The Best 60 Discuss Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Discuss jokes. There are some discuss chat jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these discuss converse puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Discuss Jokes and Puns
Discussing with a woman is like reading software license terms.
In the end you ignore everything and click on "accept".
The first rule of Thesaurus Club is...
You don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.
A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist...
A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.
The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living expenses.
Brazillian
So it's 2004 and the War in Iraq is raging on.
President Bush calls Sec. Rumsfeld into the Oval Office to discuss the campaign.
Rumsfeld begins by saying, "Sir, there have been no American deaths today. But we do have word that 3 Brazillian soldiers were killed."
Much Rumsfeld's surprise, President Bush begins crying and banging his hands on the desk in the office.
Rumsfeld says, "Sir, what's wrong?"
Bush replies under his heavy sobs, "Exactly how many is a Brazillian?"
The first rule of Thesaurus Club is
you do not talk about, name, hint at, refer to, discuss, or mention Thesaurus Club.
I should stay up until 3 in the morning more often
I want to make a show with the two actors who have played Khan in the different Star Trek films where we discuss literature. We will call it "Prose and Khans".
A priest was going to meet a parishioner for lunch
As he was getting ready to leave, he noticed he had forgotten to put on his white priest's collar. He looked and looked, but alas, couldn't find one. He asked another priest, "Do you have a collar I can borrow? One of the parishioners asked me if I could meet up for lunch to discuss some problems."
The other priest says, "Sure, no problem. Happens to everyone - a lay date and a collar short."
Three men find themselves at a beach-side resort in the Caribbean...
... and they soon begin to discuss their lives and how they came to be there.
The first man says, "I use to run a successful business in the Mid West. One day unfortunately there was a huge fire and my entire warehouse burned to the ground. I collected the insurance on it and decided to move here."
The other two nod, slightly sympathetically.
The second man says, "Similar story here. I used to run a jewellery store back in LA, but unfortunately one night there was a massive break in. I collected the insurance that I had on the jewellery and moved down here to settle."
They look at the third guy. He says, "I used to run a small fishing business on the East Coast. Last year unfortunately the entire thing was ruined by a hurricane. I collected my insurance and moved here."
The first two guys look at each other for a minute. Finally, one says, "How do you start a hurricane?"
3 Russian prisoners in a Gulag discuss their crimes
The first says, "I'm here because I spoke out against Nikolai Yezhov"
The second says, "I'm here because I spoke out in favor of Nikolai Yezhov"
Then, the two of them look at the third and recognize him. The third says, "Yes, it's me--Nikolai Yezhov"
What Olympic event that involves throwing should be eliminated?
Discuss
Two men discuss vasectomies...
First: "I'm thinking about getting a vasectomy, but I'm worried about performance..."
Second:" I had one, I was worried at first but after a while I realized there just wasn't a vas deferens"
You can explore discuss conversation reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean discuss discussion dad jokes. There are also discuss puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Two preists are out for a drive when suddenly...
...they are pulled over by a police officer.
The officer says, "We are looking for two child molesters in the area."
The two priests calmly and quietly discuss something for a few moments.
Finally, one of the priests turns to the officer and says, "Okay, we'll do it."
During his annual checkup, a man tells his doctor he is thinking about getting a vasectomy
The doctor tells him that it's a very important decision and asks if he has had a chance to discuss it with his family. The man says,"Yeah, and they are in favor of it 15 to 7."
The German Dream
A student was listening to his teacher while they prepare to discuss about "The American Dream", the teacher was going around the classroom asking what everyone thought it meant, then the teacher asked the exchange student if they had their own version of "The American Dream" on their country. The German exchange student replied "We did before, but the world didn't like it."
First Rule of Thesaurus Club:
You don't talk, discuss, converse, speak, chat, confer, deliberate, gab, or gossip about Thesaurus Club.
Antonin Scalia requested cremation in his will, but millions of women will meet tomorrow to discuss if that's really best for his body.
Millions of women will meet tomorrow to discuss if that's really best for his body.
The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss ....
Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use home phone, I use my work phone.
Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone
Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone.
All of them shocked and together looked at the maid who's patiently listening to them.
Maid: "What? So we all use our work phones. What's the Big deal??
ππ
How To Translate Work Emails
I have a question. = I have 18 questions.
I'll look into it. = I've already forgotten about it.
I tried my best. = I did the bare minimum.
Happy to discuss further. = Don't ask me about this again.
No worries. = You really messed up this time.
Take care. = This is the last you'll ever hear from me.
Cheers! = I have no respect for you or myself!
Mom finds a large number of BDSM magazines beneath her sons bed.
Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"
Wife or Girlfriend
A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend. The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment." The mathematician: "A wife. You have security." The computer scientist: "Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me..."
Obama, Putin and Merkel discuss their submarines.
All three are sitting at a resort by the seaside, and are arguing.
Obama begins by saying "American submarines are the best in the world, they can go for weeks without needing supplies!"
Putin laughs and tell them "Stupid globalists. Russian submarines are best in world, they go MONTHS without refueling."
Merkel opens her mouth to speak, when a submarine rises out of the water. A man opens the hatch and shouts "Heil Hitler! We need fuel!"
I have been meaning to discuss erectile dysfunction with my wife.
But it hasn't come up yet.
Guy gets a call from his doctor.
"Your blood test results are in... I'm sorry to tell you that you have contracted leprosy," says the doctor.
"What? How?" Guy exclaims.
"Can't be sure, but we need to discuss treatment options. There is a cure, but it is extremely expensive."
"What choice do I have, doc?" Guy laments. "How much will it cost?"
"An arm and a leg."
Adam's discussion with God
So Adam is walking around the Garden of Eden and he calls out to God that he's kinda bored and lonely. He asks God if he can create someone who is kind and admires and serves him(Adam) in every way. God responds He can, but it's going to cost an arm and a leg, so Adam asks what he can get for a rib.
In a restaurant, a boy asks his Dad "are bugs ok to eat?" His Dad says "We don't talk about bugs while we eat. Let's discuss them later". When they are finished and waiting for their check, the Dad asks his son "now what were you asking me about?"
"Oh, nothing, really" the boy replied. There was a bug in your salad, but now it's gone."
My friend got mauled by a bear....
but i'm not gonna discuss the Grizzly details......
Never discuss Ο with a mathematician...
You'll never hear the end of it!
you'd think a discussion about water would be boring
but it's never a dry subject
We love Alcohol so much...
If something good happens, we drink to celebrate it.
If something bad happens, we drink to forget it and drown our sorrows.
If nothing happens, we drink to make things happen.
We need to do something about this problem my fellow friends, Please can we meet for a drink and discuss this?
A man sees a woman in a bar...
A man sees a woman in a bar and asks, "Ma'am, would you sleep with me for a million dollars?"
The woman is startled at first, but replies, "My goodness! Well, I suppose... we would have to discuss terms, of course..."
The man turns away from her and says, "I've changed my mind. Would you sleep with me for five dollars?"
The woman then says, "Of course not! What kind of woman do you think I am?"
The man says, "Madam, we've already established that. Now we're just negotiating.
How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
The lightbulb just burned out; this is not the time to discuss it.
(Ukrainian joke). Leaders of three countries discuss their economies and taxes.
US President says: we tax our people at roughly 30%, and what they do with the rest, is not of my business
UK prime minister says: we tax our people at 50%, and what they do with the rest is none of my business.
Ukrainian president says: we tax our people at 130%, and where they get the rest, is none of my business
This is a joke from the 1990s.
Rule number 1 of the thesaurus club:
Never discuss, mention, speak of, or talk about Thesaurus Club.
I just hate gossipers,
They discuss me
A man saw this very pretty lady and decided to shoot his shot.
Man: "Ma'am, would you sleep with me for ten million dollars?"
Woman: "My goodness, I suppose so, shall we discuss the terms?"
Man: "How about ten dollars?"
Woman: "What kind of woman do you take me for?"
Man: "Ma'am, we've already established that. We are now just haggling about the price."
God gave a wish to a man
God gave a wish to a man.
The man asked, " I want the whole world to be connected by a road".
"Sorry son, it's technically impossible to engineer such a road. Ask something else" , he replied.
"Well then, I want Trump to think before he speaks something", he asked.
"You want that road 8 lanes wide or 10 lanes?
Let's discuss details", god replied.
I was misbehaving in class...
I was misbehaving in class one day, and was sent out of the classroom to the head's office.
He said to me This is the 4th time this week! We're going to have to take this further. I'm going to call your father and ask him to come down so we can discuss your punishment.
I can't wait to meet him!
A guy just finishes his lasik surgery and his surgeon leads him in his office to discuss the surgery...
The surgeon asks if he wants the good news or bad news first.
The man excitedly ~~replys~~ replies, "I'll take the good news first."
The surgeon tells him, "well you're about to get a new dog."
My girlfriend is a workaholic
She is staying the night at her boss's home to discuss company's problems tonight.
My sisters and I met yesterday to discuss whether or not to bury or cremate our mother..
We couldn't come to a decision between the two so we are letting her live for now.
Two elitist gamers meet each other and discuss their favorite online games
Gamer 1: "You play WoW? LoL"
Gamer 2: "You play LoL? WoW"
A kid once asked his father during dinner, "Dad, is eating flies healthy for you?"
The dad, disgusted, quickly replied, "hush now son, we don't discuss things like that over dinner. Ask me later."
Afterwards, the dad approached his son and asked him, "now, remind me of what you wanted to ask again?"
The son replied, "oh don't worry about it now dad. There was a fly floating in your soup before, but it's gone now."
A Jehovah witness was going from house to house looking to talk to people
He approached a house and saw a man. "Good day" he said "do you have time to discuss, I'm Jehovah witness?"
"Sure" said the man. He let him in the house and they just kept staring at each other until the man asked "so what do you want to talk about?"
Then confused Jehovah witness just said " I don't know, no one has let me in before"
An alien drops by the White House and exclaims: "take me to your leader". The alien is introduced to Donald Trump, who ushers it into the oval office to chat. 30 seconds later, the alien exits the room and walks back towards his ship.....
"Where are you going?! Our worlds have so much to discuss and learn from one another!" calls a Senator.
"You are right!" responds the alien.
"See you on Thursday!"
I hate comments
They discuss me
I'm starting a group to play basketball and then discuss philosophy
It's called "shoot first, ask questions later"
My teacher failed me in SexEd because I didn't want to discuss the subject.
Worst part of homeschooling...
A boss calls a meeting to discuss employees taking sick days when they aren't sick.
He had suspected that this had been happening, but he finally had his proof. He held up a copy of the newspaper, and in the sports section, there was an article about an employee, who had supposedly been sick, winning a golf tournament.
Wow said someone in the back. Imagine the score he could've gotten if he wasn't sick
three men were sitting in a prison in moscow
they discuss why they were arrested
the first one says I showed up ten minutes late to work and was arrested for sabotage
the second one says I showed up five minutes early to work and was arrested for espionage
the third one says I showed up to work on time and was arrested for owning a western watch
While discussing horror movies, my friend asked me who my favorite monster from film is.
Me: "Hmmm that's a tough one. I think I'd have to go with the vampire from Sesame Street."
Friend: "What!? He doesn't count."
Me: "Oh I assure you, he does."
My landlord yelled at me today because my heating bill is through the roof and that he's going to have to come over soon to discuss a solution.
I told him my door is always open.
The phone bill was exceptionally high...
.... so the husband called a family meeting to discuss the issue.
Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use the home phone, I use my work phone.
Mum: Me too. I hardly use our home phone. I use my company's phone.
Son: I always use my office mobile, I never touch the home phone.
All of them were shocked and together looked at the maid who was patiently listening to them.
Finally the maid said, "Why are you all looking at me? So we all use our work phones. What's the big deal??
A couple goes to therapy
A couple goes to therapy to discuss their issues.
The therapist asks. So, why are we here today?
The husband quickly try to explain.
So what happened was, that I was cleaning up in the kitchen, while putting something away I spilled a bunch of dried herbs all over the place. My wife then yells for help with folding the sheets in the bedroom and I simply replied.
"I can't right now, I have too much thyme on my hands"
Three priests hold a meeting ...
Three priests hold a meeting to discuss where life begins. The evangelical priest says, "No question about it, life begins when the child is born." "No, no," says the Catholic priest, "it all starts when the sperm meets the egg." "You're both wrong," says the Rabbi. "Life begins when the children have left home and the dog is dead."
The entire neighborhood got together to discuss what to do about that crazy guy on our street ...
... I'm a bit annoyed that I was the only one not invited.
Joe Biden called a press conference, to discuss his meeting with Vladimir Putinβ¦
The good news, is that Mr Putin told me that he wants peace.
After everyone cheered and clapped in relief, he added the bad newsβ¦
A piece of Crimea, a piece of Ukraine, a piece of Finlandβ¦
So Putin is woken up at 02:30 in the morning.
"Vladimir Vladimirovich, the Ukrainians want to discuss the terms of surrender." says Putin's secretary.
Putin sits up on his bed and says: "Great, give me my phone, I'll call Zelinsky."
The secretary answers: "That won't be necessary, they are standing behind the door. Also, they gave us an hour."
Let's discuss who the most hated world leader is as of now
I think Putin just Trump-ed all of his competitors
I do not like dirty gossips
they discuss me.
At my job there is a strict policy that no one can discuss the topic of beer...
We don't talk about brew no, no, no.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the discuss victories jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working discuss agree piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.