a dozen w**... than let liquor touch my lips!"
p**... handed his drink back and said
"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"
Jar Full of $10 Bills
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of $10 bills on the bar. He goes to the barkeep and says "Hey, what's up with that jar?"
The bartender responds "Well, you put in 10 bucks, do 3 challenges, and if you do them you get the whole jar."
The man says "Wow that's pretty cool, what are the challenges?"
The barkeep lists "Well, first ya gotta drink a whole bottle of hot sauce, and no nursing. Second, there's a dog out back who has a sore tooth and he's real grouchy, and you gotta take out the bad tooth bare handed. Last, there's this old lady upstairs who's never done the hokey pokey, if ya know what I mean, and you gotta fix that."
The man replies in disgust "I can't do any of those!" So the man gets drunk. Being drunk, he decides he can do anything and says "Hand me the bottle of hot sauce." So the bartender hands the man the bottle and the man drinks the whole, straight down. He then goes outside to deal with the dog. As the door shuts you hear yelping and screaming and hollering and growling and then.... dead silence... The door creaks open and the man walks in. He's all covered in blood, his shirts torn, he's missing hair... and in a drunken slur he asks "Where's the old lady with the tooth problem?"
Hans the Norwegian
Hans was arrested for speeding... driving 66 miles an hour in a 50 mph zone. However, he explained to the officer,
"I saw a big sign vit 66 on it."
"That's Highway 66," the officer said disgustedly.
"Goodness sakes," replied Hans, "you should have seen me yesterday on highway 110!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A q**...!
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.
A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A q**...."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A q**..., please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "s**...!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche'."
The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree.
The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?"
The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living room!"
An Englishman, and Scotsman and an Irishman were having a pint...
and a fly lands in each of their drinks. The Englishman, disgusted, pushes away his pint and leaves. The Scotsman flicks the fly out and continues to drink his pint. The Irishman picks up the fly, holds it over the glass and yells "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!"
A particularly dirty shabby looking woman asks for couple of dollars
A woman was walking down the street when she was
accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking
homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars
and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy
some wine with it instead of dinner?"
"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless
woman replied.
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying
food?" the woman asked.
"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman
said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay
alive."
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of
food?" the woman asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't
had my hair done in 20 years!"
"Well," said the woman, I'm not going to give you the
money. Instead, I'm going t o take you out for dinner
with my husband and myself
tonight.
The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband
be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty,
and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for
him to see what a woman looks like after she has given
up shopping, hair appointments and wine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old ugly wife is looking in the mirror...
Listing all the things wrong with her old flabby hairy body while her husband lays on the bed watching an ocean documentary on TV.
"I'm disgusting, aren't I?"
He doesn't respond.
"Hey! Answer me! I look like a whale, don't I!?"
He responds, "No! Absolutely not, you don't look anything like a whale, my dear..."
Before she could get out an "aww thanks", he says "Have you *seen* how stunningly beautiful those creatures are!?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My dad's favorite joke.
A lady walks into a cafe and orders a burger from the cashier. She notices the cook isn't wearing a shirt and curiously watches him prepare her food. He takes a handful of ground beef and slaps it against his hairy stomach, flips it over, and does the same to the other side. Appalled, the lady looks at the cashier and says, "Eww, that's *disgusting*!" The cashier replies, "If you think that's g**..., you should see him make donuts."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I put blood, sweat, and tears into my work,
said the disgusting bartender.
Noses and Boyfriends
Boyfriends are like noses...
People get disgusted when you blow them in public.
Especially if you're caught without a tissue
A man brought some cookies to a party...
His friend approached him later during the party. He asked for the recipe to show his wife.
"You see, the secret trick is that I put the dough in my belly button to measure out the perfect size of each cookie," he tells his friend.
"That's absolutely disgusting," says the friend.
He answers, "Oh, you're not going to like the way I make donuts then."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Masked man robs a s**... bank...
... He approaches the safe with a gun and yells at the nurse,
"Open up this safe!"
Nurse replied in fear, "But sir this is a s**... bank, we don't have any money here."
I said open up this safe now!" he yelled again and the nurse opened it up.
"Now drink this viel!"
"But sir this is s**...!"
"I said drink!" and the nurse drank with disgust.
"Drink another!" and she emptied another viel with less resistance.
The robber reveals his face and nurse found out that the robber was actually her husband.
"Now Sharon, was it really that hard?"
Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust...
Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust, exclaiming:
"I can't believe it's February and I'm still writing B.C. on all of my checks!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two elderly ladies are smoking outside...
It stared raining and one of the ladies pulls out a c**..., cuts the end off and puts it over her cigarette so it won't get wet. The other lady thinks this is a great idea so she decides to head to the store to buy some condoms.
When she gets there she goes to the counter and asks the cashier for a pack of condoms. He looks at her in disgust as he can't believe someone of her age would be having s**.... He asks what kind she would like anyways as he doesn't want to lose his job.
She replys "honey, it doesn't matter what kind as long as it fits a camel"
Interesting accents!
3 hefty women walk into a restaurant, and sit down at a table. The server comes to take their drink orders. When they're done ordering he says, "What an interesting accent! Are you broads from Scotland?"
One woman looks at him with surprise and disgust and says, "WALES!"
The bartender says, "Okay, fine. Are you whales from Scotland?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Homeless man and a Suicidal Woman.
A woman was standing on the edge of a bridge ready to jump, a homeless man approached her and the woman said "NO! NOTHING YOU CAN SAY WILL STOP ME FROM JUMPING, I AM WORTHLESS!!"
The homeless man replied "Okay, fine. But before you do, will you have s**... with me? I haven't had s**... in 25 years."
The woman replied "No, you're disgusting."
The homeless man turned and began to walk away when the woman said "WAIT! THAT'S IT? YOU'RE NOT GONNA TALK ME OUT OF THIS?"
The homeless man turned, smiled and said, "I'm going to the bottom, if I hurry, you'll still be warm."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American girl goes on vacation to Berlin
While walking through town one night, she sees a drunk guy openly taking a leak up against a wall.
Disgusted, she loudly proclaims, "g**...!"
The man turns with a proud smile on his face and says, "Danke!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On the bus today, I saw an attractive young woman breastfeeding
Suddenly an old woman started shouting, "you shouldn't be doing that in public, that's disgusting!!!".
A part of me wanted to scold the old woman, but another part of me thinks...
"Maybe I shouldn't have been m**... on a bus..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young korean couple are lying in bed...
When the guy starts f**... nonstop.
The girl, unable to take the smell, says, "Stop, that's disgusting!"
"Don't blame me", the guy says. "It's the dog."
"Oh, don't blame him", she says. "He was cooked perfectly."
Getting Drunk
Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself.
He says, "Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me."
His friend says, "Don't worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill."
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually he reels home and his wife starts to give him a bad time, "You reek of alcohol and you've thrown up all over yourself, you're disgusting..."
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says, "Wait. It's not what you think. I only had one drink, but this man was sick on me. He'd obviously had one too many, or else he just couldn't hold his liquor. He was very sorry and he gave me twenty dollars for the cleaning bill. Look in my breast pocket."
She looks in his breast pocket and says, "But this is forty dollars."
"Ah, yes," says the man. "He peed in my trousers too!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a stepfather walks in on his stepdaughter
a stepfather walks into his stepdaughter's room, as he walks in he sees his stepdaughter pleasuring herself with a cucumber, in disgust he leaves her room as fast as possible
he then says,"d**... I was gonna eat that!..................
now it will taste like cucumber"
Lance Armstrong
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong. Especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A plumber rings the doorbell
"Come in", says the homeowner, Stacy.
"Hi, I am the plumber, sorry for being a bit late"
"That's fine, my sister must have called for you"
"Alright. So where's that disgusting clogged up mess?"
"Her name actually is Rita, and she's not home at the moment".
I hate people who finds it disgusting when i breastfeed in public ..
It's completely normal and strenghtens the bond between me and my dog.
A man and his wife built a boat...
They called it the *Alfred1*, after a friend of theirs. However, it was poorly constructed and sank immediately.
They continued to try to build seaworthy vessels, but the same thing happened over and over. With the *Brian2*, the *Chris3*, and the *Daniel4*.
"We're really not very good at this," the man said in disgust. "How do boats even work?"
"I don't know, but we'll figure it out," replied his wife. "We need an *ELI5*."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I overheard two of my friends talking about me the other day...
I said "you disgust me"
"Yes, we did" they replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church.....
They all look at you with disgust, but deep down, you know they want some, too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sometimes I wonder about my ex girlfriends who I haven't seen in years,
you know, like has she become all fat and bloated, or has she become disgustingly skinny; or maybe someone has already found the body.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Is he s**...? Yes. Is he disgusting? Absolutely. Did he act in a v**... manner towards women? Certainly.
But he's not running for President, his wife is.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man buys a Christmas tree.
As he goes to pay for the tree, the attendant says, "Are you putting the tree up yourself?"
The man replies, "Quit being disgusting. I'm putting the tree in my living room."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Amy Schumer gets mad when people describe her as fat, s**..., and disgusting..
because she doesn't like when people steal her material.
Dad, are bugs good to eat..?
A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone."
It's pretty disgusting how celebrity parents name their children after cooked rodent.
Poor Chris Pratt
Dating a stripper is like opening a bag of chips in church
eveybody looks at you in disgust but deep inside they all want some.
Age old debate.
People these days always talk about how disgusting butchers and people who sell meat are, however I've found that people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.
Would you sleep with me for ten million dollars?
At a fancy dinner party, a man turns to a woman and suddenly says:
- Would you sleep with me for ten million dollars?
The woman giggles.
- Of course I would!
- How about doing it for fifteen dollars?
The woman looks disgusted.
- Why, what kind of woman do you think I am?
- That's already been established. Now we're just haggling about the price.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I am disgusted by the youth of today....
Let me start by saying my girlfriend is 20 years younger than me. I am 39 and my girlfriend is 19, the amount of a**... I got from a group of teenagers inside the restaurant was nothing short of vile.....comments like PEADO NONCE KIDDY FIDDLER
It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking.
It was so disgusting I nearly couldn't finish my sandwich.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like to sleep completely n**...
I don't know why is it disgusting to some people. Dude, you can just take another bus.
The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question." The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye." "Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct." She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend told me I was disgusting for l**... the bowl after I finished.
I guess she's used to most people just flushing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... in a car in public is like eating from a noisy bag of chips in Church...
Everyone will look at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman's closet door what making a terrible sounds whenever a bus was crossing the street outside
So she called a carpenter to check it out.
The carpenter comes to see what's the problem but sees nothing. Right then a bus was crossing the street and a loud creaking sound was heard. He couldn't believe it.
So he told her that he'll be waiting inside the closet to see what is making this noise.
After a few minutes the husband comes home, opens the closet and see a man inside.
He looks at his wife with disgust and back at the man and asks: "what the h**... are you doing in my closet…?"
The carpenter then said "would you believe me if I told you I am waiting for the bus? "
I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...
What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?
Throw in your laundry.
The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."
We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."
I saw a disgusting thing at the grocery today. A snowman rummaging through the carrots?!
I mean picking your nose in public? Come on.
Once, me and my family wanted to bake some marshmallows in the campfire.
We had the poles with marshmallows sticked to them prepared when we heard sirens. We all ran out to see what happened. The neighbours' house was on fire and I saw a lot of firefighters trying to get the fire under control. The neighbours looked at us with pure disgust. That was the moment I realized we were still holding the sticks with marshmallows.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, a m**... and an Irishman are on a plane
They were seated next to each other on a flight from London to the US.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the m**... if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely r**... by a dozen w**... than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman was forced to choose between two suitors to wed.
The first man was about 4 foot 5 tall and ran a very successful store that sold many fruits and vegetables.
The other man was disgusting. He was covered head to toe in boils and bedsores and smelled awful. He had not ever even seen a bath. He was pretty much the most foul human you could imagine.
Yet the woman wed the second man.
Because no matter how g**... you pictured him to be...
The first man was just a little grocer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's disgusting. They used to make COCA-Cola with REAL c**...! So you can probably guess what they used to make shamPOO with!
Yep, child labour.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An English man, an Irish man, and a Scots man walks into a bar
… and order a pint each.
A fly lands in the English mans beer and he pushes it away in disgust.
Another fly lands in the Irish mans beer but he drinks the beer with the fly in it.
A third fly lands the the Scots beer. He lifts up the fly in its tiny wings, shakes it, and yells: spit it out! Spit it out your little bastad .
Is it weird to lick a knife after your done using it?
Because the other surgeons looked at me in disgust today.
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They're disgusted by his haircut, tattoos, and piercings. Later, when he leaves, the girl's mom says, "Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy."
"Oh, please, mom!" says the daughter. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An apple and a p**... were floating down the river.
The p**... yells: "Apple, apple, come play with me." The apple says: "No! Ew! Stay away from me!"
A little further down the river the p**... yells again, "Apple, apple, come play with me." The apple disgustingly replies, "No! Ew! Stay away from me!"
Suddenly a man grabs the apple out the river and takes a bite. The p**... shouts to apple, "See you tomorrow!"
Dirty Pig
Customer is disgusted when she sees a baker crimping a pie with his false teeth.
Have you now got a tool for that job, you filthy pig
Yes, I use that for the doughnuts!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day in a busy restaurant, a man began to choke on something he had eaten.
Without hesitation, another man jumped up, ran over, pulled the choking man's pants down, and started eating his a**.... The choking man was so shocked and disgusted that he started to gag, miraculously expelling the blockage. His life saved, he thanked the other man profusely and asked how he had known that his unexpected actions would be effective.
The other man replied, "I thought everyone knew the hind lick maneuver..."
My neighbor got drunk last night and threw up in the elevator.
It was disgusting on so many levels.
"My GF said picking my nose is disgusting", a man told his friend. "So what?" his friend replied.
The guy answered "Now I have to do it myself"
