The Best 69 Discover Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Discover jokes. There are some discover flaccid jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these discover sheriffs puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Discover Jokes and Puns

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.

The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.

The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.

The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."

I just discovered that the word 'nothing' is a palindrome...

Backwards it spells 'gnihton', which also means nothing.

When a statistician passes the airport security check...

When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. "Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer..."

What did Leonhard Euler discover while he was sitting on the toilet?

Natural log

jokes about discover

When I was a teenager, I'd lock myself in my bedroom for hours every night...

One night, my dad kicked the door open to find out what I was doing. He walked in to discover me sitting on my hand.

"Ah, that old trick," he laughed. I gave an awkward smile back.

"I have to say, son," he continued, "I'm relieved to be honest. I thought you might've been doing something weird. I'll leave you to it."

When he closed the door behind him, I just shrugged my shoulders and carried on fisting myself


Who discovered Victoria Falls?

Whoever tripped her.

Password reset

A man was was unable to log into his online banking account and he pulled up the online chat support.

"I put in my password and I cannot access my account"

"Sorry that password has expired- you must register a new one."

"Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?"

"No, but your password has expired- you must get a new one."

"Why then do I need a new one as that one seems to be working pretty well?"

"Well, you must get a new one as they automatically expire every 90 days."

"Can I use the old one and just re-register it?"

"No, you must get a new one."

"I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember."

"Sorry, you must get a new one."

"OK, roses."

"Sorry you must use more letters."

"OK, pretty roses"

"No good, you must use at least one numerical character."

"OK, 1 pretty rose"

"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."

"OK, 1prettyrose"

"Sorry, you must use additional characters."

"OK, 1fuckingprettyrose"

"Sorry, you must use at least one capital letter."

"OK,1FUCKINGprettyrose"

"Sorry, you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row."

"OK, 1Fuckingprettyrose"

"Sorry, you cannot use that password as you must use additional letters."

"OK, 1Fuckingprettyroseshovedupyourassifyoudon'tgivemeaccessrightfuckingnow"

"Sorry, you cannot use that password as it is already being used"

Discover joke, Password reset

A mule walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The mule replies, "Well, my mother was a horse, of course, of course. And no one can talk to a horse, of course. Which eventually led to divorce, of course. Of which there was no recourse, of course.

So without my father but with my mute mother, it took quite a long time for me to discover...

...I can't have kids"

I've discovered I have the power to control minds

Just mine so far.

I discovered a Star Wars themed sex technique...

I call it the Hands Solo

I discovered the number one reason OP never delivers.

#

You can explore discover determine reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean discover detect dad jokes. There are also discover puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I've just discovered the quickest way to call a family meeting.

I turned off the WiFi router and simply waited in the room where it's located.

I've discovered that 1+1 can, in fact, equal 3.

Because I wasn't wearing a condom.

Was the discovery of a new planet an accident?

or did they planet

If someone on this sub discovers a new type of rock they should name it something funny.

Amirite?

I hear it only takes 3.5 inches to make a girl happy.

It doesn't even matter if it's Visa, MasterCard, or Discover.

Discover joke, I hear it only takes 3.5 inches to make a girl happy.

How did Helen Keller discover masturbation?

Trying to read her own lips.

I discovered this new drug that makes you indifferent to the world...

It's called Crystal Meh.

If scientists ever discover a center to the universe

A lot of people are going to be shocked to find out they aren't it.


I've just discovered that I'm allergic to cats.

Either that or I undercooked it.

They just discovered a lesbian dinosaur and are calling it...

Lickalotapus.

2 Guys go Camping...

They both fall asleep in a tent. The first guy wakes up in the middle of the night, and wakes the second guy up.

Guy 1: "Hey, look up, what do you see?"

Guy 2: "I see stars"

Guy 1: "Yeah, and what do you think that means?"

Guy 2: "Well, considering how many stars I see, there is a good chance that somewhere out there in the world, there is some other life form for us to discover."

Guy 1: "No you idiot, it means someone stole our tent!"

Woke up to discover my curtains were drawn

The rest of the furniture was real though, weird.

Archaeologists discover the remains of a slave-worker under famous statue in Giza

Reports claim he died of Asphinxiation

I just discovered a major difference between me and Rapunzel.

Rapunzel lets her hair down but I let everybody near me down.

I discovered that my socks exhibit quantum entanglement.

As soon as I put on my left sock, the other sock immediately becomes the right sock, and vice versa, regardless of the distance between them.

Discover joke, I discovered that my socks exhibit quantum entanglement.

A man came home to discover that someone had stolen all his lamps.

He was delighted.

After discovering that Kevin Spacey is a sexual predator, I would be surprised to see him get any work in the future.

Unless he runs for President of the United States.

They all laughed when I told them that one day I'd discover the secret to invisibility

If only they could see me now


I came back home from work today only to discover someone had stolen all of my lamps.

I was delighted.

My ex girlfriend was obsessed with trying to discover the largest prime number.

I wonder what she is up to now.

A new discovery which makes dogs live as long as human beings...

Allowing a loving bond between them and their non vaccinated owners had been discovered.

Scientists discover a food proven to lower a woman's sex drive by at least 95%

This discovery has been named "Wedding Cake"

It's been discovered that Mary was not infact a virgin when Jesus was born.

It was an inaccurate conception.


After 10 years of marriage, wife manage to discover 5 eggs and 5.000 euros on the cabinet.

\-Darling, I'm sorry, but I went to your office and found 5 eggs and 5.000 euros , what's the deal with it?

\-Well, how can I explain it... Since the beginning of our marriage, I would store one egg for each time you annoyed me.
\-Oh, that's so sweet! And what the 5.000 euros are for?

\-I usually wait when I have a dozen of eggs before selling then.

I discovered my mother in law has weekly sessions with Lucifer himself on how to be even more vicious.

I've no idea what kind of fees she's charging him.

They've discovered a new strain of head lice, but they haven't found a cure yet

It's got scientists scratching their heads.

I've just discovered that I have a logic fetish.

I can't stop coming to conclusions.

I just discovered that chronic diarrhea is hereditary.

Apparently it runs in your genes.

Scientists Discover Food That Lowers Womens' Sex Drive By 90 Percent

'Wedding Cake'

They just discovered the first lesbian dinosaur

It's called a Lickalottapus

I just discovered I can't get sick on Saturdays or Sundays

Turns out I have a weekend immune system.

After discovering her young daughter playing doctor with the neighbor's boy,

the angry mother grabbed the boy by the ear and dragged him to his house and confronted his mother. It's only natural for young boys and girls to explore their sexuality by playing doctor at their age, the neighbor said. Sexuality?! the mother yelled. He took out her appendix!

I've discovered some similar thing between cars and humans.

The older they are, the more maintenance is required.

First we discovered TikTok was a Chinese spying app, then we discovered China was putting spyware in the electronics they sell us...

And today the fortune cookie in my Chinese food reminded me I needed to buy milk.

Just discovered whiteboards

Remarkable

I think I discovered a really simple cure for anorexia.

It's a piece of cake.

Three Nurses working in a morgue discover a man with a hard on.

The first nurse says, "I can't let that go to waste!" and rides him.

The second nurse does the same thing.

The third nurse, who was on her period, hesitates but does it anyways.



Then the man wakes up, and in complete shock, the nurses apologise, saying they thought he was dead. The man replies, "I was! But after two jump-starts and a blood transfusion, I feel great!"

Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"

Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"

Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"

Translated - hope it makes sense to you guys :)

A guy is relaxing at home when he hears a loud banging on his front door. He opens the door to discover his next-door neighbor standing there looking outraged. "

What's the matter Bill?" he asks the neighbor. "I found your son's name written with pee in the snow between our houses!" he responds. "What's the big deal? He's a kid. Kids do that stuff". I'll tell you the big deal! It was in my daughter's handwriting!"

A Marine Biologist walks into a lab,

She shouts, I think we found a way for cephalopods to discover fire!
The other scientist asks, how.
She responds with a CD,
By making them listen to my mixtape!

I discovered the secret of randomness.

It's not what you expect

I discovered where they keep all the dad jokes

The dad-a-base...

I discovered that my boyfriend is a communist spy.

I guess I could have noticed this sooner, but chose to ignore the red flags.

The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment, when they discover a hard drive labelled KGB .

One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?

I've just discovered Bruce Lee had a vegetarian brother…

Broco Lee

A rich man demanded to be buried with his money

Upon his death bed a miser demanded he be buried with all his money leaving behind nothing for his wife and children. After his death some friends approached his widow to offer her jobs and gifts but discover she has bought a new home, car, and wardrobe. The friends ask how she can afford all of this with the entire estate being buried with her deceased husband? The widow replied, well I deposited the funds from the estate into my account and buried my dear husband with a check for the total.

I've just discovered that the kids next door stole my credit card to pay for their Mom's boob job

Just wait till I get my hands on them!

I've discovered that alcohol contains female hormones

After drinking you can't drive, you never stop talking and have to sit while peeing.

I discovered a new dinosaur after getting my booster shot...

The Armisaur

A 37 stone (518 pound) man was forced to pay for two seats on a jet,

only to discover that they were two rows apart!

I discovered the cure for blindness.

Vitamin See

Just Discovered the Pronouns for Chocolate…

Turns out they're Her and she

I think I've discovered the headstone of the world's oldest man!

Apparently he lives to 194, and was called Miles - from London!

Dating in 2020's is like video games lootboxs

You don't know what you are getting unless you pay enough money and discover later on

What do you call a person's tendency to discover drugs in unexpected places?

Potluck

A woman got a pet parrot, but she was horrified to discover that all it did was say mean things and insult her.

Nothing she did could stop it.
She was especially worried because her whole family was coming over for Thanksgiving.

But when Thanksgiving dinner finally came, the parrot didn't say a word the entire time. After the meal, the Parrot turned to its owner and said, "Please forgive my behavior from before. I was entirely out of line."
"Wow," the woman said, "glad to hear it."

"If I may ask," said the Parrot, "what on Earth
did that turkey say to you?"

officer Training School

Members of the 4 British Armed Services are completing an exam for Officer Training.
QUESTION: You're on a survival course & upon returning to your tent, you discover a scorpion.
What do you do?

NAVY answers: I would gingerly pick it up & throw it out of the tent.
ARMY answers: I would stomp it & throw it out of my tent.
MARINE answers: I would stomp it, eat it & then go to sleep.
AIRFORCE answers: I would call Room Service & ask WHY there is a tent in my Hotel Room.

Locked keys in car…

On finishing up their round of golf O'Reily and O'Connor returned back to their car only to discover the doors were locked and the keys were in the ignition.

After quite a few minutes of messing with the door handles and thinking up the best way to gain entry to the vehicle, it all of a sudden began to cloud over.

Paddy says O'Connor' look at those black clouds coming in over there. You'd better put the roof up or the seats are going to get soaked .

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the discover discovery puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working discover investigative piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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