The Best 44 Disclaimer Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Disclaimer jokes. There are some disclaimer racist jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these disclaimer liability puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Disclaimer Jokes and Puns
I like my women like I like my whiskey.
12 years old and mixed up with coke.
Disclaimer: This is just a joke, i do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke.
Why did so many black people die in Hurricane Katrina? (disclaimer: a tad racist)
Because surviving involved swimming.
What's yellow and lies in a pond?
Disclaimer: I don't know how well this joke will work in english.
What's yellow and lies in a pond?
An excevator.
You don't think this is funny?
Neither does the operator.
Every time I click "Remember Me" on a login page, I get a little sad thinking about my fleeting existence...
...But some cookies would brighten my day!
Disclaimer: Made this joke up just now.
What did the boulder say to the other boulder?
I rock. You Rock. We Rock.
Disclaimer: This joke was made during a 6 hour road trip with the family. My only scenery was rocks.
In the unlikely event you have a 1 iron
and are caught golfing during a lightning storm, hold it up. Because even God himself cannot hit a 1 iron.
Disclaimer: a friend of mine told me this one on the golf course today. Neither I nor he wrote this joke, just thought it was really funny.
You guys ever hear the joke about the cross-eyed seamstress?..
She couldn't mend straight.
Disclaimer: My 80+ year old grandfather told me this joke over the weekend so it is older than sin, figured you guys may enjoy it. Sorry if re-post.
If you can't afford to get your wisdom teeth removed...
Try crystal meth, it really is a miracle drug.
*disclaimer: may remove more teeth than expected.
Why don't we let Google Chrome drive?
Because it crashes all the time.
*Disclaimer - shameless chrome user*
Two cats are swimming across a river
One is called "One Two Three" the other is called "Un Deux Trois." Which cat survives?
"One Two Three"
because un deux trois cat sank
Disclaimer; not original, just saw it online and thought you'd all appreciate
How does a blonde set the time on her alarm clock?
She waits until midnight and plugs it back in.
Disclaimer: I know it's terrible, I was very young when I came up with it.
You can explore disclaimer purely reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean disclaimer genders dad jokes. There are also disclaimer puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
"Coming up on tonight's news, hear about the tragic case of 10 people who lost their lives trying to escape a fire at the nightclub everyone's been dying to get into."
*Disclaimer: No pun in ten dead.
1995: A Chinese Official is conversing with a Russian citizen...
...Chinese Official, "You have nothing in Russia."
Russian, "Oh yeah, we have Yeltsin."
Chinese Offical, "Then we will steal your Yeltsin.
Russian, "If you take Yeltsin you'll have nothing in China."
Disclaimer: This joke is not mine, it was told to my father during his stay in Russia in the year 1995.
"Are you nuts?"
> Are you nuts?
> No, I'm pistachios.
*^Disclaimer:* *^Just* *^like* *^almonds,* *^pistachios* *^are* *^no* *^nuts.*
What is the most widely used legal disclaimer in a Mexican restaurant?
"Hot Plate"
My parents decided to have a Nirvana-Themed wedding
Then again, shotgun weddings were all the rage back then.
Disclaimer: 8371 days is long enough.
I went on a trip and my girlfriend called. She told me she missed me
So THAT explains why I saw a random bullet hole on my car
Disclaimer: I never actually had a girlfriend to begin with.
What's the difference between an AL Queada base and a Pakistani school?
I don't know man, I just fly the drone.
DISCLAIMER: Not my joke.
Disclaimer warned about herpes of the eye
I said to my friend "Herpes of the eye?! They are doing it wrong."
Friend says "She had to see it coming."
If I meet my lawyer over dinner to give him more work
... does that constitute a mandate?
*Disclaimer*: No, I don't assume all lawyers are male
I guess, with the new Doctor being female...
It really has become a period drama.
Disclaimer: I'm hyped for the new season :D
A Bee on a Fly
(Disclaimer) this is a repost from something I saw a long time ago, so if someone could get a source that'd be very cool
A bee is riding on the back of a fly. The fly turns around, and asks, hey, are you a bee?
In which the bee replies, I might bee.
The fly then says, dude, that's the worst pun I have ever heard.
The bee responds, I know man, I made it up on the fly.
Beware of a new scam message going around
I just got a text message saying "Congratulations you are the winner of the Elvis tribute competition.
You have a choice of two prizes you can take,
Option 1 is £50.00
Option 2 is for 2 tickets to an Elvis tribute concert
To make your choice
text
1 for the money or 2 for the show
(disclaimer: stolen from my Facebook feed. Never seen this joke before and wanted to share)
i asked my husband to look at things from my point of veiw
he looked out of the kitchen window
DISCLAIMER i am a male
DISCLAIMER i am NOT gay i am straight
Meeting Tom Hanks made my whole day ... [NSFW]
meeting Kevin Spacey made my hole weak.
I'll see myself out ...
Disclaimer: I met none.
Goodbye, boiling water...
you will be mist
**Disclaimer: Not scientifically accurate**
Perhaps we should start throwing small potatoes at FCC Chairman Pai to express our displeasure and to annoy him.
It would make him Ajit-tatered.
(disclaimer, do not throw potatoes at people, duh)
Be the change you want to see.
Disclaimer : Above quote is not for blind people as they can't see.
Where does a penguin keep his money?
In a snow bank!
(disclaimer: saw this on the display of a local bank and I giggled).
I like my women like my rum
Aged 13 years and swimming in coke
Disclaimer: This is a joke! I do NOT condone mixing rum and coke!
I'm not completely useless...
I can be used as a bad example.
Disclaimer: I heard this somewhere before.
Who is Donald Trump's favorite Civil War General?
Stonewall Jackson
(disclaimer I don't actually know who his favorite general is)
What does a farmer, a pimp, and a bluegrass band all have in common?
They all know how to throw a hoe down.
(Disclaimer: I was exchanging dadjokes with our server at Krueger's in Cincinnati. He wrote this joke. Neil, if you're out there..cheers!)
Do you want to hear a joke about a ghost?
That's the spirit.
Next time your wife is angry....
Put a cape on her and and say, "Now you are, super angry!!!"
Disclaimer: results may vary
So sad to hear the former lead singer of Fleetwood Mac has emphysema.
Wheezy Nicks was always one of my favorite singers.
/disclaimer: I have no idea what her real medical condition is.
Can you see into the future? No?
Well, it's not like you have 2020 vision.
Disclaimer: Original joke from an almost 5 year old.
What does a fat turkey say?
Wobble Wobble
My friend rents out broken kites, no contracts or lease required.
No strings attached
Disclaimer: I know this joke is stupid. My 5 year old nephew did not tell me this.
My girlfriend thinks I treat our relationship like a game
Unfortunately that cost her 37 points
(Disclaimer: this isn't my original joke, it's from some mobile game I used to play)
My mom told me this joke
Donald and Tommy walk into a wedding.
Everyone brings amazing gifts for the couple.
Donald brings a peanut as his gift.
The couple finds this offensive and decides to shove the peanut up Donald's ass.
But then Donald starts laughing.
The couple asks him why he is doing this.
He says 'Tommy brought a coconut for you guys'.
Disclaimer: I replaced the names in this jokes as if I had kept the same names a lot of you might find this offensive.
I invented a new golf ball for amateurs that will automatically go in the hole if you get it within four inches.
Disclaimer: Do not carry it in your back pocket!
It was stormy weather outside, so I was really surprised to hear the doorbell ring.
The doorbell camera revealed it was my mother in law, completely soaked from the rain, and shivering in the icy wind. Concerned she might catch a cold, I hollered:
Please, don't just stand there!
Go home!
————————————
Disclaimer:
I really appreciate my mother in law. This is a joke (which I like to tell her once in a while). In-laws deserve to be treated with respect, just like real human beings.
Joke written by an AI
Disclaimer: The joke below was not created by me, or any human, but rather by an AI. I was curious to see if an AI could have a sense of humor.
A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a very attractive woman. After an hour of conversation, the woman says to the man, "Thank you for buying me these drinks all night but I am not going to sleep with you. I'm not that kind of girl." The man says, "I'm not that kind of guy. I have a wife and kids at home. I drink to forget my wife and kids at home."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the disclaimer thread jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working disclaimer unoriginal piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.