Discovered Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver

Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it...

I just discovered that the word 'nothing' is a palindrome...

Backwards it spells 'gnihton', which also means nothing.

I've just discovered that I have a logic fetish.

I can't stop coming to conclusions.

My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats

"That's nuts!" I exclaimed.

I recently discovered I can move my sister's daughters through the air with my brain but not her sons.

I think I have telekinieces.

Donald Trump has announced that he plans to extend his wall across the oceans...

This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water.

Today I discovered someone had stolen my activation for Microsoft Office...

I don't know who you but I will find you, you have my word.

Scientists discovered a revolutionary material with infinite length and zero depth

... but then they realized No Man's Sky was invented already.

Scientists discovered that unvaccinated kids are less likely to be autistic.

Because they are more likely to be dead.

Took my kids to the dinosaur museum today.

Spent the whole day looking up at the giant sculptures , I discovered a new species.

Myneckisaur.

This is my first dad joke post :)

News has just come in that The Mars Rover has discovered a member of the feline species while exploring.

Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat.

A frog decided to trace his genealogy one day...

He discovered he was a tad Polish.

How to use and 5 times in a row grammatically

A man owned a store called This And That and hired another man to make a sign for it.

When it was finished the owner inspected the work.

He discovered that the spaces were wrong so he said, The space between This and And and And and That is different. Please fix it

A woman was robbed...

...but upon coming home she discovered that nothing was stolen apart from her lightbulbs.

She was delighted

Water Pistol

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, ''I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?''

Mom smiled and replied, ''Yes dear - I remember very well...''

Scientists have discovered a planet populated entirely by robots.

They call it Mars.

My girlfriend accidentally discovered a way to get long lashes instantly

By showing a bit of ankles in Saudi Arabia

In honor of 3/14... TIL the man who discovered Pi had his wife, Edith, leave him over his obsession with math.

Which just goes to show you, you can't have your Pi and Edith too.

Scientists have discovered why flamingos stand on one leg

Because if they lifted the other one as well, they'd fall.

I've just discovered that I'm allergic to cats.

Either that or I undercooked it.

A human fart can be louder than a trombone.

I discovered that at my daughter's school concert.

A man named Eric Cole...

... discovered that there was a direct correlation between the amount of mayonnaise on his cabbage salad and how good it tastes.
He's calling this correlation Cole's Law.

I just discovered a major difference between me and Rapunzel.

Rapunzel lets her hair down but I let everybody near me down.

I've just discovered the quickest way to call a family meeting.

I turned off the WiFi router and simply waited in the room where it's located.

So aliens flew by our planet recently and one asked the other...

Alien 1 How advanced is that civilization?

Alien 2 They have discovered nuclear technology.

Alien 1 Oh boy... That's pretty intelligent. We better keep our distance then from their missles.

Alien 2 Nah, they're not that smart yet. They have em pointed at themselves.

I discovered that my socks exhibit quantum entanglement.

As soon as I put on my left sock, the other sock immediately becomes the right sock, and vice versa, regardless of the distance between them.

In his quest to gain more power, the mad scientist extended his hours at the lab.

This is after he discovered that power is work overtime.

I've discovered that 1+1 can, in fact, equal 3.

Because I wasn't wearing a condom.

Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding competition..

...And later discovered that he had seriously misunderstood the objective.

I was depressed, after some soul searching I discovered I sexually indentify as Mistletoe..

I can't wait to hang myself on Christmas.

Yo mama fell down...

The physicists discovered Gravitational waves today

New lesbian species of dinosaur discovered.

Lickalottapus.

I discovered my mother in law has weekly sessions with Lucifer himself on how to be even more vicious.

I've no idea what kind of fees she's charging him.

A wife tells her husband that she's discovered his secret fetish via his search history...

"It was a weird one for sure," she says, "but I think I can make it work without being too embarrassed, as long as you don't film it." He accepts.

Later that night, he asks her if she wants to try it. She smiles, begins to undress, and goes "SKIPPITY BEE BOP BEE BOP DUP-A DUAAA"

Archeologists in Egypt have discovered a mummy covered in chocolate and hazelnuts.

They believe it to be Pharaoh Rocher.

I discovered the number one reason OP never delivers.

#

Scientists have discovered the new element AH

The element of suprise

Recently, a group of scientists discovered...

a subclass of ant has a genetic mutation that makes them grow larger than average, DESPITE missing a jointed segment on their legs. This same mutation also causes them to have an aversion to dairy-based foods, even with their high based sugar content.

TL;DR lack-toes-in-taller-ants

All the letters were having a discussion.

Suddenly they discovered letter T is absent. They called him up and T said, "wait I'm in the middle of something."

(Might be a stupid joke but I made it myself, hence posting)

A European missionary goes to an African tribe...

... and asks the tribeleader if he may stay with them. The leader agrees on one condition: No white child can be born.

However, 9 months later, a woman is discovered with a white child.
The leader summons the missonary to explain himself. The missionary looks out the window and shows the leader a herd of sheep and says:
" As you can see, all the sheep are white, yet one of them is black... "

In complete distress, the tribeleader exclaims: " Allright, I won't say anything about your child, as long as you don't say anything about the sheep!"

Two Aliens meet at a Bar in Deep Space

Two Aliens meet in a bar in deep space.

**First Alien:** On my way here I passed a beautiful blue world, 2/3 covered by water, The dominant race have discovered Satellite technology and Harnessed the power of nuclear weapons for defense.

**Second Alien:** Interesting, so it looks like we have an emerging intelligence in the Galaxy.

**First Alien:** That is what i thought but then I realized they pointed them at themselves.

Egyptian joke

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.

An old snake

"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.

Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"

"The glasses are fine, doc. I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

I discovered this new drug that makes you indifferent to the world...

It's called Crystal Meh.

The day after Beethoven's funeral

The day after Beethoven's funeral, at midnight, a drunken man, having just left the bar, went into the graveyard, where he heard a strange sound. Looking for the source of the mysterious sound, he discovered it was coming from Beethoven's grave. Alarmed, he called his friends, and found they could hear the sound too (even the sober ones).

Soon, a crowd was forming at the graveyard. The mayor, who was very familiar with classical music, recognized the sound as Beethoven's 9th Symphony played backwards. When it ended, Beethoven's 8th Symphony started playing, also backwards, and then the 7th, and then the 6th, and so forth. At dawn, having reached a conclusion, the mayor said to the gathering crowd:

"There's nothing to fear, gentlemen. He's just decomposing."

Scientists have recently discovered a new bioluminescent bug that performs a strange dance any time there is a full moon.

They are calling it a Raving Luna Tick.

An engineer wakes up one morning and goes downstairs.

He sees a note an the fridge from his wife. It read This isn't working. I'm at my mother's. He opened the fridge and discovered it was working just fine.

A man is in an airplane from Miami to Paris

And a stunning gorgeous woman seats by his side. He's the eager to start a conversation.

"So, what are you doing in Paris?"

"I'm a scientist, I research sex"

The man is now tempted:

"What have you discovered about sex in your research?"

"I came to find that Native Americans have the longest penises and Spanish can last the longest in bed. By the way, I'm Carol, what's your name?"

"I'm Sitting Bull Hernandez, nice to meet you"

A husband hires a private detective to find out if his wife is cheating on him.

The detective reports back and says he discovered, unfortunately, that she is.

"What happened?" asks the husband

"She went to a hotel and waited in the bar area. On three different occasions men came up to her, handed her $50 and she would give them a key. 5 minutes later she would disappear upstairs somewhere and then return after a while."

"Oh my god, d... do you think... Shes a prostitute? " asks the husband.

"I thought it was pretty obvious", says the detective, "but after the last fella came back down, I made sure."

"You confronted him?"

"No, I gave her $50."

He Made A Monster

Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding competition and discovered he had seriously misunderstood the objective

Slapping Old People

An old man and old woman are sitting on their front porch on a bench one day just enjoying the scenery. All of a sudden the old woman looks at her husband and slaps him across his face. He looks and her and says "What was that for?" She said "That is for 40 years of horrible sex!" He is quiet as he absorbs this newly discovered information. Quietly the old man reaches over and slaps his wife across her face. She says "What was that for?" He said "For knowing the difference!"

A young couple were on their honeymoon . . .

. . . and were staying at a hotel with a large swimming pool. They decided to go for a swim, and the bride donned a new bikini that she had recently purchased. As she swam and splashed around in the pool, she soon discovered that the bikini was to large, and the top and bottom kept coming off. As they were the only ones in the pool, she and her husband would laugh and playfully retrieve the bikini from the pool's bottom.

That evening they dressed for dinner and headed to their hotel's elegant restaurant, where they were seated next to a huge aquarium. Strangely, the aquarium was devoid of any aquatic life.

When the bride asked their waiter why the aquarium had no fish in it, he smiled broadly and said, "That's not an aquarium...that's the swimming pool!"

A Greek and a Scotsman


A Greek and an Scotsman were sitting in a Starbuck's cafe one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, 'Well, we Greeks built the Parthenon,' arching his eyebrows.


The Scotsman then replies, 'Well... it was the Scots that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.'


The Greek retorts, 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.'


The Scotsman, nodding in agreement, says, 'Scots were the ones who
built the first timepieces and calendars.


And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, 'The Greeks were the ones who invented sex!'


The Scotsman replies, 'Indeed, that is true, but it was we Scots who introduced it to women.'

Researchers have discovered that diarrhea is influenced by genetics.

Their evidence: It runs in your jeans.

The one to your dumb friend...

A guy sees an ad on the window of a store with the words "Selling brains". Curious, he walks in and asks the shopkeeper what kind of brains he's selling.

Shopkeeper: "I've got Einstein's brain who won a Nobel Prize and discovered the Universe's secret equation. He was the world most brilhant physicist. I can sell it for 3k."

Guy: "What about that one?"

SK: " That's the brain of Galileu Galilei. He was the great astronomer who supported that the Earth revolves around the Sun. He was the father of modern science. It's worth 2k."

Guy: "And what about that one?"

SK: "That's the brain of [*random friend*] . It costs 20k."

Guy: "20k?!? That's a lot! Why is it worth that much?"

SK: "Well, it has never been used."

Identical twins were put up for adoption and separated at birth...

...20 years later, their biological parents decided to find and meet them.

After many hours of research, they discovered that one child had been adopted by a middle-eastern family and had been named Amal Allamedan, while the other boy had been adopted by a family in Chile and had been named Juan Cerejo.

They set out to meet their son in Chile first. After meeting with him and having a wonderful time, the mother was ready to go meet her other son, but her husband disagreed.

When she asked why they couldn't go see him, he replied, "Well, if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!"

What are the funniest discovered jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Discovered? Well, here are the best Discovered puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Discovered pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes