The Best 84 Disease Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Disease jokes. There are some disease ailment jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these disease mad cow disease puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Disease Jokes and Puns

Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!

Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.

Why is Pre-Menstrual Syndrome called Pre-Menstrual Syndrome?

Mad Cow Disease was already taken

Mad cow disease

Two cows were talking over the fence bordering their farms.

The first cow said "Have you heard about this mad cow disease, it's spreading really fast."

The second cow responded "What do I care? I'm a helicopter."

What does a stoner with Parkinson's disease do in the morning?

Shake and bake.

jokes about disease

Two cows are on a field

one turns to the other and asks " are you worried about mad cow disease" the other says nope. The first cow, was astonished at the ignorance the other cow was showing and barked "WHY?" the second cow slowly turns and shouts "because I am a helicopter"

A man goes to the doctor ...

... and says "Doctor, I'm having a really strange problem. I can't get the song *What's New, Pussycat* out of my head.

Doctor says, "Well, it sounds like you may have Tom Jones' Disease."

The man opens his eyes wide. "I never heard of that before," he said. "Is it rare?"

Doctor shakes his head. "It's not unusual."

What do you get when you kiss a bird?

Chirpies. It's a Canarial Disease. It's Untweetable!

Disease joke, What do you get when you kiss a bird?

Why do they call it PMS?

Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Two cows are out grazing in a pasture.

One turns to the other and says, "Have you heard about this mad cow disease that's going around? Its pretty scary stuff."

The other cow nods and chews its cud thoughtfully. "I suppose it is pretty scary, but it doesn't affect us ducks."

Good news

The doctor took his patient into the room and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."

The patient said, "Give me the good news."

"They're going to name a disease after you."

A man goes to the doctor...

... and he says, "Doc, I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I can't stop shaking my hips and singing Tom Jones songs."

To which the doctor replies, "Clearly sir, you have Tom Jones' Disease."

The man asks, "Is this common?"

The doctor answers, "It's not unusual."

You can explore disease symptom reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean disease illnesses dad jokes. There are also disease puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Two cows are standing on a hill....

One turns to the other and says "Hey, aren't you worried about mad cow disease?"

The other replies, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter!"

Two cows are standing in a field

...and one says to the other, "Say, are you worried about this mad cow disease going around?" And the other one says, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter! PFFFFFT!"

Horrors of poverty

I've been around, you know. I've seen some of the poorest slums where children are starving and disease is rampant. Let me tell you, you've not seen anything, *anything* like it, until you've seen it in high-definition plasma!

Tom Jones' Disease

A Man goes to the Doctor and lays out his problems. He says whenever he sees a cat he yells "What's New, Pussycat?"
If he sees a woman while on the street, he exclaims "She's A Lady!" which is really driving his wife crazy.
And speaking of his wife he keeps calling her Delilah, when her name is Susan!

The doctor says "Considering your symptoms, it sounds like you have Tom Jones' Disease"

"Tom Jones' Disease? I've never heard of that! Is it rare?"

"It's not unusual"

A man is waiting in the doctor's office...

When the doctor comes in and says, "There's good news and there's bad news concerning your health. Which would you like to hear first?"

"Give me the good news first." Replies the patient.

"Well, the good news is we're naming a disease after you."

Disease joke, A man is waiting in the doctor's office...

I told my friend, "My dad's a glass half-full kind of guy."

He said, "Oh! He's an optimist?"

"No he has Parkinson's Disease."

A comfortably old joke

A doctor runs a test on an elderly lady in the hospital and comes in to her room to read her the results.
"I have some bad news, and some more bad news. You have cancer, and you also have Alzheimer's disease"
The woman says "Well at least I don't have cancer."

Why should you never kiss a slutty bird?

Because you might get chirpies, which is a canararial disease, but don't worry, it's tweetable.

Two cows are talking to each other while grazing....

The first cow says
"Hey I heard there's a case of mad cow disease going around, are you worried?"

The second cow looks at the first and says
"Why should I be worried? I'm a squirrel."

Guy gets a call from his doctor...

Doc: I have bad news, and I have worse news.

Guy: Wow. Ok, well let's start with the worse news.

Doc: You have cancer and only have about 3 months to live.

Guy (shaken): Ok, what's the bad news?

Doc: You have Alzheimer's Disease.

Guy (waits a beat): Well at least I don't have cancer.

Two cows are grazing in a field...

One turns to the other and asks "Have you heard all this talk of mad cow disease?"

The other replies "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter"

A man gets a call from his doctor

The doctor says "I've got some good news and I've got some bad news"

The man says "Give me the good news first doc"

The doctor replies "Well, they're going to name a disease after you"

what is the disease that killed princes diana?

Car pole tunnel syndrome

Two cows are standing in a barn.

Cow 1: Hey, did you hear about the big outbreak of mad cow disease?

Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.

My friend told me he has developed a lung disease...

I told him to explain it to me asbestos he can.

Disease joke, My friend told me he has developed a lung disease...

The Bad News...

A man goes to the clinic for an examination. After a thorough check up, the doctor tells him, "I have some good news and some bad news." Curious, the man asks what the good news is, and the doctor replies, "the good news is: we're naming a new disease after you..."

Have you heard about the girl with a hereditary disease that gives her diarrhea?

It runs in her jeans.

A lady goes to the doctor...

...when the doctor says, "I have some good news, and some bad news."

So the lady says, "Give me the good news first."

And the doctor replies, "Well, there's going to be a disease named after you..."

D:

Two cows were talking in a field..

One said to the other, "Have you heard about that mad cow disease?" The other says, "Yeah, good thing we're penguins".

I'm not gonna make fun of my grandfather's driving skills anymore.

Apparently parking zones disease is a real thing.

Which disease is least prevalent in Africa?

Obesity

Yesterday, my grandpa bought a book called "how to prevent Alzheimer's disease"

He bought one today, too.

Doctor: I've got good news, and bad news

Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: They're gonna name a disease after you.

2 cows were standing in a field

One cow asks the other "Arent you afraid of getting Mad Cow Disease?"

And the other cow replies "Why should I? Im a helicopter"

Why is menopause called menopause?

Because mad cow disease was taken

My 93-year-old grandma has rheumatoid arthritis and is slow at crosswalks. Yesterday, she got hit by a car.

She's perfectly fine -- she has an auto-immune disease!

Have you heard the disease you get from kissing birds?

It's called Chirpes.

It's a canerial disease.

It's untweetable.

Donald Trump said in an interview that he would consider killing himself if he ever had Alzheimer's Disease.

Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."

Dark humor is like a child with a fatal disease

It never gets old

When i was a boy, i had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to stay alive...

It's a good thing my brother told me about it

"Right, I've been thinking." I said to the oncologist. "I'm not keen on radiotherapy or chemotherapy. At this stage I think it would be best to just let the disease take its natural course."

My wife's eyes filled with tears, "We should've discussed this together."

"My minds made up." I insisted.

"I think your wife is right." Said the consultant. "After all, she is the one with cancer."

Doctor says alcoholism is a disease...

Bartender says get your shots here

I was diagnosed with Narcissictic Personality Disorder...

....or as I call it, Handsome Disease.

What's the best thing about having alzeimhers disease?

You can hide your own easter eggs

Life is...

... A sexually transmitted disease.

Hey you wanna know why they call it PMS?

Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

I'm sorry you can thank my mom for that joke

Two cows are standing in a field.

One cow says, Man that mad cow disease sure is scary isn't it?

The other responds, Yea it is, thank god I'm a helicopter.

An old man goes to the doctor for a checkup

An old man goes to the doctor for a checkup. Doctor says, Okay I've got bad news and really bad news. Old man: Well, okay. what's the really bad news? You've got cancer. It's extremely aggressive and I'm giving you two weeks to live. Oh god....what's the bad news? You've got Alzheimer's disease. Oh what a relief! I though you were going to tell me I had cancer!

A guy says, ...

A guy says, "Help me, doctor, I can't stop singing What's new Pussycat?"

The doctor says, "Oh no, you may have Tom Jones disease."

Guy says, "I've never heard of that. Is it rare?"

The doctor says, "It's not unusual."

Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer's.

Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.

Why should you never kiss a canary?

You'll catch chirpies.

It's a canarial disease.

There's no tweetment.

My parrot was just diagnosed with an STD.

Vet says he has Chirpees. He said there's no need for concern, because it's a Canarial disease, and it's tweetable.

How do you make a room full of epileptics go nuts?

Ask someone with parkingsons disease to turn off the lights

I just came back from the eye doctor, he says I have kindergarden disease.

I asked her what that meant, she said that means I have really small pupils.

Sir, you've got a very rare disease

Me: "How rare?"

Doctor: "You pick the name"

What do you call a disease sexually transmitted through alligators?

Gatoraids

A man takes his wife to get tested for Coronavirus.

2 days later he gets a call from the lab.

Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you sir that your wife's test results have been mixed up with another patient's. We're not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer's disease.

Man: So what am I supposed to do now?!

Doctor: I'd recommend taking her for a long walk and leaving her, if she finds her way back home, don't open the door.

When I was 6 I found out I had a life threathening disease. I had to cover myself in urine once a day to stay alive

I am just lucky my brother told me about it

I got rare disease

Doctor: You have got an extremely rare disease

Me: How rare?

Doc: You pick the name.

In Ancient Greek mythology, Chiron was a half-horse, half-human doctor.

He was the Centaur for Disease Control.

Two cows are standing in a field

The first cow says to the second have you heard about this mad cow disease? It makes cows go crazy and then they die .

The second cow replies good thing I'm a helicopter

What do you call a cow with parkinson's disease?

Beef jerky

Two doctors, Jenkins and Smith, are treating a man with lung disease.

They're explaining how him smoking weed led to his condition worsening.

But it's just herbal! the patient protested. How can it be bad?

Dr Jenkins sighed. Apricot stones contain lethal amounts of cyanide. There is a certain plant in my back garden - if you sit under it for just ten minutes, you will die. Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's safe for you!

The man seemed to accept that, and after he and the doctors parted ways, Dr Smith asked, What is that plant that kills you if you sit under it?

A water lily.

TIL in germany when someone is diagnosed with coeliac disease other coeliacs will chase and try and hit them with bread to make them feel welcomed.

It's called gluten tag.

What do you get when you have sex with a bird?

Chirpies.

It's a canarial disease.

It's untweetable.

My dad handed down to me a hereditary disease that causes diarrhea all the time.

It runs in the jeans.

Have you heard of that disease that you get from kissing birds?

It"s called Chirpes.

It's one of those canarial diseases.

I hear it's untweetable.

I've got this awful disease where I can't stop making airport jokes.

The doctor says it's terminal.

Doctor, doctor . . . All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!

**Doctor:** " Sounds like a really bad case of *parking sons disease* "

What's something you never see at a sexually transmitted disease clinic?

A Redditor.

What do you call a disease with many followers

Influenza

A pair of cows...

... were talking in the field. One says, Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?

Yeah, the other cow says. Makes me glad I'm a penguin.

What happens when you kiss a bird?

You get chirpies

It's a canarial disease

There's no tweetment

My doctor told me I had a very rare disease. "What's it called," I asked?

He replied, "What do you want it to be called?"

2 Cows in a feild.. one says "what do you think of that mad cow disease?"

The other replies "I dunno, it doesn't effect me, I'm a duck"

What do a person with celiac disease and a person teaching French have in common?

To them, bread is pain

Credit to my girlfriend

What do you call someone who identifies disease by reading about symptoms on Google?

Google Doc

Doctor, doctor . . . All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!

Doctor: Sounds like a really bad case of parking sons disease.

Chiron was not only half man, half horse, but he was also a doctor of medicine.

This makes him the centaur for disease control.

A guy who is sick goes to the doctor

The doctor says you have what we call "Tom Jones disease."

The patient says "Oh my God! I've never heard of that. Is it rare?"

The doctor says "It's not unusual."

An old guy goes to the doctor

The doctor examines him and says: "Well my friend, you have cancer and alzheimer's disease.

The old guy says: "Well, at least I don't have cancer."

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?

Yeah, the other cow says. Makes me glad I'm a penguin.

Woman: Doctor! Doctor! You gotta help me. All my sons want to be valets when they grow up!

Doctor: Looks like you have Parking Sons Disease.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the disease coronary puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working disease cud piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes