The Best 82 Disgust Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Disgust jokes. There are some disgust contempt jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these disgust licks puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Disgust Jokes and Puns

Why does the witch not wear panties when flying?

Because she wants to get a better grip on the broom.

Q: Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation?"

A: It hasn't come out yet.

What is grosser than gross?

When you're kissing Grandma and she slips you the tongue.

Disgust joke

Two guys always catch the train to work together;

one is French, the other Italian.

Every morning when the French guy gets on, he passes his fingers underneath his nose while sniffing and says "Aaahhh... Fifi!"

He does this every day, so the Italian guy says to him one morning, "Why do you do that and say 'Aaahhh... Fifi!'?"

The French man explaines that Fifi is his wife, and he fingers her every morning and it reminds him of her all day.

The next morning, the French guy gets on the trains and sniffs his fingers saying, "Fifi!"

Then the Italian guy gets on and runs his whole arm under his nose and says, "Aaahhh... Maria!"

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert

Hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel.

"Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver."

"I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart."

"I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."


Q: What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?

A: Line dancing at a nursing home.

Q: What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

A: Kids don't eat broccoli.

Disgust joke

What did the tampon say to the other tampon in school?

I'll see you next period.

What's grosser than gross?

When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall.



What's grosser than that?

When you come back an hour later and it's moved up three feet.

Q: Why there are many bubbles on the pool's water?

A: Swimmers are farting.

Q: Who is brave?

A: He who has diarrhea and wants to fart!

You can explore disgust resentment reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean disgust confusion dad jokes. There are also disgust puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
Β 

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."

Husband doing crossword with his wife

Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.

Wife: Never

H: Pistol, 3 letters.

W: Gun

H: Disgust, 3 letters.

W: Ugh

H: Charity, 4 letters.

W: Give

H: Female sheep, 3 letters

W: Ewe

H: Pixar movie, 2 letters

W: Up

An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations...

to be entitled 'Lenin in Poland'.
Around a month later the artist unveils his painting to a crowd of Soviet dignitaries, and it is greeted by gasps of disgust
The painting depicts Lenin's wife in bed with Leonid Trotsky
One of the assembled guests asks 'But where is Lenin?'
To which the artist replied, 'Lenin's in Poland'

Did you hear about the cannibal that ate undercooked food?

He threw his arms up in disgust.

Irish and Muslim on a plane

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.

Paddy ordered a whiskey.

The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.

He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!"

Paddy handed his drink back and said

"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"

Disgust joke, Irish and Muslim on a plane

After smoking on a fat blunt with his neighbor, a man walks back to his apartment he shares with his girlfriend and realizes he forgets his key. Eyes red and clothes smelling like weed, he knocks on the door and his girlfriend answers...

She looks at him and with disgust says "high again?"

He looks at her intently and replies back saying "hello"

So an Israeli and an Iranian are sitting under a tree...

A caterpillar falls on the Israeli, who looks at it in disgust and flicks it onto the Iranian. The Iranian pops it into his mouth and eats it without a second glance.

A few minutes later, another caterpillar lands on the Israeli. The Israeli turns to the Iranian and says, "Would you like to buy a caterpillar?"

Why is 6.9 disgusting as compared to 69?

6.9 has the period.


So a man gets back from a holiday.

and he's showing his family a photo album. He gets to one picture and says, look this is a little monkey called a macaque, and it's diet consists mostly of crabs. His family is somewhat impressed and enjoy the cute picture.
The man then says "Well if you liked that, you'll love these!" turns the page and the family let out cries of disgust and horror. surprised, the man says "What? it's just another picture of a crab eating macaque."

Sometimes when my dog does something dumb

Me and my cat exchange looks of disgust

Masked man robs a sperm bank...

... He approaches the safe with a gun and yells at the nurse,
"Open up this safe!"

Nurse replied in fear, "But sir this is a sperm bank, we don't have any money here."

I said open up this safe now!" he yelled again and the nurse opened it up.

"Now drink this viel!"

"But sir this is sperm!"

"I said drink!" and the nurse drank with disgust.

"Drink another!" and she emptied another viel with less resistance.

The robber reveals his face and nurse found out that the robber was actually her husband.

"Now Sharon, was it really that hard?"

Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust...

Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust, exclaiming:

"I can't believe it's February and I'm still writing B.C. on all of my checks!"

There was a pub quiz last week

And there was a round on Literature. The question was "Name the book where the characters all lived behind a wardrobe". Imagine the disgust when I shouted "The diary of Anne Frank"!

A man sees his wife taking a......

cucumber from the fridge. Being the gentleman that he is he offers to slice it up for her. She turns to him with a look of disgust on her face and says, 'what do you think I am, a slot machine?'

So a guy takes his Kia to a church

And walks up to the priest and say, "Father, my car won't start and I need you to fix it."

The priest replies, "Son this is a church, not a car shop. What am I supposed to do?"

The guy turns away with a sound of disgust saying, "I was told you could help fix my Soul."

Interesting accents!

3 hefty women walk into a restaurant, and sit down at a table. The server comes to take their drink orders. When they're done ordering he says, "What an interesting accent! Are you broads from Scotland?"

One woman looks at him with surprise and disgust and says, "WALES!"

The bartender says, "Okay, fine. Are you whales from Scotland?"

a stepfather walks in on his stepdaughter

a stepfather walks into his stepdaughter's room, as he walks in he sees his stepdaughter pleasuring herself with a cucumber, in disgust he leaves her room as fast as possible

he then says,"dammit I was gonna eat that!..................
now it will taste like cucumber"

Hannah Montana DVD: $15, Tub of vaseline: $3, XL box of tissues: $2, Look of disgust from the cashier:Priceless.

Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.

Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down they want some too

What do disgusting people eat?

Groceries.

Irish Joke

Paddy walks into a chemist ,pulls out a small bottle from his pocket, removes the cork and addresses the pharmacist.
"Wid ye mind tastin that fir me"?
The man takes a swig and screws his face up in disgust. "Thats terrible" he says. "So bitter".
Paddy replies with delight "Oh tats good news, they told me to bring a sample here and get tested fir me sugar levels".

Most disgusting joke I know ... [NSFW]

So, I was eating out my girlfriend when all of a sudden I tasted horse sperm. I couldn't help but shout out "aha grandmother, so that's how you died!".

"Where do babies come from?"

Asked the little boy...

Perplexed, his dad answers "well they come from the store, son."

Kid looks at him with disgust and goes "eww you had sex with the store?"

Every time someone tells a bulimia joke...

Every time someone tells a bulimia joke I throw up in disgust. Please keep them coming.

A man and his wife built a boat...

They called it the *Alfred1*, after a friend of theirs. However, it was poorly constructed and sank immediately.

They continued to try to build seaworthy vessels, but the same thing happened over and over. With the *Brian2*, the *Chris3*, and the *Daniel4*.

"We're really not very good at this," the man said in disgust. "How do boats even work?"

"I don't know, but we'll figure it out," replied his wife. "We need an *ELI5*."

I overheard two of my friends talking about me the other day...

I said "you disgust me"

"Yes, we did" they replied.

Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church.....

They all look at you with disgust, but deep down, you know they want some, too.

Pennywise the clown to Ronald

"you disgust me Ronald, you're not even scary."

Ronald McDonald: "I've killed more people than you."

Vegans who drink water disgust me.

That's a Fish's house you filthy Savage.

Most disgusting "Would you rather.." ever

Would you rather - live for the next four years and have Hilary Clinton as President or Live for the next four years and have Donald Trump as President?

An American, an Irishman, and a Frenchman all go into a bar

They each order one beer from the barkeep, and shortly after he returns with their beers, a fly lands in each of their beers. The Frenchman cries out in disgust and demands a new beer. The American picks the fly out of his drink and starts to sip at his beer. The Irishman picks the fly out and starts to shout Spit it out!!"

Its disgusting and derogatory to call a gay man a fruit

How could something so pure and sweet be compared to a homosexual!!!

An advisor runs up to Trump and says "Sir, the people are revolting!",...

So Donald looks down from his 58th story office window at the protest on his doorstep. With his arms crossed in disgust he says:

"They sure are!"

I told a friend of mine that me and other friends were talking about him behind his back.

He told me, "You disgust me."

And I said, "Yes. Yes we did."

I recently bought a Christmas tree at a shop...

The man at the cashier said to me "Are you going to put that up yourself?"

I replied to him in disgust saying "No, that is disgusting! I'm going to put it up in my living room."

I've started competing in discus meets

I almost won a trophy yesterday. I threw the discus really far, but this other competitor named Gus got my throw erased. He said my throw got lifted by a burst of wind, so he went to the track officials.

This Gus discussed his disgust on the discus.

A woman looks at herself in the mirror in disgust.

Woman: I feel really horrible. Look at me, old, fat and ugly. I think I have lost my charm.

Man: Hmmm, well it isn't all bad.

Woman: What do you mean?

Man: At least you have perfect eyesight.

Based on a true story (programming, walks into a bar)

Two programmers walk into a bar. The Python programmer orders an orange juice. The C programmer gets a look of disgust and says "You're in a bar! You should order an alcoholic drink!" The Python programmer gets his juice, pulls out his wallet, and pays for his drink. The C programmer tells the bartender, "I want a hard whiskey, and put it on my tab." The Python programmer gets a look of disgust and shouts "Tab?!?"

Dating a stripper is like opening a bag of chips in church

eveybody looks at you in disgust but deep inside they all want some.

My family and I rode Space Mountain as Joy, Disgust, and Anger from Inside Out.

It was a rollercoaster of emotions.

Guy asks a friend:" How much will you pay for my wife?

Friend replies in disgust: " NOTHING"
Guy replies" It's settled then. Come pick it up at 6"

I used to get disgusted by people with skin yeast infections..

But now it's kinda growing on me.

Bill Clinton and Al Gore decide to go eat out at a diner

After giving them some time, the waitress comes and asks if they are ready to order.

Bill goes, "Yes, I'd like to have a quickie please."

"A quickie?!" the waitress replies with disgust. "I'll come back later when you are ready to make an order from the menu."

Al Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "Sir, it is pronounced 'Quiche'..."

A Chinese man walks into a bar

A Chinese man walks into a bar and starts drinking a beer. The man next to him asks, "Do you know Kung Fu? Or Karate? Taekwondo? Any martial arts maybe?"

The Chinese man replies in disgust, "You think that just because I'm Chinese I know martial arts? That's racist!"

"Good, because you're drinking my beer," was all the Chinese man heard, before he got knocked out with a punch.

Horse race

A man has a racehorse who never won a race.

Man in disgust says," Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning."

The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track.

He kicks the horse and asks, "WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING"

The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."

An Englishman, a Scot and a Welshman walk into a bar.

They order a pint of beer each. As they are served a fly lands in their glass.

The English man pushes the pitcher away in disgust.

The Scot removes the fly with a finger and drinks the beer.

The Welsh guy picks up the fly, holds it above the pitcher and shouts : spit it out.

I am disgusted by the youth of today....

Let me start by saying my girlfriend is 20 years younger than me. I am 39 and my girlfriend is 19, the amount of abuse I got from a group of teenagers inside the restaurant was nothing short of vile.....comments like PEADO NONCE KIDDY FIDDLER

It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.

Did you hear about the nervous cannibal who chewed his fingers off?

He threw his hands up in disgust.

How I eat Chinese food and how I have sex are exactly the same.

As hard as I can for 5 minutes, a 20 minute break, as hard as I can for 5 minutes, then a look of disgust.

People who lie about their age disgust me.

And as a 300-year-old, I've seen so many of them.

A Soviet spits in front of an American soldier

The American replied with disgust, "you have no class."

Husband doing crossword with wife..

Husband : emphatic no, five letters
 

Wife : never

H : pistol, three letters
 

W : gun

H : disgust, three letters
 

W : ugh

H : charity, four letters
 

W : give

H : female sheep, three letters
 

W : ewe

H : Pixar movie, two letters
 

W : Up

Friends do crosswords

Friend 1: emphatic NO, five letters

Friend 2: Never

Friend 1: firearm, three letters

Friend 2: Gun

Friend 1: disgust, three letters

Friend 2: ugh

Friend 1: form of charity, four letters

Friend 2: give

Friend 1: female sheep, three letters

Friend 2: ewe

Friend 1: Pixar movie, two letters

Friend 2: up

Sex in a car in public is like eating from a noisy bag of chips in Church...

Everyone will look at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.

People that cheat on their taxes disgust me.

This is not the world I want to raise my 23 dependents in..

Crossword solving husband

Husband doing crossword with his wife

Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.

Wife: Never

H: Pistol, 3 letters.

W: Gun

H: Disgust, 3 letters.

W: Ugh

H: Charity, 4 letters.

W: Give

H: Female sheep, 3 letters

W: Ewe

H: Pixar movie, 2 letters

W: Up

Me and a coworker were talking behind our boss' back.

When she found out she came up to us and said : "You disgust me".

And I said : "Yes, yes we did".

A husband is doing crosswords with his wife.

**Husband:** Emphatic no; five letters.

**Wife:** Never.

**H:** Pistol; three letters.

**W:** Gun.

**H:** Disgust; three letters.

**W:** Ugh.

**H:** Charity; four letters.

**W:** Give.

**H:** Female sheep; three letters.

**W:** Ewe.

**H:** Pixar movie; two letters.

**W:** Up.

This is a good joke to play on others. Pretend you're trying to solve a crossword puzzle- and say aloud "Postman -blank-. Any ideas?"

They'll likely say something like "Postman Pat" to which you reply- "no that doesn't fit.".

Then- if they're not completely thick- they should ask "How many letters?" and you tell 'em "A SACKFUL!"

Then they'll leave in disgust.

I saw a disgusting thing at the grocery today. A snowman rummaging through the carrots?!

I mean picking your nose in public? Come on.

Once, me and my family wanted to bake some marshmallows in the campfire.

We had the poles with marshmallows sticked to them prepared when we heard sirens. We all ran out to see what happened. The neighbours' house was on fire and I saw a lot of firefighters trying to get the fire under control. The neighbours looked at us with pure disgust. That was the moment I realized we were still holding the sticks with marshmallows.

So, a Mormon and an Irishman are on a plane

They were seated next to each other on a flight from London to the US.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."

Two single people met up on handicap singles night after having no luck in years...

The man had a wooden peg leg, and the woman has a wooden eye. After finally getting up the courage, the woman asks the man if he would like to dance.

Would I? Would I? he yells excitedly.

In complete disgust, she yells back, Peg Leg! Peg Leg!

So I was doing crossword with my girlfriend,

Me: Emphatic no, five letters.

She: **Never**

Me: Pistol, 3 letters.

She: **Gun**

Me: Disgust, 3 letters.

She: **Ugh**

Me: Charity, 4 letters.

She: **Give**

Me: Female sheep, 3 letters

She: **Ewe**

Me: Pixar movie, 2 letters

She: **Up**

My wife went to a chinese restaurant last night, but walked out in disgust when she saw their dumplings.

A clear case of wonton abandon.

It's disgusting. They used to make COCA-Cola with REAL Cocaine! So you can probably guess what they used to make shamPOO with!

Yep, child labour.

Two men are deep in the woods, hunting, when one of them realizes he has to poop.

He turns to the other man, and says "What do I use to wipe myself?" "Use a dollar, then toss it in the bush" the other man replies. So after about twenty minutes, man number one comes back, covered in shit. His hunting partner, filled with surprise and disgust, said "What happened?! I thought I told you to use a dollar!" To which the man replied "I did! Three quarters, two dimes, and a nickel!"

I desperately needed a massive shit on the train today but the toilet was out of order.

So, I just held it for 20 minutes.

The woman opposite me stared at me in disgust and said, "is that shit in your hand?"

An English man, an Irish man, and a Scots man walks into a bar

… and order a pint each.
A fly lands in the English mans beer and he pushes it away in disgust.

Another fly lands in the Irish mans beer but he drinks the beer with the fly in it.

A third fly lands the the Scots beer. He lifts up the fly in its tiny wings, shakes it, and yells: spit it out! Spit it out your little bastad .

A wild man walked into a bar.

A big bulky man covered in filth and dirt walked into a bar and started to insult everyone.

He smashed the bottles and drank like a wild man. Soon everyone had left the bar in disgust.

Except for an old man, who just watched the wild man with interest.

So the wild man walked over to him and said,

"Hey Old Man! What the hell are you staring at?"

"Well, many years ago I was arrested for making love to a buffalo. And I just had a feeling, that maybe you are my son!"

I am really disgusted with myself. I was on the verge of winning the "Worlds Most Congested Nose " competition...

And then I blew it.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the disgust astonishment jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working disgust grabs piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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