disease Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious disease puns

Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!

Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.

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Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer's.

Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.

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How do you make a room full of epileptics go nuts?

Ask someone with parkingsons disease to turn off the lights

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Doctor: I've got good news, and bad news

Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: They're gonna name a disease after you.

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Donald Trump said in an interview that he would consider killing himself if he ever had Alzheimer's Disease.

Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."

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When i was a boy, i had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to stay alive...

It's a good thing my brother told me about it

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My parrot was just diagnosed with an STD.

Vet says he has Chirpees. He said there's no need for concern, because it's a Canarial disease, and it's tweetable.

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A man gets a call from his doctor

The doctor says "I've got some good news and I've got some bad news"

The man says "Give me the good news first doc"

The doctor replies "Well, they're going to name a disease after you"

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A guy says, ...

A guy says, "Help me, doctor, I can't stop singing What's new Pussycat?"

The doctor says, "Oh no, you may have Tom Jones disease."

Guy says, "I've never heard of that. Is it rare?"

The doctor says, "It's not unusual."

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I just came back from the eye doctor, he says I have kindergarden disease.

I asked her what that meant, she said that means I have really small pupils.

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Why do they call it PMS?

Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

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Life is...

... A sexually transmitted disease.

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Two cows are standing in a field.

One cow says, Man that mad cow disease sure is scary isn't it?

The other responds, Yea it is, thank god I'm a helicopter.

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Have you heard about the girl with a hereditary disease that gives her diarrhea?

It runs in her jeans.

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Two cows were talking in a field..

One said to the other, "Have you heard about that mad cow disease?" The other says, "Yeah, good thing we're penguins".

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I'm not gonna make fun of my grandfather's driving skills anymore.

Apparently parking zones disease is a real thing.

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Why is menopause called menopause?

Because mad cow disease was taken

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A man goes to the doctor ...

... and says "Doctor, I'm having a really strange problem. I can't get the song *What's New, Pussycat* out of my head.

Doctor says, "Well, it sounds like you may have Tom Jones' Disease."

The man opens his eyes wide. "I never heard of that before," he said. "Is it rare?"

Doctor shakes his head. "It's not unusual."

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Two cows are grazing in a field...

One turns to the other and asks "Have you heard all this talk of mad cow disease?"

The other replies "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter"

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A man goes to the doctor...

Man: "Doctor, I think I have a problem! I can't stop singing *What's New Pussycat*!

Doctor: "You may have Tom Jones Disease."

Man: "I've never heard of that condition... is it rare?"

Doctor: "It's not unusual."

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A comfortably old joke

A doctor runs a test on an elderly lady in the hospital and comes in to her room to read her the results.
"I have some bad news, and some more bad news. You have cancer, and you also have Alzheimer's disease"
The woman says "Well at least I don't have cancer."

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Dark humor is like a child with a fatal disease

It never gets old

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Which disease is least prevalent in Africa?

Obesity

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Mad cow disease

Two cows were talking over the fence bordering their farms.

The first cow said "Have you heard about this mad cow disease, it's spreading really fast."

The second cow responded "What do I care? I'm a helicopter."

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A man is waiting in the doctor's office...

When the doctor comes in and says, "There's good news and there's bad news concerning your health. Which would you like to hear first?"

"Give me the good news first." Replies the patient.

"Well, the good news is we're naming a disease after you."

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Good news

The doctor took his patient into the room and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."

The patient said, "Give me the good news."

"They're going to name a disease after you."

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Have you heard the disease you get from kissing birds?

It's called Chirpes.

It's a canerial disease.

It's untweetable.

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A guy gets a call from his doctor...

... and the doctor says "I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The man says, "Well, tell me the good news first."

The doctor replies, "Well, the good news is they're going to name a disease after you..."

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Guy gets a call from his doctor...

Doc: I have bad news, and I have worse news.

Guy: Wow. Ok, well let's start with the worse news.

Doc: You have cancer and only have about 3 months to live.

Guy (shaken): Ok, what's the bad news?

Doc: You have Alzheimer's Disease.

Guy (waits a beat): Well at least I don't have cancer.

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Two cows are standing on a hill....

One turns to the other and says "Hey, aren't you worried about mad cow disease?"

The other replies, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter!"

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Why is Pre-Menstrual Syndrome called Pre-Menstrual Syndrome?

Mad Cow Disease was already taken

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Two cows are out grazing in a pasture.

One turns to the other and says, "Have you heard about this mad cow disease that's going around? Its pretty scary stuff."

The other cow nods and chews its cud thoughtfully. "I suppose it is pretty scary, but it doesn't affect us ducks."

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Two cows are standing in a barn.

Cow 1: Hey, did you hear about the big outbreak of mad cow disease?

Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.

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Doctor says alcoholism is a disease...

Bartender says get your shots here

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Two cows are talking to each other while grazing....

The first cow says
"Hey I heard there's a case of mad cow disease going around, are you worried?"

The second cow looks at the first and says
"Why should I be worried? I'm a squirrel."

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What are the most funny Disease jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Disease? Well, here are the best Disease dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Disease pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes