Disease Jokes

Funniest Disease Short Jokes

Short disease jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The disease humour may include short illness jokes also.

1. Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.
2. TIL in germany when someone is diagnosed with coeliac disease other coeliacs will chase and try and hit them with bread to make them feel welcomed. It's called gluten tag.
3. Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer's. Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.
4. Doctor: I've got good news, and bad news Patient: What's the good news?
   Doctor: They're gonna name a disease after you.
5. When i was a boy, i had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to stay alive... It's a good thing my brother told me about it
6. My parrot was just diagnosed with an STD. Vet says he has Chirpees. He said there's no need for concern, because it's a Canarial disease, and it's tweetable.
7. My doctor told me I had a very rare disease. "What's it called," I asked? He replied, "What do you want it to be called?"
8. A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around? Yeah, the other cow says. Makes me glad I'm a penguin.
9. I've got this awful disease where I can't stop making airport jokes. The doctor says it's terminal.
10. I just came back from the eye doctor, he says I have kindergarden disease. I asked her what that meant, she said that means I have really small pupils.

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Disease One Liners

Which disease one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with disease? I can suggest the ones about sickness and disorder.

1. People say smoking will give you diseases. What they don't know is that it cure salmon.
2. Sir, you've got a very rare disease Me: "How rare?"
   Doctor: "You pick the name"
3. Why is menopause called menopause? Because mad cow disease was taken
4. Dark humor is like a child with a fatal disease It never gets old
5. Which disease is least prevalent in Africa? Obesity
6. What do you call a disease with many followers Influenza
7. Doctor says alcoholism is a disease... Bartender says get your shots here
8. What's the best thing about having alzeimhers disease? You can hide your own easter eggs
9. what is the disease that killed princes diana? Car pole tunnel syndrome
10. What do you call a cow with parkinson's disease? Beef jerky
11. What's it called when two strains of a disease are identical? plague-arism
12. Which disease hypochondriacs are sure that they don't have? Hypochondria
13. How can you tell vampirism is a disease? On account of the coffin.
14. What disease do elderly dinosaurs get? Jurassic Parkinsons
15. What is a benefit of parkinson's disease? Mosquitoes don't bite you

Mad Cow Disease Jokes

Here is a list of funny mad cow disease jokes and even better mad cow disease puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Two cows on a hill. One cow ask the other, have you herd of the mad cow disease? The other cow says, yeah, but why do I care? I'm a helicopter!
• 2 Cows in a feild.. one says "what do you think of that mad cow disease?" The other replies "I dunno, it doesn't effect me, I'm a duck"
• Why is Pre-Menstrual Syndrome called Pre-Menstrual Syndrome? Mad Cow Disease was already taken
• 2 cows were standing in a field One cow asks the other "Arent you afraid of getting Mad Cow Disease?"
  And the other cow replies "Why should I? Im a helicopter"
• Two cows are standing around talking... "Hey, have you been following the news? All this mad cow disease going around is scary!"
  "Yeah! Thank god we're elephants."
• Two cows are standing in a field. The first cow says, "hey, I'm really worried about this mad cow disease going around". The second cow says, "I don't care, I'm a submarine!".
• Cow land Two cows are standing in a field.
  One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
  The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
• Cow 1: Hey are you worried about getting mad cow disease? Cow 2: Why would I.. I'm an airplane?
• Did you hear the one about mad cow disease? Ahhh, never mind. You won't get it.
• Did you hear about the mad cow disease outbreak? It was udder pandemonium

Alzheimer Disease Jokes

Here is a list of funny alzheimer disease jokes and even better alzheimer disease puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What's the worst disease combination to have? Alzheimer and Diarrhea. You don't know where to run
• Yesterday, my grandpa bought a book called "how to prevent Alzheimer's disease" He bought one today, too.
• My grandpa was just diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.... which is good because he likes to meet new people.
• Every time Galndalf sees a Hobbit he calls them Frodo. He doesn't have Alzheimer's disease, he just does it out of force of Hobbit.
• My doctor says I'm not at risk for Alzheimer's disease, so that's good. My doctor says I'm not at risk for Alzheimer's disease, so that's good.
• What's religious Alzheimer's Disease? It's when you forget everything but the guilt.
• I'm beginning to realize I may have Alzheimer's disease. TIL Google has a pet T-Rex skeleton named Stan that lives at their California headquarters.
• People with Alzheimer's Disease often forget what they are about to
• They say an elephant never forgets... so I suggest we switch from mice to elephants to study alzheimer's disease.
• My grandfather has been diagnosed with alzheimer's disease. It isn't so bad because he enjoys meeting new people.

Venereal Disease Jokes

Here is a list of funny venereal disease jokes and even better venereal disease puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What's the difference between a dwarven packrat and a venereal disease? One is a runt with a cache.
• What venereal disease did the sneezing pervert get? He came down with sniffphilis.
• What do you call a Russian venereal disease? Rachakakov
• What kind of venereal disease does a Stormtrooper get? An AT-STD.
• What do you call a pokemon with a venereal disease? A PENISSAUR!
• My doctor is trying to convince me I have a venereal disease... But I'm a Chlamydia Change skeptic.
• Important message for the younger crowd Grape Nuts is not a venereal disease.
• What do you call a non-violent venereal disease? Ghandi-rhea

Celiac Disease Jokes

Here is a list of funny celiac disease jokes and even better celiac disease puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What do a person with celiac disease and a person teaching French have in common? To them, bread is pain
  
• A man with Celiac disease willingly ate an entire loaf of bread. He was a gluten for punishment.
• What is a depressed German with Celiac disease unlikely to have tomorrow? A Gluten Morgan
• What does a German parent say to their child with Celiac disease when they tuck them in? Gluten Naught
• Why hasn't science cured celiac's disease yet? Their research is just getting started. Wheat a while.
• Where do salad loving cowboys with celiac disease work? The Gluten-Free Ranch

Hilarious Disease Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about disease you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean medical condition jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make disease pranks.