The Best 48 Diseases Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Diseases jokes. There are some diseases malady jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these diseases mad cow disease puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Diseases Jokes and Puns

People say smoking will give you diseases.

What they don't know is that it cures salmon.

Are you guys talking about water-borne diseases?

Because I would like to joindis talk.

Obesity it's a disease

People in America say obesity is a disease. The only thing diseases and obese people have in common is they are both really easy to catch.

Diseases joke, Obesity it's a disease

Why was diarrhoea classified under hereditary diseases?

It runs in the Jeans.

A man goes to a doctor for a check up.

The doctor asks him if he has any sexually transmitted diseases. To which the man replied, "Yes. I have two children."

diseases you get after marriage


Yo mama's like bacteria

...she procreates every 30 minutes and causes diseases.

(Just came in my mind a few moments ago)

Diseases joke, Yo mama's like bacteria

Alcoholic to God

God meets alcoholic and tells him that he has been doing a lot of wrong things so has to suffer. He tells him he can choose one out of two diseases.

* Parkinson's disease (hand will shake continuously)
* Alzheimer's disease (memory loss)

After thinking for some, he replied that he will go for Parkinson's as it is better to spill half bottle of whiskey and drink only half of it than to forget where the whole bottle was kept.

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

because they're inbred

What disease do you get from kissing birds?

Chirpes. It's one of those canarial diseases. They say it's untweetable.

The worst mix of diseases?

Alzheimer and diarrhea. You run but you don't remember where.

You can explore diseases symptom reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean diseases disease dad jokes. There are also diseases puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Remember, flies transmit diseases

So keep yours up

I made a device that lets me hear diseases.

Hearing cancer is great and all, but hearing AIDS sucks.

WebMD just released the entire catalog of human diseases...

* cancer
* flu

My doctor asked me what I use to prevent Sexually Transmitted Diseases. . .

I said: my face.

Had my DNA tested to see if i any genetic diseases run in my family...

only thing thats running in my jeans is diarrhea :(

Diseases joke, Had my DNA tested to see if i any genetic diseases run in my family...

Who's worse a graverobber or a necrophiliac?

One cold-bloodedly gets engagement rings from the deceased, and the other gets diseases from their engagement with cold-blooded rings.

Gastrointestinal diseases...

...are C. difficile to get over.

Kids in class were asked to write 3 diseases

One kid wrote:

2. Cancer
3. /

The teacher asked what's '/' ?

Student replied it's a stroke.

A white supremacist gets tested for diseases

So much for their "pure blood" claim, the only thing that came up negative was their IQ test.

Terrible diseases...

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepares to see each other naked for the first time.
The husband exposes his knotted and twisted feet. He explains, "I had tolio as a child."
The wife asks if he means polio. He says, "No, it only affects the toes."
He removes his pants and reveals deformed knees. He admits, "I had kneesles, too."
Finally, he pulls off his boxers. In shock, the woman gasps, "Oh no -- smallcox, too!"

Scientists have uncovered the fact that there is a chemical compound that cures all diseases with a single dose.

It's called Cyanide.

A teenage boy and his grandfather were fishing one day.

While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The boy acknowledges this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around today. The teen says, "Gramps, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with too many kids when you were young did they?" The grandfather replies, "Nope." The teen says, "Well, what did you guys use for birth control?" The old guy replies, "A wedding ring."

Some diseases are airborne, some are waterborne...

But the Matt Damon disease is Jason Bourne

I made a YouTube video on diseases...

It went viral.

What do you call a metal band that sings about sexually transmitted diseases?


I recently found out I'm a hypochondriac ...

Which totally sucks because I hear that puts me at risk for a TON of other serious diseases

When I was a kid my dad sat me down and showed me pictures of why I should always wear a condom, a man told his buddy.

Your dad showed you pictures of venereal diseases? the friend asked.

No, the first said, they were all pictures of me.

Venereal diseases are on the rise in the south.

Texans are contracting a lot more than just you-all

Sex is like steak

you may enjoy it raw but that's how you get diseases

Your mother is so overweight.....

That she developed multiple cardiovascular diseases.

How did Columbus greet the Native Americans when he first landed in the Americas?

With new diseases.

Earlier, I was discussing about sexually transmitted diseases with my crush as a part of college assignment.

Crush: Don't worry, you have 0% chance of getting it.

I just got kicked out of an anti-vaxxer group for telling them "they are all doing god's work....

And by god's work I mean giving diseases to innocent babies"

The NHS has just revealed a list of long-term side effects of vaccines!

- Old age
- Grey hair
- General decrease of diseases

How can Homestuck Cosplayers teach us about diseases?

Assume a Homestuck cosplayer walks into a con, wearing body paint.

By the end of the con, everyone will walk out with that body paint on them in some way.

Doctor's visit

I was at the doctor's today and he told me that I suffer from HIV. I asked him if there are any other diseases I should worry about and he told me: Yes, two more.

People say smoking can cause diseases

But then how does it cure salmon?

Thanksgiving will be extra special this year

Because people will be spreading diseases to each other, just like in the original.

People say smoking will give you diseases

But how can they say that when it cures salmon!!

(Lol im a smoking chef and when i heard this joke I coughed my lungs like i have the rona. Had to post it )

Have you heard of that disease that you get from kissing birds?

It"s called Chirpes.

It's one of those canarial diseases.

I hear it's untweetable.

I cracked a joke about dementia to my friend at the bus. The old man sitting next to me politely asked. "Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?"

I replied "yes I cancer." Then I cracked tumor

What is the name of the Greek god of sexually transmitted diseases?

Herpes (badumm tss)

a welsh man was asked if he would have sex with a sheep for 1000$

the welsh man said "sure but under three conditions."

first, the sheep shouldn't have any diseases obviously

secondly, I don't want anyone i know to hear about this

and finally, give me a week to gather the 1000 dollars for you

I've heard people say that smoking will give me diseases

But what they don't know is it cures salmon!

People always say smoking will give you diseases...

Then how come People use it to cure salmon

Two Diseases

Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you that you have cancer. You also have Alzheimer's disease.

Patient: Well at least I don't have cancer!

A medical student

A medical student walks into his favorite local bar and orders a beer. "I've finally decided what my practice will specialize in," the student tells the bartender. "It will be in the study and treatment of the diseases and disorders of the Adam's apple." "Is there some sort of fancy medical name for that specialty?" the bartender asks. "Yes," the student replies. "I'll be a guyneckologist."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the diseases ailment jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working diseases illnesses piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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